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  #1  
Old 04-09-2010, 11:49 PM
RJG728 RJG728 is offline
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2 Questions About Rushing With A Fraternity

Hi Guys!

Well let me start off by saying that I'm a sophomore transfer student from a junior college who is trying to rush this quarter (Spring) with a fraternity. I didnt rush my freshman year since I was in a junior college, but now I want to do it because I want to have a great overall college experience.

Question #1:
I'm going to be honest with you guys and telling an embarrassing story for me. I rushed another frat last quarter (Winter) and got a bid and was set to go. It was great. One night though I was drinking with some of the brothers. It got out of hand (drinking-wise) and I knocked out. They got worried called a ambulance, someone drew on me, etc. I wake up in the hospital. Basically, they ended up on social probation for the rest of the quarter because of this and Nationals said I couldnt join because I was a risk. It was embarrassing, and I felt awful. Thats why I didnt rush anywhere else because I wanted to take punishment also for my actions in the incident.

I took the quarter off socially, but now I want to join a frat (obviously). A couple guys in the new fraternity know about what happened and understand that it was just a bad set of circumstances. That I shouldn't have had so much alcohol and they should have handled the situation better. The thing is that I dont go around telling every brother this story. Should I be more open about it? I'm not hiding it, but if no one asks I dont see why I need to blurt it out? What are your thoughts on this? Personally, it has helped make me a better person and a potential better brother.

Question 2:
I've only been to three rush events so far. A couple guys who I'm close with say I have a bid (when they hand them out) and while I believe them I'm also worried that I should be doing more. You see, when I first meet people I like to absorb everything at first. Learn people, surroundings, and attitudes before become more outgoing. I'm not anti-social by any means but I usually just stick to talking sports, pop culture, some jokes, and maybe some stuff about on campus. I don't totally loosen up for a while.

The frat I'm thinking about joining is filled with a lot of out going guys, and I'm just curious if this is normal for every rush when they first meet a fraternity? Do guys understand that it may take a couple weeks for people to open up completely. Like I was at a pregame, and I was talking to the brothers and someone was like "Go talk to some girls", but personally I just wanted to get to know the brothers better first and just play it chill.

The reason I'm real curious about this is because I'm curious if I'm outgoing enough to be in a fraternity. I'm a real chill guy who just likes to take it easy most of the time. With my close friends I can go crazy, but for the most part I like to be smooth about things. Idk. Any advice on expectations from rushes would be appreciated?

Ex: I went to a fraternity basketball game tonight. I said hi to all the brothers I knew, a couple other words, and just watched the rest of the game quietly only cheering when they scored. I dont want to come off as too pushy or trying to hard. I enjoyed the game, but wondered if some of the brothers wanted me to be more vocal and active?

Thanks for any advice guys. I appreciate it!

Last edited by RJG728; 04-10-2010 at 01:41 AM.
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  #2  
Old 04-10-2010, 03:50 PM
RJG728 RJG728 is offline
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Anyone got anything? lol.. Would just really love some personal advice from experienced members of the greek community?
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  #3  
Old 04-10-2010, 08:39 PM
Psi U MC Vito Psi U MC Vito is offline
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The problem is, there is really nothing we can tell you. Each fraternity and even chapter runs things differently, and looks for different types of people. Sorry.
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  #4  
Old 04-10-2010, 08:42 PM
KSUViolet06 KSUViolet06 is offline
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I don't know how your Greek community is, but ours was such that if/when something like what you describle happened, we all heard about it.

So I don't think you need to talk about it at rush because if your Greek community is anything like mine, everyone already knows that you passed out/went to the hospital/etc. and had your bid revoked by a fraternity before.

Talking about it all the time might make people think that you are still stuck on that kind of behavior.
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  #5  
Old 04-10-2010, 10:21 PM
RJG728 RJG728 is offline
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Thanks for the responses guys! I guess you are right about my past with greek life, and that I should keep doing what I'm doing and not live in the past.

Also, in regards to my second question I guess you are right its impossible to say how I should act. I'm just nervous I guess because, as I'm sure you all know, its hard going into a place and meeting 80 new people whom are all brothers and being able to jump in and be yourself. Hopefully they understand that with time everything will work out. We'll see!

Well thanks for the responses! I appreciate it
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  #6  
Old 04-12-2010, 01:20 AM
lucgreek lucgreek is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RJG728 View Post
Hi Guys!

Well let me start off by saying that I'm a sophomore transfer student from a junior college who is trying to rush this quarter (Spring) with a fraternity. I didnt rush my freshman year since I was in a junior college, but now I want to do it because I want to have a great overall college experience.

Question #1:
I'm going to be honest with you guys and telling an embarrassing story for me. I rushed another frat last quarter (Winter) and got a bid and was set to go. It was great. One night though I was drinking with some of the brothers. It got out of hand (drinking-wise) and I knocked out. They got worried called a ambulance, someone drew on me, etc. I wake up in the hospital. Basically, they ended up on social probation for the rest of the quarter because of this and Nationals said I couldnt join because I was a risk. It was embarrassing, and I felt awful. Thats why I didnt rush anywhere else because I wanted to take punishment also for my actions in the incident.

