Dealing with a second choice

kateee · #1 10-08-2012, 07:41 PM

My college is very small, and there are only four sororities on campus. Going through formal recruitment, I found myself clicking with two very different organizations. One organization was very popular, pretty, great at recruitment. they had a more 'popular' reputation. They all seemed to like me, and I knew a few of them. My friend and I both wanted to get a bid from them. The other organization isn't really well liked. People like them, but they are 'dorky'. I was invited to both organizations pref 2 parties, and went to both. I thought they both went great. So on Bid day, I relieved a bid from my second choice. I am still a little heartbroken. Watching my friend go through the new member process with my dream sorority is hard some days, but other days I feel like I ended up where I really belong. I just dislike that our reputation on campus is 'dorky' and 'bland' and people don't think we are very fun. I just needed to rant a bit.

WhiteDaisy128 · #2 10-08-2012, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kateee

My college is very small, and there are only four sororities on campus. Going through formal recruitment, I found myself clicking with two very different organizations. One organization was very popular, pretty, great at recruitment. they had a more 'popular' reputation. They all seemed to like me, and I knew a few of them. My friend and I both wanted to get a bid from them. The other organization isn't really well liked. People like them, but they are 'dorky'. I was invited to both organizations pref 2 parties, and went to both. I thought they both went great. So on Bid day, I relieved a bid from my second choice. I am still a little heartbroken. Watching my friend go through the new member process with my dream sorority is hard some days, but other days I feel like I ended up where I really belong. I just dislike that our reputation on campus is 'dorky' and 'bland' and people don't think we are very fun. I just needed to rant a bit.

Start working on changing that reputation.

kateee · #3 10-08-2012, 08:13 PM

I am working on it. I think my new member class is changing that reputation. A lot of us are different from current sisters

DeltaBetaBaby · #4 10-08-2012, 10:21 PM

When you have mixers, are the girls making a genuine effort to mix? That is one thing that can affect reputation. I'm not at all suggesting that you should be what you are not for the benefit of fraternity men, but planning something with a fraternity, and then not showing up, or showing up and leaving very early is one way to get a bad rep, while showing up enthusiastically can help build a good one.

ctgirl · #5 10-08-2012, 11:04 PM

I have been lurking on gc a while, and your post prompted me to join. I don't know why, but I have a feeling what school you attend. Obviously, I can't know for sure.

Nonetheless, if you feel like you ended up where you belong, don't worry about perceptions. If you like your pledge class and like the girls in your house, you are in the right place. Your sisters if you ended up in the right place will be your lifelong friends...and after college, you probably won't give 2 s@!ts about the people who you think viewed your sorority as "boring".

kateee · #6 10-09-2012, 01:20 AM

i really fit in with these girls. i think i just wanted to be popular so badly and was forgetting who i really am. i am dorky, but i am sweet, and kind, and caring, and a shoulder to cry on, and every single girl in my sorority is great, and will be there for me. and i am being sooo stupid and taking it for granted. they were my first choice when i went to the first night of parties and then XYZ sorority came in and 'changed' my mind but when i think about it i don't know if i liked the girls in the other sorority, or if i liked the idea of being well liked. i keep flip flopping in my mind. i do feel very comfortable with the girls in my sorority though. i can be myself, and thats what matters. i had friends in the sorority before recruitment so that makes me feel guilty for almost choosing the other organization. i hope they never find out they were second choice. because they are honestly the best people i have met in my entire life. and you're right, i shouldn't care about their reputation.

AOII Angel · #7 10-09-2012, 01:23 AM

Don't even worry about anyone finding out. It doesn't matter. Recruitment is confusing. It only matters where you end up and what you do after. Enjoy yourself and stop second guessing everything.

kateee · #8 10-09-2012, 01:31 AM

Thanks. I over think things way too much. It was hard though, being so focused on popularity in high school, and then coming here and seeing it again. but i really belong in Chi Omega, I honestly do.

ctgirl · #9 10-09-2012, 05:52 AM

It sounds like you have resolved things in your head

WhiteDaisy128 · #10 10-09-2012, 08:24 AM

Regardless of popularity on your campus, Chi Omega is an AMAZING fraternity and has a very strong national presence. They are strong chapters on many, many campuses. If you feel you fit with your chapter sisters, then really try to put the perceptions aside. In a few short years, when you are an alumna, you will see how far and wide Chi Omega's strength and popularity spread...despite what you see on your own campus. You will have 4 years on your campus...you will have forever as a Chi Omega (and most people do see Chi O as a very strong organization (I mean, hello, they have the most initiates out of all the NPC groups!).

