Discipline: Spanking

[KappaKittyCat]

I've seen a couple of TV shows recently that have dealt with this issue, and Mr. KKC and I started having a discussion about it. I'm really not sure what I think, so I thought I'd pitch it to you all.

Were you spanked as a child? How did your parents do it? Was it an instantaneous thing, like "I was caught with my hand in the cookie jar; mom pulled me down and swatted me"? Or was it more a "They sent me to my room, then came in later and spanked me" thing? What did you have to do to result in a spanking?

For the parents, do you spank your kids? Have you ever wanted to? Why or why not?

Feel free to digress from these questions... I just want to hear what people's thoughts are.

[ZTAngel]

I got spankings. They never used belts or any inanimate objects. It was just their hand on my butt.

With me, it was more of an instantaneous thing. If I was doing something bad, my parents would swat me a few times on the butt and then send me to my room.

If we were in public, they would bring somewhere secluded to give me a spanking. If there was no private place, they would use the infamous line of, "Wait until we get home....".

I never really got spankings for being bad in public or not putting my toys away. I was just scolded and thrown in my room for that. I mostly got spankings for talking back. I had a real defiant streak in me when I was little and I would mouth off to my parents or whoever if I didn't like what they were saying to me. It seems like my parents' spankings didn't end up changing me.

[UKDaisy]

Originally posted by ZTAngel
I got spankings. They never used belts or any inanimate objects. It was just their hand on my butt.

With me, it was more of an instantaneous thing. If I was doing something bad, my parents would swat me a few times on the butt and then send me to my room.

If we were in public, they would bring somewhere secluded to give me a spanking. If there was no private place, they would use the infamous line of, "Wait until we get home....".

Same here. And it was never like my dad was beating me or anything....just a lil' swat on the behind and we all went on with our day.

The one thing to remember is never spank your child in public. IMO it looks tacky, onlookers think you prolly beat your child b/c they only see what you did and prolly not the child, and it always draws unwanted attention.

I see nothing wrong with swatting a kid on the butt a few times. As opposed too "now Mommy said please don't do that 18 times already".

And again - no belts, or rulers, or whatever. Just the hand.

[_Lisa_]

My dad always used a belt & my mom a fly swatter. My mom was more of an impulsive spanker...whenever my sister or I did something wrong she'd grab us & the fly swatter & let us have it. My dad was the scary thinker. He would send us to our rooms & let us think about what we did wrong while he would think of an appropriate amount of spankings we were to receive. Then, right after we took our baths before bed (it was awful 'cause your behind is more tender after a warm bath!), we would put on our PJ's & he would come in & we would discuss what we did wrong & he would suggest the number of times he'd spank us with the belt. That is usually where we would try to talk him down & settle on a lower number of spankings. I got most of my great debate tactics from those conversations.

[adpiucf]

Wasn't this a wild thread a few months ago?

I was spanked. I think if you spank, it should be a little while after the child has been caught doing something wrong. Rather than, Bad! WHACK! I'd think you send your kid in a corner or to their room and then decide, "Ok, your punishment for doing XYZ is that you are going to be spanked. Doing XYZ is wrong and you're being spanked to remind you that you should never do XYZ again." I really hate it when a parent just smacks their kid in the heat of the moment without taking a moment to understand why he did something to begin with.

My parents used the belt or a bare hand. It was when I was younger. When I was older, they'd take away my phone, computer and books, along with the typical not being allowed to go out with friends. I think it worked out ok. Every kid is different though, and so is every family.

[adpialumcsuc]

I can count on one hand the number of times I spanked as a kid, BUT I was afraid of being spanked and that kept me behaving. Plus one time (so I have heard) my mom went to spank me for being a pill and my brother started crying and saying "don't spank her mommy, she is only 3 and doesn't know she is doing something wrong" Yes he was my little protecter many times.
The few times I was spanked made me want to behave because I knew there was the possibility....

adpiucf, I know this has been touched on before, but here's the thread that comes to mind:

To Spank or Not To Spank Kids

And this was my response in that thread:

Before some of you decide to go CPS on me (because I know some of y'all will)...

I am a firm believer in disciplining kids, as most people are. Unfortunately there are idiots out there who don't know the difference between disciplining kids and child abuse.

I don't have any children of my own yet, but that doesn't matter. I consider my nieces and nephew my own and I've had a hand at raising them. Just from that, I know that timeouts aren't worth isht. We've tried the timeout BS, and it's only made the situations worse.

I'm a product of spankings, the belt, and the popular rubber slipper (in Hawai`i those black flip flops were more convenient than the belt). My dad hit me because I was a rotten kid and I deserved to be punished. You bet I learned my lesson. After a while he didn't have to bring out the hand, the belt, or the slipper. Once he said my name slowly, I quit being horrible and retreated to somewhere safe.

That worked for me and it's working for the next generation of kids in my family. You bet that I'll be quick to raise my hand when needed if and when my future kids act up.

