Yet another recruitment disappointment...

[AZTheta]

*zzz*

[texas*princess]

Gals, I think we all appreciate your enthusiasm, but let it go... if/when she decides to come back and update where she ended up, then we'll know. Otherwise there is no point in bumping up old threads 500 times with "where did you end up?" or "PLEASE come back and update!"

[sadpnm]

Hi everyone, sorry for not posting sooner, but I have been so so so busy! I'm a very lucky girl because I was offered a bid to my first choice house and I am loving it more than I ever could have dreamed! The older sisters are no less amazing than they were during recruitment and I love my pledge class! We all clicked within the first few days and now I have no idea how I lived before them

I'm sorry but I will not be revealing my sorority or my school. This thread started out very negative and I would like it to not come up in a search or something. Especially since I think most people would know exactly who I am if they found it.

There's one more part to my story. A few days after rush the president of the chapter that dropped me called me and asked me to get lunch with her. Obviously she knew how upset I had been, especially because of my friend, and wanted to talk. She told me that she could not tell me why I had not been invited back, but that she and most of the chapter had no bad feelings towards me and she would like us to be friends. Of course, I told her that I would love that and I appreciated her contacting me.

And that concludes the story of my recruitment! Thank you to all of you for giving me a place to vent, encouragement, and great advice! Rush is tough and having a community of such smart, informed people was a great help to me.

[baci]

So happy for you!

Enjoy every minute of your new home and your sisters.

[bookworm84]

Originally Posted by sadpnm

Okay, so I'm going through recruitment right now... just finished the second night.

Like at most schools, mine has a struggling, not as popular chapter. I decided (because I stalked GC all summer) to give them a shot and not listen to all of the not so good things that people were saying about them and, surprise of all surprises, I LOVED my time there. I met four girls who were all so cute and sweet and we had amazing conversations and I really felt like I belonged. So I ranked them first.

I got my schedule tonight and was happy to find that I had a full schedule and had only been dropped by one sorority... until I realized that the one that had dropped me had been my favorite. From what I could tell (and I talked to a LOT of girls) I was the only one that had not been invited back.

I'm so upset about it. I actually think it hurts more than if I had been dropped by a top group, because with a really popular sorority there could have been a lot of reasons, like I may have fallen through the cracks or just not ranked high enough. With this sorority, I know it's something personal and I can't figure out what I did wrong... I really thought they liked me

I guess I'm not really looking for advice because I know none of you can tell me what went wrong, but I need to vent and have no one to talk to. I can't talk to my mom because she doesn't understand because she's not greek. I tried to talk to my friend in my rho gamma group, but all she said was that I'm lucky I didn't have to go back there. And yes, she was invited back and not happy at all about it.

I went to my parties and had a good time, but I just feel so hurt and want to know what I did. Why they didn't like me as much as I liked them

Thanks for giving me a space to complain... have you ever heard of this happening to a girl?

I had a similar experience at the college I go to and it is tearing me up inside.After the first day,my rho gamma called me to say that no chapter invited me back.It REALLY hurt me.I was depressed for days and I still am in some ways.I don't why some sororities pick some girls and some don't and I'm starting to think there are some inconsistencies in the whole formal recruitment process.It's ironic the one thing girls want to get into so badly,they can't get into.I still want to get into a sorority somehow but it still hurts all the same not really knowing why none of the chapters I visited called me back.I hope you find what you're looking for.Good luck with whatever you choose to do!!

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by bookworm84

I had a similar experience at the college I go to and it is tearing me up inside.After the first day,my rho gamma called me to say that no chapter invited me back.It REALLY hurt me.I was depressed for days and I still am in some ways.I don't why some sororities pick some girls and some don't and I'm starting to think there are some inconsistencies in the whole formal recruitment process.It's ironic the one thing girls want to get into so badly,they can't get into.I still want to get into a sorority somehow but it still hurts all the same not really knowing why none of the chapters I visited called me back.I hope you find what you're looking for.Good luck with whatever you choose to do!!

Some ideas:

Is your GPA low?
Are you not involved with anything on campus?
Was your appearance not polished?
Are you a non-freshman?
Are you a transfer?
Are you shy/were your conversational skills poor? Did your conversations not reveal much about yourself?
Do you have any enemies in any chapters?
Did you not have recs (if you are at a school where recs are important)?

