Going Early Alum... need help.

[Old_Row]

There's got to be more to this story and we are only hearing one side where nothing is your fault. I also can't believe your mother thought there was nothing wrong with you performing that song. That's embarrassing in itself.

Originally Posted by Old_Row

There's got to be more to this story and we are only hearing one side where nothing is your fault. I also can't believe your mother thought there was nothing wrong with you performing that song. That's embarrassing in itself.

I fully admitted that I should have never said yes to the pageant, never said yes to the song and thought more about it... so I fail to see how NOTHING was my fault. I've taken responsibility for what I've done. None of the harassment was my fault. I didn't ask to have someone tell me to kill myself.

Also, my mom will be the first to tell me when I've done something wrong. So you need to be respectful of her and not say that that's embarrassing. Really.

Originally Posted by 33girl

"Adopting" bigs or littles can get awfully dicey, unless the previous big or little in question was terminated from the sorority. The last thing you want to do is piss another whole chapter off.

If you choose to reinstate, you're an alumna now. You are not going to have a "little" as you knew it to be in collegiate life. THAT SHIP HAS SAILED. At some point you might be able to participate in the Pearl Sister program for new colonies that AGD has, but that's apples and oranges. You need to say "I'm upset that I never had a chance to take a little," deal with it, and move on. If you can't do that, you are never going to be able to enjoy life as an alumna, and you should probably just save the money and forget about reinstatement.

Apparently I need to spell it out AGAIN. I WOULD LIKE TO LOOK INTO THE OPTION OF ADOPTING SOMEONE THAT COULD HOLD A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME LIKE THE BIG/LITTLE WOULD BE. If it happens, then it happens, and if it doesn't THEN IT DOESN'T AND I'M OKAY WITH THAT. I was literally asking for people's advice on dealing with the EMOTIONS that came with my situation, or if anyone else had been through it. It would be completely stupid to say that there is no chance EVER of me finding a little-type person. But all I was saying is it would be nice if that could happen and that I hope it does someday. I UNDERSTAND that it might not. I'm not incompetent. I understand.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by sarawoof

As I've said before, I have a big and would be open to adopting a second one. So maybe some girl somewhere along the line would be willing to do the same thing. I'm not going to stalk some girl home and bring her "littles" gifts. But if something like that happened, where I met a girl who transferred and we wanted a big little relationship, then I feel that's fair to do. I'm not socially insufficient, I know how to handle myself. But it's not completely out of line to hope that might be possible in the future.

I just personally feel like you're a little too caught up on this. The "adopted" littles within my own chapter were always seen as more of a joke - a joke among the new big/little match, not seen as a joke by the rest of the chapter. They just kind of said it to say it. It didn't consist of switching family lines, showering each other with gifts, and being a mentor.

Some things don't work out as we planned. Just go with the flow. And be aware that even though you have a big (from a chapter that, according to you, basically "disowned" you), and you are willing to have another one, another transfer you meet might have the best big in the world and the last thing she'd want to do is piss her off by claiming someone else as her big.

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by sarawoof

I was literally asking for people's advice on dealing with the EMOTIONS that came with my situation.

Here is the advice you say you sought:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change those I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.

[chi-o_cat]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

If you're that intent on having a little, look at campus organizations at your new school where you can have a mentor/mentee or big/little relationship. There are service organizations, pre-professional societies, etc. Bonus: lots of new friends. You've chosen to transfer to a new school, so make the best of it.

I believe that Phi Sigma Pi (a co-ed honor fraternity) does bigs/littles- if they have a chapter at your new school, you should look into that.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by chi-o_cat

I believe that Phi Sigma Pi (a co-ed honor fraternity) does bigs/littles- if they have a chapter at your new school, you should look into that.

However, PLEASE don't start joining random organizations just so you can get a little!

[agzg]

OK, this thread is getting a little testy. Since some Alpha Gams have already responded to the OP regarding Alpha Gam policy specifically, could we keep the speculation and "some groups" talk to a minimum, since there are those of us here that can more specifically answer her question?

sarawoof, you're going to be an alumna if your membership stuff gets figured out in your favor, so it's time to make the best of the situation. Once your membership stuff is figured out, inquire about contact information for the local JC or other Alumnae group and try to get involved there.

No, you probably won't be able to be someone's sister-mother. It's very rare that an alumna would become someone's sister-mother, and it's usually a very special situation to boot. So I would put that out of your mind.

There are opportunities, once you get used to the "being an alumna, going to JC or Alumnae Chapter/Club meetings" thing, to form close bonds with the women in those groups. Those opportunities are dependent on the group you become involved with. Inquire about the opportunity to be mentored/when you've been around a while, be a mentor. To be quite honest, it seems like you need some mentoring yourself, so I'd inquire about that first.

Once you're used to being an alumna, there are also Pearl Sisters, which have been mentioned already. Please keep in mind that being a Pearl Sister for any colonies in the very near future is inadvisable - you're (first off), still in college, you're busy, and you're trying to figure out what it means to be an Alumna member of Alpha Gamma Delta while you haven't had the opportunity to figure out what it means to be a Collegiate member of Alpha Gamma Delta. Adjusting is going to take a while, so please don't expect it to happen overnight, and practice patience.

At the very least, given the backstory, I'd wait to get at least a few really positive alumna experiences under my belt prior to jumping into a mentor role for any other members. Negativity breeds negativity, etc.

As far as dealing with the emotions, you're just going to have to give yourself time to adjust and remain patient.

Originally Posted by agzg

OK, this thread is getting a little testy. Since some Alpha Gams have already responded to the OP regarding Alpha Gam policy specifically, could we keep the speculation and "some groups" talk to a minimum, since there are those of us here that can more specifically answer her question?

sarawoof, you're going to be an alumna if your membership stuff gets figured out in your favor, so it's time to make the best of the situation. Once your membership stuff is figured out, inquire about contact information for the local JC or other Alumnae group and try to get involved there.

No, you probably won't be able to be someone's sister-mother. It's very rare that an alumna would become someone's sister-mother, and it's usually a very special situation to boot. So I would put that out of your mind.

There are opportunities, once you get used to the "being an alumna, going to JC or Alumnae Chapter/Club meetings" thing, to form close bonds with the women in those groups. Those opportunities are dependent on the group you become involved with. Inquire about the opportunity to be mentored/when you've been around a while, be a mentor. To be quite honest, it seems like you need some mentoring yourself, so I'd inquire about that first.

Once you're used to being an alumna, there are also Pearl Sisters, which have been mentioned already. Please keep in mind that being a Pearl Sister for any colonies in the very near future is inadvisable - you're (first off), still in college, you're busy, and you're trying to figure out what it means to be an Alumna member of Alpha Gamma Delta while you haven't had the opportunity to figure out what it means to be a Collegiate member of Alpha Gamma Delta. Adjusting is going to take a while, so please don't expect it to happen overnight, and practice patience.

At the very least, given the backstory, I'd wait to get at least a few really positive alumna experiences under my belt prior to jumping into a mentor role for any other members. Negativity breeds negativity, etc.

As far as dealing with the emotions, you're just going to have to give yourself time to adjust and remain patient.

This was exactly what I was looking for, so thank you VERY much. I know that I am going to wait before trying to start up any mentor position. I have no negative feelings towards my sorority, just how people acted, and the main causes of the issues that came about. I'm really looking forward to joining my local JC. I can't wait for January to come so that all of this is under way and I can get started!

Thanks for the nicely worded advice. It's nice to not be attacked for once.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by sarawoof

It's nice to not be attacked for once.