Silence Rules

[austingammaphi]

My friends and I are having some disagreement about silence rules during recruitment for alumnae mothers whose daughters are going through on a campus without Mom's sorority. Some say communication is okay, since Mom has no influence at any of the houses, and others say that while technically it's not okay, how are you going to enforce it in the 21st century? Does anyone have specific knowledge of the rules at UT-Austin, and what is the general thinking about silence rules in the age of social media?

[Sciencewoman]

Silence is most strictly observed on pref night, so that PNMs can sign their cards without undue influence...sometimes phones are confiscated. I think if you respect that, you're probably OK. The rest of recruitment is less restrictive...rules may vary from campus to campus, but it seems like moms and PNMs can stay in touch until pref, if that's what the daughter wants.

I'm sure UT's rule for this will be shared with the PNMs.

[FSUZeta]

This was not at UT Austin, but I let my daughter set the communication boundaries when she rushed. She would call or text when she wAs able and when she felt the need. She did not need the added stress of me demanding to know how her day went, if she liked her legacy house, what she thought of the ABCs.

[pmdal]

austingammaphi - are you asking about silence for PNM's or alumnae?

[rockwallgreek]

When my four daughter's went through recruitment at a small Texas school, I was their mom first. #s 1,3 and four were all cool. Yes, there was and is a legacy chapter. I would bluntly ask if they wanted a Panhellenic answer or a mom answer.... Sometimes those two were different. #2 daughter was very swayed by a fraternity's POV and only spoke to dad during recruitment. In they end, we are all Alpha Gams. I certainly did not hear anything about "silence" for moms and I was serving As a member of the Volunteer Service Team at the time. Still am.

[austingammaphi]

pmdal, when I went through at UT, PNMs could pretty much only talk to non-alumnae women and each other during recruitment--alumnae were off-limits to avoid any possible relaying of information, opinions, and unofficial preferences between PNMs and chapters. Now, the only mention I've seen for this fall has been strict silence between final prefs and bid distribution, but I'm told that contact between PNMs and alums is still discouraged during the week.

What some are wondering is, if a girl's mom's sorority isn't on campus, is talking to Mom frowned upon? I'm pretty sure it's okay (of course, with daughter taking the lead, FSUZeta!), but nobody wants to jeopardize our girls' chances...

[Katmandu]

When I went through rush in the Pleistocene era, silence was very strictly enforced. It could be then. Now it can't. My god daughter communicated with her mom at SEC recruitment. As some noted above, they go from pref parties to signing bid cards with no communication, but between earlier rounds, there were texts, a few calls. They are exhausted in a big recruitment, so not a lot of chit chat but not silence. Can't wait to hear how your daughters recruitment unfolds, and way cool about the international Pres rec!!

[Sciencewoman]

Originally Posted by austingammaphi

pmdal Now, the only mention I've seen for this fall has been strict silence between final prefs and bid distribution, but I'm told that contact between PNMs and alums is still discouraged during the week.

What some are wondering is, if a girl's mom's sorority isn't on campus, is talking to Mom frowned upon? I'm pretty sure it's okay (of course, with daughter taking the lead, FSUZeta!), but nobody wants to jeopardize our girls' chances...

I don't think that any PNM's chances would be jeopardized by talking privately with her mom, whether mom has a chapter of her sorority on campus or not. I'm assuming the sororities aren't bugging phones! Is the silence question really a mom-to-mom question, rather than a daughter-to-mom question? Is there concern some mom may report back to her chapter after she hears from other moms what their daughters are saying about her chapter?

[austingammaphi]

Panhellenic doesn't want alums bothering the chapters any more than usual during recruitment, or influencing PNMs by engaging them in conversation about one house or another. I've never really heard anything about moms contacting alums about their daughter's experience while recruitment is under way, but I can see how that would be a concern (although there's absolutely no way to control that).

My daughter already knows that I don't expect to hear from her during recruitment week. Of the five houses that family members belonged to, she's a direct legacy to only one, although my mom did write her a lovely letter of introduction for her house, which doesn't recognize granddaughters any more as legacies. My sister-in-law's house is particularly legacy-heavy at UT, so despite her lovely intro letter, daughter doesn't expect to be high enough on their list to get very far. She made a lot of friends during orientation, and they've been grouptexting ever since, so she knows she'll have a good group of people to hang with regardless of how recruitment goes, and she's looking forward to making dorm friends as well. I'm really not that worried about her--she's grown up watching me represent our group in Panhellenic and writing recs and letters for Austin girls, and she has a pretty clear idea of what she's getting into.

[Ladybugmom]

I would say that almost 100% of my daughter's friends were in touch with their moms during the week of recruitment. With that being said, some girls might get more upset if they talk to mom and others might be comforted and "talked off the ledge" by mom. I guess it just depends on their relationship. One great way to convey the daily party list is to have your daughter take a picture of her schedule and text it to you. That way you know where she is going at least.

I have worked in the kitchen at my daughter's house every year during recruitment and most would be floored at how many calls we get from alumna regarding specific girls.

[NWGreek]

Not sure if this is the precise spot to ask this question. But here it is: daughter won't start her own rush for a few more weeks but is going to another school to visit a high school friend who has started school already. She will certainly be seeing other former classmates who are in sororities and fraternities at this other school. Is this problematic? I have advised her to be unobtrusive but she won't just sit in the dorm for 2 days.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by NWGreek

Not sure if this is the precise spot to ask this question. But here it is: daughter won't start her own rush for a few more weeks but is going to another school to visit a high school friend who has started school already. She will certainly be seeing other former classmates who are in sororities and fraternities at this other school. Is this problematic? I have advised her to be unobtrusive but she won't just sit in the dorm for 2 days.

Tell her to keep it all off of social media.

[33girl]

^^And to make sure she has her settings so that no one can tag her without her permission.

[NWGreek]

all good advice - I am such a non-tech/media person I didn't even know you could make your self "un-tag-able."

[aephi alum]

Times have certainly changed. Back in the day, every dorm room at my school had a phone line, and students got codes that we had to enter before making long-distance calls. Now, students are expected to bring their own cell phones - no landlines in the dorms.

I don't know if cell phones are confiscated during strict silence these days. My WAG is that they are not - what if a PNM had a sick family member? - but PNMs are likely under strict orders not to discuss recruitment.