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Welcome to our newest member, baadamashtolzea |
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06-17-2012, 01:58 AM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 17
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Deactivation - please help! :(
Hey everyone,
I’ve visited GreekChat many times over the last two years and finally decided to make an account, because I’m struggling to decide whether or not I want to stay in my sorority and would love to hear your advice . Before I elaborate, I wanted to say that I’ve already read a lot of articles and forum threads before coming here, so hopefully this won’t be too repetitive! From other posts on GreekChat, two common opinions were that the OP needed to spend more time in their sorority, or should try to get more involved (e.g. leadership positions), and I don’t think these suggestions fit my description so I hope you’ll be able to help ☺
I just finished my sophomore year so I’ve been in my sorority for about a year and a half (my school has deferred rush). I was hesitant as a PNM and pledge, loved the beginning of my sophomore year, and am now considering deactivating. During this time I lived in the house, held several positions, and made big improvements for the chapter, so I really did give it my all.
Cons:
- Advisers/Nationals
After working with advisers during my leadership positions, I have no respect for them. As a freshman I was being groomed for president or another big position, but after dealing with these people I just couldn’t apply for the executive board. I feel that these women often lack common sense and don’t have the chapter’s best interests in mind. This year we had some huge issues with Nationals kicking girls out of the house and threatening to take away memberships, which we had to fight because they were completely unreasonable. I find it hard to be in the chapter when these people micromanage and control everything we do. (It’s part of being in a sorority, I know, but it seems like the other chapters at my school don’t have this problem to the same degree.)
- I’m starting to think it’s not worth my time
I spend a lot of time on school, which means things like chapter meetings and formals aren’t my priority so I don’t really like paying for them. Let alone the time recruitment requires. There are also a lot of members I dislike, ranging from fake girls to drama queens to our power-tripping president. I'm involved in many other groups and have leadership positions, so I don't rely on my sorority for extracurriculars or resume building.
Pros:
- Friends
Though I dislike a decent amount of the members, I have made some of my best friends through the sorority and I don’t want to lose those connections. I’m living with two of them next year, and these girls plan on staying in the sorority. I think I’ll be able to make the friendships last if I put in the effort. This especially applies to my "little" – I love her and feel guilty for ditching her, even though I would still be around and actively help with pledge mom week and stuff. In fact, I feel like I would have more time to spend with her and my other friends since I'm not wasting it at these other meetings. If you have experience with this, I’d appreciate your input.
- Network
The sorority is really convenient for selling furniture, sharing apartments and cabs, finding people to hang out with over the summer, and more. People also talk about the benefits of an alumni network, but judging from our advisers I’m pretty sure I would want to get involved in that anyway. Again, any experiences would be greatly appreciated!
- And finally, I have a weird attachment to some of our tshirts that I can’t really describe or understand, so I’m not sure what that’s supposed to tell me. As I was unpacking from the school year there was a lot of stuff I want to donate to my grand-little, but there are some things I can’t part with and would probably still wear. I don’t really know what this means!
Sorry for the long post, and thank you so much for your time. I've talked to my friends in the chapter but haven't been able to make a decision, so I hope I'll find some suggestions here. I feel really torn about this and would love to hear any advice you might have. Thanks again!!
UPDATE:
Thank you all so much for your responses! I appreciate your time.
Last edited by wildcat601; 06-17-2012 at 01:48 PM.
Reason: Update
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06-17-2012, 07:40 AM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Sweet Home Alabama
Posts: 4,575
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You use the term "deactivate." Not all groups have that classification and it's not permanent with those who do. Do you actually mean resign your membership? That's a different thing that being inactive. It will mean you never can come back and your daughters would not be legacies as well. Perhaps you could just be one of those members who never run for office and never attend non required events like formals, etc?
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06-17-2012, 08:01 AM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wildcat601
As a freshman I was being groomed for president or another big position, but after dealing with these people I just couldn’t apply for the executive board. I feel that these women often lack common sense and don’t have the chapter’s best interests in mind.
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Quit whining. You had an opportunity to be the change, and you flaked out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wildcat601
I’m starting to think it’s not worth my time
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Time management is an important skill that will do you well to learn it now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wildcat601
Though I dislike a decent amount of the members, I have made some of my best friends through the sorority and I don’t want to lose those connections.
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Guess What? That's easier said than done. While, yes, it's possible to remain friends with some girls once you "quit," (regardless of any lame excuses) some members may take it as a slap in the face and you may end up with a situation where you DO lose those connections. I cannot think of a single former member of my chapter that I'm still in touch with today. Maybe that's just me, maybe I'm a witch like that, but my viewpoint on it is that if she flaked out and left us high and dry then obviously she didn't value my friendship that much, so I wasn't really going to put that much effort into trying to maintain it. I essentially viewed it as her "breaking up" with us. Again, maybe I'm an oddity around here, but I know I wasn't the only one in my chapter who felt that way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wildcat601
People also talk about the benefits of an alumni network, but judging from our advisers I’m pretty sure I would want to get involved in that anyway.
