Opinions, please?

honeychile · #1 02-04-2010, 12:18 AM

Okay, I want to hear the GC thoughts on this relationship. A good male friend of ours (call him Dave) is extremely overweight - I'm talking 340# or so. He makes a good salary (over $70,000), but has credit card debt of about $10,000 (that we know about).

Two years ago, he met a woman (actually, re-met) in his field, and they've been dating. She's about 15 years younger than he, so doesn't make as much. As for physically, she's not exactly thin or even middle of the road, and it's not a case of "but she's got a pretty face", either.

I've met her three times, along with my guy & our friends. During these times, she's made several references to how much younger she is to Dave, has ordered for him in restaurants, and generally ignores the women after "hello". I figured, okay, if Dave's happy... I've yet to hear the Love word, but have heard way too much about their sex life. The guys have seen more of her (she doesn't live in the same city) than the women (wives & such).

Then I heard that she's been making him work out as long as an hour on a treadmill, that she cut up all of his credit cards but one within the first 4 dates, and has him putting money into a savings account - with both of their names on it. Meanwhile, he called me screaming once, because my guy owed him $5 (which he was going to/did pay back the next night)!

What do the wise people of GreekChat think? It's not like Dave's going to do anything about what others say, but obviously, I have my doubts about this woman.

AXiDMeesh · #2 02-04-2010, 12:40 AM

She sounds pretty sketchy to me.
Forcing him to work out and taking control over his hard earned money after 4 dates??
That's craziness.
But if he's happy, what can you do?

Brett · #3 02-04-2010, 12:43 AM

Dave sounds like a pretty lame douchebag who's letting some chick he just met run his life. That's pretty much it in a nutshell. Tell your friend Dave to grow some balls.

DrPhil · #4 02-04-2010, 04:25 AM

He's getting something he wants out of this relationship. Probably sex. He will keep doing what he does until he gets over it. Maintain your sanity by stayin out of it as much as possible and limiting your interactions with her.

As for the hour on a treadmill. That's a regular day's work. Tell him that a 30 minute run is more kickass for less time. Of course it's only good if he's the one who wants to get in shape.

DrPhil · #5 02-04-2010, 04:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brett

Dave sounds like a pretty lame douchebag who's letting some chick he just met run his life. That's pretty much it in a nutshell. Tell your friend Dave to grow some balls.

Haha As opposed to letting a woman he's known for years run his life?

I agree on the low self-esteem douchbag thing. Her opening paragraph painted that picture.

DaemonSeid · #6 02-04-2010, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeychile

Okay, I want to hear the GC thoughts on this relationship. A good male friend of ours (call him Dave) is extremely overweight - I'm talking 340# or so. He makes a good salary (over $70,000), but has credit card debt of about $10,000 (that we know about).

Two years ago, he met a woman (actually, re-met) in his field, and they've been dating. She's about 15 years younger than he, so doesn't make as much. As for physically, she's not exactly thin or even middle of the road, and it's not a case of "but she's got a pretty face", either.

I've met her three times, along with my guy & our friends. During these times, she's made several references to how much younger she is to Dave, has ordered for him in restaurants, and generally ignores the women after "hello". I figured, okay, if Dave's happy... I've yet to hear the Love word, but have heard way too much about their sex life. The guys have seen more of her (she doesn't live in the same city) than the women (wives & such).

Then I heard that she's been making him work out as long as an hour on a treadmill, that she cut up all of his credit cards but one within the first 4 dates, and has him putting money into a savings account - with both of their names on it. Meanwhile, he called me screaming once, because my guy owed him $5 (which he was going to/did pay back the next night)!

What do the wise people of GreekChat think? It's not like Dave's going to do anything about what others say, but obviously, I have my doubts about this woman.

Ok...the workout thing, yeah well we won't have to say much about that but it's still something that HE has to want to do.

As far as a joint saving account...NAH!

You pointed out that she doesn't make as much BUT if something happens with the relationship guess who has claim to some of that pot? HER!

