DARK/LIGHT...SKIN COLOR.........Is this still an issue? Let's be honest Sorors & SF'

[deja]

Is this an issue? I was in the mall a few days ago and a nice looking brother in his late 30's maybe early forties approached me. (Very nice looking Sorors) Any whooo, we were in engaged in a little small talk and all of a sudden I lost my hearing,,,,,yes I went absolutely deaf. I just could not hear pass the words that left the lips of this fine, well built 6"5 about 210 "dark-skinned" brothers full lips (beautiful white teeth). The words Sorors & SF's were......."You are so pretty to be sooo dark." I still cannot believe that. Is it written some where that dark-skin sisters are biologically challenged, where beauty is concerned? Is it an unwritten law/belief that beauty is only among the white/prit near white?

Surely this is not still an issue!

Deja

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TO WHOM MUCH IS GIVEN....MUCH IS EXPECTED.

[darling1]

To answer your question deja, yes you are biologically challenged. God forbid you are a reminder of Mother Africa . Sista I am being sarcastic here but that just shows you that somethings have not changed. I am on the other side of the spectrum and I remember one time at a club with my girlfriend and she said in so many words that if SHE were my complection she would be getting numbers and invites to the dance floor. I was p***ed to say the least. It makes me sad to here about stories like yours but it is also true in many cases you the lighter you are the more accepting you are. Just look at BET for example. The VeeJay Rachel is fair skinned very appealing to the eyes because she is light. But the chick couldn't interview to save her life!! Now Big Lez who is a much more down to earth woman and has far better interviewing skills gets put on Rap City which if I remember correctly comes on later in the evening. This situation is sad. I personally don't have an answer to it. This brother definitely has some issues and unfortunately the higher up you go in your career the worse in can get. All you can do is be strong within yourself and pray those who are in that land of confusion. Peace

[Serenity]

Deja,

Been there, girl. It can be truly shocking when this happens. Epecially when the brother is dark-skinned himself. HELLO!

I once had a guy tell me that his mother would have nothing to do with his kids if they were dark-skinned. Sad....really and truly sad. I have heard mothers tell their children to come in out of the sun because they don't want them to get too black. God forbid!

I could go on and on. Like they say, as much as things change they still stay the same. Like Darling1 says, we just have to continue to be strong and pray for the "confused" ones. We are all beautiful in God's eyes. Believe that!

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Sincerity, Loyalty, Unity

[daruler]

Unfortunately, this kind of stuff will continue for years and years. If it's not the light/dark thing, it's the good VS. bad hair. I am light skinned with what would be termed "good hair" that is wavy and down the middle of my back. What question do I always get? "What are you." Now I am not mixed with anything, both of my parents are black. But before people find out, they always seem to be intrigued by the fact that maybe i could have a little something running thru my blood other than black. I think it all goes back to how for as long as we've been in this country, we have been made to feel like black was not good enough. So this whole light/dark complex that we have will not go away until somehow we can realize all of the beauty that comes with being black, no matter what shade we are.

[ssh1980]

Deja, you are not alone. I get that all the time. I've actually had a white male teacher tell me that I was a pretty dark-skinned girl. If I'm pretty, what does being dark have to do with it. It's something I've just learned to except, but it has also made me favor pretty dark-skinned ladies...I guess because I feel the need to take up for 'my kind.' The media doesn't help the situation at all. All you see are bright skinned girls with long hair. I even notice dark skinned famous people gradually getting brighter and brighter. I just don't know what the deal is?

[Anydaynow]

I am a dark skinned sister and I am GLAD to see brothas date light skinned women. WHY? because atleast she's black. The problem is getting so bad that my light skinned, long hair 1/2 black 1/2 white friend got pushed on the dance floor because a brotha was trying to get to a white girl who wasn't even cute. The situation is so bad that she is even sick of them dating white women and her mother is white.

I don't have a problem with people dating outside of their race...however it is becoming an epidemic with brothas dating white girls. You see it everywhere.

So when I see a black man (positive) with a black woman (dark or light) I get over joyed and wish them lots of luck.

