How to Soothe This Pain???

[PenguinTrax]

Originally Posted by irishpipes

I don't know if your answer was directed at me or the mom. I know that's how it works - the mom who posted said that there were 1400 signed up and only 800+ spots. She made it sound as if the number of spots was determined before recruitment, which simply is untrue unless the school is not following NPC guidelines for quota. If there are 800 spots, it should mean that there are 800 PNMs still in the game at prefs.

This is correct.

FSU quota was set at 54. I've heard that many chapters made quota and a few had quota additions. No specifics past that.

[FSMOM]

The dreaded text message arrived yesterday -- "I've dropped". She did not get asked back to her preferred choice, and the 3 houses she got asked back to were ones she was not interested in...I asked if she looked deep inside the girls that belonged to the houses to see if there was any way she could find herself a part of their house, but the answer was no. Now she is dealing with more pain today because her roommate rec'd her #1 bid and welcome signs were pasted on her dorm door. Right now she is mixed with emotions --sadness and joy. What words of comfort do you say to someone that is rooming with her best friend that got into a sorority and they didn't?

[jaade124]

I just wanted to say that I rushed my freshman year, Spring semester (which is formal recruitment for us) and I got dropped by my #1 choice. It was really disheartening especially since my friend got a bid to my #1 choice and my roomate got a bid to another sorority. Returning to my room that night to see the welcome sign posted on my door made me cry even more. It was very upsetting.

Then, sophomore year Fall semester, I built up the courage to go back to recruitment. During fall we have informal recruitment so PNM's can go to whichever org they want...I chose to just rush my #1 choice. It ended up being really successful because they gave me a bid!!! And now I belong to Phi Sigma Sigma my #1 choice! And on top of that I found out that the reason I got dropped was a total mistake. So I encourage your daughters to try again! You never know!

[carnation]

Originally Posted by FSMOM

The dreaded text message arrived yesterday -- "I've dropped". She did not get asked back to her preferred choice, and the 3 houses she got asked back to were ones she was not interested in...I asked if she looked deep inside the girls that belonged to the houses to see if there was any way she could find herself a part of their house, but the answer was no. Now she is dealing with more pain today because her roommate rec'd her #1 bid and welcome signs were pasted on her dorm door. Right now she is mixed with emotions --sadness and joy. What words of comfort do you say to someone that is rooming with her best friend that got into a sorority and they didn't?

FSMom, several of us have been there personally and with our daughters as well. When I rushed the first time, I too looked at my invitations and said, 'No way." I knew what I could and couldn't accept at that stage in my life. One later offered me an open bid and I still said no. I rushed again a year later and got the one I wanted.

Looking back now, I think I could have done okay with one of those but as an adolescent--no, I couldn't. You know what you need in a group. I would advise her to do as I did--make sure her grades are tiptop and that she gets involved in some quality groups on campus, not just dorky, no-name committees (probably the yearbook wuould give her ideas.). Make sure she gets her name out and that she becomes great friends with sorority members. Several upperclass PNMs on Greekchat have gotten bids this year and she could have a shot at it too--if she develops a plan to market herself to the sororities!

[BethKAT]

I myself never went out for formal rush the 1st year because of an awful experience my cousin had at Auburn not getting into a legacy chapter of her mother (at the same school). She also had the best grades, good looks and was a nice person (but from out of state) She continued to make good grades become involved in activities and got into that sorority her sophmore year.
1st I want to commend your daughter for the courage and she can never say she didn't try her 1st year. I got involved in organizations and met people and signed up for COB and joined the winter of my sophmore year and had a great time with lots of diverse friends.

My advice; sign up for COB. get to know others who can write recs and girls in the sorority (they CAMPAIGN for the girls they want in so she needs an ally on the inside). Go out for organizations like atheletic supporter organziations(Diamond Dolls and Match Mates) and Student Government anything to pad her "resume" Most important make top grades. Then try it again next year. If you get to know girls let them know your interest in going through rush next year and when you become friends ask them to support you. But be cool. Hope this helps. I am proud of her because she tried. She will never have regrets about not trying.

