Alabama maximizing options question

Bamajama · #1 09-02-2012, 06:53 PM

My daughter went through rush at Alabama and loved every minute. She pledged what I guess is considered an old row sorority. One that is very strong in the south and we thought was strong at Alabama. She has met some nice girls and is liking it but there are some really out of control girls and she doesn't enjoy going to parties or anywhere these girls are. They are obnoxious and embarrassing. I feel so bad because she feels like she made a mistake in her choice. I'm a little upset that the sorority allowed these young ladies in to begin with. I know it's college but I think the girls should be held to a higher standard. When they have girls obnoxiously drunk, cursing, rude to others,sleeping around....it's unacceptable. I wasn't in a sorority but was under the impression that the sororities were very picky about the kinds of girls they let in.

I'm wondering if possibly these girls made it in because of the maximizing your options? From what I understand if a girl listed all her pref parties on her last day they were guaranteed a bid. Were sororities forced to take girls that were on the bottom of their list? Personally I don't even know why they had these girls at pref. I've heard that some of the sororities lost their top choice to other sororities and had to do snap bids. I'm not sure I understand what a snap bid is but it doesn't sound good.

Are the sororities required to take a certain number of girls? It seems like the majority of the girls are great but theres a couple dozen girls that dont seem to fit in or want to fit in. Its almost as if they had to take these girls just to fill some qouta. These girls are giving the rest of the sorority a bad reputation. I wish rush was later so that the girls could get to know the sororities better and the sororities could get to know the girls. Do the sororities ever kick girls out for bad behavior at parties and on campus?

SydneyK · #2 09-02-2012, 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bamajama

My daughter went through rush at Alabama and loved every minute. She pledged what I guess is considered an old row sorority. One that is very strong in the south and we thought was strong at Alabama. She has met some nice girls and is liking it but there are some really out of control girls and she doesn't enjoy going to parties or anywhere these girls are. They are obnoxious and embarrassing. I feel so bad because she feels like she made a mistake in her choice. I'm a little upset that the sorority allowed these young ladies in to begin with. I know it's college but I think the girls should be held to a higher standard. When they have girls obnoxiously drunk, cursing, rude to others,sleeping around....it's unacceptable. I wasn't in a sorority but was under the impression that the sororities were very picky about the kinds of girls they let in.

I'm wondering if possibly these girls made it in because of the maximizing your options? From what I understand if a girl listed all her pref parties on her last day they were guaranteed a bid. Were sororities forced to take girls that were on the bottom of their list? Personally I don't even know why they had these girls at pref. I've heard that some of the sororities lost their top choice to other sororities and had to do snap bids. I'm not sure I understand what a snap bid is but it doesn't sound good.

Are the sororities required to take a certain number of girls? It seems like the majority of the girls are great but theres a couple dozen girls that dont seem to fit in or want to fit in. Its almost as if they had to take these girls just to fill some qouta. These girls are giving the rest of the sorority a bad reputation. I wish rush was later so that the girls could get to know the sororities better and the sororities could get to know the girls. Do the sororities ever kick girls out for bad behavior at parties and on campus?

You know, sometimes you just don't want to know the answers. Even if we knew the answers to some of your questions, we couldn't tell you, and even if we could, you probably wouldn't like the answer.

Just sit back and let your daughter experience all the ups and downs she's facing. Considering the size of the groups at Bama, it's very likely that your daughter will find the group of sisters she identifies with most, and the sisters she's complaining about now won't be such an issue.

Titchou · #3 09-02-2012, 07:14 PM

I'm going to say this knowing that I often get slammed for being direct. Sorority life is the same as anything else in this world. You'll find a cross section of all types in every group. You could go to the "best" church in your town and find partiers, those who sleep around, do drugs, etc. Being in a sorority does not insulate one from like. If you or she expected that, I am sorry that you are disappointed. How various groups deal with errant behaviour is not a topic we discuss here. It's just as unseemly to do so as it is to discuss the behaviour itself. If your daughter has a problem with something she has seen or experienced, she needs to talk it over with the appropriate person or board in HER group.

