Disappointed mom

sail100 · #1 10-18-2008, 10:05 PM

My daughter went through rush this fall. I didn't expect her to go through, and since she's a bit on the shy side I really didn't encourage it knowing how stressful and heartbreaking it can be. Background - we live in a very competitive region of the country and live in a small town, and she knew only a few girl going to this college who are in sororities. Although she's very cute, she's never been obsessed about style and makeup; probably because she is the only daughter in a family of several boys. I tried to do what I could to help her have a successful rush based on my past experinece - nice clothes and accessories, mani/pedi, conversational coaching, makeup, etc. but I knew it would be very tough. To say she was cut heavily would be an understatment. By round two she only got invited back to two parties (I won't say how many different sororities there are at her campus other than it's in the double digits). These two were the bottom of the barrel reputation wise. At this point I tried to get her to drop out, maybe make some friends during the semester and try for spring rush or again next fall. Yes, it would have limited her choices, but she could at least have had a chance for some others. She refused to drop out. Pref night she was down to one party and received a bid to the smallest house on campus. She accepted and is in her pledge period.

She seems ok with it, but I'm going to come right out and say it even though I may get a lot of angry comments. I'm embarassed for her. I really don't even want to tell my friends what she pledged because I can tell they are shocked. It is common knowledge in our state, among those knowledgeable of Greek life at this university, that this house is the absolute bottom. They rarely make quota and constantly have to COR as well as spring rush. I have seen their social calendar and it is really lacking. They have few activites, and they basically don't have any mixers. Greek life is big at her campus, and most sorority calendars are packed with many social activities.

I guess this is so upsetting because I know exactly how much fun being in a sorority can be. I was in a sorority(not this school) that was considered very solid. Every rush we got many of the girls we wanted, we had mixers with great fraternities, my fellow sisters were the campus movers and shakers. I was so proud to wear my letters. To this day it still means something in our state to say I'm an "XYZ". I'm afraid she'll eventually figure this all out and realize she made a huge mistake. I want to encourage her to drop out before initiation and a commitment is made. Time is running out. I would like some advice from any moms who have been in my shoes - feel free to PM me, as I understand this is a sensitive topic.

Benzgirl · #2 10-18-2008, 10:08 PM

I would recommend deleting your post. Your daughter has more backbone than you.

APhi4Ever · #3 10-18-2008, 10:10 PM

Wow

Senusret I · #4 10-18-2008, 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sail100

My daughter went through rush this fall. I didn't expect her to go through, and since she's a bit on the shy side I really didn't encourage it knowing how stressful and heartbreaking it can be. Background - we live in a very competitive region of the country and live in a small town, and she knew only a few girl going to this college who are in sororities. Although she's very cute, she's never been obsessed about style and makeup; probably because she is the only daughter in a family of several boys. I tried to do what I could to help her have a successful rush based on my past experinece - nice clothes and accessories, mani/pedi, conversational coaching, makeup, etc. but I knew it would be very tough. To say she was cut heavily would be an understatment. By round two she only got invited back to two parties (I won't say how many different sororities there are at her campus other than it's in the double digits). These two were the bottom of the barrel reputation wise. At this point I tried to get her to drop out, maybe make some friends during the semester and try for spring rush or again next fall. Yes, it would have limited her choices, but she could at least have had a chance for some others. She refused to drop out. Pref night she was down to one party and received a bid to the smallest house on campus. She accepted and is in her pledge period.

She seems ok with it, but I'm going to come right out and say it even though I may get a lot of angry comments. I'm embarassed for her. I really don't even want to tell my friends what she pledged because I can tell they are shocked. It is common knowledge in our state, among those knowledgeable of Greek life at this university, that this house is the absolute bottom. They rarely make quota and constantly have to COR as well as spring rush. I have seen their social calendar and it is really lacking. They have few activites, and they basically don't have any mixers. Greek life is big at her campus, and most sorority calendars are packed with many social activities.

I guess this is so upsetting because I know exactly how much fun being in a sorority can be. I was in a sorority(not this school) that was considered very solid. Every rush we got many of the girls we wanted, we had mixers with great fraternities, my fellow sisters were the campus movers and shakers. I was so proud to wear my letters. To this day it still means something in our state to say I'm an "XYZ". I'm afraid she'll eventually figure this all out and realize she made a huge mistake. I want to encourage her to drop out before initiation and a commitment is made. Time is running out. I would like some advice from any moms who have been in my shoes - feel free to PM me, as I understand this is a sensitive topic.

