Second Choice?

[PerfectVerse06]

I decided to do a search on this topic instead of making a new one, so I hope no one minds if I share my situation and that this does not fall into the realm of inappropriate content according to the POW.

An associate of mine came to college knowing she wanted to be a member of ABC Sorority, but when a couple of people joked that she should join XYZ she started to seriously consider it. She attended the Rush for XYZ and was subsequently rejected.

She then went off to graduate school, and still held interest in XYZ, but due to her childish behavior, several members of XYZ did not find her desirable enough to join their ranks.

This young lady met several members of ABC sorority, whom she began bonding with. Eventually, she decided that she wanted to join ABC because that is what she wanted in the first place and she felt she would fit in with those ladies much better than she would with the members of XYZ. She even began living with members of ABC, whom she has expressed her interest to.

But then she found out that a woman at her church in a nearby city is a member of XYZ, and all of a sudden she wants to do both. She contacted me to tell me all of this, and I asked her if she was just trying to go for the organization that was going to be easier to join, and she basically said she was.

I don't know if I have a bias because I KNOW that there is no doubt in my mind as to what organization I'd like to have the privilege of joining, but I don't believe there should be a FIRST and SECOND choice. I probably have no business being mad at her because I am not a member of a sorority, but I had to let her know that what she'd told me upset me. I think it would be disrespectful of her to join an organization that she chose because it was the easiest to get into, not because it was in her heart. I know I am not a member of any Greek organization, but my interest is passionate and sincere, and it breaks my heart to know that she would join any sorority out of convenience and just to have letters, ANY letters. I wouldn't dare do that and disrespect the founders and members of ANY organization.

I'm just wondering if this 'first choice, second choice' thing is common and maybe I was wrong for expressing my displeasure with my associate's situation. Perhaps I was being too hard on her, and I should let her go ahead and figure out what the 'easier' choice is.

*Sorry for the long post, just venting!

[Sahara]

It's possible that a person will be rejected into org XYZ because the sorors want to see what she will do next. If she stays strong and continues her interest, then she may be accepted the next time around. If the XYZ sorors she that she is the type to do whatever is available, then the time they let her "marinate" will reveal that.

Membership is a lifelong committment. You can't allow people to join because you feel a PERSONAL obligation. If they don't get accepted this year, they may get accepted another year. Some people just need time to mature.

I was speaking with some sorors over the weekend and one of them said something to me that I thought was very salient. She said "I belong to Alpha Kappa Alpha. Alpha Kappa Alpha does NOT belong to me."

[NUPE4LIFE]

I agree with everything that has been said here. But here in the South there is no next time if you talk about AKA and DST. If one doesn't make it on their first attempt then they can hang it up. Now I always tell Kappa interest if it didn't work out for you in undergrad, don't stop pursuing Kappa. But that applies to everyone. Nowadays however, people don't want to wait. They get discouraged and if another organization comes along they jump at it. We had that happen at FSU this year where a young lady submitted for AKA and didn't make it. The following year she's coming out on the line of another organiztion. Everyone knows this and it's not a secret.Which had me stumped. Clearly the new organization would have heard about this. I guess we can add this post with other posts on GC recently about the state of the NPHC. There is no tradition or history anymore. People view us as mere clubs or as agencies to help them get a job or into grad school. .

[PerfectVerse06]

Nowadays however, people don't want to wait. They get discouraged and if another organization comes along they jump at it.

That's what I'm talking about.

I can't imagine just going for another organization because my opportunity to join the one I really wanted passed me by. I've always said that if it never happens then God is telling me I'm not meant to be apart of it and He has other things in store for me. I can't sit there and profess my love for Choice B because obviously I don't love it enough for it to have been the one and ONLY choice.

But my associate just came to me not even two weeks ago talking all excitedly about how ABC sorority members had been so nice to her and telling her she'd make a good member, and this week because she met a member of XYZ sorority at church she doesn't know which she should choose. But since she heard ABC is harder to get into, she's thinking about XYZ.

Personally, I don't think she should do either right now. Not until she figures out what she really wants...but it's obvious she just wants to be Greek.

[f8nacn]

To me, as an interest, there isn't a second choice. If you are truly interested as you say you are, then you wouldn't be distracted or swayed by what another person does or how they try to influence you. You have to be settled in your heart that you will not give up until either 1. you make it or 2. you die.

[Obsession8]

Originally posted by AKA2D '91
My thing is, if it takes someone 5 times to become accepted into an organization, that shows loyalty and dedication on her part.

Fourth time (various reasons beyond my control {except 1st time}) was the charm for me. AKA truly was and *IS* the only way for me. I had the opportunity to join another organization that was "easier" to get into (as others have mentioned), but I didn't want to go out like that. I would have considered it a great disappointment and failure on my part if I never made it, but I don't have to worry about that now.

Originally posted by PerfectVerse06
I'm just wondering if this 'first choice, second choice' thing is common...

I guess that depends on the person. Judging from all of the "testimonials" in this forum, it *must* be more common than it *should* be. I don't know any "flip-floppers" personally, but some of my line sisters do. Let's just say it's a "recent" occurrence in our "neck-of-the-woods"; as Forrest Gump would say, "That's all I have to say about that."

Originally posted by Sahara
I was speaking with some sorors over the weekend and one of them said something to me that I thought was very salient. She said "I belong to Alpha Kappa Alpha. Alpha Kappa Alpha does NOT belong to me."

True dat...profound statement, indeed.

