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  #16  
Old 09-01-2021, 09:30 AM
DGTess DGTess is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by andthen View Post
Even though some posters on this thread might be upset these women are airing their grievances to the media, while this might be a small group I am sure there are plenty of others who have had negative experiences. The bottom line is there is so much room to make changes and provide a safe and welcoming experience for every member.
Agreed.

What I see is that some are reacting not to the content of the DEI messages but to the transmission of those messages they perceive to have overtaken everything else in their sorority experience.

What's a real tragedy is that we got to 2021 before anyone woke up.
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  #17  
Old 09-01-2021, 10:29 AM
TXDG TXDG is offline
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Originally Posted by carnation View Post
Adults need to learn to speak up My daughters and I talked a lot about the racism and sexism they would face when they went to college. I told them it's not right to not speak up and then suddenly go raving to the media years later.
Again, just using the example in the article: what would you tell your {black} daughter to do if her Chapter President gave her the “token black girl” Award in front of the entire chapter? Who exactly would you tell he to speak up to????

I don’t blame that member one iota for quitting and going to the press. Giving out an award like that would confirm every fear she probably had about why she got a bid from that chapter.

Last edited by TXDG; 09-01-2021 at 10:38 AM.
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  #18  
Old 09-01-2021, 12:41 PM
navane navane is offline
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Originally Posted by carnation View Post
Adults need to learn to speak up My daughters and I talked a lot about the racism and sexism they would face when they went to college. I told them it's not right to not speak up and then suddenly go raving to the media years later.
Respectfully, it was attempted to be addressed by a couple of the women in the article. Here:


Quote:
When Alex, whose name has been changed to protect her anonymity, entered one sorority house during recruitment week, she said she heard women whisper, “I’m kind of upset that the Black girl didn’t drop.”

She said her sorority sisters referred to her as “that Black girl” constantly throughout her three-year membership from 2014 to 2017. When she emailed the sorority’s president detailing her experiences with her sisters and asking to be treated with respect, the sorority president responded with an email (which BuzzFeed News reviewed) five days later, where she apologized for her late reply but not for the members’ actions.

Instead, she asked for the women’s names so she could talk to them. Alex didn’t think the response sufficed, so she didn’t bring up the issue again.

In another example given in the article, a [white] member heard another saying something inappropriate. She says she spoke up to her chapter/board and nothing was done. Here:


Quote:
Mackenna, who declined to give her last name, recalled one sorority activity, where she said she heard her sorority sister say that her favorite thing to do with her dad was drive through poor neighborhoods and watch the “porch monkeys.” Mackenna claims she told board members and was “vocal” about how wrong it was, but nothing was done.

I can understand the pushback on DEI as going through change is uncomfortable. I understand that many feel that some of the new policies (legacy consideration removed, rec letters eliminated) have gone too far. I can understand that the lack of consideration for alumnae voices when adjusting those policies caused a lot of hurt and anger. I can understand why some members might feel irritated that their HQs are issuing "word salad" statements that are seen as performative at best. Understandable.

Though, I think we would benefit from separating the various aspects that comprise DEI and not lump the whole thing together. As a white conservative woman myself, I cannot wholesale dismiss the experiences of my sisters who say that they felt marginalized and can cite specific examples or events and even show proof in writing. Ok, I get that we might be mad about legacy status being taken away etc; but, surely none of us are going to endorse that it's ok to call a sister "token black girl" or to call others "porch monkeys". Right?
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  #19  
Old 09-01-2021, 12:50 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
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Originally Posted by TXDG View Post
Again, just using the example in the article: what would you tell your {black} daughter to do if her Chapter President gave her the “token black girl” Award in front of the entire chapter? Who exactly would you tell he to speak up to????

I don’t blame that member one iota for quitting and going to the press. Giving out an award like that would confirm every fear she probably had about why she got a bid from that chapter.
I would hope she’d feel comfortable enough with her sisters that she would have stood up and said “are you f&#%ing even kidding me?”

And if she didn’t, I would hope there was someone else in the chapter who would have realized how messed up that was who would.

I know this might seem picayune, but I wonder if these “awards” were voted on by the whole chapter or just made up by one person. What kind of awards did the rest of the chapter members get?
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  #20  
Old 09-01-2021, 12:53 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
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I also wonder how large these chapters are and if the women all even know each other’s names.
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  #21  
Old 09-01-2021, 05:29 PM
aggieAXO aggieAXO is offline
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Originally Posted by 33girl View Post
I would hope she’d feel comfortable enough with her sisters that she would have stood up and said “are you f&#%ing even kidding me?”

?
I would not expect someone that may have just joined to feel that comfortable with her sisters, at least I would not be.
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  #22  
Old 09-01-2021, 10:19 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
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I didn’t see anything that said she had just joined when the “award” occurred.

