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  #58081  
Old 04-19-2017, 08:12 PM
ASTalumna06 ASTalumna06 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by navane View Post
I have an etiquette question --

Here's the situation...

My co-worker "Tom" and his wife had their first baby about three weeks ago. I was coming on duty and Tom was going off duty when her water broke. That was perfect timing - I was coming on shift anyway. However, it was a Thursday and Tom was scheduled to work on Saturday. I figured that Tom would either still be at the hospital or, if his wife gave birth, he would want to be home with her and infant for the first few days. So, we were already planning for him to not be there Saturday. No problem! It's a legitimate family event and we wanted him to be with his wife.

Since I was the person on duty, it was my responsibility to call around to hire someone for the Saturday overtime shift. Just as a formality, I did contact Tom and left him a voice message and also sent a text message. I asked him if he could officially confirm that he was not going to be at work on Saturday so that I was clear to hire someone to cover for him. With my voice message, I, of course, added my best wishes for his wife and told him that we were all excited for him. He did not respond to the text or phone call -- of course, he was probably a little bit pre-occupied! So, I went ahead and made the assumption that he would not be coming in and then hired for the shift. (I ended up having to hire myself to do the overtime since no one else could do it.) Tom never phoned or texted me back.

I work two days back-to-back (Thursdays and Fridays). The following day, Friday, in the afternoon, I notified my boss that I was going to pick-up the OT because I hadn't heard from Tom and I figured his wife was probably still in labor. My boss then said, "Oh, Tom had his baby this morning." Uhm...ok. It's not as if my co-worker is obligated to share his personal life with everyone; but, if the baby had been born, I would have thought he'd shoot us a quick text or e-mail to say, "Little babykins was delivered this morning at 8lbs 2oz! Mom and baby are doing great!" If nothing else, he should have texted me back to confirm that he wasn't coming in for his shift. (!!!!) But, ok....he was probably tired and overwhelmed. I can overlook that.

Tom took two weeks off of work for family leave. I covered two of his shifts and another co-worker covered the other two. Tom came back to work this past week. Chatting with me and another co-worker in the parking lot during shift change, Tom apologized for being a couple minutes late. He said he had to go pick-up a gift (a very nice potted plant) from one of the office ladies and added, "You know, from one of the co-workers who does care that I just had a baby."

I understand that he was probably joking; but, that seemed like an impolite thing to say. Was I and the other guy obligated to buy him gifts or otherwise fuss over his new baby? Tom never invited me to his baby shower. In fact, from what I can tell, I was the only person from the department that he did NOT invite to the baby shower! (They had needed me to work the shift so that other coworkers could go to the baby shower.) Tom never sent me a text to let me know he even had the kid, the baby's name, or anything. Three weeks and he never "announced" his baby to us.

Normally, I would bring a nice gift for a co-worker who has just had a baby; but, I elected not to do so. If Tom didn't want to include me in on his personal life, I can absolutely respect that. But, he then turns around and wonders why some of us aren't fussing over him being a new dad? The message is mixed.

Did I break etiquette here? I'm feeling kinda "itchy" because I feel like the gracious thing to do would have been to bring a gift anyway. But, on the other hand, I don't like being treated with discourtesy and his poor manners don't seem to warrant a gift.

Ideas?
I may not be the right person to answer this, as I pretty much have no maternal instincts, I hate buying gifts, and I generally only kind of care about other people having babies when they're family or close friends, but... if I were you, I wouldn't feel bad. I've only bought a gift for a co-worker once, and that was because another co-worker planned a baby shower and invited the whole office, and I knew everyone else was going to buy a gift and I didn't want to be *that* person.

