Pledging and illicit drugs

[Yippie XO]

DD is a very sociable and athletic freshman at a university with a large Greek presence and a spring rush. Early this week she went to coffee with a member of one of the sororities she is interested in, and today she went to coffee with a member of another sorority.

She texted me tonight that both of them told her that some of the other sororities on campus are forcing pledges to do cocaine.

Maybe I am out of touch, but if this sounds like it could be dangerous. Is this typical? or Is this dangerous? I have never used illegal drugs, so I don't know.

I know she wants to rush, I don't care if they are drinking, and I expected that pot would be readily available, but this concerns me. I have not replied to her. What should I tell her? What would you tell your daughter?

Guidance from anyone knowledgeable would be appreciated.

[TXDG]

You can tell her that a 44 year old husband & father in my very upscale community just died of cocaine overdose related heart attack. He had fought addiction for over 25 years...probably since he first tried it in college. So you can tell your daughter that cocaine is NOT pot. Cocaine is a dangerous, addictive illegal drug. You don't mess with cocaine. "Just once" can turn into a terrible, debilitating addiction- not for everyone, but you don't know if you're one of the unlucky ones until too late. And for heaven's sake, YOU should know these answers already!!!

All that said, I'm in Texas where some of the big deferred recruitment schools are and neither of those campuses - nor any other major schools- have had any sorority hazing issues going back as far as I can remember (20ish years). I'm inclined to not believe what the actives told your daughter. I know there are women in some houses that do use hard drugs but I have literally never, ever heard of a chapter forcing its new members to use drugs, perform sexual acts, be "reborn" in a coffin, have fat circled, or any of the other crazy rumors that come up every year.

If your daughter really does believe this is happening, she should inform the campus' Greek advisor. If this is true, the chapters doing this deserve to be investigated and closed at once as that is completely unacceptable and also illegal.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by Yippie XO

DD is a very sociable and athletic freshman at a university with a large Greek presence and a spring rush. Early this week she went to coffee with a member of one of the sororities she is interested in, and today she went to coffee with a member of another sorority.

She texted me tonight that both of them told her that some of the other sororities on campus are forcing pledges to do cocaine.

Maybe I am out of touch, but if this sounds like it could be dangerous. Is this typical? or Is this dangerous? I have never used illegal drugs, so I don't know.

I know she wants to rush, I don't care if they are drinking, and I expected that pot would be readily available, but this concerns me. I have not replied to her. What should I tell her? What would you tell your daughter?

Guidance from anyone knowledgeable would be appreciated.

So your daughter heard from sorority members that other sororities are making their new members do cocaine?

Methinks you should let this one go. Maybe this is true, or maybe these sorority members are doing whatever they can to make sure your daughter wants to join only their chapter. Or maybe there's just some crazy rumor going around.

Regardless of whether or not what you've heard is true, if you're going to tell your daughter anything, tell her to listen to her instincts, go with her gut, and never let anyone force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. Tell her to not be afraid to stand up for herself and walk away from a bad situation if need be.

[Yippie XO]

"I'm inclined to not believe what the actives told your daughter."

I am skeptical too. My first thought was that maybe they are trying to interest her in their house, and scare her away from the others. I was more concerned when she herd it from two different actives.

" YOU should know these answers already!!!"

I admit my ignorance on this, and it is not what I expected to hear. That is why I am asking for more informed opinions. I know joining a sorority is important to her, and she trusts me to not overreact and have a freakout. I want to give her a thoughtful answer.

It is helpful to know that this is not just what happens these days. I am relieved to hear that. I thought I was going to be accused of "helicoptering" for being concerned about it.

I will tell her that I doubt it is true, that she should just continue to learn about the different sororities, and ignore those comments.

Thank you for your insight. I really appreciate it.