And of course, this is the problem with Buzzfeed. They pick out the most shocking parts of something and are way short on the context.
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  #23  
Old 09-02-2021, 01:01 PM
Low D Flat Low D Flat is offline
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I can't imagine any circumstances where it ought to be the black person's job to educate others that calling her a "token" is insulting. If she wants to speak up about it, fine. But I don't see the parallel to a spouse's annoying habit that they couldn't know was a problem unless they were told. Calling someone a token is objectively wrong. All young adults can and should know that it's wrong.
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  #24  
Old 09-05-2021, 09:34 PM
NoID NoID is offline
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Originally Posted by TXDG View Post
Could not disagree with you more. It is NOT the responsibility of a black (or any non-white) new member to educate the entire chapter on why it’s racist and disrespectful to give her a “token black girl” award, to use the n-word or other racial slurs, to dress in black face, etc. Just using examples the women interviewed cited from their sorority experiences. Really? It’s THEIR fault for having to address the fact that being called “that black girl” or “n-word” bothers hurt, hurts her, and makes her feel excluded and unwanted as a member?? You’re blaming the victim?!

How about chapters need to be including diversity & inclusion programming every single semester so that all sisters are aware of their own biases and possible racist behavior / thoughts, so that they can not only be good citizens of the world, but allies to all women - especially any women of color in their chapter or who may pledge in their future. I am not calling all sorority women racist - not at all. Many thousands of allies are in houses and alumnae groups all over the country, they need to stand strong with courage and demand appropriate programming and education and model what it is to be an ally.

You and your 20-50+ year alumnae friends need to take a hard look in the mirror at yourselves if you’re the ones actively campaigning against diversity & inclusion initiatives. I know I see the comments on DG’s Facebook page. If you are engaging in the sort of racist behavior shown to the women in this article, then yes YOU DO NEED TO CHANGE TO SUIT THEM.
It is, then, not incumbent on me, a white woman, to take responsibility for noting when another assumes I'm a racist bitch and insists the remedy is to attend reeducation camp. What's good for the goose is good for the gander - as my feminist side admits.
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  #25  
Old 09-05-2021, 09:57 PM
carnation carnation is offline
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I would refuse to attend re-education classes as well. I never engaged in racist behavior, nor did any sisters I knew of, and these classes would not have gone over.

I've heard about one former NPC member who has gone viral with her complaints about her chapter. I have also read comments from many of her ex-sisters who have given up on trying to refute her claims. This is quite a liberal chapter, so to speak, and no one remembers any racist behavior or even microaggressions in the house. At this point, most think she is grabbing for her 15 minutes of fame.
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  #26  
Old 09-06-2021, 06:20 AM
SquirrelyDays SquirrelyDays is offline
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I think the challenge is that those in the majority often do not know that their behaviors are in fact hurtful. I do take the time to educate myself because I very much want to avoid unknowingly causing pain to my Sisters. It’s worth the time, to me, to try to make sure everyone is comfortable in my org and not quietly hurting.
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  #27  
Old 09-06-2021, 09:06 AM
carnation carnation is offline
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I think you would find that a lot of college students are hurting for various reasons.
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  #28  
Old 09-06-2021, 01:00 PM
*winter* *winter* is offline
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I feel like “they don’t know any better” is just a tired excuse. It’s 2021. We all know what’s offensive and what’s not. First of all, it’s college- so if you don’t know already, educate yourself, because the world (and your future workplace) are bigger than your small town. Secondly- a lot of these girls who make this claim come from really privileged families. While I’m not implying that a privileged person can’t be racist, these ARE people who adhere to social graces and society rules (at least on the outside). If you grew up knowing which fork to use and learning etiquette, then you know enough to not use certain words, even in a joking manner. I feel like it’s precisely privilege that enables their behavior- they don’t care if someone is offended. Like the whole “I tel it like it is and if you don’t like it, you’re a snowflake” mentality.

I’m pretty far from being a racist, but if I had to attend a diversity workshop, I would go and see if I could learn anything. To me, as someone in the social work field, I’m always learning new things about people, sociology and how people want to be treated. If nothing else, i would be supporting the sisters who felt offended. Part of my role as a white person isn’t just to not offend anyone, but to speak out and support those who are bothered, especially if they’re my sisters.
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  #29  
Old 09-06-2021, 02:10 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
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This generation has grown up with not having to listen to or watch anything they aren’t interested in. I mean, I had 4 channels on tv growing up (and sometimes not even that, depending on weather). At some point I was going to run into The Jeffersons or Sanford and Son. Nowadays, lots of people don’t even watch broadcast tv - they pick and choose what they want from Netflix, Hulu, YouTube, TikTok. If they don’t want to be exposed to people who don’t look and act like them, they don’t have to be. Same with music.

You can teach kids in school, but if they come home and hear the opposite, how much of a dent will it make? (I’m thinking of the dinner scene in American History X.) If it’s a white teacher reading from a book to a 100% white class, it’s probably going to seem as real and immediate to them as the Revolutionary War does.

None of this is an excuse, but it’s very easy to see how narrow mindedness and just plain ignorance happens. We’re dividing into smaller and smaller factions every day.
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  #30  
Old 09-06-2021, 03:53 PM
carnation carnation is offline
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Originally Posted by *winter* View Post
I feel like “they don’t know any better” is just a tired excuse. It’s 2021. We all know what’s offensive and what’s not.
This is my point. It's 2021 and we do know better, although some people may choose to gloss over that and act like they want--and I'm not just talking about racism either.

Requiring re-education workshops? Sounds like the Pol Pot regime in Cambodia.
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