Mom new to Greek, daughter rushing. needs help

scoobydoo · #1 08-27-2008, 12:58 PM

1. what kinds of things are discussed at the decision phase when the girls have gone through and met some of the new pnms? There are so many girls to consider, how do they keep them all straight?

2. When you say, "keep your options open" regarding putting down after each time you go through your 'top' houses. I'm sure it will be just as nerve wracking for my daughter to have to choose based on such quick meetings. therefore, how can she keep her options 'open' while continuing to cut and they are doing the same?

3. maximize by going to all the events. I'm sure she'll do that. but what girl wouldn't? I'm a little confused by this, as I'm sure my daughter wouldn't refuse an invitation by any house, and would feel honored that they invite back.

4. so they keep inviting my daughter back...and she's down to 3 of her top choices - because she has to pick only 3...which may or may not line up with the ones that liked her the best. How can she make a wise choice? I'm sure as hosteses, none of the sisters would be rude, therefore, maybe my daughter might mistake etiquette and kindness for an interest and chance not getting a bid.

I never went through rush and I don't know how to counsel her.

AOII Angel · #2 08-27-2008, 01:09 PM

Good luck to your daughter. Don't stress so much about all of this.

1. You will never know how the chapters decide who to pick. This is membership selection which is secret.

2. Keeping your options open just means not cutting a group just because you don't think the other girls like them. If you are invited back to that group and you have an available slot for their party after accepting invitations to the groups you liked, go to that party as well. You never know how your opinion might change from day to day. We've all seen it!
3. You'd be surprised how many girls will refuse to go to a party because they decided BEFORE recruitment which chapter they want to pledge. Always go to the party if you are invited.
4. Your daughter will have to decide where she would most like to be. If she can't rank them by the end of the week, then she is in an enviable position. She'd be happy anywhere she gets a bid. Tell her to do what SHE thinks is right, not what you, her friends, her rho chi, her rho chi group members or anyone else thinks is right!

texas*princess · #3 08-27-2008, 01:15 PM

^^^ agreed with the above. Also, I'd recommend reading all of the threads stickied to the top of the forum.

scoobydoo · #4 08-27-2008, 01:18 PM

does it ever happen that she has a conflict of an event between two houses? I mean, when you say girls "cut" going - could it be because they can't be at two places at once? and when do girls decide to 'cut'. It is my understand that..

1. first weekend on a friday and saturday, you attend all 15 or so houses
2. on Sunday she goes to 10 houses - which translates to not attending 5 (does she not get invited back? or can she still attend al 15?)
3. Monday she is down to 6 houses.... again, who is doing the cutting? can she keep attending as many as she wants? (provided she gets an invite from all). And is there such a thing that she might not get invited to at least 6 by monday.
4. the following sunday, she is down to 3 houses...in the interim, during the week, how did she go from 6 to 3? did they not invite her back, or is she only allowed to attend 3?

this is all so confusing...

and finally, on bid day, if she DOESNT get a call? that's a GOOD thing????

scoobydoo · #5 08-27-2008, 01:22 PM

oh, and i didn't give her any letters either. do they really look at those things? i mean, i know some women who would speak lovely on her behalf that were in sororities...but i guess i just dropped the ball.

ThetaDancer · #6 08-27-2008, 01:24 PM

I'm not really sure I understand everything you're asking, but I'll give it my best shot.

Recruitment is a mutual selection process, meaning that both the chapters and your daughter will be deciding which (if any) sorority is a good fit.

It is not possible to attend more than the maximum number of parties on any given day. For example, when you mention that on Sunday she goes to 10 houses, the most parties she can possibly attend is 10. It is possible that she may be attending fewer than 10 parties.

All universities do it a bit differently, but generally speaking, your daughter will have a Recruitment Counselor who will explain everything to her and help her along the way.

Hope that helps!

AOII Angel · #7 08-27-2008, 01:24 PM

You can attend as many parties are allowed for each day. If your daughter can go to 5 parties, she should pick her 5 favorite from the invitations she has. If she is invited to 6 parties and likes all but ABC. She should drop ABC and go to the parties that she likes. No one is advocating that she cut a group she likes in favor of keeping a "weak" chapter as a back up. The process usually works pretty well. Making the decision to cut a group is usually less difficult than picking the final chapter in the end. Your daughter may even have the choices made for her. She should got each day to as many parties as she possibly can. If she is invited to fewer parties than the maximum allowed for that day, she can only attend the number that she was invited to. She, also, will not be able to attend more than is allowed each day.

#8 08-27-2008, 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scoobydoo

does it ever happen that she has a conflict of an event between two houses? I mean, when you say girls "cut" going - could it be because they can't be at two places at once? and when do girls decide to 'cut'. It is my understand that..

1. first weekend on a friday and saturday, you attend all 15 or so houses
2. on Sunday she goes to 10 houses - which translates to not attending 5 (does she not get invited back? or can she still attend al 15?)
3. Monday she is down to 6 houses.... again, who is doing the cutting? can she keep attending as many as she wants? (provided she gets an invite from all). And is there such a thing that she might not get invited to at least 6 by monday.
4. the following sunday, she is down to 3 houses...in the interim, during the week, how did she go from 6 to 3? did they not invite her back, or is she only allowed to attend 3?

this is all so confusing...

and finally, on bid day, if she DOESNT get a call? that's a GOOD thing????

2. If she's only allowed to go to a maximum of 10 houses on Day 2, she will only go to the houses that invited her back. There's a chance that she WON'T be invited back to all 10. She could get 1-9 invites.