Sorry if I've offended anybody, but that's how I plan to raise my kids. I don't tell you how to raise yours, so please keep insults to a bare minimum, thanks.

[aephi alum]

I was spanked as a child. My dad was the "spare the rod and spoil the child" type - if I was caught doing something wrong, swat! My mom would hit me only if I got really out of line. Whichever parent was doing it, they'd do it immediately, and then send me with my sore behind to my room to think about what I'd done wrong. Neither parent ever used anything other than their hand on my behind.

I think I would spank my hypothetical future children, but only if they get really out of line. Never in public, and never with anything but my bare hand. Kids have to know what the boundaries are, and from time to time that might mean a good swat or three.

[ADqtPiMel]

I got spanked pretty much only for sassing my parents. No other form of punishment really worked on me.

[astroAPhi]

Originally posted by OohTeenyWahine
Just from that, I know that timeouts aren't worth isht. We've tried the timeout BS, and it's only made the situations worse.

Seriously? I HATED that more than anything when I was little. Having to stick my nose in a corner for 5 minutes seriously drove me up a wall.

[ms_gwyn]

Here is my response to the spank or not to spank (thanks OTW)


Since I don't plan on having kids it really doesn't matter, but anyway.

I'm a firm believer in the use of a belt, plain and simple. I've had some good spankings and it deterred me from some things, but not others. My mother used the kneeling on the floor in the kitchen, THAT WAS THE WORSE and she also sent me outside (I know that doesn't seem like a punishment, but for me it was, I HATED IT and she knew it, there wasn't much to do) and restriction or a combination of the above, but most of the time I got spanked, I can probably count how many times on both hands. Some of the stunts that I pulled, I deserved it. I look at it this way, my mother got spanked, my sister and I got spanked and we turned out fine. I have the most respect in the world for my parents and my family.

I also have some comparision, my stepfather did not spank his son, but talked to him and put him on restriction, which was ignored completely. There was one instance were we were going out (mom, me and step-father) and "L" went to go talk to his son "D" and it just got out of control, some of the things "D" was saying and the way he spoke to his father (so disrespectful). Since that was his son, my mother had nothing to do with disciplining "D" or the like. I turned to my mother and said simply "Ma, if I had said that to you in that tone, you would put me through the wall", my mother nodded.

I'm not saying that "beat respect into your kids", but putting up some bounderies and letting them know that they've crossed those lines with some form of spanking and restriction is the way to go for me and mine (family).

my stance will never change on this subject

[nikki1920]

Im of the mind set that spanking works as a short term punishment. Kid does something bad, spank, then to room. I've spanked my six year old probably six times, most of which ocurred between the ages of 4 and 5. Taking away privledges seems to work best for her, but some kids NEED to be spanked. I was spanked, and hit with a switch, fly swatter, houseshoe, but never hard enough to leave bruises or scars. As a child grows and develops a better sense of what kind of behavior to produce, the punishment should change as well, spanking a 12 year old is just silly. But like someone already said, it depends on the child and the family.

Originally posted by astroAPhi
Seriously? I HATED that more than anything when I was little. Having to stick my nose in a corner for 5 minutes seriously drove me up a wall.

Maybe it's just the environment kids are growing up in these days.

My mom and I were talking about timeouts the other day and she said that when she was growing up there was no such thing. Either you were an obedient kid, or you got spankings. I think that was the pattern with each generation of parenting until somebody cried CHILD ABUSE! when it was really disciplining, and thus the "timeout" was born.

I don't know what kind of kids my nieces and nephews are hanging around with in school, but I can tell they're no good. When a kid comes home yelling cuss words at me and his grandma, it's obvious timeouts won't teach him not to swear at us again. I've seen kids throw toys at other kids to intentionally hurt them. In extreme cases like that, I can't see how isolating a kid for 5 minutes will convince him not to ever do that again.

[Kevlar281]

My father worked offshore for the majority of my adolescence so my mother was a strict disciplinarian in his absence. She favored her hand but as we grew older she switched to a spaghetti measurer. It was basically a mini-paddle with three holes. I honestly feel that spanking was the only form of punishment that I have ever reacted to. When I think about timeouts, no dessert or going to my room without supper I just can’t help but laugh. I’m not knocking it but I know how rambunctious my brother and I were growing up and I think it would have been difficult for my mother to keep us in line without the fear of corporal punishment.

[midwesterngirl]

We would get a warning first and if we didn't listen we would get it.Mom was almost always the disciplinarian.If we were rude or sassy we got smacked across the mouth if we were within reach of her.For bad behavior,we would have to put our hands on the kitchen counter and then she would smack our knuckles with a wooden spoon.
My coworker and I were just talking about this the other day.When she got into trouble when she was little, her mom would put her in the bathtub and then when she was getting out of the tub would smack her on her wet legs and bottom.That would freakin hurt!