Pregnant Pledge

[AGDee]

I was working full time and a Finance Specialist for AGD when I had my kids. I wasn't a collegian. The Finance Specialist position took about 8 hours a month, which is slightly less than the time I spent on sorority things while in college.

But seriously, working full time is far more time consuming than college ever was. I leave for work at 7 am daily and return home at 5:30 pm. I was never in school that many hours, even if you counted homework time.

I did qualify that I think a woman's family would need to be VERY supportive of her continuing to live a "typical" college student life in spite of accidentally having a child at a young age. At one of the chapters I supervise now they had a young woman join who had a two year old. She lived with her parents who helped her with babysitting and she brought the child to Exec Council meetings because she was the VP Finance for the chapter. She was active and seemed to be very involved with her child as well. At some campuses, we need to be more open minded because the students just aren't traditional students.

Dee

[AlphaPhiBubbles]

Being a child development minor...and just someone extremley interested in the "betterment" of today's parents...I'm going to have to disagree with some of you about this time commitment thing. It's nice for women to think we can do it all nowadays (often because we have no other choice), meaning working full time, having a family, and having outside hobbies/activities to keep us happy, but just because some people may be forced into those situations because of socio-economic status or loss/absence of a spouse doesn't mean that it's an OK situation to raise children in. It sucks. It really does. Not speaking from personal experience because I'm 22 and have no children, but being in a sorority in college IS almost like having a full time job and the more time spent with your child/ren the BETTER. ESPECIALLY in the first 8 years of your child's life. I really can't emphasize this enough. If at least one parent didn't have to work full time in order for the family to stay financially stable, that would be an ideal situation for all families. Of course that is pretty unrealistic.

I might add that I guess I'm assuming we're talking about a single mother, because bringing a working, stable, supportive father into the picture changes things quite a bit.

[bekibug]

As previously said, I think it depends on where you are and what that chapter's attitude is. The year I went through, another chapter on campus bidded a girl that almost every chapter wanted. At Bid Day festivities, someone asked her if the child she was holding was her little brother. She said, "No, he's my child." Three hours later, she was no longer a new member of that sorority.

Keep in mind though, the prevailing attitude of many in Alabama is "OMG, she has a baby and she's not married/in a committed relationship, so she must be a slut." Even if the sisters didn't think that, other people would have, and this campus/town is still small enough for something like that to ruin the reputation of all the girls in a chapter. It may very well be different somewhere else.

[sugar and spice]

I don't think it's our business to decide whether or not a woman has the time to be in a sorority and have a baby at the same time. After all, it's not like we tell girls who are pre-med not to rush because "they have more important things to be concentrating on" during their college careers, even though everybody knows that there are some majors that take up a lot more time than others.

That said, I don't think that there is a chapter at my school that would take a pregnant girl (although clearly I can't speak for any of these chapters, including my own), and I will straight-out admit that it is for more shallow reasons than those listed above.

[ZetaGirl22]

have i ever personally seen a sorority take a pregnant new member? no. have i seen a sister who became pregnant while she was active? yes. now this was not from my own chapter, but a sister of one of the other chapters on my campus. the woman also happened to be panhel vp recruitment that year. she did carry the pregnancy through, but did give the child up for adoption. she gave birth over christman break and came back a few weeks later and ran formal recruitment without breaking stride.

now, taking this into the pregnant pnm/new member issue, i think many of you are not thinking about adoption as a possibility. i agree having to take care of a newborn infant, go to school, and being a new member in a sorority would be quite taxing, but we are not even considering the possibility of a woman who is not keeping the child for her own. now this situation, i feel, would be slightly more do-able.

[HelloKitty22]

Originally posted by AlphaPhiBubbles
Being a child development minor...and just someone extremley interested in the "betterment" of today's parents...I'm going to have to disagree with some of you about this time commitment thing. It's nice for women to think we can do it all nowadays (often because we have no other choice), meaning working full time, having a family, and having outside hobbies/activities to keep us happy, but just because some people may be forced into those situations because of socio-economic status or loss/absence of a spouse doesn't mean that it's an OK situation to raise children in. It sucks. It really does. Not speaking from personal experience because I'm 22 and have no children, but being in a sorority in college IS almost like having a full time job and the more time spent with your child/ren the BETTER. ESPECIALLY in the first 8 years of your child's life. I really can't emphasize this enough. If at least one parent didn't have to work full time in order for the family to stay financially stable, that would be an ideal situation for all families. Of course that is pretty unrealistic.

I might add that I guess I'm assuming we're talking about a single mother, because bringing a working, stable, supportive father into the picture changes things quite a bit.

I'm sorry I know I'm a little off topic but I just had to respond to this...

Your statements are some of the most judgemental and baseless comments I've heard on this board. Considering that you have no children and you're too young to have had a full time job for more than a summer, I find it really bizarre that you are lecturing people about how to live their lives, handle their jobs and raise their children. First, not every woman who works full time and has a child does it because she "forced" to do so because of "socio/economic status." Many women simply want to work!! I could never stay home and take care of a child because I need the stimulation of work. I enjoy going to work and whether I have a child with a man or not or whether I need the money or not, I will always work. Working is very personally satisfying and many people enjoy it and can balance it with having children. For me, if I had no job I would be bored and frustrated and would be a much worse mother. Second, my entire life I had a mother who worked full time and then some (sometimes as much as 60+ hours per week) and I never once felt that she was unavailable to me or that I was scarred for life in some way. I remember my mother always being there because she was the kind of woman who could make time for everything. I have an excellent close relationship with my mother, and I grew up to be a successful, well adjusted, normal person.
My secretary had her daughter at 15 and worked full time throughout her child's life. She did a great job raising her daughter. They have a great relationship and her daughter has grown to be a beautiful, talented, smart, and wonderful girl.
Maybe having one person stay at home would be optimal for YOU but that doesn't mean that is the only way to raise a child. Maybe you should look beyond your child development books (which have their own biases) and actually talk to some people who have done it or who have lived through it.
You have a very myopic view of how children should be raised and what is and is not going to "damage" them. You should recognize that there are lots of ways to raise a healthy child and that the two parent household with one breadwinner is not the "optimal" choice and doesn't work for everyone.