IMO, this whole situation is really weird, and you shouldn't feel obligated to go above and beyond outside of saying congrats and covering his shifts.
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  #58082  
Old 04-19-2017, 09:43 PM
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Sciencewoman Sciencewoman is offline
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As a new dad, he's probably really tired, cranky, and going through a complete focus change. His wife is focused on the baby now, not him. He has to be focused on the baby now, not himself. So, the petulant, self-absorbed comment comes from that. "Pay attention to me!" It was rude, but I wouldn't spend any time worrying about it, and I wouldn't feel bad about not getting him a gift. I'm not seeing anything that should cause you to feel bad (he didn't invite you to the shower, he didn't communicate with you or thank you for covering his shifts, and he was rude).
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  #58083  
Old 04-22-2017, 11:09 AM
Phrozen Sands Phrozen Sands is offline
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To bicker over something like this sounds kind of childish, to me. And it really isn't a weird situation either. I'd have just worked the dude's shift, said congrats on the newborn, ignored his passive aggressive comments, and moved on. Not that big of a deal.
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  #58084  
Old 04-29-2017, 10:45 PM
sigtau305 sigtau305 is offline
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Overall, The Browns did good in this year's draft.
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  #58085  
Old 04-29-2017, 10:51 PM
DreamfulSpirit DreamfulSpirit is offline
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I'm about 2 1/2 weeks out from my due date with baby #2. I'm sooooo sore, that I'm only comfortable laying on my side constantly. Hoping he comes a little early (but not too early!)!
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  #58086  
Old 05-17-2017, 03:47 PM
sigtau305 sigtau305 is offline
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Tonight's the night. Game One: Cavs / Celtics. LET'S GO CAVS!!!!!!!!!
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  #58087  
Old 05-17-2017, 07:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DreamfulSpirit View Post
I'm about 2 1/2 weeks out from my due date with baby #2. I'm sooooo sore, that I'm only comfortable laying on my side constantly. Hoping he comes a little early (but not too early!)!
Has baby come yet? It's about 2 1/2 weeks later!
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  #58088  
Old 05-17-2017, 11:16 PM
DreamfulSpirit DreamfulSpirit is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sciencewoman View Post
Has baby come yet? It's about 2 1/2 weeks later!
Yes! Today was my due date, but my little boy came early and was born last Thursday, May 11th!
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  #58089  
Old 05-18-2017, 04:45 PM
ASTalumna06 ASTalumna06 is offline
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Originally Posted by DreamfulSpirit View Post
Yes! Today was my due date, but my little boy came early and was born last Thursday, May 11th!

Pictures or it didn't happen.



JK
Congrats!
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  #58090  
Old 05-18-2017, 05:32 PM
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Originally Posted by DreamfulSpirit View Post
Yes! Today was my due date, but my little boy came early and was born last Thursday, May 11th!
Congratulations!!
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  #58091  
Old 05-20-2017, 09:47 AM
sigtau305 sigtau305 is offline
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Two more and it's a wrap for the Celtics. On the bright side for you Boston fans, your team have a number one pick for this coming draft....not like it's going to save you anytime soon.
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  #58092  
Old 05-28-2017, 09:25 PM
aephi alum aephi alum is offline
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I have a new car!!!!!

I have finally gotten through all the hoops to take over the lease on my late father's Lexus and re-register it in my name. It's a sweeeeeeet car. Poor car - my father only drove it to church and the grocery store and such, and he was a stickler for speed limits, so I think it felt deprived. I got it out on the interstate, opened it up, and OMG was it happy. The ride is so smooth that I didn't even realize how fast I was going until I looked at the speedometer. (Fortunately, I noticed this before the cops did!)

I highly recommend Lexus to ANYONE looking for a new car - especially if the primary driver is an older driver or a new driver. My father's previous Lexus (same car, earlier model year, nothing changed but the model year and the VIN) literally saved his life - he totaled it, but walked away without a scratch. The safety features are top-notch. Just mind your speed.
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  #58093  
Old 06-02-2017, 07:13 AM
Billy_Optimist Billy_Optimist is offline
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Political Correctness is ruining our universities, and, fraternities. No one would bat an eye if someone were to say "Alpha Phi Alpha should remain all black," but, I am somehow "racist" (a made-up, meaningless term) if I say Sigma Chi should remain all white.
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  #58094  
Old 06-02-2017, 07:14 AM
Billy_Optimist Billy_Optimist is offline
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Originally Posted by DreamfulSpirit View Post
Yes! Today was my due date, but my little boy came early and was born last Thursday, May 11th!
Congratulations!
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  #58095  
Old 06-05-2017, 10:20 AM
Phrozen Sands Phrozen Sands is offline
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Originally Posted by Billy_Optimist View Post
Political Correctness is ruining our universities, and, fraternities. No one would bat an eye if someone were to say "Alpha Phi Alpha should remain all black," but, I am somehow "racist" (a made-up, meaningless term) if I say Sigma Chi should remain all white.
I think it depends on the person. Some people would "bat an eye" at it. Some wouldn't. I personally wouldn't give a shit if Sigma Chi remained all white, because I don't give a shit about white glos.
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