I'm a PNM who's kind of thinking of depledging...

[Sadfly]

You are not a PNM!

You are a New Member with Potential!

[FSUZeta]

The sororities on the campuses that I am familiar with either hold chapter meetings on Sunday night or Monday night.Chapter meetings generally are mandatory. So are new member meetings. But remember, new member meetings will end with initiation.

If your youth group involvement involves either of those nights, would it be possible to switch the meetings to Sunday afternoon or a different night?

[ASUADPi]

Originally Posted by kokopelli

While it's fantastic that so many of you are quick to devalue my entire faith life, where do I say I'm a "good" Christian? There ain't no such thing. I'm committed to my religion and the commitments I've made to it are by far the most important thing in my life. I wasn't sure if it would be possible to do both when they're both so emotionally involved and time committed - but really, no, thank you so much for all of your support based on a single anonymous post I made on the internet.
The "rumors" are things that I've been told by friends involved in Greek life who named specific women who were involved in nasty situations. A friend who is in another sorority at the same school and used to be active in my church told me that she didn't know if it would be the healthiest place for me to be. As someone who knows me and other Greek women very well (or at least better than me), it's hard not to weigh in her advice.

One, it's not about devaluing your religion...but sounding somewhat hypocritical.

Two, I get that you trust your friend, but shouldn't you be making decisions for yourself?

Three, because "specific women" are "involved in nasty situations", you are judging the whole house.

Quite honestly, I think at this point you should quit. You are basing your opinions of this house off of what a friend told you about a small handful of women and you are therefore transferring that rumor to the entire house. You are caught up in the fact that they are a smaller chapter and have struggled (number wise). To me that sounds like you are all about the "looks" of the sorority and not the actual sisterhood, which is pretty shallow. The house deserves a member who WANTS to be there and WANTS to help the chapter become successful.

[Greek_or_Geek?]

Originally Posted by kokopelli

While it's fantastic that so many of you are quick to devalue my entire faith life, where do I say I'm a "good" Christian? There ain't no such thing. I'm committed to my religion and the commitments I've made to it are by far the most important thing in my life. I wasn't sure if it would be possible to do both when they're both so emotionally involved and time committed - but really, no, thank you so much for all of your support based on a single anonymous post I made on the internet.
The "rumors" are things that I've been told by friends involved in Greek life who named specific women who were involved in nasty situations. A friend who is in another sorority at the same school and used to be active in my church told me that she didn't know if it would be the healthiest place for me to be. As someone who knows me and other Greek women very well (or at least better than me), it's hard not to weigh in her advice.

So basically you're already gossiping about your new sisters to people outside your group. Nice. I'm going to go against the grain here and even my usual advice and say you should quit now. The last thing in the world a struggling chapter needs is a disloyal new member.

[princessamy]

Wouldn't it be ironic if someone from her chapter found this post and the chapter dismissed her? Then she would probably turn around and call them a big bunch of meanies for letting her go. Man of only you could script reality.

[Titchou]

Well, Christ didn't hang out with the upper class, did he? He lived among the lower class and helped them become better people. Have you stopped to think this may be God's plan for your life - to make a difference with these women - be an example? Think about it. You may be passing up an opportunity He has gien you.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by Titchou

Well, Christ didn't hang out with the upper class, did he? He lived among the lower class and helped them become better people. Have you stopped to think this may be God's plan for your life - to make a difference with these women - be an example? Think about it. You may be passing up an opportunity He has gien you.

Very well played.

[adpiucf]

By the time you're a junior, you should have had a reasonable idea of various sorority reputations. I think you're still sore about the fact that you got your second choice.

The sorority is not going to excuse you from mandatory meetings to go to a youth group or teach a church class. So if you're unwilling to try to move the church-related activities around, you should drop out.

[DrPhil]

I love that more NPC GCers have stopped trying to persuade these Negative Nancies to be patient and stick it out. Some of these women are probably doing the NPC sororities a favor by quitting. NPC sororities are too awesome and in demand to waste their time trying to persuade the Negative Nancies.

