I need help! :(

ks94 · #1 02-19-2016, 01:16 AM

I am so lost and don't know what to do. I'm so upset and sad that my chapter doesn't feel like home anymore.

To sum it up, the girls in leadership positions in my chapter are dictating and controlling everything to the point where sisters are afraid to ask questions because any sister that does is watched for anything that could bring her to standards. Starting with the elections process, we do slating and NO ONE was allowed to try and discuss the eboard slate before they quickly moved on.

This semester (and over break) the transition from old eboard to new board showed that the president was dictating everything and there was no discussing anything. Sisters felt a wall between the eboard and rest of the chapter, and there was tension because many things felt like they were being kept from the chapter. Turns out the president is dictating the eboard as well and they aren't a part of decisions either. Many sisters brought up the idea of a group discussion (we call it something weird) but it was quickly shut down by our president and national advisor (who came in and controlled half of recruitment, including inviting all our PNMs to pref with no discussion with ANYONE; and she's also a bigot & has made awful comments about sisters who aren't white or straight). Also turns out our Standards chair is trying to find any girl questioning anything to bring them up to standards for any reason to shut them up. The standards chair apparently is trying to get a sister automatically dismissed by screwing with her hearing dates just because she doesn't like her.

I don't know what to do

Last semester was a completely different environment and so many sisters feel like they have to watch their backs and are scared to say anything. I wanted to email someone in nationals (not our advisor) to get help because all of us feel trapped but I'm afraid of getting dismissed. I've already been warned to keep my mouth shut. This isn't what sisterhood is about and I'm scared for my chapter's future..

33girl · #2 02-19-2016, 02:17 AM

You cannot be dismissed/terminated for talking to someone at nationals. If your national advisor made discriminatory comments, she needs to go. Do you know if any of your chapter alumnae are involved as national volunteers or advisors to other chapters? Try reaching out to them. If not, contact your province director or whatever you call it in your sorority.

Numbers are on your side. If it truly is the whole chapter against 3 dictators (the president, the SB chair and the advisor) you need to act as a whole.

Is the chapter in decent shape otherwise? Are your numbers (from the latest recruitment and overall) on par with the rest of the chapters on your campus? Any chapter probations or disciplinary issues? Do you have any debt?

Again, reach out to someone. It's your right to do so. Good luck!

ks94 · #3 02-19-2016, 03:55 PM

Our chapter doesn't have any disciplinary issues and recruitment-wise we had the highest numbers on our campus. Some of my sisters are scared of me emailing nationals. They think we'll get shut down and are scared of what could happen to the chapter. I literally hate this and am so done..

DubaiSis · #4 02-19-2016, 05:10 PM

You won't get in trouble for talking to your headquarters. If they have to terminate memberships of top officers there will be some havoc that follows, but better than what would eventually be a mass exodus. But be aware, your opinion made not be shared by headquarters and it could be you who eats it. But presuming your version is closer to the truth than the version the president offers, then headquarters will be glad to intervene before the chapter implodes.

LouisaMay · #5 02-19-2016, 06:13 PM

Your national staff and volunteers WANT to help you. That is why they are in the positions in which they serve! The national structure exists to give you a chain of command for dealing with difficult scenarios. You will not get shut down or dismissed from membership for getting help to build a successful leadership structure.

I truly wish you the best!

jolene · #6 02-19-2016, 06:19 PM

I would assume that if you contact nationals and then they contact the exec board that the whistle blower (you) will be kept anonymous? If this is the case, it seems that your chapter sisters would be thankful and would spare you from being singled out unless you've already been the squeaky wheel. Contact nationals and then lay low. From what you said, things were good before the new exec board came in. In my own experience, I've seen things go from smooth to tense with an eboard turnover.

jenidallas · #7 02-20-2016, 06:08 AM

If your executive board just transitioned at the start of the year, they may still be going through the growing pains that many young women do as they step into their first leadership roles.

The complaint about exec being "out of control" is one I've often heard on campuses where I've worked and it's usually in the first few weeks after transition. Very often those officers are excited about their new responsibilities and ready to enact change, sometimes to the point of overzealotry. They also often have just wrapped officer training and want to do everything immediately. Multiply this by multiple officers and you make waves.