I took the quarter off socially, but now I want to join a frat (obviously). A couple guys in the new fraternity know about what happened and understand that it was just a bad set of circumstances. That I shouldn't have had so much alcohol and they should have handled the situation better. The thing is that I dont go around telling every brother this story. Should I be more open about it? I'm not hiding it, but if no one asks I dont see why I need to blurt it out? What are your thoughts on this? Personally, it has helped make me a better person and a potential better brother.

Question 2:
I've only been to three rush events so far. A couple guys who I'm close with say I have a bid (when they hand them out) and while I believe them I'm also worried that I should be doing more. You see, when I first meet people I like to absorb everything at first. Learn people, surroundings, and attitudes before become more outgoing. I'm not anti-social by any means but I usually just stick to talking sports, pop culture, some jokes, and maybe some stuff about on campus. I don't totally loosen up for a while.

The frat I'm thinking about joining is filled with a lot of out going guys, and I'm just curious if this is normal for every rush when they first meet a fraternity? Do guys understand that it may take a couple weeks for people to open up completely. Like I was at a pregame, and I was talking to the brothers and someone was like "Go talk to some girls", but personally I just wanted to get to know the brothers better first and just play it chill.

The reason I'm real curious about this is because I'm curious if I'm outgoing enough to be in a fraternity. I'm a real chill guy who just likes to take it easy most of the time. With my close friends I can go crazy, but for the most part I like to be smooth about things. Idk. Any advice on expectations from rushes would be appreciated?

Ex: I went to a fraternity basketball game tonight. I said hi to all the brothers I knew, a couple other words, and just watched the rest of the game quietly only cheering when they scored. I dont want to come off as too pushy or trying to hard. I enjoyed the game, but wondered if some of the brothers wanted me to be more vocal and active?

Thanks for any advice guys. I appreciate it!
Q1:
I have no idea what your school's greek life climate, numbers, etc.. are like. But on my campus with 3 fraternities and 4 sororities (5 in the fall), word would have easily gotten around about you, especially if it resulted in social probation. Word spreads in the greek community on my campus fast.

If this is the same at your campus, then even without mentioning the story to anyone, they probably know. If other brothers know about your situation and they vote on you, they'll most likely tell the people when they are voted on. Each organization's voting methods vary, but with some one member's no vote can keep you out.

Q2:
Honestly, you're going to have to bust out of your shell. Rush is called rush for a reason; you don't have a lot of time. If someone tells you that you have a bid, I wouldn't take their word as gold. I've known people who thought they had bids to certain groups based on the word of a member, but it wasn't the case. Unless they've voted to extend a bid to you, nothing is guaranteed.

Again, how competitive is your campus? If you're on a campus that has low fraternity numbers, you'll probably be fine. But if your campus is very competitive, you need to do more than just be a face in the crowd. You need to try to hang out more often so that during voting people can vouch on your behalf.

It's really hard for anyone to give specific advice without knowing much about your campus. Though, revealing your campus information can be just as harmful. More collegians look at GreekChat than you might think.
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  #7  
Old 04-12-2010, 09:51 AM
33girl 33girl is offline
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Quite frankly, I don't know how guys deal with being at rush and trying to impress guys AND girls at the same time.

I think that you are perhaps being more cautious than you would normally be because of the bad experience you had. That's perfectly natural. Just remind yourself these are not the same guys - they sound like much nicer guys to me - and that you are not the same person, you've grown up. The fact that you took responsibility for your end of the deal speaks a lot to that.

Just try to take each experience as it's happening and don't get hung up on what was or what will be, and you'll most likely loosen up and have a better time.
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  #8  
Old 04-12-2010, 10:00 AM
ree-Xi ree-Xi is offline
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People do get over scandals. If it was a one-time thing, and you otherwise are a normal, nice, friendly person, you can get past it.

You are really obsessing about this incident. If you focus on your mistake, so will everyone else. If you forgive yourself and move on, so will everyone else. Earn a new reputation by actions.
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  #9  
Old 04-16-2010, 06:09 PM
RJG728 RJG728 is offline
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Well just to update some of you guys, I got my bid last night at the new fraternity and am currently a pledge. One of six for Spring Quarter. I'm very excited about the situation, and feel like I'm in the best spot for me.

It seems everything works out for a reason. I've come to the conclusion that while I have nothing bad to say about the guys at the old house, that maybe it was fate that led to my mess up and led me to my new house.

Reason being that yesterday as I walked to my new fraternity's house, I ran into a guy from the old fraternity. I told him I was checking out the new fraternity, that I hope everyone else is doing good, and that it sucks everything worked out the way it did. Basically, he then gave me a guilt trip, told me that everyone in the old house hates me, and discouraged the fact that I actually looked somewhere else.