[bookworm84]

[QUOTE=violetpretty;1859594]Some ideas:

Is your GPA low? yes,but I plan on bringing it up
Are you not involved with anything on campus?not yet
Was your appearance not polished?no
Are you a non-freshman?no
Are you a transfer?yes
Are you shy/were your conversational skills poor?a little bit Did your conversations not reveal much about yourself?no
Do you have any enemies in any chapters?no
Did you not have recs (if you are at a school where recs are important)? no
I'm not trying to sound mean about this whole process,but nobody really told me why I got cut after my first day.I'm just saying that the sorority chapters need to look at their guidelines and see if anything needs to be changed.I have Asperger's Syndrome,a high functioning form of autism and I was hoping to get into a sorority to improve my social skills.I just thought these sororities would be a little more open minded about having someone like me in their chapter.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by bookworm84

Some ideas:


I'm not trying to sound mean about this whole process,but nobody really told me why I got cut after my first day.I'm just saying that the sorority chapters need to look at their guidelines and see if anything needs to be changed.I have Asperger's Syndrome,a high functioning form of autism and I was hoping to get into a sorority to improve my social skills.I just thought these sororities would be a little more open minded about having someone like me in their chapter.

I'm sorry that you're upset.

However, the reason no one told you why you were cut is because the selection process and criteria of each sorority is private. So, those who know why you were cut are unable to tell you why.

There are many avenues for developing your social skills other than sororities. I am sure that there are plenty of student organizations on campus for you to get involved in. I have a professor whose daughter has Aspberger's. She participates in Model UN and a few other groups at her college.

[Blue Skies]

Originally Posted by bookworm84

Is your GPA low? yes,but I plan on bringing it up

Well, none of us can tell you for sure, but this particular issue raises the biggest red flag to me. Sororities place a high premium on scholarship. There are many times when individual chapters set a higher bar for GPA than the minimum set for PNM's to enter recruitment.

Don't worry about feeling deficient in social skills. I was very shy in high school, and one of my goals in college was to improve my own social skills. I think this happens more often than you would think. You learn by doing, so start getting involved with college clubs and going to parties. At parties, practice walking up to friendly-looking students (male and female.) Smile, look that person in the eye and say, "Hi, I'm so-and-so, what's your name?" Then ask them conventional questions about their hometowns, major, interests, etc. to get the ball rolling. If you are at a party at someone's house, ask, "How do you know our host/hostess?"

Work hard on improving your grades, get involved, have fun, and by all means give recruitment another try if you feel up to it. Remember that some girls shine better during informal recruitment, if your school offers that option. Good luck to you!

[angels&angles]

My cousin has Asberger's, and although he has many friends and is pretty normal, he can be very off putting the first time you meet him. He has some trouble picking up unfamiliar social cues, too. This could be the problem. Sorority rush, especially FR, is all about first impressions, and quick ones at that (and as it's unlike almost any other social interaction, most of the social cues ARE unfamiliar), so you could have simply had trouble making a good impression.

If you're still interested in joining a sorority, my best advice would be to make friends with the girls, and try to do more informal recruitment events. That way there will be girls who know you who can say "Oh, yes, I know she seemed a little abrupt, but I think she actually has _____ that we're looking for." There are lots of girls who are simply not very good at the quick, glossy recruitment of Formal, and do better with the quieter, longer process of COR.

A good read for you might be Strwberrygloss' Re-recruitment thread -- she discusses her previous unhappy recruitment and, at the end, everything she did to have a productive rush the next year!

Good luck!

[NOTE: I'm not saying you're antisocial, or awkward or anything like that. I'm mostly basing this off of my cousin, and trying to imagine what he might be like in a situation like this. As I said, he's a good guy, but "abrupt" would be the best word to describe him when he's in an uncomfortable situation. He knows, after years of unfortunate conversational mishaps, that he tends to say the exact wrong thing, so he'll answer things as quickly as possible until he's comfortable.]

[33girl]

Originally Posted by bookworm84

I'm not trying to sound mean about this whole process,but nobody really told me why I got cut after my first day.I'm just saying that the sorority chapters need to look at their guidelines and see if anything needs to be changed.I have Asperger's Syndrome,a high functioning form of autism and I was hoping to get into a sorority to improve my social skills.I just thought these sororities would be a little more open minded about having someone like me in their chapter.