Originally posted by NUPE4LIFE
But here in the South there is no next time if you talk about AKA and DST. If one doesn't make it on their first attempt then they can hang it up.

I guess we can add this post with other posts on GC recently about the state of the NPHC. There is no tradition or history anymore. People view us as mere clubs or as agencies to help them get a job or into grad school.

1) That's true...to an extent. It may depend on the chapter and the members & prospectives involved. With that said, we *do* pay close attention and investigate! "Big Sister" (as opposed to "Big Brother") is *ALWAYS* watching!!!

2) No isht! And, that saddens me (even as a neophyte!). As our Soror Moderator mentioned before, you have to watch out for the "T-shirt wearers".

[PerfectVerse06]

Thanks for the responses, everyone!!!

I see that, unfortunately, this is a common occurance among many aspirants.

I'd think after being in school for 6 years (undergrad and grad) you'd have a pretty good idea of what organization you'd like to try to become a member of, but I guess for some it still comes down to what's the easiest or which organization offers the first opportunity to join, not what's truly in your heart. But that's only because there is no one organization in your heart, just a desire to be a part of something, anything.

I know that it doesn't bode too well with the members of BGLO's that the futures of your respective organizations will be in the hands of some folks who chose to join because it was convenient.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To those who do have first and second choices: Are you really going to put in 100% into that organization and upholding the values set forth by their respective founders, or are your contributions going to be like your attitude about chosing which org you want to be a member of? Will you only give 50% because you were only 50% sure you wanted to be a member? Will your love for that organization wane after the novelty of being a ABC wears off in the eyes of others, or will your organization still be near and dear to your heart if people stop treating you differently because of your affiliation? How will you handle being associated with an organization in which many of its members have dreamt of the day they would be called upon to join its ranks, while you just hopped on the first thing that came across your lap? If you choose your second choice because it was easier, can you honestly say that you won't regret your decision?

[firecracker08]

I have to add my .08 cents....

The second time was the charm for me. Of course rejection of any kind hurts. So I can understand how people get upset and may turn their attention to other forms of volunteer service (not other NPHC sororities or frats). I always knew that AKA was the only way for me. And now, being over in AKAland, working my tail off feels so good!

Sounds like PerfectVerse06's friend is looking to belong somewhere, anywhere. That need to feel wanted may speak to a greater problem for your friend. Sororities or fraternities don't fix your personal problems. I certainly think your friend shouldn't join any sorority until she becomes mature enough to choose one and be comfortable with her choice.

But for me, a second choice did not and does not exist.

[TonyB06]

Originally posted by PerfectVerse06
I know that it doesn't bode too well with the members of BGLO's that the futures of your respective organizations will be in the hands of some folks who chose to join because it was convenient.

...not really becuase the choice of who is made, remains with us.

[PerfectVerse06]

Originally posted by TonyB06
...not really becuase the choice of who is made, remains with us.

Absolutely.

But the fact remains that there are people out there who believe in this 'first choice, second choice' nonsense, and some of those people do end up in BGLO's, just based on the stories shared on this one messageboard that is evident. I mean, for example, how did the term 'T-Shirt Wearer' originate in the first place? There had to have been some folks emulating the characteristics of someone who'd joined a BGLO for extrinsic reasons in order to coin that phrase.

I don't want to be accused of suffering from 'Rain Man' syndrome and get in trouble for discussing NPHC matters when I'm not a part of it so I'll worry about me, myself, and I and exit, stage left.

Thanks for the input, everyone!

[NUPE4LIFE]

/\ Rain Man Syndrome. Is that listed in the DSM IV-TR? If so under which of the 5 fields can I find it? Can anyone get it? Is it contagious? Is it due to a chemical imbalance? Should I be concerned with a pandemic of Rain Man Syndrome hitting the U.S. I'm just saying I want to be prepared.

[SKEEphistAKAte]

Originally posted by PerfectVerse06


But the fact remains that there are people out there who believe in this 'first choice, second choice' nonsense, and some of those people do end up in BGLO's, just based on the stories shared on this one messageboard that is evident. I mean, for example, how did the term 'T-Shirt Wearer' originate in the first place? There had to have been some folks emulating the characteristics of someone who'd joined a BGLO for extrinsic reasons in order to coin that phrase.

Yeah, that is true however it is faulty judgment to say that "the future of our respective organizations will be in the hands of those" few folks. The majority of members of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Incorporated are active and financial. The future of AKA does not lie in the hands of inactive, flip floppers...how could it? they are inactive. The future of AKA lies in the hands of those who put in WORK, TIME, ENERGY, MONEY, etc.

[PerfectVerse06]

You're right, absolutely right!!!

In my moment of anger I made an inaccurate statement.

For every one T-Shirt Wearer there is probably 100 who are dedicated to their respective organizations, so the future of BGLO is not in peril.

Thank you for reminding me of that without being harsh.

This girl has just really irked me, and I'm blowing off steam on here. She has me ready to yank the hair out of my head and have me looking bald like this:

[SKEEphistAKAte]

Originally posted by PerfectVerse06
Thank you for reminding me of that without being harsh.

This made me chuckle. Carry on.

[mulattogyrl]

Originally posted by NUPE4LIFE
/\ Rain Man Syndrome. Is that listed in the DSM IV-TR? If so under which of the 5 fields can I find it? Can anyone get it? Is it contagious? Is it due to a chemical imbalance? Should I be concerned with a pandemic of Rain Man Syndrome hitting the U.S. I'm just saying I want to be prepared.

CTHU