RFM question now that bid day is here

[DGTess]

Originally Posted by HQWest

This is putting the cart before the horse because it sounds like she still has a round or two to go yet so you may be worrying too much?

But if she has three pref invitations and she only lists 1 & 2 - because she really just CANNOT SEE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES that she could be happy or make friends with the 200 or so women in #3 - then she is not eligible for a quota addition.

Is this a school with 200-woman chapters? Yes, a woman can usually find friends among 200. It may be quite different with 70-woman chapters.

[DubaiSis]

I would strongly suggest she accept what she's given and really give it a shot. Rush is such a bubble and all this ranking makes it seem like there really is a right and wrong answer. In real life do you rank your friends from best to worst? Once rush is over and she starts meeting girls, even in a chapter she may have to grudgingly accept she will likely make plenty of friends. However, she does have to TRY. It doesn't happen magically, and if you read through posts here you will find as many where a girl got her dream chapter and is disenchanted as the girl who got stuck with her last choice and is disenchanted. The term we call it here is Unicorns Pooping Rainbows syndrome. The girls think there is some magical perfect answer. The day after rush, the members go back to their lives; the singing stops, the tear-filled hellos and goodbyes stop, and it can really seem like it was all a lie.

The purpose of rush, and sorority membership for that matter is to make FRIENDS. That is not instant, and except for the snarkiest among us, you are not choosing your friends based on looks or where they live. Try to keep that in mind and maybe it will help. All of the houses she still has want her. That needs to be worth something.

[NWGreek]

Thanks for the advice. I have read here for months. She got 3 and ranked. Got 2nd choice. Very sad today. I have said everything a person could think of. It is a good house, girls of substance, you still have all of your old friends from high school in other houses - you name it. I said it. And all of it true. Just going to have to wait and see. A friend got what she wanted by suiciding. She played by the rules. I know it isn't a perfect system and no one is entitled to a bid at all. She has a chance to be Greek. It is up to her now. Tough duty for mom today.

[Sororitysock]

Originally Posted by NWGreek

Thanks for the advice. I have read here for months. She got 3 and ranked. Got 2nd choice. Very sad today. I have said everything a person could think of. It is a good house, girls of substance, you still have all of your old friends from high school in other houses - you name it. I said it. And all of it true. Just going to have to wait and see. A friend got what she wanted by suiciding. She played by the rules. I know it isn't a perfect system and no one is entitled to a bid at all. She has a chance to be Greek. It is up to her now. Tough duty for mom today.

It's because your daughter played by the rules that she has a bid at all. If she had suicided like her friend did, she would have been bidless since she obviously was not on their first bid list and would have been ineligible for quota additions. Additionally, she doesn't know whether or not she was a quota addition for #2. It's completely possible that she wasn't on the first bid list of any of her three preferenced sororities, and without RFM she could have been bidless. Your daughter was an RFM success story. If this isn't one of the things you have discussed with her, it's probably time to bring it up. She got her second choice for crying out loud. This will be a valuable life lesson in coping with disappointment and learning gratitude.