[Serenity]

Hmmmmmmm.......I never really thought of it that way Anydaynow. Good point.

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Sincerity, Loyalty, Unity

[Taykimson]

Soror Deja,

Yes this is still an issue...and I have to deal with it right at home. I would classify myself as brown-skinned (between light-skinned and dark-skinned) my husband is dark-skinned. My oldest daughter is my complexion (who is almost 5), my baby girl is my husband's complexion (who is 3). My almost 5 year-old child is corrupted. Because of what she hears on the playground at daycare, she has called her sister black! Well needles to say my reaction was pretty strong. Reflecting back it was probably too strong. With kids they will always continue to do the one thing that gets a strong reaction from their parents.

Anyhow, I'm still struggling on how to deal with the issue...I need help on how to enlighten my oldest daughter, and how to ensure my youngest grows up with confidence and does not feel second best. By the way, both of my daughters are very pretty (and that's not a mother's bias talking! )

[CuRiOuSiTy]

Hello Ladies!!!

Taykimson: I am sorry to her that your child's mind has been corrupted at such a young age. It really is sad. I don't have any children but I would say explain to your child that yes her sister is Black but so is she. They're just different shades of black. Explain to her that black people come in all kinds of different colors and the differences don't make anyone any less/more beautiful, special, etc....

When will we as a race realize that it doesn't matter what complexion you are....you're still black? Nobody (of other races)really looks at you and sees light skin or dark skin they see a black person. We are more color struck than anyone. We are quick to put one another down before anyone else will. That is our main problem as a race. And as soon as we can free our minds of this type of thinking we will be on our way to a more prosperous future as a people.

On a happier note HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to everyone who is blessed with kids or is blessed with one, two, three, etc...on the way!!!!
sorry for the lenght of my post
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"We are each of us angels with one wing, We can only fly embracing each other."

[This message has been edited by CuRiOuSiTy (edited May 14, 2000).]

[tickledpink]

Unfortunately, Deja, this is still an issue. I grew up in the south where racism was something we encountered on a daily basis. When we are so hated by others, I can't understand why we inflict the hatred on our own. What that brother didn't realize is that his comment was right up there with "You speak so well...." and reflects his true inner feelings about himself.

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>>>"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised... Proverbs 31:29-30

[gypsy]

I'm saddened to say that yes this still goes on. I'm brown-skinned, right in the middle. There are times that I wished that I was lighter and there are times that I wished that I was darker because to me I think that they all are beautiful. I do this when I see a beautiful light woman or a gorgeous dark woman. They come in all shades. We, as African Americans should br very happy with our whole race because the black race is a beautiful rainbow of brown complexions. We have "yellow sunshine", "red roses", "brown sugar", "sweet chocolates", "licorice black"..even more than that (just can't go into such description). Now that ALL sounds good to me. Even though this is NOT the best thing to go back to but....think about the song by WOOTANG. All the delicious flavors of the African American woman.

Now, on the down side. My boyfriend of 5 years HAPPENS to be light skinned. I didn't pick him because of that, I was just blessed with his every being. I think that he's one of the most beautiful men in the world, BUT........he made the comment about a girl.."She's cute for a dark-skinned girl." Girls, I went off the hindges with him." "It pissed me off that he said something so stupid." I've been bringing it up to the past three weeks because it pissed me off so much. He constantly says that he didn't mean it like that. I'm going to drill his head until I get tired of doing it. Even though we hear these things just think back to what I said.

Some may say that I may not know how it feels because I'm in the middle. But I will correct you on that.. I do BECAUSE I'm black!!! And being black is the single ingrediant that we need to come together and do what's important. That's all!!

And to the mother with the son issue...just keep teaching him. You will see what his final conclusion will be. And that is .... what his momma taught him!

[tickledpink]

Well said gypsy.


