Staying Over at my Boyfriend's Fraternity House

CaitieQT · #1 12-03-2003, 11:22 PM

Hello! This is the first time I have written anything on Greek Chat but I have visited alot in the past because my boyfriend is in a fraternity so I have been trying to educate myself somewhat about fraternity life (not the MTV show which I heard is pretty lame)

This question is kind of greek related and I'd appreciate it if anyone might be able to share their opinion with me. My boyfriend and I have been together since the week before Halloween. He lives in his fraternity house and it has come to the point where he wants me to stay overnight with him there. In a way, I would like to because I have a roommate in my dorm so we can't get any privacy there. But I am pretty nervous about what other people would think. His brothers are (most of them) really nice guys and they seem to respect my and his relationship but I want to keep it that way. I don't know how they'd feel seeing me leaving the fraternity house in the mornings! Actually I think I do know how they'd feel because I have heard the comments they make about girls who have stayed there. That whole 'walk of shame' stuff. I don't want them to think that way of me. My boyfriend says they wouldn't, but he obviously has an interest in my staying there so he's not a neutral party. Can someone please give me some advice?

Thank you very much,
Caitie

xoheatherxo · #2 12-03-2003, 11:32 PM

i wouldnt really worry about what his brothers say. boys will be boys!! and usually the walk of shame thing is for random hookups--not relationships. i think that if you want to stay you should and see what happens. if you dont feel comfortable then dont stay again. thats what i would do anyways.

AlphaXiGirl · #3 12-03-2003, 11:38 PM

The fact that you are asking the question and have stated that you have actually heard comments made about other women that have stayed overnight kind of tells me that you already know the answer to your question...

Would it give people a reason to talk? Sure it would. Does the benefit out weigh the costs? Only you can really answer that question.

I hope the guys here don't kill me for saying this but, my bigger concern would be for your safety. I would never encourage a woman to be alone in the bedrooms of a fraternity house. More than likely, the fraternity men of this house are great and you would be safer there than anywhere BUT you've only known this guy for a month or so, how well do you know the other men that live in the house. Are you putting yourself in a situation where something bad could happen to you?

Good luck in your decision.

PSUSigKap · #4 12-04-2003, 12:00 AM

guys in houses usually tend to not think too much about girlfriends spending the night at fraternity houses. like xoheatherxo said, they usually talk more crap about random hook ups than serious or even semi serious girlfriends. i wouldn't worry about it too much.

AlphaPhiBubbles · #5 12-04-2003, 12:01 AM

Hehe I practically live at the Delta Chi house cuz of the guy I'm seeing and since I am friends with a lot of his brothers it's not weird when i leave in the mornings. Although one morning some brothers i didn't know were there and they said something to me and I felt like I was doing a walk of shame but I wasn't cuz I'm like dating one guy not just hooking up.

Anyway I'm sure none of you care but I don't see anything wrong with it, although I can see your aprehension, especially not being in a sorority cuz for us I guess it's pretty common to date fraternity guys. But I think you should at least try it, and let him know how you feel and maybe he can sneak you out or something.

astroAPhi · #6 12-04-2003, 12:31 AM

It's really all going to depend on the individual fraternity members and their atmosphere. Here, something like that wouldn't be a bid deal unless a girl was "ho-ing" her way through the fraternity and was staying in a different room every night (which, of course, happens!).

It's all up to you. This is a really tough situation for most of us to be giving advice to. The only thing I can say is that if you would be embarassed to walk out in the morning, you're not ready to.

CaitieQT · #7 12-04-2003, 12:52 AM

That's really nice that so many of you ladies answered already! Thank you!

The thing that really jumped out at me was AstroAPhi saying about if I'm embarassed to walk out in the morning I'm not ready to. I think that sums up my whole situation! At home, it is just my mom, my little sister and me. I went to an all girls high school and live in a girls dorm. So the thought of spending the night in a house full of men, even with my boyfriend, is pretty overwhelming to me.

He's been nice about my not wanting to stay. He said he doesn't want me to do anything I'm not ready to do, so it's not like I need to decide anything right now. Who knows, maybe I'll wake up sometime next week and decide it's time, gross bathrooms and all! Lol.

Thank you again for your replies, and especially for not judging me for considering it!

Smiles,
Caitie

Celestia*Shine · #8 12-04-2003, 01:32 AM

Hi There,

I have gone through a similar situation! I have dated a Kappa Delta Rho brother for almost 2 years now, and although I don't live near the school (its the college that I graduated from ) I still stay at the house when I go up to visit him for the weekend. It was weird in the beginning basically because of the bathroom situation and of course the random happenings in the house, you NEVER know what you are going to come up against. Anything from chair races, to pledges, to ...well, almost anything ( you can only imagine). AT any rate, the "walk of shame" was definately reserved for those who stayed over night due to a "drunk hook-up", definately not girlfriends. I guess I didnt' feel werid because alot of girls who are dating brothers stay there all the time. I have become good friends with alot of them. I wouldn't worry about what they think though, its definately more important that your guy respects you. Hope that helps

Hootie · #9 12-04-2003, 02:43 AM

I personally would never spend the night at a fraternity house. I guess that's just me. I don't think my sisters would appreciate me doing it either, and possibly harming the sorority's reputation.

GeekyPenguin · #10 12-04-2003, 02:59 AM

I never shacked at a house because when I had a Greek boyfriend we either were living in the same dorm, or I was in the house but he had a single dorm room. Anyway, lots of girls I know in all sorts of sororities shack. I really don't see any girls who are dating a guy in the house getting made fun of - it's more the random girls. One of my friends in XY was a pretty consistent shacker at her boyfriend's house until it got closed, and she was really friendly with all the brothers - she'd eat breakfast and watch cartoons with them in the mornings.

ZTAngel · #11 12-04-2003, 08:58 AM

The Walk of Shame is only used for the girls who are shameful of what they did the night before. The ones who are shameful are girls who had a hook up or they are the fraternity house ho. If you are his girlfriend, you have nothing to be ashamed of.
In my boyfriend's fraternity, the only girls they would talk about were the ones who did the drunken hookups or the girls who tried to mack it with all the guys in the house. Girlfriends were not talked about. The fraternity brothers usually respect another brother enough not to talk about his girl. Also, she's his girlfriend so she has a reason to spend the night.

EGDeepher · #12 12-04-2003, 11:04 AM

I really don't know where the idea of staying over a frat house harming your sororities reputation comes from or that your sisters will look down at you for it. Last time I checked this was the year 2003. It seems to have become the norm and socially acceptable for that manner, to stay over night with a person of the opposite sex.

Maybe I'm crazy or maybe I'm just being realistic!

Stay over if that's what you really want to do. If you're worried about what other people think maybe you're not mature enough to make a decision like that.