OMG your daughter is happy! Leave her be!

QFP

#5 10-18-2008, 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sail100

My daughter went through rush this fall. I didn't expect her to go through, and since she's a bit on the shy side I really didn't encourage it knowing how stressful and heartbreaking it can be. Background - we live in a very competitive region of the country and live in a small town, and she knew only a few girl going to this college who are in sororities. Although she's very cute, she's never been obsessed about style and makeup; probably because she is the only daughter in a family of several boys. I tried to do what I could to help her have a successful rush based on my past experinece - nice clothes and accessories, mani/pedi, conversational coaching, makeup, etc. but I knew it would be very tough. To say she was cut heavily would be an understatment. By round two she only got invited back to two parties (I won't say how many different sororities there are at her campus other than it's in the double digits). These two were the bottom of the barrel reputation wise. At this point I tried to get her to drop out, maybe make some friends during the semester and try for spring rush or again next fall. Yes, it would have limited her choices, but she could at least have had a chance for some others. She refused to drop out. Pref night she was down to one party and received a bid to the smallest house on campus. She accepted and is in her pledge period.

She seems ok with it, but I'm going to come right out and say it even though I may get a lot of angry comments. I'm embarassed for her. I really don't even want to tell my friends what she pledged because I can tell they are shocked. It is common knowledge in our state, among those knowledgeable of Greek life at this university, that this house is the absolute bottom. They rarely make quota and constantly have to COR as well as spring rush. I have seen their social calendar and it is really lacking. They have few activites, and they basically don't have any mixers. Greek life is big at her campus, and most sorority calendars are packed with many social activities.

I guess this is so upsetting because I know exactly how much fun being in a sorority can be. I was in a sorority(not this school) that was considered very solid. Every rush we got many of the girls we wanted, we had mixers with great fraternities, my fellow sisters were the campus movers and shakers. I was so proud to wear my letters. To this day it still means something in our state to say I'm an "XYZ". I'm afraid she'll eventually figure this all out and realize she made a huge mistake. I want to encourage her to drop out before initiation and a commitment is made. Time is running out. I would like some advice from any moms who have been in my shoes - feel free to PM me, as I understand this is a sensitive topic.

Wow, talk about a case of the fwap fwaps.

If your daughter's all that and she loves where she's at, she could very well be where she's meant to be, and I think it's absolutely horrible of you to want her to drop out before Initiation. Maybe this house needs more people like your daughter.

Quit being so g-ddamn selfish, get over it, and accept that your daughter's found her home and that you can't do anything about it.

Benzgirl · #6 10-18-2008, 10:31 PM

If you think your friends will be horrified, maybe you need new friends. Your D should be pround of herself and embarrassed by your behaviour.

crazyqt13 · #7 10-18-2008, 10:49 PM

This is honestly the most shallow post I've ever read.

I'm glad your daughter is happy.

indygphib · #8 10-18-2008, 10:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OTW

Quit being so g-ddamn selfish, get over it, and accept that your daughter's found her home and that you can't do anything about it.

Amen.

After reading this, all I can think is: Can we say "self-absorbed, status-hungry helimom", boys and girls? I knew you could!

Get a life lady. It's YOUR DAUGHTER'S choice, not yours. If she's happy in her sorority, then be a supportive mom, get over yourself and STFU.

And thanks to everyone for the QFPs...

jessica.lanelle · #9 10-18-2008, 10:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazyqt13

This is honestly the most shallow post I've ever read.

I'm glad your daughter is happy.

Agreed to all of the above posts... except for the OP's. You are right, a "commitment is made". And you can bet that she has made the right one! Just be happy for her! You are totally shallow!

WhiteDaisy128 · #10 10-18-2008, 11:05 PM

I feel sorry for your daughter too...because she has you for a mother.

Jen · #11 10-18-2008, 11:14 PM

I love that your view of a good sorority is their social calendar.

Perhaps your (admittedly, to you) shy daughter enjoys the sisterhood she's found? Or perhaps she enjoys the philanthropy? Or maybe, just maybe, she likes the people she's met and isn't as image conscious or concerned about what other people think as you are?

