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  #1  
Old 09-09-2017, 10:05 PM
nicolypoly nicolypoly is offline
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What am I doing wrong?

Okay I'm going to begin by saying that I'm about to type a novel and I apologize but I want to give ya'll the full story.

So last year I went to UGA and rushed but dropped out before receiving a bid. I transferred this year to UNC and was determined to go greek after feeling like I missed out last year. I went through round one felt good about everything then looked at my schedule today and got dropped by all but four houses (we can have up to eight) two of which were in my bottom three. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong! Some of the houses I'm not surprised about as some convos were kinda awkward but I really felt like I hit it off with a lot of the houses! I had two girls at one house almost crying laughing and at another a girl literally got chills after I told her a story about my dad. I feel like I'm an interesting person, I've traveled a lot, I rode horses growing up (I had a heart braking story too about my horse fracturing her shoulder), I was involved at my old school and in high school. I know I'm not like a VS model but I rally do think I'm pretty and have a decent body and I don't want to sound shallow or self centered but I know sorority's take this into account. And again not to sound classist or shallow but I know sororitys often like girls who come from wealthier families and I talked about how my parents donate money to the school (which is true) and how me and my mom love to go shopping on Madison avenue especially at Prada (also true). Now i didn't just sit there and list off like "oh yeah my parents did this and this and I get this and this" I only mentioned these things when the conversation kinda worked its way to it. I saw my schedule and called my mom crying today, I still have two houses left that I like but I'm scared they'll drop me now like all the others. I don't understand because I look around, and again I really don't want to come off as judgmental or shallow but I know sororitys look at these things, anyway I look around and see girls who I personally feel like I'm cuter than or that seem a little awkward and they all have more houses than me. They also have a mix across the board of middle, top, and bottom houses. I don't put too much weight into tiers but there are "levels" of houses that are more competitive to get into and a lot of girls it seems like they were asked back to houses that they truly clicked with but for me I got asked back to only bottom and middle tiers houses so it makes me feel like I only got to back because not enough other girls wanted to go back. Again I don't care that much about tier but the only two houses left that I like are considered middle and so if I truly am not wanted then there's a better chance of them dropping me.

Ugh again sorry for the novel guys, any feed back would help, any guesses as to why I'm getting systematically dropped from these sororitys. I thought maybe because I'm a transfer but I know some transfers who got into houses they loved no problem. I'm truly at a loss here.
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  #2  
Old 09-09-2017, 10:06 PM
carnation carnation is offline
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It's spelled sororities.
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  #3  
Old 09-09-2017, 10:27 PM
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IndianaSigKap IndianaSigKap is offline
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Are you being your genuine self or are you being the person you want the chapters to think you are? You really need to ask yourself this.

I would also ask that you look at each chapter objectively. As a sophomore, your options are more limited as those of first years. If you pass up the opportunity to join a chapter now, there is a chance you may not be Greek. Look at each chapter with fresh eyes each day. In chapters as large as those at UNC, you should be able to find good friends in every group.
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  #4  
Old 09-09-2017, 10:47 PM
Griffins&Quills Griffins&Quills is offline
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Based on your spelling, grades might be a reason.

Did you have letters of recommendation?

Also, saying you love shopping at Prada with daddy's money may come off a bit snobbish.

If you've only been through Day 1, it's really hard to get a sense of an entire sorority, with chapters as large as UNC. Your opinions may change through the process and you may find other girls you like and have better conversations with. Plus, it's not always love at first sight, sometimes it takes time to fall in love with a group, which happens when you start learning about the history and traditions. You've called out tiers several times, so, even though you may say you don't care, you come off as you do, which you probably are not as good at hiding as you think you are. The houses that have invited you back want to know more about you. You should be grateful and take that opportunity at every house to show them that you want to be there, whether they're "bottom tier" or not.

We can't tell you why you're getting dropped, there's a myriad of possibilities. What we can tell you is to make the most of the chapters that are inviting you back. It only takes one.

Last edited by Griffins&Quills; 09-09-2017 at 10:56 PM.
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  #5  
Old 09-09-2017, 10:54 PM
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thetalady thetalady is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nicolypoly View Post
Okay I'm going to begin by saying that I'm about to type a novel and I apologize but I want to give ya'll the full story.

So last year I went to UGA and rushed but dropped out before receiving a bid. I transferred this year to UNC and was determined to go greek after feeling like I missed out last year. I went through round one felt good about everything then looked at my schedule today and got dropped by all but four houses (we can have up to eight) two of which were in my bottom three. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong! Some of the houses I'm not surprised about as some convos were kinda awkward but I really felt like I hit it off with a lot of the houses! I had two girls at one house almost crying laughing and at another a girl literally got chills after I told her a story about my dad. I feel like I'm an interesting person, I've traveled a lot, I rode horses growing up (I had a heart braking story too about my horse fracturing her shoulder), I was involved at my old school and in high school. I know I'm not like a VS model but I rally do think I'm pretty and have a decent body and I don't want to sound shallow or self centered but I know sorority's take this into account. And again not to sound classist or shallow but I know sororitys often like girls who come from wealthier families and I talked about how my parents donate money to the school (which is true) and how me and my mom love to go shopping on Madison avenue especially at Prada (also true). Now i didn't just sit there and list off like "oh yeah my parents did this and this and I get this and this" I only mentioned these things when the conversation kinda worked its way to it. I saw my schedule and called my mom crying today, I still have two houses left that I like but I'm scared they'll drop me now like all the others. I don't understand because I look around, and again I really don't want to come off as judgmental or shallow but I know sororitys look at these things, anyway I look around and see girls who I personally feel like I'm cuter than or that seem a little awkward and they all have more houses than me. They also have a mix across the board of middle, top, and bottom houses. I don't put too much weight into tiers but there are "levels" of houses that are more competitive to get into and a lot of girls it seems like they were asked back to houses that they truly clicked with but for me I got asked back to only bottom and middle tiers houses so it makes me feel like I only got to back because not enough other girls wanted to go back. Again I don't care that much about tier but the only two houses left that I like are considered middle and so if I truly am not wanted then there's a better chance of them dropping me.