/Lane swerve

[gee_ess]

Give it some time. Post-rush emotions are all over the place during these weeks immediately following bid day. To quit now would be a rash decision. Even if you do, ultimately, end up quitting, I do not think you will regret the time spent trying it on for "fit."

Also, since you are a junior, this is it. Would you rather not be Greek at all? Because once you quit, your chance to be included in the Greek community at school, as an adult, as a mom who might hope to have a little xyz someday, all of that is gone.

[kokopelli]

I like how I made it pretty clear that I had self esteem issues and how great it felt to actually be wanted even when it wasn't my first choice, and everyone spends the rest of the thread saying "you're disgusting, they deserve better than you, quit now!" And you wonder why people don't have a good image of Greek life. Stay classy, ladies.
It's not even that I think I'm "better" than these women or I think they're some kind of harlots (but it's awesome that mentioning I was a Christian immediately made everyone think I was hardcore judging these girls for their personal decisions) - it's that I don't know if I can fit in with them, and I don't even know if I am cut out for Greek life as a whole. Less than 2% of my campus is Greek, and I'm just now understanding what I've really gotten myself into. I'm sure there are girls who would love to be in my spot, and if I did leave, maybe someone in COB would take my place who would immediately adore this chapter.
There is some great advice on here, and I'm seeing some of my sisters tomorrow, so I think I will bring up with the older girls that I have a lot of other commitments (my church isn't the only one) and I'm not sure if I can really devote myself here and see if they can help me out. We'll see how that, and my whole new member period, goes.
But really, thank you so much for all encouraging advice. I wasn't sure I was cut out for Greek life. Seeing some of the attitudes on here, maybe I'm just not.

[aab225]

I think some people are being unnecessarily hard on you. Take what they say in stride and do what's best for you. You probably will not be permitted to miss all of those meetings, and you shouldn't want to! Chapter and new member meetings are exciting and interesting and a very essential part of Greek life. It's understandable that you have a commitment to your church that you are not willing to give up, but if you don't mind my asking, then why did you go through recruitment? Did you not anticipate it would come with some time commitments as well? I hope you decide to stay. I think you probably fit in with your chapter better than you think. They picked you! That means there is something special about you that they saw. In my chapter, a few of the officers were people that the chapter saw something in that they didn't see in themselves. College is a trying time. You're coming of age and learning who you are. I can honestly say my sisters shaped who I have become. I'm a junior as well, and so happy that I decided to spend my college years in a sorority. You will be better for it. I assure you. Good luck, dear!

[Larkspur12]

As someone who had doubts about going Greek (and for a short while after pledging, had doubts about staying Greek, too), I don't think that what you're experiencing -- worrying about fitting in, etc -- is particularly unusual, and to an extent I understand it.

What sort of rubs me the wrong way, though, is that you sound like you've basically made up your mind about your chapter already. It just sounds as if you've already decided that this chapter and these girls are not for you. It's also just sort of puzzling to me that you would go through rush "on a whim" despite apparently having numerous other time commitments. Maybe that should have been something you thought through a bit more before going through the process.

In my opinion, if you think there is a chance you could manage to do both your church activities and your sorority activities and you are willing to get to know the members of your chapter and have an open mind about Greek life, then you should give it some time and go through the new member period. But if you're sure you don't have time to be in a sorority, or you don't have an interest in ignoring a few rumors and trying to form bonds with the members of your chapter, then you should depledge, because you're wasting your chapter's time as well as your own.

[DGTess]

Originally Posted by kokopelli

There is some great advice on here, and I'm seeing some of my sisters tomorrow, so I think I will bring up with the older girls that I have a lot of other commitments (my church isn't the only one) and I'm not sure if I can really devote myself here and see if they can help me out. We'll see how that, and my whole new member period, goes.
But really, thank you so much for all encouraging advice. I wasn't sure I was cut out for Greek life. Seeing some of the attitudes on here, maybe I'm just not.

This board can have some very negative vibes. I'm sorry you hit them so quickly; it does present a poor impression of our sisterhoods. But people are people, and there will be those no matter where you go, so ....