[AOIIBrandi]

In a word no, but I am basing this on my chapter when I was active. It would not have happened, and if it did by mistake (and was found out) then she would not have been initiated.

[CarolinaCutie]

Leaving your infant at daycare because you are working to make money to support your family = OK.

Leaving your infant at daycare because you are going bowling with a fraternity = not OK.

Maybe it's easier to be in some of your sororities... but I can't imagine trying to be an active member while managing an infant. Although I still think it would awkward and hard to manage, I can potentially see having a sister with an older child. But, in case some of you have forgotten, when your 9 months of pregnancy are over, the end result is a NEWBORN who needs loads of care. And while I realize that there are many different family situations, I don't support leaving your child with alternate care while you have your many hours a week of sorority fun time.

Edited to add: I don't think this is a subject about which you can make a definite decision. I feel like all of the pieces should be carefully examined before you can make a choice. But I'd have to say, there would have to be some serious extenuating circumstances for me to be into it...

[Little E]

I would like to echo the sentiment posted earlier. Our organizations were fought for by our founders. Our founders were often women who were ahead of their time by entering college when it was still a boys club. Again, women fought for the right to vote and be equal in the eyes of the law.

I do not think a chapter should be deciding for a woman if she can or cannot handle the membership requirements. Unless you carry her burden, you do not make her decisions.

I am suprised that so many college educated women are willing to discriminate based on someone's parental status. I do think women should be given every opportunity to do things. Would a fraternity discriminate against a man with a child. You know that answer is NO. So why do we? Do we honestly think that a woman who is choosing to raise a child cannot make this decision for herself?

If this was put to me, and I thought the woman would make a great sister by personality, presentation, academic excellence, etc I would give her a bid. It is not for me to decide FOR her. If she expressed interest, then the decision would be up to her.

[jhujenn]

Maybe I'm just naive and don't get it, but why can't you take your child with you to sisterhood things? I mean I know that I am attempting to joina sorority through AI so I don't claim to know "how much time" a collegiate sorority experience requires. I am the member of a professional GLO and I do hold a couple of offices with my chapter and my four month old son goes to all of the events with me. He's actually going to my Provincial meeting this weekend with me. Now I am 26 and work full time so no I'm not an undergrad, I'm a part-time grad student, but I just don't see why you can't take your child to things with you. That's just my thought though.

[KSUViolet06]

I would say no, if the person was planning on keeping and raising the infant. Let's be real. Our New Member semester is busy. I honestly couldn't see it. If it could be done at your school, good for you, but it just wouldn't work here. I couldn't even fathom someone even having rushing THAT high on their list of priorities while pregnant. It takes a great deal of money to prepare for a baby, and to be honest, I think your child should be higher priority than paying new member dues.

Also, being a new member may potentially put the mom in an awkward position like, leaving the baby with a sitter 3 nights a week to go to chapter, new member meeting, and a recruitment meeting, and THEN leaving him/her on Friday night for a mixer.

And I agree that leaving child to WORK and support them is OK.

Leaving them for the Sigma Nu foam party on Friday night is NOT OK.

[AGDee]

How much time it requires varies greatly by chapter, college and the individual. For some commuter campuses, it is simply an hour long meeting a week, plus a few philanthropies a semester, with maybe two socials and two sisterhoods a semester. If you held an exec office like Treasurer, then it's like having an additional class. The week of Recruitment and Initiation take up a lot more time, possibly 8-10 hours a week. Are there women who spend more time than that on their sorority? Absolutely. But, to do the "minimum" doesn't have to be that time consuming.

For those who say that a woman shouldn't have a babysitter while they go do something social... Does that include all the married people who hire a babysitter to go to dinner and a movie? To bowl on their bowling league? Who utilize the babysitting services at the gym to work out? Let's be real here. Parents don't stop having social lives when they have kids. I have friends who left their kids with grandparents while they went on a vacation with their husband to Hawaii or on cruises, and the kids are not damaged by it.

Dee

[KSUViolet06]

Originally posted by AGDee
How much time it requires varies greatly by chapter, college and the individual. For some commuter campuses, it is simply an hour long meeting a week, plus a few philanthropies a semester, with maybe two socials and two sisterhoods a semester. If you held an exec office like Treasurer, then it's like having an additional class. The week of Recruitment and Initiation take up a lot more time, possibly 8-10 hours a week. Are there women who spend more time than that on their sorority? Absolutely. But, to do the "minimum" doesn't have to be that time consuming.

Dee

I guess it all comes down to whether chapter wants a woman who could very well only do the "minimum" level of participation.

[TheEpitome1920]

If you are pregnant why would you want to pledge? Or do you mean someone gets pregnant why going through membership intake??

[Rudey]

Originally posted by TheEpitome1920
If you are pregnant why would you want to pledge? Or do you mean someone gets pregnant why going through membership intake??

I think a lot of guys would get the freshmen girls preggers if the fascist government wouldn't make them pay child support.

-Rudey
--Spread your seed gentlemen.