Dating tips

[James]

Since relations between the sexes seems popular I thought we might share tricks/tips we may have used, heard about, or read to make relationships better, and offer warning signs before we get to the stage of email breakups.

Looking at today's literature, movies/tv, and music it seems love and relationships are one of the most important things in our world and yet we really don't learn much about it except through trial and error and a lot of pain.

So suggest away

[Kevlar281]

Communication, communication, and communication unfortunately it took me getting blindsided by a breakup from a cheating girlfriend to figure this one out. I know it sounds pretty simple but a lot of my friends seem to mess up their relationships by not talking/ignoring their own girlfriends.

[pink27]

RELY ON YOUR OWN INSTINCTS!!!!! Don't be misled by friends suggestions!. Don't allow them to convince you to feel something you don't or convince you to ignore something you do. This has happened to me too many times to count. You are the only person who knows your true feelings, trust yourself!

[pink27]

Great suggestions Newbie!
You've got your relationship advice down to a simple science! I especially agree with the part about compromise! That way everyone gets what they want with the least discomfort. And the part about not playing games, WTG! Too many relationships break up soley because one person couldn't avoid making the other person miserable becasue of their excessive game playing. I know this one, firsthand!!! DON"T PLAY GAMES!

[newbie]

Originally posted by pink27
Great suggestions Newbie!
You've got your relationship advice down to a simple science! I especially agree with the part about compromise! That way everyone gets what they want with the least discomfort. And the part about not playing games, WTG! Too many relationships break up soley because one person couldn't avoid making the other person miserable becasue of their excessive game playing. I know this one, firsthand!!! DON"T PLAY GAMES!

Thanks Pink ! Well, lots of my advice comes from firsthand experience lol. Have had my share of fights and frustrations from relationships!!

I totally agree - games are nothing but a bunch of BS!

[Miami1839]

Newbie,

I think you have some great tips Especially not limiting yourself on who you date. Communication and Compromise are definitely key. I wouldn't say I am the best giver of relationship advice because of my luck. I think that a smile, simple compliments, and some happy suprises from time to time go a long way. However, my pet peeve is girls that cant compromise and have no idea what they want.

Kevin

[James]

Be self aware enough to guage your mood . . .

When I find myself getting angry/ annoyed with a girlfriend, the first thing I do is mentally assess how tired, hungry, irritable, or how bad a day I had. Usually those factors conspire to make matters worse.

One of my first rules is to never take my bad moods out on other people, because they are not responsible for them!

And if I find myself tired and moody, which is kind of rare. I'll tell her in advance, "listen I had a really bad day, and am really irritable, its has nothing to do with you and it really means a lot to me to have you here now. Sorry I'm such a bore."

So there: Identify the sources of your emotions, don't victimize others with your bad moods, and communicate what you are feeling and that its not their fault. And communicate what they might be able to do to help you out. If you need a glass of wine and a back rub . . . mention it!

Because honestly, if you victimize your partner with undeserved anger or moodiness, even if they understand, it hurts them and weakens the quality of the relationship over time.

[Salience]

Everyone has hit the main points, but I cannot overemphasize KNOW THYSELF! You can avoid so much drama by just knowin yourself and your desires in a relationship or even any average social setting.

I used to convince myself into doing things I don't want to do. That, coupled with pushy men, meant I gave out my number way too often to men I wasn't interested in at all, because I wouldn't just say no. I wasted both their time and mine. I learned eventually, and now I am probably too good at it! LOL

[Miami1839]

Thats some great advice. Your such a great writer. Its definitely important to take a step back sometimes and see where your at. I used to have to do that all the time when I worked at a group home a few years back with at risk kids. A very challenging job mentally in that way. I can see how sometimes how someone could get all caught up in the other person or have a hectic day and forget where your at. Where you might say something stupid and then regret it later. I mean I know we all have our bad days but then you just have to remember not to prey on others with it. Gauging yourself is definitely important.
Kevin




QUOTE]Originally posted by James
Be self aware enough to guage your mood . . .

When I find myself getting angry/ annoyed with a girlfriend, the first thing I do is mentally assess how tired, hungry, irritable, or how bad a day I had. Usually those factors conspire to make matters worse.

One of my first rules is to never take my bad moods out on other people, because they are not responsible for them!

And if I find myself tired and moody, which is kind of rare. I'll tell her in advance, "listen I had a really bad day, and am really irritable, its has nothing to do with you and it really means a lot to me to have you here now. Sorry I'm such a bore."

So there: Identify the sources of your emotions, don't victimize others with your bad moods, and communicate what you are feeling and that its not their fault. And communicate what they might be able to do to help you out. If you need a glass of wine and a back rub . . . mention it!

Because honestly, if you victimize your partner with undeserved anger or moodiness, even if they understand, it hurts them and weakens the quality of the relationship over time. [/QUOTE]

[LeslieAGD]

According to my Pysch of Sex class ( ), "the keys to a healthy relationship are communication and the willingness to learn"

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Demand dates, real, actual dates where he takes you out and spends money on you in an alcohol-free setting. If you don't demand it in the beginning, you will never get it.

And don't even think about going back to his place any time in the first month...

[James]

Boredom bump