As the others said...stay out of it because I can tell you no matter how you look at it, this won't end well.

From what you said, there are some positives and some negatives but just don't interfere.

33girl · #7 02-04-2010, 11:32 AM

Dave evidently needed someone to wear the pants. The treadmill and the cutting up the cards are actually good things - they just shouldn't have happened so soon. The account is a good idea too, but not with her name on it.

Are you sure she's a real girlfriend and not a professional organizer that he hired and is lying about the sex? I say this in all seriousness.

honeychile · #8 02-04-2010, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

Dave evidently needed someone to wear the pants. The treadmill and the cutting up the cards are actually good things - they just shouldn't have happened so soon. The account is a good idea too, but not with her name on it.

Are you sure she's a real girlfriend and not a professional organizer that he hired and is lying about the sex? I say this in all seriousness.

That's an interesting point - I hadn't thought about that.

I agree, he needs to lose & tone, and get on a better budget. And heaven knows, I do NOT want to get in the middle of this - I know how to keep my mouth shut. I wonder at times if she's a domanatrix, though.

Oh, the latest bit: she told Dave that none of his women friends (his guy friends' wives or girlfriends) have any taste. I got an email from one of the wives, and it was scorching!

33girl · #9 02-04-2010, 08:30 PM

I don't think she's a professional dom. The amount of time she spends with Dave would take too much time away from other clients (who probably have way more $$$). Is she a dominatrix in the colloquial sense? Yes, definitely.

amanda6035 · #10 02-04-2010, 09:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AXiDMeesh

Forcing him to work out and taking control over his hard earned money after 4 dates??

Sounds like Dave needs to grow a pair.

Oh the other hand, getting out of debt is awesome. But joint savings account prior to marriage? Terrible idea. Can't believe he let her...

James · #11 02-13-2010, 03:46 AM

If she told Dave that none of the wives had any taste and then he passed it along he is an idiot. Passing that comment along is guaranteed to cause problems.

1. The age issue isn't one really. Odd that she brings it up unless she is seeking approval.

2. The disparity in income is more coincidence. His income isn't high enough to make him a real target.

3. If they are both fat and ugly, what can you do? There is someone for everyone.

4. Maybe he needs a mommy figure? I have known 2 guys in my life that are completely self destructive without a mommy type GF.

It is a shame she seems so controlling about it though. She could hide her domination more.

Be polite and nice to her. Its david's life so try to be supportive unless something goes really wrong.

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeychile

That's an interesting point - I hadn't thought about that.

I agree, he needs to lose & tone, and get on a better budget. And heaven knows, I do NOT want to get in the middle of this - I know how to keep my mouth shut. I wonder at times if she's a domanatrix, though.

Oh, the latest bit: she told Dave that none of his women friends (his guy friends' wives or girlfriends) have any taste. I got an email from one of the wives, and it was scorching!

Alumiyum · #12 02-13-2010, 03:14 PM

It's definitely inappropriate to be this invasive unless there's talk of a serious commitment like marriage in which case finances should be discussed. But this is out of control.

That being said, there's nothing to be done about it. Maybe he'll see the light, or maybe he'll learn to like being bossed around.

Kevin · #13 02-13-2010, 05:46 PM

If they get married, homeboy needs a prenup.

Other than that, as far as getting into the middle of this, absolutely nothing good can come of that.

KSUViolet06 · #14 02-13-2010, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kevin

If they get married, homeboy needs a prenup.

Word.

honeychile · #15 02-13-2010, 10:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kevin

If they get married, homeboy needs a prenup.

Other than that, as far as getting into the middle of this, absolutely nothing good can come of that.

Completely agree on both counts - but I'm a firm believer in prenups!

Another angle appeared last weekend: with the strangehold she has put on his finances, they manage to go to a casino every other week. Guess who pays? Yep, the guy who's not supposed to be spending any money. I'd love to whack him upside the head, but he'd probably think it was foreplay at this point.

I guess I just needed to hear other people say that she was using him, too, but it's his business.