[EGAOPi]

Originally Posted by Scandia

I would not be shocked if many girls like me got bids at other schools.

But UF is as tight as it can get.

I disagree that UF is as tight as it can get. I have known many people that went through recruitment at UF and had wonderful experiences. Several of them have been the girl that you describe--the class nerd and unconventionally attractive.
I'm sorry that your experience did not go well, however--I know many girls go through recruitment up there and sometimes ranking and finding out where you belong can be difficult. I hope you are still enjoying UF nonetheless-whenever I visit, I always have a lot of fun up there!

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

While a follow-up to the women who wrote her recs is greatly appreciated and something she should do (esp. if she may go through recruitment a second time and need to secure new recs for the next recruitment cycle), but she may want to wait a week or so until she is feeling back to being normal.

She should phrase it in her own words, but something along the lines of:


Dear ALUMNA,
Thank you so much for your kindness and time in helping me secure sorority recommendations. While recruitment did not end as I'd hoped, I'm very excited to be attending UGA and plan to get involved with campus life! This semester, I have a full course load and I'm living in a dorm with some wonderful girls. I love the school! Thank you again for all your help. While sorority membership is not in the cards for me at this time, I hope for a future opportunity and would like to stay in touch with you. Wishing you all the best.

Sincerely,
GADaughter

This is great advice...AND, not to build any false hopes, but...

There is a chance that a chapter or two would like to pick up a few women through COB, either this semester or next. At a school where this is taboo, they do not advertise, they use personal connections. So, if suzie alum hears that your daughter is still a free agent, and knows that her chapter is graduating two girls in December, she may pull the strings that put the two in touch. As slim as this chance is, by being gracious and thanking the women who wrote recs, she is positioning herself well.

[EGAOPi]

I know this may be a little late considering recruitment ended almost two months ago, but I know that getting over something like this can be difficult, so I hope this can still help.
Recruitment can be really hard. Everyone is under a lot of pressure--pressure to look good, be charming, be the whole package...while standing outside all day and walking from house to house in the brutal heat while wearing heels. At the same time, it can be one of the most wonderful experiences in the world. I had a horrible experience last year going through recruitment, but I went through again this year and everything worked out amazingly. I'm not sure if your daughter would be interested in going through recruitment again, but I hope my story can help.
I was so excited to go through recruitment last year. It seemed like the whole week was going amazingly--I got invited back to all of my top choices every single day--even on pref day. But on Bid Day, right while I was getting ready, my Pi Chi (recruitment counselor) called me crying to tell me that I was not receiving a bid that day. She said that she was shocked because it seemed like I was a shoo-in--the typical sorority girl. I knew what had happened--I preffed 2 sororities on pref day--we'll call them XYZ and YX. I really felt a strong connection with YX but I felt like I had to go XYZ because of what the girls in my pi chi group were saying and because of their overall reputation nationally (at least from what I heard at that point). When the girl that preffed me at YX asked if I was torn or not, I honestly said yes--that I loved them both but just didn't know yet. She later told me she thought that I wanted XYZ much more and that she could just tell and she told the other girls that, so I didn't end up on their bid list. Everyone assumed I'd be getting a bid from XYZ, especially a good friend of mine in XYZ. As it turns out, they dropped me on Bid Day. To this day, I don't know why. Sometimes, you never do.

