A real Mom's advice

justamom · #1 08-06-2001, 01:22 PM

Let me preface this by saying, my daughter told me about this site. I have read through the posts of the past year. Barbara, you are to be commended on the excellent job you are doing as well as the other members who give their advice and guidance.
My daughter will be rushing at one of the "hot topic" schools and this is what I am telling her. I believe the most critical decision will be after the second round. I have told her to consider wisely the groups she chooses to return to. From our city alone, we have several legacies to two houses. It may be one of those "great legacies" years. These girls are indeed convinced their acceptance is a given. They are all really nice girls so I tend to agree considering the emphasis placed on legacies.
I have told her to be as aware as possible of the sheer number of legacies to any sorority when making her decision. I also believe that she will be able to identify those that have mental pledge lists in their minds. To put it bluntly, it's a trim around all the edges philosophy. I did not experience such a competitive rush. Greeks at that time were not appreciated. This is why the idea that even a possibility exists of being invited to 3 prefs yet receiving no bid is disheartening. The sororities on campus are basically strong and filled with wonderful girls. To decline a troubled sorority or a power house or two that doesn't make her feel wanted would not impact her happiness in the least. Being a part of the Greek system is what matters to her. She's almost a professional volunteer!
I have composed a letter for her including the best bits of advice from you,the actives. I will say, some of it could be considered too candid. The one area I can't seem to recall had to do with how a girl could tell if a sorority was really interested in her. By this I mean beyond the realm of "Oh so nice to meet you." One tip said to take note if you're the first out the door and who you are introduced to. I would like to include some to remind her to cut through the emotion of the songs and skits and recognize who really sees her as a sister.
Thank you again for the information you have shared.

Tom Earp · #2 08-06-2001, 04:31 PM

Well just a Mom, I do not beleive it could be said any better! While Flounder ( Animal House ) was a legacy, that was really the House be belonged in! While all of the Brothers who came after me are legacies of a sort now we are getting into the real legacies!
i have a Brother # 54 whose son was a legacy but while the Chapter rushed him and thought thay had him sewn up He went SPE who is right across the street from us. His Dad told me and him it was his choice to go with who he felt the best to be with! It may be different for the Soroitys but it is still the same for Fraternitys. You have an edge but does not mean it is automatic for either the House or the individual. Goe with what you feel best with as you are going to have to be the one to live with your Greek mates for the rest of your lives. Some are closer than others and it is better to be with the people you care about than be with one and be miseriable!
Hopefully, the main thing is that they go Greek not GDI as there is life after shool and there are a lot of Greeks out in the real world!!!!!
Freindships made in school are forever!

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Tom Earp LX Z#1
Pittsburg State U. (Kansas)

carnation · #3 08-06-2001, 04:43 PM

At the big-time Greek schools, there is very often an evening where many sororities sit down and have a serious cut session by city. As in, "there were 25 Birmingham girls at the last set of parties and we can't take them all." Unfortunately, girls who only have their sights set on the "power groups" have often cut most of the "non-power groups" by this point.

If any of my daughters rush at big Southern universities, I intend to tell them not to choose all super-sororities to return to after the first rounds of parties. Many girls who do that get a bad shock after second rounds, occasionally third. Luckily, rushees are now able to indicate "decline with interest" so they have a chance of getting invited back by a sorority they may have unwisely cut earlier.

About the legacy issue--most sororities, if they know they absolutely don't plan to bid a certain legacy, should be cutting her after the second round so she can make other plans.

Please let us know how your daughter does!

justamom · #4 08-06-2001, 06:01 PM

Carnation and Tom. I feel like I know you having read your previous posts. Thank you for your response. I felt there would be some importance to the number of girls from a particular area. Carnation,as a mother you know we want to give as much help as we can and soften the blows if they come. Knowing my daughter, she will find happiness wherever she goes, whatever happens. I will let you know how it all ends up.

Dianne · #5 08-07-2001, 01:45 PM

As far as what to tell your daughter about knowing which sorority views her as a sister, I can say only this: You just know. It's almost like intuition. She will feel like she is among friends, like she is completely at home. It's hard to describe, but if the sisters really like her, they will let her know in a way that is discreet, but unmistakable. Wish her luck from all of us at Greek Chat.

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"Seek the noblest."
Zeta Love! <3

justamom · #6 08-07-2001, 09:12 PM

Dianne wrote-As far as what to tell your daughter about knowing which sorority views her as a sister, I can say only this: You just know. It's almost like intuition. She will feel like she is among friends, like she is completely at home. It's hard to describe, but if the sisters really like her, they will let her know in a way that is discreet, but unmistakable. Wish her luck from all of us at Greek Chat.
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"Seek the noblest."
Zeta Love! <3

Dianne, I hope you don't mind, but I used your quote prior to my last statement in the letter I wrote my daughter. What wonderful advice!
I believe she can participate in rush empowered due to the information gleaned from this board. I know there are many others who are not participating, yet gaining from the information that you all have shared. I would wish for every rushee and every sorority, the most successful rush
(with a perfect match) in their history. I would like to add that every sorority is a single pledge class away from turning their sorority into one of the "power houses" All it takes is the ability to really see the rushee and recognize the potential that may be hidden.
"To thine own self be true." This is one important aspect of the selection process we must teach our children, to listen, with a trained ear, to their hearts. I will post on the rushee thread the outcome of my daughters journey! Good luck to all and thank you!

[This message has been edited by justamom (edited August 08, 2001).]