How Moms Should Treat Their Legacy Daughters

[bakd]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Have you suggested this to your HQ?

Yes, in a roundabout way.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by bakd

Yes, in a roundabout way.

And how did they respond?

[bakd]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

And how did they respond?

Silence, always silence.

But to be fair, my method of suggestion may have been too roundabout.

[ChioLu]

Originally Posted by bakd

I think that the actives should take MOST of the qualified legacies. Simple. If they want to set a limit and rank them, fine, but I think those statistics should be released.

There are many reasons a inter/national HQ wouldn't (or couldn't) put a quota on the # of legacies each chapter had to pledge. Talk about chapters resenting their headquarters! It would be a nightmare for HQ dealing with chapters going "rogue"!

Of the 7 women in my family who went Greek, only 2 are in the same sorority. I am happy my legacy houses didn't continue inviting me back due to legacy status -- I LOVE WHERE I LANDED. It would have been confusing (during a stressful recruitment): Do I go where my heart leads me or do should I be an XYZ because my [insert relative] was in the same house?

You said your daughter is happy where she is.
Excellent.
That's the outcome you should hope for no matter what sorority she is in.

And remember, your future grandaughter will be a legacy of 2 GLOs.

[ColdInCanada11]

Originally Posted by bakd

Wow. That was sort of passive/aggressive or something.

I come here just to share a differing opinion with a rather unique story twist (did legacy status help or hurt) and I get attacked.

Thanks.

If we don't listen to each other, how can we improve this controversial situation? I just know that there is a better way. We need to find it.

This is only controversial to a small subset of people. There are several GCers who work with their respective IHQ, and definitely know what they are talking about. I'm sorry that you aren't able to be sisters with your daughter, that is a truly unique situation. However, most people do not get to experience that. You continue to say, she had a great experience in recruitment and loves her house. Well, all you've done is massively complain. What you are presenting does not relay those feelings of happiness.

[bakd]

Originally Posted by ChioLu

There are many reasons a inter/national HQ wouldn't (or couldn't) put a quota on the # of legacies each chapter had to pledge. Talk about chapters resenting their headquarters! It would be a nightmare for HQ dealing with chapters going "rogue"!

Of the 7 women in my family who went Greek, only 2 are in the same sorority. I am happy my legacy houses didn't continue inviting me back due to legacy status -- I LOVE WHERE I LANDED. It would have been confusing (during a stressful recruitment): Do I go where my heart leads me or do should I be an XYZ because my [insert relative] was in the same house?

You said your daughter is happy where she is.
Excellent.
That's the outcome you should hope for no matter what sorority she is in.

And remember, your future grandaughter will be a legacy of 2 GLOs.

I'll put it another way:

Have you ever known of a case where a national officer of any sorority has had a daughter that joined any house other than her own? I only know of one from many years ago and that is because the daughter went to a university for a specific academic program, and the school did not offer a chapter of that sorority. She joined her paternal grandmother's house. What is sauce for the goose should be sauce for the gander.

Why should other alumna be bullied into feeling that they are selfish if they want their legacy in their sorority? (Presuming the daughter wants to be there, too.)

[bakd]

Originally Posted by ColdInCanada11

This is only controversial to a small subset of people. There are several GCers who work with their respective IHQ, and definitely know what they are talking about. I'm sorry that you aren't able to be sisters with your daughter, that is a truly unique situation. However, most people do not get to experience that. You continue to say, she had a great experience in recruitment and loves her house. Well, all you've done is massively complain. What you are presenting does not relay those feelings of happiness.

SHE is happy enough.

Wait, also, isn't this almost entire 23 page thread about this and other mom/daughter controversial subjects?

Also, about the complaining...I'm no feminist, but to say that a sorority woman shouldn't complain because it is unseemly just smacks of control. I am only complaining to help make this situation better in the future. After all, for me it is too late. Since this happened to us, you wouldn't believe the number of sisters that I have told me that they were never volunteering or donating again because of this situation. What other system asks for loyalty and work with no reward? I think that the sororities are going to be sorry for this policy in the long run. Yes, sororities are popular right now, but you know what they say, "easy come, easy go". We are (by virtue of this very topic) training these girls to think that sorority life is just a "for college thing" with no payoff for alumna loyalty. I believe that we will definitely find our $ and volunteer base dried up then. And then, we will find ourselves in a situation like the 1970s.... Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

[ColdInCanada11]

Originally Posted by bakd

SHE is happy enough. I am not.

Ahhhh, I see. Have fun harboring that resentment, it's going to do you a lot of good.

FWIW, I work in university admissions and talk to parents in similar situations every day. Policies are not made to benefit a small minority, that's how life goes. You also seem to be missing the fact that YOU AREN'T A COLLEGIAN. You wouldn't be active with her, therefore your opinion that the chapter would be "the same or better" with her is purely speculative and moot. Good Lord, Tuesdays are something, that's for sure.

[Jen]

If you're that unhappy, talk to a professional. To get this upset over your daughter not joining your sorority is unhealthy.

[ColdInCanada11]

Originally Posted by bakd

SHE is happy enough.

Wait, also, isn't this almost entire 23 page thread about this and other mom/daughter controversial subjects?

Oh, you got me!

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by bakd

SHE is happy enough.

Wait, also, isn't this almost entire 23 page thread about this and other mom/daughter controversial subjects?