Ugh again sorry for the novel guys, any feed back would help, any guesses as to why I'm getting systematically dropped from these sororitys. I thought maybe because I'm a transfer but I know some transfers who got into houses they loved no problem. I'm truly at a loss here.

Oh my.... NEVER talk about money, in ANY way, shape or form, unless you are at the party where they specifically talk about sorority costs. It is crass and totally without class. No name dropping like Madison Ave & Prada. It sounds pretentious and name dropping. Neither topic impresses.

What were your grades like last year? they have to be stellar (think 3.5+) to get a bid as a transfer student.
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  #6  
Old 09-10-2017, 12:06 AM
DubaiSis DubaiSis is offline
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You're a sophomore transfer with (likely) no connections at this school. Take your 4, for dog's sake quit talking about money, and take ANY invitations you get with grace and dignity.
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  #7  
Old 09-10-2017, 12:10 AM
oldnorthstate oldnorthstate is offline
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I'm an active at UNC. Please, please keep an open mind and trust the process. You will end up where you're meant to be. In a house of almost 180 girls, you are bound to find "your people" wherever you end up. Every single chapter here is incredible, and getting to be a part of Greek life at UNC is a huge privilege. I have friends in almost every chapter, and I'm so lucky to call such amazing women my Panhellenic sisters. Being in a sorority is about so much more than looks or money. Let the girls you talk to tell you about their sisterhood and their values, because getting into those deeper conversations is how you will find your home and lifelong sisterhood. Recruitment may not go the way you want it to, but if you trust the process and bloom where you're planted, you'll have the time of your life and make the best friends and memories you could ever imagine. Good luck with the rest of recruitment!
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  #8  
Old 09-10-2017, 12:34 AM
ASTalumna06 ASTalumna06 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DubaiSis View Post
You're a sophomore transfer with (likely) no connections at this school. Take your 4, for dog's sake quit talking about money, and take ANY invitations you get with grace and dignity.
Yup, this sums it up.
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  #9  
Old 09-10-2017, 01:33 AM
ellebud ellebud is offline
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Unless you are being paid to rep Prada, they do not need the publicity.
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  #10  
Old 09-10-2017, 03:43 PM
LyreLover128 LyreLover128 is offline
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Wow there are some harsh responses on here. Jeez.

OP, here's the thing: not all chapters are going to invite you back. Some of that is just math. But I'd take a look at the conversations you had and really take a step back and evaluate them. Was there good back and forth? Were you just name dropping to ingratiate yourself into the perceived good graces of a chapter? Chapters do generally care about financial responsibility, but many are likely to be unimpressed with a name dropper.

Focus on being your genuine self and being open to the chapters still available and interested in you.
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  #11  
Old 09-10-2017, 05:14 PM
Cheerio Cheerio is offline
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You ask what you are doing wrong; other gcers have given you their observations and remarks. I'd say with four invitation options you have four chances that other pnm women may never have. Please appreciate those four chances and continue your recruitment journey. Life moves pretty fast and you need to grab what is currently available, not what has passed you by.
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  #12  
Old 09-11-2017, 03:07 PM
Tom Earp Tom Earp is offline
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Originally Posted by Cheerio View Post
You ask what you are doing wrong; other gcers have given you their observations and remarks. I'd say with four invitation options you have four chances that other pnm women may never have. Please appreciate those four chances and continue your recruitment journey. Life moves pretty fast and you need to grab what is currently available, not what has passed you by.
Ah cheerio, that is why you are one of the best. Great advice from a wise person!
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  #13  
Old 09-12-2017, 10:25 AM
GirlinSpace GirlinSpace is offline
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No bid is a bad bid. You need to pull yourself together and realize that sometimes the house you originally thought of as your last choice can be perfect for you. You said that you don't like the smaller chapters? Maybe you could find a place for leadership there. Don't worry so much about whether the last few chapters will drop you. You will find your place at the end if you are kind and remember that every house is an opportunity to find your home.
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  #14  
Old 09-12-2017, 10:52 AM
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AZTheta AZTheta is offline
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IF my information is correct (taken from the Fraternity website), there will be a Kappa Alpha Theta colony at UNC Fall 2017.

That is another option, OP, but bear in mind that any colony of any chapter anywhere is automatically ranked "bottom". I state this because: "Prada" and everything else you wrote about status, tiers, etc. Don't want you to waste your time on an inconsequential (in your view) chapter.

oh, please check out my signature line while you're at it.
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Basically my main piece of advice is: if you are lucky enough to get a bid to ANY chapter, that is your golden ticket and you should take it and run with it.
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  #15  
Old 09-12-2017, 10:59 AM
carnation carnation is offline
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Assuming that this is a "Dear Abby Yale Students" poster.
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