Someone to tell your chapter about before recruitment

[shadokat]

While I don't agree with everything James said, I don't know if I would go as far as no-rec. I mean, someone said that joining a group is a good step in the right direction for someone with her condition. She is in counseling. Maybe she's reaching out for some acceptance, just as many women who go through recruitment are. And if you shun her because she has a mental illness, which can be helped, isn't that the opposite of sisterhood in the first place?

I think that the skinning of cats, abusing of animals, keying of cars and all other such actions are bad. I in no way condone her actions. I just worry that she will get shunned by everyone, and thusly, fall back into her old ways, when maybe she's trying to turn over a new leaf.

Just my .02.

[33girl]

shadokat, you are such a sweetie as usual. This girl you've never met and you are wanting to help her out.

But the thing is...before this girl can even think about joining a sorority, she needs to get her head together. The fact that she is still getting in physical fights and such says to me she hasn't. She needs counseling and lots of it. Plus her parents need to get out of denial and PARENT. It's far too much to ask of 18-21 year old women to be surrogate mothers to her.

[shadokat]

I agree with you 33 to an extent. I just hope she doesn't end up getting shut out of the rush process completely if she has changed, even if she isn't welcome at AZD. But you're right, if she's still skinning cats, then I say we skin her

[justamom]

I don't think Maggie had any other choice in this matter. Honestly, I don't think a lot of people take the rec process in the manner it was meant to be. I know in our little corner, the rec process is horrid and exclusionary-based on who you buy your car from to who has a daughter rushing "against" YOUR daughter this season. THIS IS THE GOD'S HONEST TRUTH! I just think all recs should stem from a knowledge of the family or of the girl rushing. I won't even go so far a to say you have to know her on a personal level...by this I mean, if you are XYZ ad the school counselor comes to you and says "Sally Brown is so fantastic,do you think you could write a rec for her?" I would most likely write her rec because I believe in the school administrator. I wouldn't write a "no rec" for some one I didn't know on hearsay.
In THIS place, if your daughter "shined" more than another woman's daughter, they play you down on the recs. HOW DO I KNOW??? People talk, I listen! That's why I went outside the circle for a second rec...to make sure someone who had no agenda wrote a rec for her.

[carnation]

Here, the Greek women generally know each other and trust each other to write recs--luckily, not enough girls rush that our daughters are rushing against each other but I can easily see how that situation occurs, justamom! The big SEC rushes can be cutthroat!

Pi Phi recs are hard to come by here because there are so few alums in town. If someone asks me to recommend a girl I never heard of, I ask some of the women I trust: teachers, counselors, women who definitely don't have "agendas". If what I hear doesn't sound good, I just find a way that I don't have to write one--as I mentioned earlier, I've only used a "no-rec" twice in 30 years.

Since I still don't know definitely where my 2 seniors will be going, I haven't asked anybody for recs yet but you can bet I'll consider all possible sources and choose the ones from each sorority that will present each daughter in her best light!

[G8Ralphaxi]

OK, this girl STOLE SOMEONE'S PET. This isn't shoplifting gum from a 7-11, people. And then she literally tried to skin the cat - while it was alive. F***ING SICK. There is NO WAY IN H*** that she didn't hear and see that poor little cat suffering.

Not even mentioning all the other nutty stuff. This girl is a nutcase.

A sorority is NOT meant to be a mental institution to reform wackos. True, you draw strength from your sisters and their friendship is therapeutic, but this kind of psychosis will contribute nothing but disruption and tragedy.

Maggie, you did the right thing. She does not deserve to wear Alpha Xi Delta letters.

Actually, since this is such an extreme case, I would advise sending a copy of your "no-rec" to the Greek advisor for your college, so that they can forward it to the other houses.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

Maybe I missed this, but what exactly does a no rec do? Does the chapter have to reject her? Will she be considered "damaged goods" by all of the other sororities? I can understand you not wanting this troubled young woman in your org, but will it ruin her opportunity with every other group at this school? Also, I would be careful about things like libel, slander, and hearsay.
Oh wait, I just reread a part of the thread and some of my qestions were answered. One remains: is the no rec only for one sorority or the entire greek system?

[justamom]

No Rec-I'm sure different chapter put a different dgree of importance on it, but look at it this way. A rec is basically a letter of introduction, like in business, it gets your foot in the door. Someone writes a rec and the sorority thinks-one of our sisters met this girl and thinks she is a good candidate for membership. We need to meet her and see if we click- USUALLY, ANYONE can find SOMEONE to write a rec. That's why, in the south, a rec from one person like the captain of a womens' krewe may carry more weight that a rec from the lady who does your nails. There is a degree of "credibility" given to the person writing the rec at some of the larger, competitive schools but NOT to the point that it will get you in-at least not to MY knowledge (Though I can think of a case at Mississippi State) It once meant you were invited to at least 2 parties, but with so many girls going through, that doesn't really seem to be the case anymore. Now, consider the ramifications of a no rec. What that is telling the sorority is-I have absolutely NOTHING GOOD to say about this girl!The sorority thinks-Gee, this alum knew her for years and can't find ONE good thing to say??? In any environment-competitive or not-it's a death blow. It's almost the equilavent of a black ball.

[KillarneyRose]

JAM, what in Heaven's name are you doing up so early on a Sunday?????

[justamom]

KilarneyRose, I started laughing when I saw your question. I AM AN INSOMNIAC! There, I've said it and only SLIGHTLY exagerated.
I don't know WHAT the heck is wrong with me but at 4 a.m my eyes POP open and that's all there is to it. Hubby says I need to EXERCISE!!! I think I need to have my kids at home in my house where I know they are safe. I got a call from my daughter after the AFTER game and she was walking to her dorm ALONE...she said the campus was very busy and everyone was out and about but STILL!!!! It's ALWAYS SOMETHING! Here is another one of those truisms. I know you and anyone married or who has kids will understand.

MY MOMMA TOLD ME
"Honey, I know this is the night before your wedding, and you are very excited, but you MUST get a good night's sleep...IT'S THE LAST TIME YOU'LL EVER GET THE CHANCE!"
She was right!

[Peaches-n-Cream]

From what I have heard and read here, I know that Southern rush can be brutally competitive. As an 18 year old first semester freshman going through COB rush in NY, I didn't know anything about greek life. I just put on a cute outfit and some lipstick and a smile. I talked to as many sisters as I could, decided who I liked, and returned to two invitation only final parties. I received two bids and selected D Phi E. I was not a legacy and never heard of recs. I just went where I felt at home.
Thanks Justamom for answering my question. I have always enjoyed reading your posts.
I feel kind of bad for this troubled woman...I feel worse for the cat though.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally posted by justamom
Now, consider the ramifications of a no rec. What that is telling the sorority is-I have absolutely NOTHING GOOD to say about this girl!The sorority thinks-Gee, this alum knew her for years and can't find ONE good thing to say??? In any environment-competitive or not-it's a death blow. It's almost the equilavent of a black ball.

JAM is right. Sororities are only allowed to invite back a certain number to each party. Therefore, we must release women. Usually, the sorority has to crunch the numbers, and I've seen girls get released for some very weird reasons. A no-rec would be an easy choice we didn't even have to make.