I might recommend when you bring up the issue with your sisters, you not approach it as "I'm not sure if I can really devote myself here" but rather "I'm trying to figure out how to balance all these commitments." Please be willing to compromise on both sides -- if church commitments can not be fulfilled at different times from chapter commitments, you will have to make that choice. The chapter is not likely to change its meeting times to meet one individual's schedule, but your volunteer commitments perhaps could change. I'm not trying to prioritize for you, but am asking you to approach it from a "how can I make it work" perspective.

[ASUADPi]

Originally Posted by kokopelli

I like how I made it pretty clear that I had self esteem issues and how great it felt to actually be wanted even when it wasn't my first choice, and everyone spends the rest of the thread saying "you're disgusting, they deserve better than you, quit now!" And you wonder why people don't have a good image of Greek life. Stay classy, ladies.
It's not even that I think I'm "better" than these women or I think they're some kind of harlots (but it's awesome that mentioning I was a Christian immediately made everyone think I was hardcore judging these girls for their personal decisions) - it's that I don't know if I can fit in with them, and I don't even know if I am cut out for Greek life as a whole. Less than 2% of my campus is Greek, and I'm just now understanding what I've really gotten myself into. I'm sure there are girls who would love to be in my spot, and if I did leave, maybe someone in COB would take my place who would immediately adore this chapter.
There is some great advice on here, and I'm seeing some of my sisters tomorrow, so I think I will bring up with the older girls that I have a lot of other commitments (my church isn't the only one) and I'm not sure if I can really devote myself here and see if they can help me out. We'll see how that, and my whole new member period, goes.
But really, thank you so much for all encouraging advice. I wasn't sure I was cut out for Greek life. Seeing some of the attitudes on here, maybe I'm just not.

Um, I'm pretty sure no one said you were disgusting. You came on asking for advice. You also came on with an attitude. You may not like the advice, but we aren't going to sugar coat it for you. You aren't going to get people here being "oh yes sweetie...poor you...they are so mean...those meanies not giving you your first choice...etc..." We are going to tell you the facts.

What is disgusting is your attitude, which has nothing to do with self-esteem. You have already made, via a preconceived notion, that this chapter isn't right for you. You have a negative attitude about it. And as my awesome sister, adpiucf, pointed out, you are still upset that you didn't get your first choice.

Look, I get the last feeling, not getting your first choice (or getting what you wanted) sucks. We have all been there. But as humans we don't always get what we want and we have to get over it and move on. What is irking people is the fact that you do have these preconceived notions that you are placing upon the chapter as a whole. You are looking at what a couple of girls do and saying to yourself "the whole chapter must do this". This isn't true.

The reality is, every chapter is going to have the girls that party hard, the girls who sleep around, the brainiacs, the bitches, the sweeties. This is life. Not everyone has the same personalities, opinions, morals or ethics as those around them. That is also what makes a chapter exciting! You aren't going to find that everyone is just a drone.

You said that you appreciated that this chapter made you feel wanted. Why aren't you hanging on to that feeling? This chapter WANTED you!!!!!! If you can't or aren't willing to give all of yourself, get rid of your negative opinions that you have formed after one week, start anew, and actually make an effort to get to know the sisters, then what people are saying is right, you should quit. The chapter doesn't deserve a sister who doesn't really want to be there.

You also need to understand that you were wanted in both chapters but you were higher on your current chapters bid list than the other chapter's bid list. When it comes to matching, the system does want to give girls their top choices, but sometimes it just doesn't work out. Think about those girls who didn't get matched at all (unless your school has a guaranteed placement if you maximize your options, which I think most schools are going too).

I don't know if maybe you are conflicted about all your other interests and activities and how it will work with a sorority. I can tell you that you can make it work. The chapter I used to advise is on a really small campus (like 3000 students). The girls are involved in multiple (and I mean multiple) activities. They made it work. They became experts and managing their time (when it came to their activities). As people have stated, you won't be able to miss mandatory events because of a church meeting or youth group. I'm sure most sororities only allow you to miss mandatory events for class or emergencies. You would really need to talk to your new member educator about that.

I still stand by my previous opinion that if you can't give 110%, and get rid of your negative attitude and your preconceived notions about the chapter, then you should quit.

Only you can decide.