Also, about the complaining...I'm no feminist, but to say that a sorority woman shouldn't complain because it is unseemly just smacks of control. I am only complaining to help make this situation better in the future. After all, for me it is too late. Since this happened to us, you wouldn't believe the number of sisters that I have told me that they were never volunteering or donating again because of this situation. What other system asks for loyalty and work with no reward? I think that the sororities are going to be sorry for this policy in the long run. Yes, sororities are popular right now, but you know what they say, "easy come, easy go". We are (by virtue of this very topic) training these girls to think that sorority life is just a "for college thing" with no payoff for alumna loyalty. I believe that we will definitely find our $ and volunteer base dried up then. And then, we will find ourselves in a situation like the 1970s.... Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

Nowhere in my vows did it state that my reward for loyalty and hard work would be membership for any progeny I might have. "Payoff"? Really? This is news to me.

Further, what does it say about your sisters' loyalty to their GLO, if they put those types of conditions on their membership? "I am only going to support my GLO as long as I get what I want." How mature. Further, THAT sounds like bullying to me.

Simple mathematics indicates that the number of legacies far exceeds the available openings in any given chapter. As for your "national officer" comment - I think you're grasping at straws to support your unhappiness.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by bakd

SHE is happy enough.

Wait, also, isn't this almost entire 23 page thread about this and other mom/daughter controversial subjects?

Also, about the complaining...I'm no feminist, but to say that a sorority woman shouldn't complain because it is unseemly just smacks of control. I am only complaining to help make this situation better in the future. After all, for me it is too late. Since this happened to us, you wouldn't believe the number of sisters that I have told me that they were never volunteering or donating again because of this situation. What other system asks for loyalty and work with no reward? I think that the sororities are going to be sorry for this policy in the long run. Yes, sororities are popular right now, but you know what they say, "easy come, easy go". We are (by virtue of this very topic) training these girls to think that sorority life is just a "for college thing" with no payoff for alumna loyalty. I believe that we will definitely find our $ and volunteer base dried up then. And then, we will find ourselves in a situation like the 1970s.... Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

Your last statement is doubtful. It's not as if our orgs are not pledging legacies at all or not pledging anyone. Plenty of women are joining.

Also, there are chapters who have high numbers of legacies to the point that they simply have to prioritize (for lack of a better word) legacies based on several factors (i.e. chapter legacies v. those from out of state.) Example: If you are a Big Texas University chapter member, and you have 2 equally qualified legacies, the one whose mom went to Big Texas might get the invite over the one who is from out of state.

It's entirely possible that the legacies who do not get bids are those not connected enough to the institution. Or their moms weren't particularly active. You wouldn't believe how many mad legacy moms swear they're never donating or doing ______ again when the only time the sorority heard or saw them was when they had a daughter coming through. Like, they'd never done any of that to begin with!

[bakd]

Originally Posted by ColdInCanada11

This is only controversial to a small subset of people. There are several GCers who work with their respective IHQ, and definitely know what they are talking about. I'm sorry that you aren't able to be sisters with your daughter, that is a truly unique situation. However, most people do not get to experience that. You continue to say, she had a great experience in recruitment and loves her house. Well, all you've done is massively complain. What you are presenting does not relay those feelings of happiness.

With all due respect, you said that you are not a legacy so you have no skin in this game.

If you were a legacy and it occured to you that you may have been specifically got cut BECAUSE you were a legacy and were therefore less than equal to other PNMs at a house, you might see it differently.

It is a valid complaint, IMHO.

[ColdInCanada11]

Originally Posted by bakd

With all due respect, you said that you are not a legacy so you have no skin in this game.

If you were a legacy and it occured to you that you may have been specifically got cut BECAUSE you were a legacy and were therefore less than equal to other PNMs at a house, you might see it differently.

It is a valid complaint, IMHO.

Once again, you got me! I'll also discard all of my graduate work in history because I wasn't there and "have no skin in [the] game".

[bakd]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Your last statement is doubtful. It's not as if our orgs are not pledging legacies at all or not pledging anyone. Plenty of women are joining.

Also, there are chapters who have high numbers of legacies to the point that they simply have to prioritize (for lack of a better word) legacies based on several factors (i.e. chapter legacies v. those from out of state.) Example: If you are a Big Texas University chapter member, and you have 2 equally qualified legacies, the one whose mom went to Big Texas might get the invite over the one who is from out of state.

It's entirely possible that the legacies who do not get bids are those not connected enough to the institution. Or their moms weren't particularly active. You wouldn't believe how many mad legacy moms swear they're never donating or doing ______ again when the only time the sorority heard or saw them was when they had a daughter coming through. Like, they'd never done any of that to begin with!

I really am seeing that this really is a generational thing. Let me give an example:

I have a cousin that was in the military back in the 1970s. He was made promises as to his retirement benefits and medical benefits back when he joined. He specifically looked at his situation and decided it was a good enough offer and each year as he made decisions as to whether he would re-enlist. If the current Congress were to come along and say that they are going to cut his benefits, he would be very upset! After all, he put his life in harm's way and spent his life making decisions based on this contract.

There was an informal contract made between the actives, the alums, and the national organizations in the past. Today's alums are upset that the contract was broken. We were taught that it was a honor and a pleasure to have a legacy.

Now you want to charge us with being mentally unbalanced because we are unspeakable disappointed.