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  #1  
Old 12-31-2011, 12:53 AM
jen72 jen72 is offline
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thinking of dropping..advice please!!

okay so i am in a sorority, i don't want to say where or which one because i am thinking of dropping. I am freshman and just got initiated this past semester. I was really excited about going greek and had an amazing rush and got the sorority i wanted, but i just don't feel like I've found anyone in my sorority who i get along with really well. Ive gone to all the events and what not. I know the girls in my pledge class don't purposely leave me out but thats how i feel. In high school i always had a close group of friends and its weird now. I dread having to go to anything with my sorority because i don't even feel welcome. One of my sisters even deleted my comment i left her on her fb page telling her i missed her! I know i haven't been in it long so hopefully it will get better. Also after like the first week of being in the sorority some of the older sisters started talking trash about my friend whose also in the sorority..yeah not to sisterly if you ask me. ugh idk what to do! i really like the idea of being in a sorority but its just not working out the way id thought it would. should i drop?
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  #2  
Old 12-31-2011, 01:15 AM
Psi U MC Vito Psi U MC Vito is offline
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You have been in for only a few weeks. It's not going to be OMG BFF! It takes work like iwth any other relationships. Have you tried asking individual sisters to do stuff? You get in good with one person and then they include you in their group. And as for the talking trash, drama will happen with any group of people. And sadly, it seems pretty sisterly to me. As long as they aren't spreading it among outsiders, it is what it is, family drama.
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  #3  
Old 12-31-2011, 01:18 AM
DeltaBetaBaby DeltaBetaBaby is offline
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Do a search. You will find that your situation is EXTREMELY common, and many women stick it out to later realize that dropping would have been a terrible decision.
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  #4  
Old 12-31-2011, 01:20 AM
jen72 jen72 is offline
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Yes, I've tried asking the girls to do stuff. I was hanging out with this one girl but now she's like always with another girl from our sorority and they leave me out..ive tried! and yeah thats true about the whole family drama but still it was my first week in the sorority and it just didn't make a very good first impression on me when the first thing they did was talk bad about another sister! Idk sometimes i just think i made a mistake and should have gone with another sorority. but thanks for your help so much! and anyone else with advice please feel free to tell me it haha! thanks <3
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  #5  
Old 12-31-2011, 02:13 AM
33girl 33girl is offline
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You're initiated. You cannot ever be in another sorority. Try to make this one work.

All sororities have internecine shit talking, fighting etc. It's normal. Going with another sorority would not eliminate this. I'm sorry your friend is having issues with sisters or they with her, but don't make her problems yours. You are not her guardian/keeper/mother.

If you walk about with a chip on your shoulder, it will show. Try going back next semester with a fresh outlook.
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  #6  
Old 12-31-2011, 10:04 AM
FSUZeta FSUZeta is offline
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volunteer to be on a committee-working with a small group of sisters on a project can be a great way to get to know sisters better that you might not otherwise get to know well. you may discover something in common with someone you never thought you would hit it off with.

talk to your new member coordinator/pledge trainer/pledge mom, or your big sister, or the president. let someone know that you are feeling isolated. if your sorority has a house that serves meals, go to as many meals as you can. go out of your way to talk to sisters at lunch/dinner.

rush your sisters. do you remember girls you met during recruitment that were especially adept at making you feel welcome and that they were interested in what you had to say? try to emulate them when you talk to your sisters. it can help break the ice and lead to a more down to earth conversation.

i don't know how many times we gcers have advised posters that they will feel more a part of things when they live in the chapter house, but 9 times out of 10, it is true.

even though i was a true freshman(18 years old) when i pledged, i felt a stronger connection with the seniors in my chapter than i did with the girls in my pledge class. it happens sometime.
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Last edited by FSUZeta; 12-31-2011 at 10:06 AM.
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  #7  
Old 12-31-2011, 10:26 AM
jen72 jen72 is offline
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umm i know I'm not her guardian or mother, and i deff wouldnt want to be. i also know i can't be in another sorority, i never said i wanted to go through rush again because i know its impossible. alllll i was saying is that it didn't put off a good first impression for the VERY first time i hungout with all of them, and it also put me in a awkward position because it was my friend they were talking about which add on to me feeling isolated. I understand that being in a sorority with a big group of girls that they are not going to get along 24/7 and thats normal, i don't care for every girl in my sorority but if i stick with my sorority i am sure as heck not going to talk badly of the other sisters in front of our very new little babies. thanks
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  #8  
Old 12-31-2011, 10:27 AM
jen72 jen72 is offline
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FSUzata, thanks so much! i appreciate your advice and will deff try the things you suggested. thanks
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  #9  
Old 12-31-2011, 12:08 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jen72 View Post
umm i know I'm not her guardian or mother, and i deff wouldnt want to be. i also know i can't be in another sorority, i never said i wanted to go through rush again because i know its impossible. alllll i was saying is that it didn't put off a good first impression for the VERY first time i hungout with all of them, and it also put me in a awkward position because it was my friend they were talking about which add on to me feeling isolated. I understand that being in a sorority with a big group of girls that they are not going to get along 24/7 and thats normal, i don't care for every girl in my sorority but if i stick with my sorority i am sure as heck not going to talk badly of the other sisters in front of our very new little babies. thanks
I'm sure there are people who had a bad first impression of you who got over it. Try to do the same and quit dwelling on it. Do these sisters treat your friend badly to her face? There may also be things going on that you know nothing about.