3. She'll be doing the cutting and the houses will do the cutting. Rush is mutual selection.

4. See Answer #2.

It's not that confusing.

And yes, no phone call is a good thing.

#9 08-27-2008, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scoobydoo

oh, and i didn't give her any letters either. do they really look at those things? i mean, i know some women who would speak lovely on her behalf that were in sororities...but i guess i just dropped the ball.

Yes, we look at those things.

It really depends on how competitive her school is. If all the PNMs have a rec in hand for all sororities and your daughter has zero, she may be SOL. If recs aren't really needed there, don't worry about it. Still, it's a good thing to have because it helps the chapter get to know her.

I'll have to agree with the girls who've said that she'll have a Recruitment Counselor available to answer all questions pertaining to rush. Don't confuse yourself too much with the process. Try reading the stickied threads in the recruitment forums before throwing out questions. Those threads may be able to help you better understand it all.

33girl · #10 08-27-2008, 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scoobydoo

does it ever happen that she has a conflict of an event between two houses?

No. Panhellenic (the group coordinating rush events for all the sororities) schedules the parties and the attendees so they do not overlap. The sororities basically put on the same party multiple times so all the rushees can attend. Kind of like TNT showing the same show multiple times and different people watching it each time.

The number of parties she is allowed to attend decreases as she gets further along in the process.

AZ-AlphaXi · #11 08-27-2008, 01:33 PM

this is the method of mutual selection ...

first day is usually an open house where all PNMs visit all the sororities. Your group moves from house to house in a scheduled pattern.

second day - this is usually a first invitation day. the PNMs have either ranked all the groups at the end of the first day or receive actual invitations. in the first method, the sororities issue invitations to those PNMs they'd like to see again, and panhellenic matches up the PNMs preferences with the invitations they receive and the PNMs are presented with an event schedule. For example, on the second day the PNMs can attend 10 events (all well be scheduled one after another). If you get invited to more than 10 sororities, then you have to "cut" which ones you won't attend. in the first case, panhellenic does the matching and you would never know if a group you had listed lower in your preference did or didn't invite you, if you have a full schedule. in the second case, you get to see the actual invitations and know which ones invited you and which didn't. In either case you can attend up to 10 events, no more, and perhaps less if you don't get invited.

the next days are a repeat of this process, with successively less events that you can attend. Each day the length of the events gets longer, so even though you're going to less events the days are just as long.

last set of events is preference, these are parties where the sororities will attempt to show some of what their sisterhood is about via serious songs, serious talk, and a ceremony of some sort.

after preference, the PNMs rank the sororites in the order they wish to join.. ie ABC #1, DEF #2, and XYZ #3. if they only attended 2 or 1 preference party, panhellenic may or may not allow the PNM to list other chapters they would be willing to accept a bid from even if they didn't attend their preference party.

PNMs often have decided that a group is "not desirable" before recruitment even begins and are not happy about having to attend an event at a group they believe is not good enough for them and will skip the party or attempt to drop them even if they have room in their schedule to attend. This is not desirable, and depending on the rules of panhellenic may get you dropped from recruitment. At the least, you will not be eligible for extra consideration at bid matching time .. ie you are not eligible for quota addition if you don't "maximize" your options.

not getting a call on bid day is a good thing ... most panhellenics attempt to inform PNMs if they don't get a bid so they won't show up expecting one and are uncomfortable.

hope this helps ... if you have any explicit questions, please feel free to PM me and I'll try to answer.

scoobydoo · #12 08-27-2008, 01:34 PM

i did read most of them. lol but i was still a little confused. i guess i can't understand that if a girl chooses 3 sororities, and they have invited her back...how can she not get in?

also, would an email suffice to the sorority from my lady friends? or should my daughter carry around copies of this letter for all the sororites to have on hand? i don't know how would be a good time to get these letters to the houses. Also, does her referal have to be from a former greek? Or what if my lady friend belongs to house XYZ, I don't think house ABC would want a referal letter from my friend who was in XYZ?

scoobydoo · #13 08-27-2008, 01:39 PM

AZ alphi xi - you are very helpful. thank you. I will tell my daughter to be the gracious recipient of all invites - like i raised her to be. I can't imagine that she would not go to a house when she was invited and her schedule allows her to. if she does and it hurts her in the end, she will not have given the process it's full chance.

scoobydoo · #14 08-27-2008, 01:39 PM

and what does PNM stand for? lol

33girl · #15 08-27-2008, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scoobydoo

i did read most of them. lol but i was still a little confused. i guess i can't understand that if a girl chooses 3 sororities, and they have invited her back...how can she not get in?

The sororities cannot take everyone they want or who wants them or they would grow unmanageably large. Plus the sororities don't know who likes them best, just as the rushees don't know which sorority likes them best. The sorority usually invites more women back to their final parties than they can actually take.

Quote:

Originally Posted by scoobydoo

also, would an email suffice to the sorority from my lady friends? or should my daughter carry around copies of this letter for all the sororites to have on hand? i don't know how would be a good time to get these letters to the houses. Also, does her referal have to be from a former greek? Or what if my lady friend belongs to house XYZ, I don't think house ABC would want a referal letter from my friend who was in XYZ?

Your daughter should NOT carry anything and email is not acceptable. If you have friends who are alumnae of sororities, ask them to write a recommendation form for your daughter (or better yet, your daughter should ask herself). They will know what you are talking about and take it from there. You should only ask women who are sorority alumnae to do this.