GeorgiaGreek · #4 09-02-2012, 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bamajama

My daughter went through rush at Alabama and loved every minute. She pledged what I guess is considered an old row sorority. One that is very strong in the south and we thought was strong at Alabama. She has met some nice girls and is liking it but there are some really out of control girls and she doesn't enjoy going to parties or anywhere these girls are. They are obnoxious and embarrassing. I feel so bad because she feels like she made a mistake in her choice. I'm a little upset that the sorority allowed these young ladies in to begin with. I know it's college but I think the girls should be held to a higher standard. When they have girls obnoxiously drunk, cursing, rude to others,sleeping around....it's unacceptable. I wasn't in a sorority but was under the impression that the sororities were very picky about the kinds of girls they let in.

I'm wondering if possibly these girls made it in because of the maximizing your options? From what I understand if a girl listed all her pref parties on her last day they were guaranteed a bid. Were sororities forced to take girls that were on the bottom of their list? Personally I don't even know why they had these girls at pref. I've heard that some of the sororities lost their top choice to other sororities and had to do snap bids. I'm not sure I understand what a snap bid is but it doesn't sound good.

Are the sororities required to take a certain number of girls? It seems like the majority of the girls are great but theres a couple dozen girls that dont seem to fit in or want to fit in. Its almost as if they had to take these girls just to fill some qouta. These girls are giving the rest of the sorority a bad reputation. I wish rush was later so that the girls could get to know the sororities better and the sororities could get to know the girls. Do the sororities ever kick girls out for bad behavior at parties and on campus?

The girls who are cursing, sleeping around, partying, etc, were probably not "last resort" option for the sororities; It is very likely that they were right there on the first bid list.
There are many girls who are sweet, do well academically and socially, and put on a good appearance, but go wild in college, especially freshman year. The pressure of being so "perfect" all the time and finally being away from home does that to a lot of people, especially girls, both in and out of greek life. There are also girls who are wild, but keep it under wraps depending on their social situation, meaning it wasn't evident during rush. In the next few months and years, most of these girls will calm down. They'll realize that they don't want to flunk their classes, don't want to always be dealing with drama, and don't want to be thought of as a "frat potato." If your daughter isn't into this scene, I promise that in huge houses like those at Alabama, there are plenty girls who aren't into that behavior at all.
I would encourage her to only act the way SHE sees best, and to avoid putting herself in situations and around people that make her uncomfortable, but don't discount these girls. Rather, give them time. She'll figure out eventually which girls are just nice girls letting loose, and which ones may actually be getting themselves into trouble in the long run. Some of the girls that may go crazy at a social event could be just fine to hang out with and talk to away from party life, and may come to be really loyal friends that need to mature. Until then, she should spend her time with those who behave similarly to her, but still be friendly to others.

As for if sororities kick girls out, most, if not all, sororities have a standards board. There are ways of reporting girls for bad behavior, and an elected judicial board will usually have a hearing to decide what consequences should be given, if any. If a girl is continuously behaving badly (and I mean serious things), they could very well get kicked out, but usually a warning run-in with standards is enough to let a girl know when she needs to tone it down.

These girls are mostly 17, 18 and 19. They'll grow up and figure out how to act. You're lucky it seems your daughter already has.

Just interested · #5 09-02-2012, 07:19 PM

Titchou, you took the words right out of my mouth.

Old_Row · #6 09-02-2012, 08:10 PM

I think all sororities have members who fit this description and also members who are prudish over reactors too. With a whole lot of others in between. You need to learn to get along with a lot of different kinds of people and the houses are so big at Bama you will have a lot of members to chose from to get close to.

To say that some members were last choices isn't right because when it comes to preference parties all of those PNM's left are the ones that the house knows they could potentially bid.

I don't think it's very mature to come to the internet and post some second hand gossip either. This isn't that other website.

AZTheta · #7 09-02-2012, 08:13 PM

Go Team Titchou! SydneyK! GeorgiaGreek! Old_Row!

