Quick decisions after first round?

[KDMater]

My daughter is going through rush right now and halfway through first round. At one of her first round parties, one girl stayed with her the whole time and that's who she basically talked to. She said she met a few other people that came in and out but the one girl stayed with her the whole time so she didn't really get all that great a feel for the rest of the girls in the house. She said it seemed like that with all the rushees i.e.that was this sorority's method. At the other party, she was able to speak with 3 other girls and feels she got a better feel.

So the question is: how can you make a decision on whether you want to go back to a sorority when you haven't really had a chance to get to know them - even a little bit? Do you just go on gut feelings? If you spend time looking around the room to try and get a "sense" of other members, do you risk irritating the one girl who's try to get to know you?

She's trying to keep an open mind but it's hard in this situation not to fall back on campus stereotypes (especially as it's a small, deferred recruitment school).

Thoughts and suggestions I can pass along to her before the next set of first round parties? (which is tonight!)

[33girl]

I know with big chapters and lots of rushees it can get a little willy nilly if everyone talks to everyone, but I've never understood the point of monopolizing time to this extent. I'm hoping the rusher your daughter had just wasn't quite as well versed at mingling as she should have been.

Maybe I could say more, but I'm afraid we'd be getting into membership selection territory.

[FSUZeta]

that all rushees were being treated the same way, then everyone should have an equal chance of being invited back. it does sound like this is the way that this sorority conducts its parties. is there any harm in your daughter visiting this group another time, especially when she feels that she didn't get to meet a lot of members? she might have been paired with a new member on the sorority side of recruitment for the first time this time and her hostess doesn't know how the rotation system works.maybe she'll be paired with their number one rusher at the next party and have a whole different feel for this group. good luck to your daughter and please keep us posted.

[AXOhottie]

I would also think it might just be the girl your daughter was talking to was new and didn't understand how everything works. Our chapter has our sisters paired up with a PNM for each party. Then we have floaters who go and talk with them throughout the party just randomly. We also encourage people to sit in groups so that the PNMs can meet more sisters and other PNMs. It allows the PNM to become a little more familiar with a sister in our house while still meeting other sisters. That might be what that chapter is attempting but it just didnt' quite work that way with your daughter.

While I think it's important for the PNMs to get to meet lots of people, I think it's also important to be able to feel out what the houses are like based on the sisters that comprise them. I went to one house where I talked with 7 sisters in one party. I never had a chance to really talk to them and get passed the "name/major/hometown" before they had to switch.

Nevertheless, good luck to your daughter! I hope everything works out!

[kateshort]

Originally posted by KDMater
So the question is: how can you make a decision on whether you want to go back to a sorority when you haven't really had a chance to get to know them - even a little bit? Do you just go on gut feelings? If you spend time looking around the room to try and get a "sense" of other members, do you risk irritating the one girl who's try to get to know you?

If she's able to go back to every sorority that kept her, then she should. If she needs to drop a few organizations, then she should go back to the ones that she felt most comfortable with and the best connection to.

Let's say she went to 16 orgs for round 1, and got kept by 10, and can only keep 8 for round 2. She should keep the 8 that she feels best about. If she had great feelings about 4, and isn't sure about 6, then she should do her best to see which she's most interested it.

It's good to plan ahead, but it'll be easier to make the decision once she knows which/how many chapters she's been asked back to.

[AchtungBaby80]

Making decisions was easier in the first round, I thought...there weren't so many factors to trip me up. I just sort of went with my gut, and cut the houses I just didn't "feel it" with. It served me well, I think.

[alphaalpha]

If your daughter didn't like how she was treated then she should cut them or not go back. If she has space on her party list then i would give the sorority another chance. I think what happened is, well from my experience, unusual. But it each sorority is different and does things different ways. Maybe the thought is to get to know one girl really well, who knows.

Good luck, i do hope your daughter has a good experience. Let us know what happens. we all love rush(recruitment, bad me) stories.

[KDMater]

Well, an update. She was invited back to that house and she is going (probably literally as I type this) back for round 2. She likes this house and is hoping to continue on with them.

I will keep you updated. Thanks for the thoughts!

A nervous wreck mom

[mmcat]

best of luck to your daughter...
let her keep her eyes and heart wide open

[Jill1228]

KD Mom, keep us posted hon!

[aephi alum]

How do you make a decision? Sometimes you just have to go with your gut.

Hopefully your daughter has gotten to meet some more sisters and has a better feel for that sorority now.

Good luck to her!

[honeychile]

I'm starting to think that Recruitment is harder on the Greek Mother than on the PNM!!

[carnation]

Oh YES, let me tell you it is--especially if the mom is Greek and/or she knows that her daughter is rushing at a tough school. Three of our 4 who have rushed so far floated happily through rush, collecting invitations and meeting friends- and I was dying over here. I expect that the fifth will do likewise while I'm praying that nobody will hurt my baby.

[KDMater]

Well, my baby did get hurt pretty badly and it was equally tough on Greek mom. There were a lot of tears last week. It didn't go at all as she wanted it to and she declined the bid she got. She never felt comfortable at that house or felt that she connected with any of the sisters she met. This is the only house COB'ing this semester so that's not an option. And her school is very Greek (and small) so not pledging is a fairly visible - and humiliating - experience. To her credit, she conducted herself with great class and character, encouraging and supporting all her friends and thanking them for all their support while she was really hurting. I am so proud of her for that.

She may try rush again as a sophomore but I think that might be even harder. I never realized it would be this hard to join a sorority.

In a way, I think it would be nice for PNM's to get some honest feedback about why they weren't successful in rush. And yes, I know, sometimes it's for objective reasons e.g. not enough girls knew her or she just got overlooked in the process. But sometimes, there's some personal reasons e.g. maybe tried too hard, that would be helpful in the long run. Constructive criticism, I guess. Although I could see where that would be hard to hear - especially at such a vulnerable time. Any opinions on that?

[Rollergirl2001]

I'm very sorry to hear that. Enocurage your daughter to don't quit and try again in the fall or the next FR. As I said thousands and thousands of times, she (you) may never know unless she (you) try.