I told him that I messed up and that it sucks. I got the boot from their fraternity, I got exiled from all my friends in that house, I had to deal with medical bills, and to punish myself from my actions I told myself I wouldn't rush anywhere else in the Winter. I took full responsibility in the report they sent to their nationals, and I told their insurance that it was my fault so I wouldn't be suing or asking for help with any medical bills.

They got in trouble for the way they handled the situation. Individuals who got into trouble admitted to underage drinking, and suppling me with alcohol. They can't blame me for pushing it too far considering that I was drinking with them, and the person who drew on me can only blame himself. They called the cops on themselves, and then were cool with me when it was my ass that was on the line, but when they got punishments it was like we never knew each other.

So it's good now to hopefully close that chapter, and start a new one with a group of guys who I could see myself really growing with. A couple of more guys know about the story, and just understand everything that happened. They joke with me to not let it happen again, but say that it happens and that they know my intentions as a person are always good. I also found out the old fraternity has issues like picking fights, and taking weapons to other fraternity houses. I'm glad I'm out of that situation and in a new, more positive one.

No bad feelings towards anyone. It's just life. Well thanks to everyone who responded in here. Maybe I'll update it when I become a brother! Spring is going to be great. I think I can already tell how great a decision this is going to be.
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  #10  
Old 04-16-2010, 11:21 PM
ree-Xi ree-Xi is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RJG728 View Post
Well just to update some of you guys, I got my bid last night at the new fraternity and am currently a pledge. One of six for Spring Quarter. I'm very excited about the situation, and feel like I'm in the best spot for me.

It seems everything works out for a reason. I've come to the conclusion that while I have nothing bad to say about the guys at the old house, that maybe it was fate that led to my mess up and led me to my new house.

Reason being that yesterday as I walked to my new fraternity's house, I ran into a guy from the old fraternity. I told him I was checking out the new fraternity, that I hope everyone else is doing good, and that it sucks everything worked out the way it did. Basically, he then gave me a guilt trip, told me that everyone in the old house hates me, and discouraged the fact that I actually looked somewhere else.

I told him that I messed up and that it sucks. I got the boot from their fraternity, I got exiled from all my friends in that house, I had to deal with medical bills, and to punish myself from my actions I told myself I wouldn't rush anywhere else in the Winter. I took full responsibility in the report they sent to their nationals, and I told their insurance that it was my fault so I wouldn't be suing or asking for help with any medical bills.

They got in trouble for the way they handled the situation. Individuals who got into trouble admitted to underage drinking, and suppling me with alcohol. They can't blame me for pushing it too far considering that I was drinking with them, and the person who drew on me can only blame himself. They called the cops on themselves, and then were cool with me when it was my ass that was on the line, but when they got punishments it was like we never knew each other.

So it's good now to hopefully close that chapter, and start a new one with a group of guys who I could see myself really growing with. A couple of more guys know about the story, and just understand everything that happened. They joke with me to not let it happen again, but say that it happens and that they know my intentions as a person are always good. I also found out the old fraternity has issues like picking fights, and taking weapons to other fraternity houses. I'm glad I'm out of that situation and in a new, more positive one.

No bad feelings towards anyone. It's just life. Well thanks to everyone who responded in here. Maybe I'll update it when I become a brother! Spring is going to be great. I think I can already tell how great a decision this is going to be.
Seriously, you need to just END it. Stop talking about it. You don't have to ignore the brothers from the first fraternity, but keep it casual. You have to move on. If there are hard feelings, they won't go away if you keep trying to explain things.

Are you still talking about it to the new fraternity? Informing people that didn't already know??

Look at what's in front of you, not behind you. Otherwise, your new fraternity may question whether they were right to choose you. You have to MOVE ON.
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  #11  
Old 04-17-2010, 03:34 PM
RJG728 RJG728 is offline
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Originally Posted by ree-Xi View Post
Seriously, you need to just END it. Stop talking about it. You don't have to ignore the brothers from the first fraternity, but keep it casual. You have to move on. If there are hard feelings, they won't go away if you keep trying to explain things.

Are you still talking about it to the new fraternity? Informing people that didn't already know??

Look at what's in front of you, not behind you. Otherwise, your new fraternity may question whether they were right to choose you. You have to MOVE ON.
Sorry, maybe I didn't make it clear on some points. The guy brought it up to me and was trying to start a confrontation about it. I told him my side of what happened and told him I had no hard feelings.

With guys in the house, some of you were right and a couple other guys heard the story. They brought it up jokingly, I told them my side since the only side they've ever heard is from a Fraternity who now doesn't seem to like me.

I don't bring it up, but it is apart of my life here at my school. I can't ignore when people bring it up because it did happen. I'm just happy I'm in the new fraternity and starting new experiences
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  #12  
Old 04-18-2010, 05:58 PM
pshsx1 pshsx1 is offline
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So I assume you were initiated?
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  #13  
Old 04-19-2010, 08:36 AM
MysticCat MysticCat is offline
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So I assume you were initiated?
I doubt it. He said he just got his bid this past Thursday night.
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