I won't start on the babies thing, it takes different strokes to make the world.
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  #10  
Old 12-31-2011, 06:21 PM
DubaiSis DubaiSis is offline
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Unfortunately, when rush is over a lot of the sisters forget all the etiquette rules they lived for the last week or so. I think it comes off as even worse to pledges who see it because your impression of these girls is perfect flawless never a negative moment objects to be idolized. They gave you that impression on purpose and then as soon as the veil comes down it turns out they're real girls with real problems and real flaws.

Now it's true that you may have pledged a sorority full of bitches, but probably not. You just need to find your niche. It sounds like you are in a fairly large chapter. Keep working at it, find new girls to hang with, get involved in some committees, and I'd really say if you can live in next fall don't make any decisions until you've lived in for at least 1 semester. I know that's a long time from now, but hold out, keep working at it and maybe things will get better. Chances are you are just having the Unicorns Pooping Rainbows problem, in that there's none of that in real life.
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  #11  
Old 01-01-2012, 10:50 AM
AXOrushadvisor AXOrushadvisor is offline
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It sounds like you have had some questions from early in the membership process. Sorority life is not for every one. Sorority membership is for life. I have met more then one person my age (hitting 50 with a short stick) that wish they hadn't resigned in college. There are so many opportunities with Greek Life for networking and social activities as an adult. I live in a different state then where I went to school and most of my adult friends I met through the local alumni group.

Are you required to live in a house? I would definitely grab a spot because that is the easiest way to really get to know your sisters. I will also tell you that there are nice girls mean girls, bitchy girls, girls who don't give a crap in every Chapter. When you get that many girls together you tend to get a mixed bag.

Stick with it.
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  #12  
Old 01-01-2012, 11:20 AM
KDCat KDCat is offline
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You haven't given this experience enough time. You should wait until at least the end of your sophomore year. You haven't been through recruitment with your sisters yet and you haven't had the opportunity to bring in a new group of sisters.

Recruitment was a big bonding time for my chapter. I got closer to a lot of people during those two weeks. Bringing in new sisters is an opportunity to help shape the sisterhood that you want.

Between those two things, it's very possible that you'll feel different in a few months.

I know "next year' seems like forever right now, but seriously, it's only 4 and a half months until finals and summer break. Then you're off for the summer and will come back for recruitment. It's not that long to wait to see if your feelings about it change.

You sound like you're feeling a little lonely and homesick in college. That's pretty normal. You're away from home and away from your established social groups. Quitting your sorority is not going to make you feel less lonely.
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  #13  
Old 01-01-2012, 11:44 AM
KSUViolet06 KSUViolet06 is offline
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Good read:

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=112091

Also, I will tell you that I've never heard anyone say "Gee I'm so glad I dropped my sorority after like 4 weeks" but I have heard plenty of people say "I'm so glad I stuck with it" or "I totally regret quitting and should have given it more time."
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  #14  
Old 01-01-2012, 01:49 PM
agdmeg agdmeg is offline
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My Experience

I'll tell you a little about my experience, in hopes that it might help you with yours.

I was in my sorority for a whole year, having the time of my life, dating someone in a fraternity who was close friends with many of my sisters as well. I loved life... until that certain boy broke up with me. My sisters disowned me, listening to everything that guy said about me; everything was untrue, but they refused to believe me. No one would talk to me, and I grew extremely depressed and didn't want anything to do with my sorority. I tried everything: apologizing to the girls who believed I'd done some wrong to them, talking with the President of our sorority, etc. I decided to talk to our Chapter Advisor, and went early alum on terms of "extenuating circumstances."

A few months after I went alum, my sisters, who had previously been my best friends, began reaching out to me to try to include me again. They'd realized that what had happened had just all been a big mistake that had gotten blown out of proportion. I try to be involved with the sorority whenever I can. Sure, there is still one girl -out of 40some- who won't speak to me, but the rest are my sisters and stand by me - how they should.

Moral of the story is, like my grandmother always told me, "this too shall pass." I know it's really difficult when it seems like everyone is against you and you feel you aren't being included, but please, give it time. I don't want you to disaffiliate. At the time, it was the right thing for me to do, but you're a new sorority member. You have another 3.5 years ahead of you!! And I promise you, you will form inseparable bonds with your sisters in those years. Keep your chin up, because things will get better. Yes, at times you will get sick of the drama that's there, but there's drama in any friendship between girls at one point or another. Just keep trying and don't give up. At the end of your college career, you'll look back on this and laugh, knowing that you'd be lost without your sorority, because you'd formed so many friendships and memories with them.
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  #15  
Old 01-01-2012, 03:29 PM
sdtennisgal sdtennisgal is offline
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Jen: I think you have gotten some great advice on here, and I think KDCat probably made a great diagnosis that a lot of what you are feeling is general homesickness, etc. All of us went through it in one form or another. Unfortunately, a lot of girls think that joining a sorority will create an "instant home away from home."

Some of the best advice given was GET INVOLVED. Volunteer for something you are interested in within the sorority, or even something you have never had any interest in before to expand your horizons. For me, the closest friends I developed in college where those who I ended up working with on something, as challenges and common experiences bring people together. I think you will see the same will be true for your overall college experience as well (when you go from large lecture classes to smaller classes in your major you will start bonding more and more with your fellow students).

We have all been there in one form or another. Hang in there!
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