Rush - What to NOT do or say

[knight_shadow]

outsider's perspective/

Wouldn't it be more ideal to say something like "I really think you ladies are amazing. I love the way you all seem to get along. Seeing you is making me excited about my recruitment experience."

It shows interest without being creepy.

/outsider's perspective

[DeltaBetaBaby]

I lived with two women from another chapter my senior year, and absolutely we talked. Mostly it was about blatantly rude PNM's and things like that, though.

PNM's should react to the situation. If you are preffed by someone with whom you have built a relationship during recruitment (or knew before recruitment), and she says something like "I'd love to see you here on bid day", of course you can respond in kind.

If, OTOH, your rusher is saying things like "I hope you've enjoyed recruitment", than saying "this is my favorite house!!!" is going to be a little creepy.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

outsider's perspective/

Wouldn't it be more ideal to say something like "I really think you ladies are amazing. I love the way you all seem to get along. Seeing you is making me excited about my recruitment experience."

It shows interest without being creepy.

/outsider's perspective

It's a bit formal and prepared, but yeah. It's just that this, unlike some things that are universally major faux pas, is very much a judgment call. And even someone who comes across as overly enthusiastic is probably likely to be given the benefit of the doubt. There's no perfect answer.

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

It's a bit formal and prepared, but yeah. It's just that this, unlike some things that are universally major faux pas, is very much a judgment call. And even someone who comes across as overly enthusiastic is probably likely to be given the benefit of the doubt. There's no perfect answer.

Got it.

Clearly, I'm still learning about NPC and its nuances

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I lived with two women from another chapter my senior year, and absolutely we talked. Mostly it was about blatantly rude PNM's and things like that, though.

PNM's should react to the situation. If you are preffed by someone with whom you have built a relationship during recruitment (or knew before recruitment), and she says something like "I'd love to see you here on bid day", of course you can respond in kind.

If, OTOH, your rusher is saying things like "I hope you've enjoyed recruitment", than saying "this is my favorite house!!!" is going to be a little creepy.

Yeah it's not that we never talked at all, it's just that talking about Suzy PNM saying we were her favorite would never have occurred to us. What conversation did happen was more "LOL can you believe X" and "I'm so effing tired."

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

Got it.

Clearly, I'm still learning about NPC and its nuances

Nah you're fine, I just don't picture your average 18 year old saying exactly what you said

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Except I disagree. I think PNMs should use their own judgement. If they really do ONLY want XYZ then saying that is probably fine earlier. A more benign statement about XYZ being their favorite even if they're still interested in other chapters is also probably fine earlier.

I don't think there's a bottom line that we all agree on, nor will there be.

As I've said before, if a girl only wants one group, that's one thing. But the vast majority of PNMs are better off being open minded. This is why it's a good idea to keep an open mind and present an open minded view to chapters until pref. If on pref night she knows she wants XYZ so badly that she'll list them first or even suicide, there's no point in holding that back. If she says that same thing on night 1 there is definitely the possibility that she'll be dropped from other sororities on campus who don't want to waste space on her, and then she's pigeonholed, or worse gets dropped from recruitment. Therefore it's IMO a really bad idea to make it known that Polly PNM only wants XYZ until she's had the time to at least see the other options...unless she wants to take that gamble (or really is fine with having XYZ or nothing at all, in which case, go for it).

Of course "I really like it here"/"I feel at home here"/"I really like your chapter" are nice and much more general things to say that show genuine interest without making actives think that is the only option Polly is considering.

[SWTXBelle]

It seems to me that everyone is assuming that the actives in a chapter will know both where the pnm ranked them, and where the chapter ranked her (Bid list #1 or #2). Is that often the case? In my experience, only a few actives and alumnae know how the chips fall . . . which is good. No new member should have a "Bid list #2" label pinned on her, nor should a chapter know if it was not the new member's first choice.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Yeah it's not that we never talked at all, it's just that talking about Suzy PNM saying we were her favorite would never have occurred to us. What conversation did happen was more "LOL can you believe X" and "I'm so effing tired."

Yes, but if you tell more than one chapter that they are your absolute favorite...well...that could get around.

[SWTXBelle]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Yes, but if you tell more than one chapter that they are your absolute favorite...well...that could get around.

Eh - it could well be that in the heat of the moment at pref that chapter WAS your absolute favorite. Many a mind has been changed during pref - heck, many a mind has been changed whilst the pnm stared at that preference ranking form.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Eh - it could well be that in the heat of the moment at pref that chapter WAS your absolute favorite. Many a mind has been changed during pref - heck, many a mind has been changed whilst the pnm stared at that preference ranking form.

After my first pref party I was 90% sure, truly, that I would list them first. I then went to the second and suicided for my organization. I've watched a ton of PNMs pull the exact same thing. That's why I personally caution against saying for certain Polly PNM only wants XYZ...because minds can change so easily. At least once she makes it to pref, saying XYZ is her favorite is very unlikely to effect her chances if she does change her mind right before she signs the card.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

Of course "I really like it here"/"I feel at home here"/"I really like your chapter" are nice and much more general things to say that show genuine interest without making actives think that is the only option Polly is considering.

Of course, I was only pointing out that there was no 'bottom line' at all. It's a pure judgment call. One person's "totally safe" is another person's "not really interested." Just like one person's "showing sincere interest" is another person's "OMG FREAK."

There's not a universal consensus on the topic.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

It seems to me that everyone is assuming that the actives in a chapter will know both where the pnm ranked them, and where the chapter ranked her (Bid list #1 or #2). Is that often the case? In my experience, only a few actives and alumnae know how the chips fall . . . which is good. No new member should have a "Bid list #2" label pinned on her, nor should a chapter know if it was not the new member's first choice.

Yeah the average chapter member would probably be capable of knowing where the PNM is on their bid list, but they'd have to be doing it themselves during MS. That would be nearly impossible and highly unlikely. They wouldn't know where the PNM ranked them unless she told them and was honest about it.

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Yes, but if you tell more than one chapter that they are your absolute favorite...well...that could get around.

Yeah and that would probably happen early on, "we had a girl tell us we were her favorite after the first night!" "Really? We did too, and so did OPQ." "Wait was it So-and-so with the yellow dress?" "YES! OMG"
Actives have their own favorites and can probably figure out who any particular PNM is with effort, but off the top of their head there are probably very few PNMs being talked about in detail with other chapters, and many who they won't recall the names of until later rounds just due to shear numbers.

[AnchorAlumna]

Along the lines of cleaning up your Facebook profile and/or locking it up....I recently looked up a PNM and she had her page locked....not unusual. I do hate it though...she could have at least put up a flattering profile pic and left something - high school or something - so you can tell she's the "Jenn Johnson from Podunk High going to Big State U."

HOWEVER...searching her name on Google turned up where she posted on a page for people searching for dorm roommates at Big State. There is a list of questions that each person answers. Some of her answers were....ahem...interesting.
Example:

"Party or study? PARTAY.....HELLL YEAH!!!!!!

Not that big a deal....it was her other more explicit, even more illuminating answers that raised the eyebrows.
OTHO....go ahead and leave it up, girly....nobody will know!!
Right.

[thetaj]

LOL @ "Podunk High"

I only use the word "podunk" to describe my mother's hometown in Alabama lol