sister who wants to deactivate to join another sorority

[DGMarie]

Considering that Initiation is one of the most special and secret parts of sorority membership, I can't imagine anyone would be happy at, say Kappa Delta, if one of their girls quit after Initiation and then joined, say Delta Gamma and went through our Initiation. You can forget secret and special anymore. Everyone would know everyone elses deal. Hey, maybe we'd learn they are all the same, I don't know. But my point is that swapping in and out of groups could get crazy!

[HotDamnImAPhiMu]

Carnation, again, is the voice of reason here....

and I dunno that I think it's all that bad, how membership (and recruitment) are taken more seriously in the South. It just kinda... is.

You see some of that from school to school..... the girls who LIVE in their letters, vs. the ones who think they might own a pair somewhere in the back of their closet. Makes sense it'd vary across the country, too.

[AlethiaSi]

i found this thread so its a bit old- but pertinant to my situation. We allowed a good friend of mine from another local to basically become honorary at my local. She would wear letters only for recruitment- but now she's attending meetings and wearing letters- our charm and participating in basically everything. The deal was that she was going to see a two pledge classes go through before she was allowed to be on the roster b/c she's going to my school part time...

recently she's been very shady- she's hooked up with 4 different guys on 4 different occasions - once with another sister and THREE times with me... this past time (last night- with our sou chef at work) just broke it for me... i can't deal and now sisters are telling me that they are upset that she wears letters and hasn't earned them... The situation is completely out of control and i don't know what to do.

Basically, she was having a very difficult family situation and we took her in- she moved into the house- we got jobs togehter (so i'm her taxi) and she's going to school here.... everything she has right now (basically) is because of us and mostly me since i got her here.... and i feel hurt- betrayed- and taken advantage of....

any suggestions?

[AznSAE]

question: how does one national sorority know if someone was a previous initiated member of another? is it more of an honor system? what if a girl intiates into one sorority, tranfers to another school, and initiates into another secretly? just wondering.

[navane]

AlethiaSi,

I'm really sorry to be so blunt, but it sounds like you all didn't think through what you were doing. When you set up "fuzzy wuzzy" arrangements, you can't be mad later when the other party oversteps the fuzzy boundaries.

If she wasn't a sister, why did you let her wear your letters? Doesn't that now give her the impression that she's one of you? I don't blame her for thinking she could do the things you describe (go to events, etc). How come nobody said, "Hey, I know you enjoy participating with us, but it's not appropriate for you to attend our meetings until you're accepted for membership"? Because you all didn't think to make the boundaries clear, you're now going to have a difficult time asking her to step back (or away).

I don't mean to be so harsh, but sometimes we need to take these things as learning lessons. You say she needed help and you gave her assistance. I know you're disappointed in her now, but you willingly gave her your help, right? You're now mad at her because she isn't following your plan? It may suck for you, but I don't see how this amounts to a "betrayal". You gave, she took.

As for her sleeping around, that's not your fault and your sisters shouldn't be giving you grief about it. So what if you invited her along? It sounds to me like they willingly played along with this arrangement.

Perhaps it's time for you and some of your officers to sit down with her and explain to her that her behavior has overstepped the lines of good taste and that you will not be considering her for membership. Then kindly ask her to not attend anymore of your events, ask her to move out of your house, and tell her to get her own ride to work. It's gonna blow up, but you all need to pay that price now if you want things to get fixed. Sorry, I wish I had better news for you.

.....Kelly

[flirt5721]

If she is not initated she is not allowed to go to other for one year but if she is she can join another. That is if it's an NPC organization.

However, if it is a local organization they might have different rules. But just think about it a little. Yes you might feel betrayed but if she doesn't want to be there then she probably won't be any good to your chapter. The best sister are always there and would not want to leave for another house.

[33girl]

Originally posted by AlethiaSi
i found this thread so its a bit old- but pertinant to my situation. We allowed a good friend of mine from another local to basically become honorary at my local. She would wear letters only for recruitment- but now she's attending meetings and wearing letters- our charm and participating in basically everything. The deal was that she was going to see a two pledge classes go through before she was allowed to be on the roster b/c she's going to my school part time...

recently she's been very shady- she's hooked up with 4 different guys on 4 different occasions - once with another sister and THREE times with me... this past time (last night- with our sou chef at work) just broke it for me... i can't deal and now sisters are telling me that they are upset that she wears letters and hasn't earned them... The situation is completely out of control and i don't know what to do.

Basically, she was having a very difficult family situation and we took her in- she moved into the house- we got jobs togehter (so i'm her taxi) and she's going to school here.... everything she has right now (basically) is because of us and mostly me since i got her here.... and i feel hurt- betrayed- and taken advantage of....

any suggestions?

I can sympathize, because some of my (more naive) sisters allowed a girl who was the best friend of a legacy to wear one of our jackets. She ended up pledging another sorority. Needless to say, we never did that again.

You just need to sit her down and say "we've given you all these privileges but you haven't given us anything back. You're done. Unless you want to pledge - but if you do, you need to curb your ho-like behavior."

[AlethiaSi]

Originally posted by 33girl

You just need to sit her down and say "we've given you all these privileges but you haven't given us anything back. You're done. Unless you want to pledge - but if you do, you need to curb your ho-like behavior."

haha

well- eboard met and the president and the pm are going to meet with her to talk about it- and she will have to prove that she knows her stuff- testing on her on the pledge book- etc...

should be interesting...

i haven't talked with her yet... i haven't had an opportunity- but i will soon and i'm going to try to seperate it from the sorority- its more of a friend thing now....

thanks for the advice

[LightBulb]

Alethi, perhaps you should talk to your Executive Board (and Risk Management Chairman) about creating affiliate membership positions in your chapter for occasions like this.