DeltaBetaBaby · #11 10-09-2012, 09:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kateee

i really fit in with these girls. i think i just wanted to be popular so badly and was forgetting who i really am. i am dorky, but i am sweet, and kind, and caring, and a shoulder to cry on, and every single girl in my sorority is great, and will be there for me. and i am being sooo stupid and taking it for granted. they were my first choice when i went to the first night of parties and then XYZ sorority came in and 'changed' my mind but when i think about it i don't know if i liked the girls in the other sorority, or if i liked the idea of being well liked. i keep flip flopping in my mind. i do feel very comfortable with the girls in my sorority though. i can be myself, and thats what matters. i had friends in the sorority before recruitment so that makes me feel guilty for almost choosing the other organization. i hope they never find out they were second choice. because they are honestly the best people i have met in my entire life. and you're right, i shouldn't care about their reputation.

Wow, this is a great post, and I'm so glad you are showing this much maturity.

AZTheta · #12 10-09-2012, 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kateee

Thanks. I over think things way too much. It was hard though, being so focused on popularity in high school, and then coming here and seeing it again. but i really belong in Chi Omega, I honestly do.

You are growing up. You are maturing. You're way ahead of many (most?) other freshmen in college, who are still stuck in that outer-focused thinking. You're seeing that it's not about popularity, which is dependent on what other people think, say, feel, or do; it's about who you truly are, about being authentic, and following your own North star. This is a valuable life lesson and you're way ahead of the curve. If I knew where you were, I'd get in the car and take you to breakfast. And I'd buy you a beautiful owl charm to wear on a necklace so you'd have a tangible reminder of your commitment, your personal growth, and your self-recognition that your values are what's truly important here and you are where you belong.

Reputations are trivial, short-lived, and meaningless; some of the very best Panhellenic (and I include NPC, NPHC, MCGC, etc) women I am privileged to call friends come from GLOs who haven't initiated the most women, or have the most chapters, or have the largest or best facilities, or the snobbiest alumnae, or the prettiest badge (gasp! I admitted my badge envy once again; go ahead and clutch those pearls, ladies). Not at all. They are women who live the vows they took when they were initiated; in their day-to-day lives, they are examples of how to behave in a way that represents the best of all our organizations. They aren't hanging on to the past; they aren't snobs; they don't think one GLO is better than another in any way, shape or form. They are generous, hard-working, funny-as-hell, loyal, supportive, compassionate, tough, intelligent, and I consider each and every one a sister, regardless of the letters they wear.

I hope you'll stick around GC, I think you will have a lot to offer here. And I hope you fall in love with not only your own GLO, but with all the GLOs, and that it brings you the same rewards it's brought me.

DubaiSis · #13 10-09-2012, 02:31 PM

It is utterly and completely normal to second guess your rush outcomes. Older members of this board, raise your hand if you've thought about how your college/sorority experience would have been different if you'd have done this or that thing differently and therefore ended up in a different chapter? See? A lot of hands are going up. Go ahead and think about it, but don't confuse that with ending up somewhere "less than."

GammaBelle · #14 10-09-2012, 03:56 PM

I second everyone's thoughts here that you have joined an amazing and extremely well-respected organization. All the better if you feel a true bond with those women! I will also say this: You are who you are regardless of your letters. Don't internalize negative stereotypes about your chapter and start to believe them about yourself. Externalize your wonderful qualities as a young woman, serve as a role model to your sisters (even if it's just the other members of your pledge class), and people's thinking about your chapter's reputation will change.

33girl · #15 10-09-2012, 08:41 PM

You know how sometimes after you barf you feel SO much better?

This was a good word barf.