mistreated by my sorority?

[edhardy88]

..

[WCsweet<3]

I would say to continue to stick it out, especially since it has meant so much to you. New member period is transitional and it can be difficult to find your place. With girls being unfriendly, sororities have a wide variety of girls in them, some you will get along with, some you will not. Eventually you will find your place.

[Senusret I]

For clarification:

You are a new member as of this semester and you are in week three/four of your new member program? Also, will you eventually get a permanent "big?"

I feel like (from what I've read on GC) your friends with the amazing experiences just haven't hit that new member depression yet, but they will. Rush is a lot of work and maybe the really good rushers are kind of burned out and you're now experiencing the rest of the chapter in total.

If you were my daughter or friend, I'd tell you to look on the bright side of your experience, which is most of it. PLUS I'd wager that your life will be changed by experiencing the ritual -- it will be a rite of passage for you and a rite of intensification for your chapter sisters.

I dunno, I can't answer as a sorority member, but as a human being, I bet you'll be fine.

[axoalum]

Have you asked any of your pledge sisters (do they still call them that?) what their experience has been? Perhaps you were just unlucky enough to get a couple of less than friendly sisters. Or maybe you just got them on an off week. I'm sorry your new member period has been less than stellar so far. You seem to love your pledge sisters so I would remind you that the older girls will graduate but these are the girls you will be with for 4 years.

[Senusret I]

With all due respect..... it might not be what sisterhood is about, but perhaps it's what sorority life is all about. I'm struggling to understand what your basis for comparison is.

[SWTXBelle]

Okay, so you feel you are connecting with only 25% of your chapter (3/1 - based on your previous post). Concentrate on that 25% and make an effort to organize activities with your pledge sisters. You can't "make" someone behave the way you would like - but once you are an active you can be the kind of sister to new members that you wish you had connected with.

[Zeta13Girl]

ED- Im curious in what sense the one temp big was rude to you would you be able to explain.

I had a bad experience with my two temp bigs I had before I actually got my real big. Neither of them bothered to hang out with me or anything when I had them and then the one dropped out of taking a little when we lost some of our new girls. I immediately thought that since they didnt hang out with me they didn't like me. I ranked the one temp big I had left at the bottom of my list for bigs. MY MISTAKE! It ended up that her and I were really close not necessarily in the big/little sense but we always hung out with each other and towards the end of pledging when my grandmother past away she was there to comfort me and she told me how she lost a grandparent when she pledged too.

Also, throughout my new member period I really felt like a loner whether it be with my pledge sisters or the actual sisters. It wasn't until the end of the semester that I really made the connections of a sisterly bond with my now sisters.

If you look around on this website I am sure you will read this several times. Sisterhood isn't an instantaneous bond. It's something that has to be cultivated and worked at and then over time it will strengthen and you will see the true beauty of it

[Elephant Walk]

Ed Hardy is the most disgusting brand of clothes I've ever seen.

[KSUViolet06]

Here comes some honesty, hopeful it's something you can appreciate:

Friendships within a sorority are NOT automatic. They have to grow and be cultivated.

Just like with any other friends you've had, it takes time develop friendships.

I also find that alot of girls expect that once they are a new member, that the initiated members should make ALL the effort in making plans, talking to you, inviting you to do things.

That's not always the case.

Sometimes, new members feel the way you do because they just sit back and wait for others to approach them.

Generally, bonding with members takes some effort on YOUR part as well.

You have to actively try to make friends within the chapter. It's okay to make plans on your own and invite some actives to join you.

If you sit back WAITING for actives to approach you, you probably won't make any friends. You need to be proactive about getting to know people if you want to make friends.

Something else to consider: The actives may not want to hang out with you because you're the one who may be sitting in the back waiting for other girls to talk to her and looking pissed off! Who wants to be around someone who acts that way? So ask yourself if there is something you're doing that is making other girls not want to be around you.

Also, don't assume that girls in other sororities are being SO fawned over by the actives in their chapter. That's not always the case. If you were to drop out of your sorority for this reason, go through recruitment, and re-join a different group, you'd find yourself in the same situation if you just sat back waiting.

So my advice: Be proactive, seek out actives to hang with, and see if things change for you.

[beccaminister]

Mistreated is a strong word, especially for what you are experiencing. This is not mistreatment.

I "ditto" all of the above responders who say that you have to do some of the work here and make an effort. Remember, these girls wanted you, so they want to keep you around, but they aren't going to do it all for you.

Also, the weeks after recruitment involve alot of "catch up" time for the sorority. Members have often put their lives, jobs, and academics on hold for recruitment and now are trying to catch up. This is not an excuse, but part of the after-recruitment reality.

Finally, joining a sorority is NOT "buying friends", therefore you should not expect to throw down your money and get instant friends. You have a built-in connection with these ladies via your letters, cultivate that and start building friendships within your pledge class and with the actives who spend time with you.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by beccaminister

Finally, joining a sorority is NOT "buying friends", therefore you should not expect to throw down your money and get instant friends. You have a built-in connection with these ladies via your letters, cultivate that and start building friendships within your pledge class and with the actives who spend time with you.

YES.

We get girls coming here to GC all the time saying the same stuff about how they "don't feel included."

So many people think that you get a bid and MAGICALLY every girl in the chapter is your BESTEST FRIEND EVER.

Then they are very disappointed to learn that this is not the case.

Just like anyone else you meet, it takes time to become friends with them.

Example: When you met your best friend from high school or something, you didn't just walk up to her and say "We're bffs now."

Or when you started your new job, you didn't just walk up to all the girls in your cubicle area and say, "I work here now, so we're bffs."

It's the same thing with a sorority.

A sorority is just like REAL LIFE.

Making friends takes time and effort.

[APhiAnna]

I would also second all the people who have said it's a two way street. Quite honestly, maybe the actives are saying "We loved her during recruitment, but she just sits there during chapter and never makes an effort". They may be obsessing over the new "babies" that come to all the events and make an effort to meet all the new sisters. It could also be true that the girls in your chapter are rude, but I would try calling your temporary bigs and older sisters and planning something yourself. If they were so-so on you because they thought you were uninterested, you could easily become one of the most loved new members.

[KSUViolet06]

Also:

If someone passes you and they don't wave, IT DOES NOT mean that they do not like you.

It doesn't mean they don't care about the New Members.

It doesn't mean they don't think you're important.

It probably means that they were BUSY and NOT PAYING ATTENTION.

Give them a break, they're humans just like you.

I don't think they're "mistreating you" because you wave and they don't wave back.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by APhiAnna

Quite honestly, maybe the actives are saying "We loved her during recruitment, but she just sits there during chapter and never makes an effort". They may be obsessing over the new "babies" that come to all the events and make an effort to meet all the new sisters.

I TOTALLY AGREE.

If a new member is sitting back, and not really talking to anyone. Most girls will assume she just doesn't want to be bothered.

Active sisters are going to gravitate toward the new members who are making the MOST effort to hang out and be part of the group.

[Jimmy Choo]

Just my two cents....depending on how big your chapter is they may have no clue who you are. Take the time to re-introduce yourself. Don't take everything as a slight b/c chances are it isn't.