Your daughter is probably as beautiful, intelligent and incredible as you say. I thought I was the whole package,too--not in a conceited way at all, but I thought I had a lot to offer. As it turns out, I did. I can't even begin to tell you how painful and crushing it feels to be turned down and watch all your friends so excited, waving around their bid cards...especially when you were the one that was going through recruitment for all the right reasons--for the sisterhood, the memories, the true college experience I had always dreamed of...not just to wear the letters or meet fraternity guys, like so many girls I knew going through. Ironically enough, XYZ ended up extending bids to girls that never came around or dropped the sorority, etc.
I know realize, though, why I didn't get a bid from XYZ--or YX for that matter. It wasn't meant to be.
I think everything happens for a reason...and I later found out that reason was that I belonged somewhere else. Somehow, on that first day of recruitment last year, I overlooked the house where I belonged. Luckily, I mustered up all the strength I had to go back through recruitment again this year and I found that home. It is the sorority that I am in now and it is the most incredible thing in the world. I've found girls--sisters--that I love to be around, that never pass unncessary judgement, that are there for me if I want to laugh, cry, study, go out or stay in. I can't imagine life without my sorority now. I've only been in it for a little under two months but they have been the best two months of my life. I remember on Pref Day when of the girls broke down crying as she talked about our sisterhood and how amazing it is. Today, that is honestly, 100% how I feel. I feel like last year was a learning experience--a painful one--that I needed to have to teach me to appreciate what I have now.

I wish that your daughter got to experience the amazing things that sorority life has to offer. I will never forget Bid Day this year...I cried, once again, but this time it was because I was so HAPPY. All the girls gather in the quad in Greek Village and they shout "Go home!" and we go running to our houses. Seeing all those girls smiling and crying and welcoming you in is the most amazing feeling in the world and it more than makes up for how awful things were last year. I hope that your daughter gets a chance to experience this.
I know went she went through was awful and right now, neither of you can probably imagine going through that all over again, but I promise you-it is worth it. I can't promise that she'll get a bid this time around, but there was this quote on Grey's Anatomy, and I realize this is cheesy, but it really represents this situation to me...it says "...even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying" and I think this really rings true for greek life and the recruitment process. It was 100% worth it.
I'm not sure how UGA's system works, but I do know that we have to rank everyday. Maybe the way your daughter ranked the sororities didn't match up with the way they ranked her. I can't swear by this, but I am fairly sure that there was at least one sorority out of those 18 that wanted her and that would have been a perfect fit.
I know you can't go back to all the houses in round 2, so you need to rank after round 1 (this is usually how it is)--in that case, something like that may have happened.

Even though I went through again and everything just clicked, I realize that your daughter may completely oppose going through again and I can definitely understand that. In that case, it's important for her to realize that she has family and friends that can make her just as happy as any sorority can. She can get involved in clubs that give her a sense of belonging and make a huge, overwhelming school like UGA much smaller. She can always go to fraternity parties and different Greek philanthropies and events with her sorority friends just to see what it's like or experience some of the things she wouldn't ordinarily get to. I spent 2 years in college not being in a sorority and though for me sorority life is a million times more amazing that those past 2 years, I can honestly say I still managed to have the time of my life back then. I made great friends in my dorms that I still keep in touch with. I joined a few different clubs and spent a lot of time on my schoolwork. I went to every single college event and got involved as I possibly could and I loved every minute of it. Yeah, I thought about going Greek and what I was missing out on a lot, but you know what? I had fun. These four years are about discovering yourself. And maybe your daughter discovered she doesn't need a sorority to be her wonderful self. Being Greek is an incredible experience, but college in ITSELF is an incredible experience. Whether she gives Greek life another shot or goes down her own path, she will eventually get over this and everything will fall into place.
[P.S. I'm not sure if UGA has spring rush, but it is usually much more informal and laidback. You usually just visit one house at a time to decide where you fit in. If she isn't offered a bid, she can go to a different sorority's spring rush party and see how it goes there. There usually isn't a "Bid Day" or anything like that. My school has this, so UGA might, too. ]

Sorry this was so long, but I hope it helped. Even if not, please tell your daughter that college is what you make of it and if she wants to have the time of her life up there, she will. Good luck to her in college!