Old_Row · #8 09-02-2012, 08:13 PM

PS. Maybe the only reason your daughter got in was because of maximizing options. Maybe they had to take her. You will never know.

APhi4Ever · #9 09-02-2012, 08:24 PM

I would expect a post like this from your daughter, not a mother. Have you been there every single day and seen these girls that are out of control with your own eyes? Besides, with chapters as large as those at Alabama, there is probably one girl for every stereotype there is out there in every sorority and the same goes for non-Greeks as well. If your daughter is sharing these concerns with you, coming on a message board and talking about it is bad form IMO. Let her enjoy her pledge period, bond with new members/sisters that she does have things in common with and go from there. If certain women in the chapter cause enough problems, I'm sure the sorority will handle it. Besides, even if you did just come here to vent, how do you expect to receive any answers when it comes to where certain individuals were on a bid list? We are not members that made those decisions and it's not something that is discussed anyways.

thetalady · #10 09-02-2012, 09:17 PM

Your daughter is a big girl now. Time to tell her to handle life's little dilemmas on her own. This is not a critical life changer that she can't handle on her own. Listen to her & let her figure out what to do on her own.

ZTAme · #11 09-02-2012, 09:29 PM

Just a question. Did she pledge this sorority because it was "old row," or because she evaluated the women in it? The old row thing at Alabama is hard to shake. A lot of girls are drawn to them just because they are called old row, and they disregard some really great organizations because of it.

And Titchou....you are right on. There is a cross section of behavior in just about all the groups.

Munchkin03 · #12 09-02-2012, 09:44 PM

I don't know, this post (from the mother AND the daughter's perspective) sounds really really judgy.

Some young women can juggle being social, drinking a lot, and even (gasp!) being sexually active (and at this point, does the OP's daughter even know who's making out with randos and who's making out with her longtime boyfriend?) and being a rockstar in the classroom. Their suitability for being in a sorority doesn't hinge on that. Maybe the OP's daughter is super sheltered and has really antiquated ideas about how a young woman in a sorority should behave.

If things with certain young women become a problem, TRUST that Standards will be on it. All your daughter should be focusing on is making friends and getting that stick out of her ass. It may turn out that the girls who turned her off the most in the beginning become her best friends.

Keeping an open mind doesn't end when Recruitment does.

Hartofsec · #13 09-02-2012, 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZTAme

Just a question. Did she pledge this sorority because it was "old row," or because she evaluated the women in it? The old row thing at Alabama is hard to shake. A lot of girls are drawn to them just because they are called old row, and they disregard some really great organizations because of it.

And Titchou....you are right on. There is a cross section of behavior in just about all the groups.

I wasn't under the impression that the mom actually knew if the sorority was "old row" or not, but I don't feel that this should suggest that "old row" sororities have more of this behavior than any other sororities.

I know of many girls who have been dropped by sororities considered "old row" -- and other sororities as well -- for this kind of behavior prior to rush. Sororities can be really "judgy" about that on the front side. So how is a PNM supposed to "evaluate" the behavior of other members during recruitment?

It really is a weird active/PNM double standard I guess.

BamaJama -- I do agree with others on this thread -- that in any group that size, one can find a sub-group with similar interests. Every sorority will have a range of personalities, behaviors, and interests. Don't worry about the falling-down-drunk chicks and frat taters -- as someone else mentioned -- if it is an ongoing problem, the Standards Committee will speak with them.

Alabama is kind of known for leaning to the wild side -- so your daughter will be exposed to plenty of bad party behavior in her time there.

GeorgiaGreek · #14 09-02-2012, 10:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Keeping an open mind doesn't end when Recruitment does.

I like this sentence a whole lot.

ZTAme · #15 09-02-2012, 11:05 PM

Hartofsec, I don't believe I suggested anything of the sort, and I even said that there is a cross section of behavior in most all the organizations. If my question was interpreted beyond this, I apologize. The OP got the term "Old Row" from somewhere. My guess is that is what her daughter told her. I suppose my point is one shouldn't assume just because you pledge old row, this sort of behavior is out of the question. Especially at Alabama.