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>>>"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised... Proverbs 31:29-30

[mizzkes]

Hello ladies. This is a topic that gets me riled up every time. I hope that I dont sound too radical. The complexion issue is one of those issues that were put into place hundreds of years ago (by whites slave masters) to keep us divided. Lets not forget that the lighter complected,mixed race slaves were "houseslaves" while the darker complected ones were "field slaves". This was a technique used to keep the race divided so as to avoid revolts. This issue is one of the major self perpetuating complexes that we as black people buy into. It is sad that "we" are so cought up in skin color when there are so many other more important issues for us to deal with as a race. Lets talk about economics, crime, injustice...
I've heard children express the same things as mentioned above. My nieces and nephews came home saying that my mother is choclate and I am vanilla. My nephew told me that he like vanilla girls. Of course I gave him a long lecture on the issue. My mom had an exprience with a brother from her church. He is a dark complected man who is a single father of a really dark complected father. This man is the center of the attention of many of the single sisters in the congregation. Do you know that he had the nerve to say that he wants to marry a light complected woman?!!! My mother said to him "Well if every man felt the way you do, then your daughter will never find a husband. What do you think of that?" He was dumbfounded of course. I just think that it is a deep rooted issue that will be hard to change on the national scale. It is sad.

[GR∑∆TChan]

Hi
I've been reading this thread and I think that the fact that shad ism still exist in the african american commnunity is absolutely ludicrous.

Growing up I was always picked on for several reasons:
Being a "light skinned" person
Having longer hair than the others in class.
Wearing glasses haha
Speaking white(lol as stupid as that sounds)
Being "Bourgeois" (allegedly)
Being tall and skinny
and the list goes on...

However as I got older and met different people. I realized that issues that exist within the black community are not even a concern in main stream america. When i got to college. I realized that the way that my own people treated me during my child hood was still alive. So coming from a family full of AKA's and Delta's. I ironically made my choice to go another way. I joined a historically Jewish sorority...Obviously this didnt sit well with most of my friends and familly but I wanted to step out of my confort zone. Only to see what white people thought about my race. While doing so I've realized that they don't see complexions.hair textures.or dialects...

They see just BLACK.

I want everyone to realize that ..
Regardless of the way you look,walk or talk you are a different from them....one can try to conform but ..its useless...This issue of complexion doesn't matter to them..it just matters to us unfortunately.

I just wish that we would stop seperating ourselves and come together and represent ourselves more positively especially in neighborhoods that suffer from poverty....

My Grandmother marched back in the 60's ...for everything she believed in......the best part about it was that she was not alone.......The Harlem community was united.....we need to support eachother just the way that the Jews do it.!!!!

We suppress ourselves.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by GR∑∆TChan

Hi
I've been reading this thread and I think that the fact that shad ism still exist in the african american commnunity is absolutely ludicrous.

Growing up I was always picked on for several reasons:
Being a "light skinned" person
Having longer hair than the others in class.
Wearing glasses haha
Speaking white(lol as stupid as that sounds)
Being "Bourgeois" (allegedly)
Being tall and skinny
and the list goes on...

However as I got older and met different people. I realized that issues that exist within the black community are not even a concern in main stream america. When i got to college. I realized that the way that my own people treated me during my child hood was still alive. So coming from a family full of AKA's and Delta's. I ironically made my choice to go another way. I joined a historically Jewish sorority...Obviously this didnt sit well with most of my friends and familly but I wanted to step out of my confort zone. Only to see what white people thought about my race. While doing so I've realized that they don't see complexions.hair textures.or dialects...

They see just BLACK.

I want everyone to realize that ..
Regardless of the way you look,walk or talk you are a different from them....one can try to conform but ..its useless...This issue of complexion doesn't matter to them..it just matters to us unfortunately.

I just wish that we would stop seperating ourselves and come together and represent ourselves more positively especially in neighborhoods that suffer from poverty....

My Grandmother marched back in the 60's ...for everything she believed in......the best part about it was that she was not alone.......The Harlem community was united.....we need to support eachother just the way that the Jews do it.!!!!

We suppress ourselves.

Blacks aren't the only ones with colorisms and who treat people differently based on shade. Whites often treat blacks differently based on shade, which is a big reason why colorism continues in the black community in the first place. We don't just "suppress" ourselves. This thread is about intraracial prejudice, though, and that's why we're specifically discussing blacks' colorisms.

And what does it mean when they see you as "just BLACK?" Is that good or bad?