Honestly, this to me sounds like growing pains to me... but if it's a pervasive issue, perhaps the chapter advisor - or a chapter consultant would be the place to start. It may be a matter as simple as talking out responsibilities with the exec board. I think the thoughts of "whistleblowers" and investigations sound very overblown unless I'm missing a lot of details not posted here.

(This is coming as a regional officer who just talked a chapter off the ledge for very similar issues this past week....)

Titchou · #8 02-20-2016, 09:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenidallas

If your executive board just transitioned at the start of the year, they may still be going through the growing pains that many young women do as they step into their first leadership roles.

The complaint about exec being "out of control" is one I've often heard on campuses where I've worked and it's usually in the first few weeks after transition. Very often those officers are excited about their new responsibilities and ready to enact change, sometimes to the point of overzealotry. They also often have just wrapped officer training and want to do everything immediately. Multiply this by multiple officers and you make waves.

Honestly, this to me sounds like growing pains to me... but if it's a pervasive issue, perhaps the chapter advisor - or a chapter consultant would be the place to start. It may be a matter as simple as talking out responsibilities with the exec board. I think the thoughts of "whistleblowers" and investigations sound very overblown unless I'm missing a lot of details not posted here.

(This is coming as a regional officer who just talked a chapter off the ledge for very similar issues this past week....)

This!

FSUZeta · #9 02-20-2016, 09:12 AM

Why was there a national advisor at your chapter for recruitment?

Is you chapter fairly new?

Do you have local advisors?

And wouldn't it be more anonymous to phone your headquarters( so the email trail is not traced back to you) to ask if whistleblowers will be anonymous?

33girl · #10 02-20-2016, 12:50 PM

I was going to mention phoning instead as well, but the problem with that is that sometimes when information is transferred from one person to another it gets changed slightly. Not out of maliciousness, but just because we aren't all R2D2 equipped with tape recorders. If you send an e-mail, exactly what you want to say is recorded.

Also, I'm not sure if she means national advisor in the sense of the vp of recruitment for the whole sorority came in, rather that this advisor was someone appointed by national HQ who the chapter was presented with as a fait accompli. I know that I was appointed as a financial advisor with zero input from the actual chapter I was advising.

FSUZeta · #11 02-20-2016, 03:01 PM

Maybe she will come back and answer my questions.

Cheerio · #12 02-21-2016, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ks94

I am so lost and don't know what to do. I'm so upset and sad that my chapter doesn't feel like home anymore.

To sum it up, the girls in leadership positions in my chapter are dictating and controlling everything to the point where sisters are afraid to ask questions because any sister that does is watched for anything that could bring her to standards.

Starting with the elections process, we do slating and NO ONE was allowed to try and discuss the eboard slate before they quickly moved on.

This semester (and over break) the transition from old eboard to new board showed that the president was dictating everything and there was no discussing anything.

Sisters felt a wall between the eboard and rest of the chapter, and there was tension because many things felt like they were being kept from the chapter.

Turns out the president is dictating the eboard as well and they aren't a part of decisions either.

Many sisters brought up the idea of a group discussion (we call it something weird) but it was quickly shut down by our president and national advisor (who came in and controlled half of recruitment, including inviting all our PNMs to pref with no discussion with ANYONE; and she's also a bigot & has made awful comments about sisters who aren't white or straight).

Also turns out our Standards chair is trying to find any girl questioning anything to bring them up to standards for any reason to shut them up. The standards chair apparently is trying to get a sister automatically dismissed by screwing with her hearing dates just because she doesn't like her.

I don't know what to do

Last semester was a completely different environment and so many sisters feel like they have to watch their backs and are scared to say anything. I wanted to email someone in nationals (not our advisor) to get help because all of us feel trapped but I'm afraid of getting dismissed.

I've already been warned to keep my mouth shut.

This isn't what sisterhood is about and I'm scared for my chapter's future..

Is your chapter president the only returning executive board member? She may have felt it her duty to "run the show" and bring in the national adviser to assist.

You have been given bits of good advice here. Hope you have been able to devise yourself a plan of action.

Please make time to further contact your sisters at (inter)national headquarters, since the more people that know about the disagreement the greater likelihood of a fair resolution to your perceived problem/situation.