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I'm not sure if there was a typo here or not, but if you're planning to quit, then you cannot be involved as an alumna advisor. Additionally, even if your advisors are as crappy as you say yours are, that doesn't mean you have to be like them. Some of my very best friends who are sorority sisters are those that I met at conventions, and in my alumnae associations. If you quit, you will be losing out on this networking, and trust me, alumnae networking is worth it. Finding housing, finding jobs, meeting new people in general, recommendations for places of worship, finding social activities in a new town you may move to, etc etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wildcat601
And finally, I have a weird attachment to some of our tshirts that I can’t really describe or understand, so I’m not sure what that’s supposed to tell me. As I was unpacking from the school year there was a lot of stuff I want to donate to my grand-little, but there are some things I can’t part with and would probably still wear. I don’t really know what this means!
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Typical. You want your cake and eat it too. Sorry sweetheart, it doesn't work that way.
Suck it up. Either cut ties and don't look back, or put your big girl panties on and be an asset to your chapter. Quit being a whiney ass.
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06-17-2012, 08:35 AM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 2,008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ramsey
Quit whining. You had an opportunity to be the change, and you flaked out.
Time management is an important skill that will do you well to learn it now.
......
Suck it up. Either cut ties and don't look back, or put your big girl panties on and be an asset to your chapter. Quit being a whiney ass.
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LIKE !!!!
__________________
"I am the center of the universe!! I also like to chew on paper." my puppy
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06-17-2012, 08:50 AM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,027
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Not sure I would have said it like that -
Sounds like you just bit off more than you can chew as a sophomore.
The pros still outweigh the cons.
I would recommend trying to just back off for a semester - dont be an officer or a big. If the drama that is recruitment stresses you out - apply to be a recruitment counselor or in the back of the house.
Key thing to remember - deactivating is permanent! You have to give back your letters - your pin, all of them. Also, helping with the new member is a big fat no-no. If I was a member educator, I would only want shiny happy members around, not grumbly, its-not-worth-putting-any-work-into-it, quitters.
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06-17-2012, 09:01 AM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Santa Monica/Beverly Hills
Posts: 8,636
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Wow, ramsey! Where did you come from? I nominate you for best newbie!
__________________
AOII
One Motto, One Badge, One Bond and Singleness of Heart!
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06-17-2012, 10:54 AM
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Banned
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 14,730
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AOII Angel
Wow, ramsey! Where did you come from? I nominate you for best newbie!
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Indeed!
People who need to seek GC counsel (from people who are not in their GLO, nonetheless) on such matters would be doing their GLOs a favor by deactivating/depledging.
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06-17-2012, 01:51 PM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HQWest
Not sure I would have said it like that -
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Haha, thank you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HQWest
Key thing to remember - deactivating is permanent! You have to give back your letters - your pin, all of them. Also, helping with the new member is a big fat no-no. If I was a member educator, I would only want shiny happy members around, not grumbly, its-not-worth-putting-any-work-into-it, quitters.
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By helping with the new member, do you mean my little? Just wanted to clarify. Thank you for your response!
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03-24-2015, 02:33 PM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1
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Quote:
Guess What? That's easier said than done. While, yes, it's possible to remain friends with some girls once you "quit," (regardless of any lame excuses) some members may take it as a slap in the face and you may end up with a situation where you DO lose those connections. I cannot think of a single former member of my chapter that I'm still in touch with today. Maybe that's just me, maybe I'm a witch like that, but my viewpoint on it is that if she flaked out and left us high and dry then obviously she didn't value my friendship that much, so I wasn't really going to put that much effort into trying to maintain it. I essentially viewed it as her "breaking up" with us. Again, maybe I'm an oddity around here, but I know I wasn't the only one in my chapter who felt that way.
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If those are the kind of people that are in a sorority, who will drop you once you drop the house, they obviously weren't real friends anyway, and honestly that is promoting the "you pay for your friends." And you were really the one who didn't value her friendship if she dropped for reasons that were important to her and you couldn't respect that.
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03-24-2015, 03:58 PM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Big D
Posts: 3,008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by notfeelingit
If those are the kind of people that are in a sorority, who will drop you once you drop the house, they obviously weren't real friends anyway, and honestly that is promoting the "you pay for your friends." And you were really the one who didn't value her friendship if she dropped for reasons that were important to her and you couldn't respect that.
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This happened 3 years ago. I bet she has moved on.
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06-17-2012, 09:25 AM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Bryan, TX
Posts: 1,034
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The two women I know who resigned membership while I was in college regret it to this day - 35 years later. Another, who never resigned but who dropped out of school and didn't rejoin the chapter when she returned, doesn't feel anyone would want to get back in touch with her.
Now, that's minor anecdotal information, but it highlights the fact there is absolutely no going back.
