Would you get married quickly if you had no doubts?

[christiangirl]

While totally true, the question wasn't about how soon is too soon to know someone. It was more of a magical question: If you knew all the important stuff and had a guarantee this was the right person to marry, would you go ahead and do it? Or do you have the kind of personality that would just hold off because it's a comfortable stage to be in and you wouldn't feel like pushing forward? I meant it more like that.

I see dating (in my limited scope of it) to be like this: The initial getting-to-know-you phase where you're constantly weeding through info for the important stuff, determining compatability. That takes lots of adjusting and compromise. You make the decision to "be together" which takes more adjusting and compromising. Moving in/engaged/married--same thing. That may be one of the reasons many marriages fail within the first couple years IMO. If you're constantly "moving" in the relationship, you're not used to just being in one stage with each other for a long time--and that's pretty much what marriage is so if you haven't "practiced" it you're less likely to succeed doing it. You have to know how to move forward with each other but learning to just hold still with each other is pretty important, too.

Obviously, that's not true of all people whose relationships progress quickly, but that's one aspect I notice. I always thought I was one who'd "just know" and then go for it but maybe that's not me. Because, a couple years ago, what dreamseeker and agzg described would have sounded pointless and avoidant to me. Right now, it sounds pretty fantastic.

[dreamseeker]

it is fantastic.

[lovespink88]

Yes. I would marry my fiance tomorrow if I could, but unfortunately we're not in that position to do so financially.

But then again, we've been together three years, so that's not exactly getting married quickly lol

My parents were a get married quick couple. It's not that they felt rushed or anything, they just knew. They dated for three months when they got engaged. They married 9 months later. They will be married for 25 years in September!

[DrPhil]

No. I don't believe in "quick fixes."

[DaemonSeid]

No...never. No need to rush anything

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Yes. (Says the daughter of the parents who dated on & off for 12 years before finally marrying.)

I'm betting there are people out there who would have been much better served by getting married more quickly than they did - but they were worrying more about the wedding than the marriage.

This.

My parents both knew that they wanted to marry the other the night they met, but "forces" kept them apart for another year. When they saw each other the second time, they started planning for a life together. They were married 55 years when my daddy died.

I've always felt very, very fortunate that my parents loved each other so completely. Yes, they argued, yes, they thought about separating. But even the worst times were better than some of the best times I've seen in other peoples' parents. I want that!

[Barbie's_Rush]

I don't think you can truly know someone and know they are right for you in six months. I think it takes at least a year and probably up to two years to really see who they are in all kinds of situations. That said, I think some people end up being lucky when they marry quickly and really do find the person they were meant to be with for the long haul. But that has more to do with luck than really knowing the person through and through and they grow into a great relationship through marriage.

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

While totally true, the question wasn't about how soon is too soon to know someone. It was more of a magical question: If you knew all the important stuff and had a guarantee this was the right person to marry, would you go ahead and do it? Or do you have the kind of personality that would just hold off because it's a comfortable stage to be in and you wouldn't feel like pushing forward? I meant it more like that.

My husband and I went ahead and did it (sort of). We got engaged less than a year after we started dating. We moved in together a few months later. We didn't actually exchange rings / exchange vows / break the glass / have the big party until two years after we moved in together (much to my uber-Catholic father's chagrin) but that was because we wanted to get through grad school and have enough money to pay for the wedding we wanted.

When you meet Mr. or Ms. Right, you just... know. If you both have that "I just know" feeling - why wait?

[pshsx1]

I'm the type of person that always hesitates with big decisions.

I've been in my current relationship for two years now, but I'm in absolutely no hurry (but that may also be because I"m so young).

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Barbie's_Rush

I don't think you can truly know someone and know they are right for you in six months. I think it takes at least a year and probably up to two years to really see who they are in all kinds of situations. That said, I think some people end up being lucky when they marry quickly and really do find the person they were meant to be with for the long haul. But that has more to do with luck than really knowing the person through and through and they grow into a great relationship through marriage.

I really don't think one can make generalizations like this. Everyone's situations are different. When my sister married her husband. they'd known each other for 10 months -- they'd been engaged for 5 of those months. Thirty-three years, three kids and three grandkids later, they're going strong. I don't think luck has had much to do with it at all. It's been love (both romantic, fall-in-love kind and the decide to love kind) and commitment.

Everyone's different. When you know it's right, you know it's right.

[summer_gphib]

We met in January, were engaged in September, and married the following July. We will be married 10 years in July, and are still very, very much in love.

[GeorgiaGPhiB]

I never thought it would be so easy but ...

I remember seeing him and telling my friend I could marry that man. Cut to a year and a half later of being together and the only thing that stops us is we are still in school.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Barbie's_Rush

I don't think you can truly know someone and know they are right for you in six months. I think it takes at least a year and probably up to two years to really see who they are in all kinds of situations. That said, I think some people end up being lucky when they marry quickly and really do find the person they were meant to be with for the long haul. But that has more to do with luck than really knowing the person through and through and they grow into a great relationship through marriage.

I agree 100% and with zero exceptions. I think it's a combination of lucky (and basic probability) and God's grace.

"Me and yo mama knew each other for 5 weeks when we got married. We've had some rough times and played with fire, but through luck and the grace of God, we made it."

Originally Posted by MysticCat

I really don't think one can make generalizations like this. Everyone's situations are different. When my sister married her husband. they'd known each other for 10 months -- they'd been engaged for 5 of those months. Thirty-three years, three kids and three grandkids later, they're going strong. I don't think luck has had much to do with it at all. It's been love (both romantic, fall-in-love kind and the decide to love kind) and commitment.

That was close to at least a year.

Getting engaged isn't the end-all because engagements can be broken and often are because people learn things after the "dating grace period" has ended. It's the quick marriage vows in less than a year that I don't agree with unless we're talking about the norm 50+ years ago (then people under the age of 18 should also be getting married more than they are now).

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Everyone's different. When you know it's right, you know it's right.

That's cute. I don't give a darn what other people do with their lives until it impacts mine. But, I believe that something that is "right" right now will also be "right" if you wait a little longer to "cross the teeeees" and "dot the iiiiiiiiiiis."

Michael McDonald said it best in "I Knew You Were Waiting for Me."

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

But, I believe that something that is "right" right now will also be "right" if you wait a little longer to "cross the teeeees" and "dot the iiiiiiiiiiis."

That's true. But just because you would wait longer doesn't mean others are obliged to.

My thing is that the OP's question is one without a single right answer, and it's kinda stupid to think otherwise. Everyone's mileage will vary. The corrollary of not caring what other people do until it has an impact on me is not caring what other people think about what I'm doing if I'm doing what works for me and my significant other.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

That's true. But just because you would wait longer doesn't mean others are obliged to.

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I don't give a darn what other people do with their lives until it impacts mine.

........