It's not your choice. It's not your school. It's not your sorority. It's not your life. It's your daughter's, and she seems to be doing quite well at it despite your involvement.

And if, one day, she decides that she DID make a mistake - it's HER mistake, not yours. Never will be yours. Ever. She's a big girl and can make a decision about being initiated or not without your help.

So instead of being embarrassed by her (and don't think you aren't - being embarrassed by her choices is showing embarrassment over who she is choosing to be as a person), let her live her own life and get whatever she wants to get out of her sorority experience.

Don't try and regain your college years through her; she is not you.

LadyLonghorn · #12 10-18-2008, 11:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sail100

My daughter went through rush this fall. I didn't expect her to go through, and since she's a bit on the shy side I really didn't encourage it knowing how stressful and heartbreaking it can be. Background - we live in a very competitive region of the country and live in a small town, and she knew only a few girl going to this college who are in sororities. Although she's very cute, she's never been obsessed about style and makeup; probably because she is the only daughter in a family of several boys. I tried to do what I could to help her have a successful rush based on my past experinece - nice clothes and accessories, mani/pedi, conversational coaching, makeup, etc. but I knew it would be very tough. To say she was cut heavily would be an understatment. By round two she only got invited back to two parties (I won't say how many different sororities there are at her campus other than it's in the double digits). These two were the bottom of the barrel reputation wise. At this point I tried to get her to drop out, maybe make some friends during the semester and try for spring rush or again next fall. Yes, it would have limited her choices, but she could at least have had a chance for some others. She refused to drop out. Pref night she was down to one party and received a bid to the smallest house on campus. She accepted and is in her pledge period.

She seems ok with it, but I'm going to come right out and say it even though I may get a lot of angry comments. I'm embarassed for her. I really don't even want to tell my friends what she pledged because I can tell they are shocked. It is common knowledge in our state, among those knowledgeable of Greek life at this university, that this house is the absolute bottom. They rarely make quota and constantly have to COR as well as spring rush. I have seen their social calendar and it is really lacking. They have few activites, and they basically don't have any mixers. Greek life is big at her campus, and most sorority calendars are packed with many social activities.

I guess this is so upsetting because I know exactly how much fun being in a sorority can be. I was in a sorority(not this school) that was considered very solid. Every rush we got many of the girls we wanted, we had mixers with great fraternities, my fellow sisters were the campus movers and shakers. I was so proud to wear my letters. To this day it still means something in our state to say I'm an "XYZ". I'm afraid she'll eventually figure this all out and realize she made a huge mistake. I want to encourage her to drop out before initiation and a commitment is made. Time is running out. I would like some advice from any moms who have been in my shoes - feel free to PM me, as I understand this is a sensitive topic.

So basically you are saying you are embarrassed of your daughter? I would be so disappointed to call you my mother. Your daughter is HAPPY. She is living HER life not YOURS. Get over it.

texas*princess · #13 10-18-2008, 11:24 PM

what the hell?

You know, if I were her, I'd be embarrassed by YOU. You should leave her alone. She found a group that she likes and enjoys. It is HER college experience. HER life. HER decision.

I think it's pretty *@#(*@# of you to want to encourage her to drop out just so that YOU are not embarrassed by the group she joined anymore.

p.s Thanks for all the QFPs

WCsweet<3 · #14 10-18-2008, 11:27 PM

*mouth hanging open*
This is just amazing to me for so many reasons. Maybe because being in a sorority here means nothing in the rest of the state like it does in other reasons, but I mean, my heart hurts.
I would like to applaud Jen's comment!

Also to the OP, I know that when a daughter does something, the reputation can affect the mother, but she is happy. If it really is that hard for you to come to terms with than maybe you need to find why there is a problem.

awkward1 · #15 10-18-2008, 11:30 PM

you stated that your daughter is shy...why try to push her into a situation that does not match her personality? She now has the opportunity to blossom with the support of her sisters. She will not have as much competition to run for executive board positions or to represent her sorority in homecoming events and such. Small is VERY GOOD for many people. If she was in a larger sorority she may never step forward and take those first steps towards leadership. In a large chapter she could easily become the girl that no one really knows because they are so shy.