Did it take you a while to "fit in?"

heywhatsup · #1 03-10-2010, 07:05 PM

Stupid question, I know. I am a freshman in college away at a university and I just got initiated into my sorority. I feel like everyone is so close with each other, and I guess my question is, how long did it take you all to become that way? (really close and comfortable with the girls/guys). I am a very outgoing person but since everyone already has their close friends in the sorority, I guess I am being kind of shy and leery about this whole thing.

Did anyone start off kind of left out and unsure, but completely got in the swing of things? Thanks!

knight_shadow · #2 03-10-2010, 07:19 PM

Making friends in fraternities/sororities is just like making friends in real life -- you're not going to be BFFs with everyone right off the bat.

Give it some time and reach out to your new sisters, and you should be fine.

ComradesTrue · #3 03-10-2010, 07:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by heywhatsup

Stupid question, I know. I am a freshman in college away at a university and I just got initiated into my sorority. I feel like everyone is so close with each other, and I guess my question is, how long did it take you all to become that way? (really close and comfortable with the girls/guys). I am a very outgoing person but since everyone already has their close friends in the sorority, I guess I am being kind of shy and leery about this whole thing.

Did anyone start off kind of left out and unsure, but completely got in the swing of things? Thanks!

Many people feel this way.

As has been said on here many times before, you have to make an effort. Invite a sister to lunch, to go shopping, to coffee, etc. You bond with each other through shared experiences, and just like any relationship it takes work.

Also for me, I became closest with my sisters during the week leading up to my first recruitment "on the other side." In addition, moving into the house allowed me to grow closer with many girls that I had not yet had the opportunity to know well.

In other words, relax, exhale, enjoy things. Your feelings are normal, but you MUST put forth some of the effort to get to know your sisters. Otherwise you will just be "the girl" that everyone says keeps to herself.

Good luck!

DrPhil · #4 03-10-2010, 07:22 PM

This was cute and I love the username.

ASAlamb · #5 03-10-2010, 11:55 PM

It took me two years to find my absolute best friends in my sorority. I was friendly with everyone, hung out, but it wasn't until this past year that I truly found my lifelong best friends.

The funny thing is, some of my best friends now are girls I was really intimidated by as a new member. They all have really strong personalities, and I had to find myself before I could find my best friends and place in my sorority.

33girl · #6 03-10-2010, 11:59 PM

Also, even if you don't live at the house or suite yet, don't be afraid to drop over on the spur of the moment and just hang out. It is your HOME!! I know some houses or suites might have security barriers, but just call the housemother or person in charge and let them know you're coming to visit.

I lived at the house and we LOVED when girls who didn't live there just dropped in randomly between classes and watched TV with us and such. It might feel awkward to you at first, but everyone else has been where you are.

MaggieXi · #7 03-11-2010, 10:19 AM

I felt like I didn't really fit in or click with the girls in my pledge class - which was very cliquey. After the flury of the new member period ended and after initiation, I found 1 or 2 other girls who I became good friends with. As time went by, I ended up having good friends and "my group" within the sorority that was made up of both girls that were older than me and girls that were younger than me.

LatinaAlumna · #8 03-11-2010, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by heywhatsup

Stupid question, I know. I am a freshman in college away at a university and I just got initiated into my sorority. I feel like everyone is so close with each other, and I guess my question is, how long did it take you all to become that way? (really close and comfortable with the girls/guys). I am a very outgoing person but since everyone already has their close friends in the sorority, I guess I am being kind of shy and leery about this whole thing.

Did anyone start off kind of left out and unsure, but completely got in the swing of things? Thanks!

Not a stupid question at all.

Try to join some committees. Next time they ask for sisters to volunteer for a project/event/etc., do it! Working on something together is a great way to bond with others in the chapter. You may even find that you really like a particular aspect of your sorority and decide to run for a leadership position later.

You can also see if there are any sisters who have a class or two with you, and invite them to study (or even just contact them to ask a question about the class if you want to break the ice).

Good luck!

jennyj87 · #9 03-11-2010, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

Making friends in fraternities/sororities is just like making friends in real life -- you're not going to be BFFs with everyone right off the bat.

Give it some time and reach out to your new sisters, and you should be fine.

Cosign. No one is immediate best friends with someone. That, along with anything worth while, takes time. Although I had really good friends in the sorority it took me 2 years to find my best friend in the sorority. ITs hard when there are so many people.

Psi U MC Vito · #10 03-11-2010, 12:48 PM

I love this thread. Somebody who actually wants to improve their connection with their sisters instead of wanting to quit because they aren't instant BFFs. And to the OP, cosign what everybody else said. I didn't find my closest friend in the fraternity until a year after I crossed.

ISUKappa · #11 03-11-2010, 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASAlamb

It took me two years to find my absolute best friends in my sorority. I was friendly with everyone, hung out, but it wasn't until this past year that I truly found my lifelong best friends.

The funny thing is, some of my best friends now are girls I was really intimidated by as a new member. They all have really strong personalities, and I had to find myself before I could find my best friends and place in my sorority.

I love this.

Even after moving into the house, it took me a bit to feel comfortable and really feel like I "belonged." It doesn't happen overnight, but sometimes all it takes is for one event (work week before recruitment, planning for initiation, getting ready for a philanthropy, or even a formal) to find that connection with your sisters. One thing is certain, you are not the only one who has ever felt this way, and you are most likely not the only one in your chapter who feels this way.

APhiAnna · #12 03-11-2010, 03:18 PM

A lot of people feel this way! I think I told this story before, but there was a girl in our chapter who just did not have any friends in her pledge class. You could tell she wanted to be in the sorority, but felt uncomfortable at the socials, philanthropies, etc because she didn't know anybody.

After a couple years, she decided to participate in a dance competition amongst the sororities for a philanthropy. She was a fairly good dancer. Just during the few weeks she practiced with them, she became close friends with a majority of the other dancers. Now she is thriving and is friends with the vast majority of the chapter.

The key is something like a committee, intramural team, team for Derby Days/Greek Week/Homecoming (whatever your school has), Bible study, etc. The reason being is that there are going to be sisters from every year, group of friends, etc in that particular activity. If you are the sister who mainly shows up to socials and meetings, your whole chapter will be there and girls will mostly be socializing with their best friends already. If you join an activity that is a cross-section of the entire chapter, people will be much more willing to interact with members they don't know as well. It becomes a domino effect...at the next social, you will feel comfortable hanging out with Jenny Junior, and through her you will meet her friends, etc.

a_e_phi · #13 03-13-2010, 10:30 AM

I definitely say just get involved as much as possible with your sorority getting involved makes you so much closer with the girls. Especially if you are helping someone with their position or anything, I know that my friends and I were just initiated last fall and were really intimidated by our new VP recruitment and had never really talked to her but when informal recruitment came around and we were always the first ones there to help her setup for the events and everything she really really appreciated it and we became a lot closer with her because of it. Other things like staying a little longer to work on the homecoming float or asking someone to help you with ideas for big little or just to even go to the library. Spending time with sisters makes you more comfortable with them and them more comfortable with you!