Sororities are NOT looking for someone who wants to get something from them - i.e. a tool to help them improve their social skills - they are looking for someone who will GIVE to the group. Your Asperger's syndrome is irrelevant as far as that's concerned - anyone else who said "I want to join a sorority because I suck at interacting with men" or something of the like would receive a similar response from me. If you want to improve your social skills, try a Dale Carnegie course or something else where you can get more concrete instruction on what you're doing wrong.

Saying that the sororities need to change to suit you does not win you any points, and if you're carrying that attitude into rush you will not receive a bid.

Also, as BC mentioned, if your GPA fell below what the sororities require locally and/or nationally, they may have been REQUIRED to cut you and it has zero to do with any interactions you had. Even if you met the GPA requirement that Panhellenic had for women to rush, it may have fallen below what the chapters required. (Yes this is a stupid concept, but that's another thread.)

[kddani]

If you go to a campus with more than say 3 or 4 chapters, and you were cut from every single house on the first day - it was 95% likely that it was solely because of your grades.

[Zillini]

Originally Posted by bookworm84

Is your GPA low? yes,but I plan on bringing it up

Everybody plans on bringing up their GPA. Not everybody does.

Originally Posted by kddani

If you go to a campus with more than say 3 or 4 chapters, and you were cut from every single house on the first day - it was 95% likely that it was solely because of your grades.

This.

[bookworm84]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Sororities are NOT looking for someone who wants to get something from them - i.e. a tool to help them improve their social skills - they are looking for someone who will GIVE to the group. Your Asperger's syndrome is irrelevant as far as that's concerned - anyone else who said "I want to join a sorority because I suck at interacting with men" or something of the like would receive a similar response from me. If you want to improve your social skills, try a Dale Carnegie course or something else where you can get more concrete instruction on what you're doing wrong.

Saying that the sororities need to change to suit you does not win you any points, and if you're carrying that attitude into rush you will not receive a bid.

Also, as BC mentioned, if your GPA fell below what the sororities require locally and/or nationally, they may have been REQUIRED to cut you and it has zero to do with any interactions you had. Even if you met the GPA requirement that Panhellenic had for women to rush, it may have fallen below what the chapters required. (Yes this is a stupid concept, but that's another thread.)

I'm not looking for sympathy on this forum.I am new to my college campus and I really haven't had a chance to see what other organizations are on the campus besides sororities.This is the kind of reaction that I was afraid that would happen.If you walked in my shoes,you would not be saying those mean,hurtful things to me.My disability is difficult enough trying to navigate my everyday life but if there are girls in sororities that act like this,then I don't want to be part of a system that will not accept people like myself because we are "different". I am slower in learning and my GPA is low because the college I transferred from,I didn't finish a class and that lowered my grade quite a bit.Before anyone goes judging people who are different like myself,trying being in my shoes for a day and you'll see how difficult it is to be social and find friends.I have had this problem my entire life and I am getting sick and tired of people telling to take a different avenue to improve my social skills.If you have a problem with me being "different",then that attitude needs to change.I will not be bullied by people who think that they have the right to tell me what else I can do to improve my social skills.That is what my parents are for and they are a lot less judgmental than you are.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by bookworm84

I'm not looking for sympathy on this forum.I am new to my college campus and I really haven't had a chance to see what other organizations are on the campus besides sororities.This is the kind of reaction that I was afraid that would happen.If you walked in my shoes,you would not be saying those mean,hurtful things to me.My disability is difficult enough trying to navigate my everyday life but if there are girls in sororities that act like this,then I don't want to be part of a system that will not accept people like myself because we are "different". I am slower in learning and my GPA is low because the college I transferred from,I didn't finish a class and that lowered my grade quite a bit.Before anyone goes judging people who are different like myself,trying being in my shoes for a day and you'll see how difficult it is to be social and find friends.I have had this problem my entire life and I am getting sick and tired of people telling to take a different avenue to improve my social skills.If you have a problem with me being "different",then that attitude needs to change.I will not be bullied by people who think that they have the right to tell me what else I can do to improve my social skills.That is what my parents are for and they are a lot less judgmental than you are.

No one here is saying that they have a "problem" with you.