There is no way you can know what the future will bring. Four years of collegiate membership cannot prepare you for alumnae membership, where you have support and connections wherever life takes you. Not all alumnae groups are micromanaging, and not all alumnae are involved in advisory groups.
Not knowing any more about you (including whether your chapter is 35 and you'd really be missed, or 250 and others pull your weight), I'd recommend resignation as a very, very last resort -- if you cannot imagine ever wearing your letters or symbols again.
__________________
When seconds count, the police are only minutes away.
Laws alone can not secure freedom of expression; in order that every man present his views without penalty there must be spirit of tolerance in the entire population.-Einstein
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06-17-2012, 02:01 PM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DGTess
The two women I know who resigned membership while I was in college regret it to this day - 35 years later. Another, who never resigned but who dropped out of school and didn't rejoin the chapter when she returned, doesn't feel anyone would want to get back in touch with her.
Now, that's minor anecdotal information, but it highlights the fact there is absolutely no going back.
...
There is no way you can know what the future will bring. Four years of collegiate membership cannot prepare you for alumnae membership, where you have support and connections wherever life takes you.
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A lot of the posters have highlighted benefits of being an alumnae, which I wasn't very familiar with before reading responses to this thread.
Thank you for your insight!!
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06-17-2012, 09:59 AM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 696
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I just read a really interesting article about advisors through a tweet. I just found it here http://tjsullivan.com/sorority-chapt...ut-of-control/ Some of us are nutty but we are there to help. If you don't want to work with us don't. There are other girls who will. If your National organization came in and released girls there was probably a good reason for it. Most general members wont know the "true" story just the "story" the disgruntled girls are telling you. There are ALWAYS 2 sides to every story. I'm pretty sure you are just hearing 1.
I'm sorry you don't think belonging to a group that has been around for 100 years is not worth your time. I'm here to tell you it is you just don't know it yet because your only 19 and your brain is not fully developed (not being mean it is the truth)
You have 3 pros and 2 cons. I think maybe your looking for a reason. It is summer time. Enjoy your summer and go back to school and have fun. When you get out into the real world you will thank all these women on here who gave you sage advice. Cause you'll get that first job because of your sorority affiliation. If you happen to find yourself in a new state with no friends working that new job, guess what? You'll have an instant connection with that sorority alumni group and make friends with people you don't know but whom you share a common bond with. TRUST ME on this.
__________________
Alpha Chi Omega
Real. Strong. Women.
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06-17-2012, 10:48 AM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Yoknapatawpha
Posts: 1,781
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AXOrushadvisor
I just read a really interesting article about advisors through a tweet. I just found it here http://tjsullivan.com/sorority-chapt...ut-of-control/ Some of us are nutty but we are there to help. If you don't want to work with us don't. There are other girls who will. If your National organization came in and released girls there was probably a good reason for it. Most general members wont know the "true" story just the "story" the disgruntled girls are telling you. There are ALWAYS 2 sides to every story. I'm pretty sure you are just hearing 1.
I'm sorry you don't think belonging to a group that has been around for 100 years is not worth your time. I'm here to tell you it is you just don't know it yet because your only 19 and your brain is not fully developed (not being mean it is the truth)
You have 3 pros and 2 cons. I think maybe your looking for a reason. It is summer time. Enjoy your summer and go back to school and have fun. When you get out into the real world you will thank all these women on here who gave you sage advice. Cause you'll get that first job because of your sorority affiliation. If you happen to find yourself in a new state with no friends working that new job, guess what? You'll have an instant connection with that sorority alumni group and make friends with people you don't know but whom you share a common bond with. TRUST ME on this.
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This is ABSOLUTELY the truth.
__________________
Yesterday, today, and tomorrow, Kappa Alpha Theta exists to nurture each member throughout her college and alumna experience and to
offer a lifelong opportunity for social, intellectual, and moral growth as she meets the higher and broader demands of a mature life.
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06-17-2012, 10:59 AM
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Moderator
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Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Hotel Oceanview
Posts: 34,489
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Lots of people have issues with Nationals micromanaging or, to put it plainly, wanting the chapter to be something different than the actual members want it to be. Trust me you are NOT a unique snowflake on this. If your advisors aren't being helpful, the chapter needs to tell your national council that their actions are harming the reputation of the chapter on campus and that membership numbers are going down because of it. Some advisors and national volunteers are not well prepared and don't know what they're doing. Unfortunately, they are often the ones who end up consulting chapters who need advisory and volunteer help the most. I'll probably get raked over the coals for that statement but it's the truth.
That being said, it sounds like you joined the sorority more for a quickie resume builder than for true sisterly relationships. You hate meetings, you hate formals, you hate rush, you hate most of the members, and you appear to think the main positive of membership is that the sorority serves as a mini Craigslist. Pack up your t-shirts and donate them to the little and grandlittle you claim to love so much (although methinks the work of the relationship has mostly been done on their ends) and submit your resignation.
__________________
It is all 33girl's fault. ~DrPhil
Last edited by 33girl; 06-17-2012 at 11:08 AM.
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