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  #1  
Old 11-02-2003, 11:18 AM
CrimsonTide4 CrimsonTide4 is offline
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Talking 90+ Ways To Order A Pizza

Here are 90-some ways to order pizza, it's really funny, believe me, you will want to take the time to read ALL of these....enjoy!







If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.

Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

Use CB lingo where applicable.

Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.

Answer their questions with questions.

In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the [junk] about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.

Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT UKRAINIAN PUCE.

Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."

Stutter on the letter "p."

Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (If phoning Domino's, ask for a CheeserCheeser!)

Crack your knuckles into the receiver.

Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.

Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.

Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.

Change your accent every three seconds.

Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.

Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"

Start your order with "I'd like...". A little later, slap yourself and say "No, I don't."

If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."

Rent a pizza.

Order while using an electric knife sharpener.

Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.

Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.

Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."

Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"

Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.

Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.

Imitate the order taker's voice.

Eliminate verbs from your speech.

When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."

Play a guitar in the background.

Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.

Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.

Ask to see a menu.

Quote Carl Sandberg.

Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.

Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.

Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.

Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.

Order a slice, not a whole pizza.

Shout "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!"

Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"

Psychoanalyze the order taker.

Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.

Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."

Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included.

Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.

Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.

Report a petty theft to the order taker.

Ask for the guy who took your order last time.

If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."

Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.

Try to talk while drinking something.

Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and... action!"

Ask if the pizza is organically grown.

Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.

Be vague in your order.

When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."

If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.

After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.

Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."

State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.

Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.

Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage.

When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.

Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it.

Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.

Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any [junk] from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer.

Put them on hold.

Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.

Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say, "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."

Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thingyou say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.

When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"

When you're given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."

Haggle.

Order a one-inch pizza.

Order term life insurance.

When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"

Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable.

Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.

While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.

Engage in some serious swapping.

Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."

Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background.Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.

If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.

Ask if the pizza has had its shots.

Order a steamed pizza.

Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your (time of day) wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up.

Offer to pay for the pizza with a public flogging. If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, say, in your best pouty voice, "Last guy let me do it."
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  #2  
Old 11-02-2003, 12:55 PM
ThetaPrincess24 ThetaPrincess24 is offline
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I think I left those days behind in middle school and the first two years of high school........along with toilet papering people's houses.
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  #3  
Old 11-02-2003, 01:22 PM
CatStarESP4 CatStarESP4 is offline
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Hilarious!

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  #4  
Old 11-02-2003, 02:11 PM
SparkliiQTMTSU SparkliiQTMTSU is offline
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HAHAHAHA yeah so I was really thinking about ordering some pizza tonite, hmm might have to look at this while doing it lol


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  #5  
Old 11-02-2003, 02:17 PM
Tom Earp Tom Earp is offline
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Angry

What happened to I want all of the Sh** on it, well except:

Think I will pull a Frizin Pizza Out of The Cooleret!


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  #6  
Old 11-02-2003, 02:26 PM
Thrillhouse Thrillhouse is offline
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those are pretty funny. It would be funny if someone asked a place if they had digorno (sp?) and to deliver it
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  #7  
Old 11-02-2003, 02:30 PM
Tom Earp Tom Earp is offline
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Red face

Thrill, as a new Mod, Bro Ya Wierdoed me out with that one! Did not want to go to friger to look it up!

Try Frieschette spelling!

Hell, Momma Rosa easier to spell!
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  #8  
Old 11-02-2003, 02:31 PM
OrigamiTulip OrigamiTulip is offline
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Those are so obnoxious. I love it! I may have to call up one of my pledge brothers who works at a pizza joint, and try a few out on him....
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  #9  
Old 11-02-2003, 03:27 PM
veemers veemers is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by BetaRose
Those are so obnoxious. I love it! I may have to call up one of my pledge brothers who works at a pizza joint, and try a few out on him....
yeah...this is definitely one of those things where, if i did try it, i would make sure it was on someone that i knew!!
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  #10  
Old 11-03-2003, 05:03 PM
tunatartare tunatartare is offline
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Too bad no one I know works in a pizza place LOL those are hilarious
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  #11  
Old 11-04-2003, 12:30 PM
bafromkc bafromkc is offline
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those are great.
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  #12  
Old 11-04-2003, 01:33 PM
krazy krazy is offline
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Great list...

Here is one to add. In highschool, a girl I knew had a St. Bernard dog. They had a rather large cage to keep him in at night/in the car/ etc. This dog was huge. Anyway, we decided one day to order a pizza while we were hanging out over there. We decided that my friend (who was a little chubby) would strip down and get in the cage. We put shaving cream all over his mouth, and shut him in the cage, wearing only a pair of girls royal blue spandex shorts... gross site. Anyway, we put the cage in the foyer, and when the pizza guy came, we acted like there was nothing going on. He drank water from the dogs water bowl, and ws rolling around in the cage. It was so funny b/c he didn't try to over-dramatize the whole thing. The pizza guy at first started laughing, and we just kept a straight face, and then he started to get nervous and when he left, he was on the phone. I think I laughed for likr 10 minutes straight.
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