[EGAOPi]

I realize this is coming to you a bit late, but I just finally got around to joining and I'm catching up on this forum.
I know what your daughter is going through because it happened to my best friend at FSU. She got dropped from every sorority except for her bottom 3 in round 2 and she was so devastated that she dropped.
She ended up regretting that decision more than she ever thought was possible. She actually got to know those girls outside of the high pressure recruitment process and now loves them. There is one sorority in particular that invited her that day...she now absolutely loves them and is considering going thru spring rush from them next semester.
I wish your daughter would have given them a chance--they could've been the perfect fit. However, I know where she was coming from--it can be absolutely crushing to get rejected from your top choices/favorites, but it's important to go on. Sometimes the place you least expect can end up being the right choice...and can truly become your home.
I encourage her to go through again. If she really wants to be in a sorority for all the right reasons and still wants to be Greek despite this ordeal, she should go through informal rush (if her school has it) or give formal recruitment another shot!
Maybe it hurts right now to see her roomie experiencing something she really wanted for herself but at the same time, it could inspire her to go out and find it--possibly in the homes of the girls that really wanted her. She may not know it yet, but it could be just what she's looking for.

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by EGAOPi

I realize this is coming to you a bit late, but I just finally got around to joining and I'm catching up on this forum.
I know what your daughter is going through because it happened to my best friend at FSU. She got dropped from every sorority except for her bottom 3 in round 2 and she was so devastated that she dropped.
She ended up regretting that decision more than she ever thought was possible. She actually got to know those girls outside of the high pressure recruitment process and now loves them. There is one sorority in particular that invited her that day...she now absolutely loves them and is considering going thru spring rush from them next semester.
I wish your daughter would have given them a chance--they could've been the perfect fit. However, I know where she was coming from--it can be absolutely crushing to get rejected from your top choices/favorites, but it's important to go on. Sometimes the place you least expect can end up being the right choice...and can truly become your home.
I encourage her to go through again. If she really wants to be in a sorority for all the right reasons and still wants to be Greek despite this ordeal, she should go through informal rush (if her school has it) or give formal recruitment another shot!
Maybe it hurts right now to see her roomie experiencing something she really wanted for herself but at the same time, it could inspire her to go out and find it--possibly in the homes of the girls that really wanted her. She may not know it yet, but it could be just what she's looking for.

Great post....thanks for relaying your experiences!

[FSUZeta]

egaopi, loved your post. you truly have found the sisterhood for you!!

as for the fsu and uga moms, there are a few sororities at both fsu and uga who participate in spring informal recruitment. as egaopi and others have said, informal recruitment is soooo much more laid back and relaxed, and may be just the venue in which your daughters will shine. even if the participating sororities were not among their top choices in the fall, i hope they would consider getting to know the members and giving these chapters a second look.the girls may change their mind about these groups. if nothing else, they can hone their rush skills for fall 2007 recruitment.

there are threads of successful spring recruitments at uga on greekchat(can't remember if there are any from fsu for spring rec.)if your daughters are at all interested, they might want to contact the greeklife office on their campuses to find out when they can sign up to participate, and when the spring informal recruitment will take place. hope they are doing well.

[EGAOPi]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

egaopi, loved your post. you truly have found the sisterhood for you!!

as for the fsu and uga moms, there are a few sororities at both fsu and uga who participate in spring informal recruitment. as egaopi and others have said, informal recruitment is soooo much more laid back and relaxed, and may be just the venue in which your daughters will shine. even if the participating sororities were not among their top choices in the fall, i hope they would consider getting to know the members and giving these chapters a second look.the girls may change their mind about these groups. if nothing else, they can hone their rush skills for fall 2007 recruitment.

there are threads of successful spring recruitments at uga on greekchat(can't remember if there are any from fsu for spring rec.)if your daughters are at all interested, they might want to contact the greeklife office on their campuses to find out when they can sign up to participate, and when the spring informal recruitment will take place. hope they are doing well.

Thank you so much! I do hope it helped. I also wanted to mention to FSMom that there is a local sorority at FSU, Delta Nu Zeta, that your daughter can check out if she realizes the other sororities weren't for her. My friend that I mentioned plans to check them out next semester
And to FSUZeta-I actually have an old friend from high school that I haven't seen in a veryyyy long time--Erin--she is a Zeta at FSU! xoxo