Duke Student Shares Observtions, Advice about Sorority Recruitment

[exlurker]

A Duke student’s observations about sorority recruitment, with advice and warnings for potential new members:

http://www.dukechronicle.com/article...g#.VK2xzsnLIrg

[SWTXBelle]

Hmmm . . . read the comments. I'd love to get some GCers to comment on the piece!

[FSUZeta]

I picked up on an over riding theme of "not getting their first choice" and then callously said to myself " yep.....probably the first time many of these young women have had to deal with that type of situation." After reading the comments I felt that Amanda had the best grasp on the whole rush process and she made some valid points.

[SWTXBelle]

Oh, no, she's NASTY!

[1964Alum]

No, I think she was quite accurate and realistic.

Where I went to college, rush was deferred for a whole year. So many of us had the opportunity to meet members as they did us.

When I started rush, I knew where the interest in me lay. And also felt that the success of my first year in college would stand me in good stead. BUT I took nothing for granted. NOTHING! I knew that there were other well-qualified candidates and that I was in a competitive process where I may or may not get a bid from one of my three favorites or even a bid at all.

As it turned out, mine was a close to perfect rush as I was dropped from but one party at the very end, and by a group that I would not fit into at all.

I ended up getting a bid from my first choice from the get-go and pledged them. I knew that I would have been disappointed had I not gotten a bid from my first choice, but my other preferential was also a wonderful group I would have been happy with.

So I did not suffer the disappointment that so many did so cannot address that. But I did go into rush with the knowledge and understanding that other rushees might have more appeal then I so entered with a great deal of humility. And I do think that every young woman entering rush needs to do so with that mindset. And to be appreciative for every invitation back, even those not at the top of her list. Was it nerve-wracking? YES! But I didn't assume anything or take anything for granted.

All the above said, though, once on the other side, rush was never my favorite part of sorority life as I knew that many would be hurt and not understand the process.

[SWTXBelle]

I should have used a - I was being ironic!

[1964Alum]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

I should have used a - I was being ironic!

Good to hear that!

[SWTXBelle]

One of the commentators tagged Amanda's post as "nasty".

[andthen]

I think her post had some very valid and relevant points. However, towards the end of the post I couldn't help but wonder if there was a tinge of anger and resentment on her part that she didn't get a bit to her top choice. She didn't say anything outwardly disparaging but I couldn't help but wonder if she's still holding on to some hurt. Which if she is, hopefully writing about her thoughts and experience will help her move forward.

[SWTXBelle]

What is most troubling is her insinuation that the process is racist (Amanda pointed out her failure to do anything other than suggest it was based on ONE pnm's experience - I looked at some chapter pics and saw a wide variety of races represented, but I don't have numbers who went through vs. numbers who pledged) and that is is somehow insensitive to the emotional toll it takes. The writer definitely comes across as bitter.

[pinksequins]

The piece also exhibits a common misunerstanding (regardless of campus)-- that the PNMs have a lot more say in choices. (How many times did she use the phrase "top choice"?). The real world operates similarly. More often than not, one will never hear one word from a company to which one submitted a resume and rarely will learn why she/he was not selected to interview. ("But I was a perfect candidate!!).

It's also possible that the bitterness/hurt is not due only to not getting a top choice (as there still were other groups in the mix) but also to her disappointment at not being able to manage her reactions to the process. If one is at Duke, this may be the first key disappointment she has experienced.

[andthen]

It's so true. I think especially in the millennial generation kids often are given some sort of tangible just for participating. Unfortunately in life and for many it's their first experience of hearing no or not getting the outcome they wanted.

I hope for the writer of the post as time provides some distance from this door closing that she will find something fulfilling in the hope that the rejection from her top choice won't hang over her.

One thing I couldn't help but think as I read the article was is that being in a sorority is well beyond the 4 years of college. She elected to opt out all together so I hope she doesn't look back later and wonder what if?

My mom alway would tell me things happen for a reason when things didn't go my way. And I hated that saying. But it wasn't until my mid-20's when what she said finally made sense. Since that time I'm grateful for that sage wisdom.

[LAblondeGPhi]

I read the article and thought that both the author's piece and the comments were pretty balanced, articulate and thoughtful about the process.

The author says that she's experienced rejection before, but her point about most PNMs not being prepared for what rejection during sorority recruitment feels like is a really valid one. She does make some insinuations that I don't particularly agree with, but on the whole, I think this is a great article to help prepare PNMs for a process they may not be familiar with. I would love for the author to have emphasized how important it is to keep an open mind, but she's not really coming at the process from the same angle we are, so I can't really fault her for that.

We all know that sorority recruitment is it's own beast, and the kind of rejection is different from many other kinds that young people face. I agree that Millenials (I'm in this category, barely) grew up getting too many participation trophies and not enough "no's", but they still experience all kinds of rejection: not making a competitive team, losing out on a coveted award to another student, being dumped by a girl/boyfriend, social rejection from a desired peer group, college applications, etc.

We've all said before how sorority recruitment is very fast and exhausting - it often doesn't leave time for PNMs to adequately and maturely process their feelings.

We've all acknowledged that rejection during recruitment can feel really random and personal - these women feel like they're making a great connection with sorority sisters, only to be "rejected" in the next round.

And we all know that rejection during recruitment can be really confusing and defy logic - non of our organizations reveal membership criteria, leaving PNMs to wonder if it was because they weren't pretty enough, connected enough, smart enough, charming enough, or something else enough.

I think the author did a nice job of trying to explain the unexpected pain that can come from this process, and I found this to be a particularly well-written line from the article:
"Because the rejections are generally inexplicable—women will never know what precisely caused them to be excluded—they affirm and intensify our greatest insecurities."

[exlurker]

Originally Posted by pinksequins

The piece also exhibits a common misunerstanding (regardless of campus)-- that the PNMs have a lot more say in choices. (How many times did she use the phrase "top choice"?). The real world operates similarly. More often than not, one will never hear one word from a company to which one submitted a resume and rarely will learn why she/he was not selected to interview. ("But I was a perfect candidate!!).

It's also possible that the bitterness/hurt is not due only to not getting a top choice (as there still were other groups in the mix) but also to her disappointment at not being able to manage her reactions to the process. If one is at Duke, this may be the first key disappointment she has experienced.

Good point about the limited degree to which PNMs (or job applicants) have a say in "choices."

As to the sentence that I put in boldface, I would agree only partially. I'll bet that a chunk of those admitted to Duke (and happy with getting in) have been disappointed by being turned down by some of Duke's "peer schools." It seems to me, from what I understand about the makeup of Duke's student body, that those who apply to Duke may very well also apply to an Ivy or two or eight, or to Stanford, MIT, Northwestern, and to other more or less comparably selective universities or liberal arts colleges. Duke, for some, may have been a second, third, or even lower "choice" in the application game ("WOW! I got into Duke! Boo-hoo, Princeton and Stanford turned me down!")

[pinksequins]

Good point on the Duke applicant pool.