[DubaiSis]

Drugs are everywhere and they aren't necessarily harmless. Heroin, as a for instance is tragically too common among well to do students everywhere. She needs to be aware of the consequences and playing along because everyone else is doing it is NOT fine. Some, sure. Alcohol, weed (I'm not condoning but they are typically not life sentences from a single use) maybe. But she should never drink eat or snort anything that she doesn't know precisely what it is. She may decide she wants to and that's up to her. But she's a big girl now and there are some choices you don't get to take back. And there are schools where I would be very hesitant about sending a young woman because of the massive rumors of sex and drugs. But this "sororities are forcing girls to do coke?" Rumors and anti-panhellenic behavior.

[FSUZeta]

If I were your daughter I would look extra hard at the two chapters these two girls are from, if they resort to scare tactics like this on coffee dates.

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

If I were your daughter I would look extra hard at the two chapters these two girls are from, if they resort to scare tactics like this on coffee dates.

This!

[BlueCarnation]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

If I were your daughter I would look extra hard at the two chapters these two girls are from, if they resort to scare tactics like this on coffee dates.

Agreed. How does this even come up in conversation? I would hope that if your daughter was meeting someone from a chapter, that member would be trying to show her the positives of joining her sorority, not reasons for not joining others. I think it reflects more on these two girls than anything.

There were rumors of hazing even when I was in school. I would come to find out that a few were true, sadly, but most of them were just made up to make other sororities look bad.

Your daughter has plenty of time to get to know girls from all sororities and figure things out for herself. I would encourage her to meet other girls from these same chapters to see if perhaps these were just outliers, or if they are good examples of what the membership is like. Just like we don't want to impugn other sororities based on what these girls said, she shouldn't take these girls as the sole reflection of their sororities. If she meets other girls who act the same way, however, that's a sign.

Good luck to your daughter!

[DZ_Turtle86]

If a sorority truly was forcing its pledges to do cocaine, you would have an entire pledge class full of coke addicts. Does that sound likely? And how likely is it that not one person depleged and spoke up about it?

[SoCalGirl]

Tell your daughter to go through recruitment and follow her heart. If she finds herself in a situation (with or without greek life involvement) where she's feeling pressured to do something she doesn't want to do then she should walk away. Peer pressure is real but saying no and leaving a situation is always an option.

[Yippie XO]

I would like to thank all of you for your responses. I wish they had a "like button," so I could like them all.

[Sciencewoman]

I agree with those who think this sounds like gossipy, un-Panhellenic "tent talk" on the part of the members. It's disappointing that they're sharing this, but it can be pretty tempting to participate in the rumor mill -- sounds like this is a juicy one that's going around campus right now.

My sister didn't list one of her pref groups on her MRABA card because the member preffing her told her they had access to free coke -- like this was a great thing! That backfired. My sister knew she was taking a risk of not getting matched at all by not listing that group, but she was so turned off she just couldn't.

[DTD Alum]

This is a rumor and they're trying to scare her away from chapters other than theirs. It's like the fraternity rumors where pledges have to do sexual acts with each other...you don't think somebody in the pledge class would drop every year and go public?

What may have happened is an individual girl felt pressured to try from her big and the next thing you know is you have a whole pledge class snorting lines in the chapter room. I wouldn't worry about it.

Originally Posted by TXDG

I know there are women in some houses that do use hard drugs but I have literally never, ever heard of a chapter forcing its new members to use drugs, perform sexual acts, be "reborn" in a coffin, have fat circled, or any of the other crazy rumors that come up every year.

I had to laugh because while I agree with your post in principle, at least one person in this thread HAS had to do the bolded, but not as hazing......

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

Drugs are everywhere and they aren't necessarily harmless. Heroin, as a for instance is tragically too common among well to do students everywhere.

Heroin?? Weed is rampant in college age kids and many might argue harmless, but my understanding is that molly and cocaine are the big potentially dangerous drugs in today's college chapters. Heroin is not a social drug and not the type of drug one just "tries" because their friends are experimenting, unlike coke/MDMA. It still has an extreme stigma attached to it (and for good reason!). If somebody in my chapter had even tried heroin once it would be huge news and reason for expulsion, and there were plenty of guys who would dabble in the other drugs extensively.

[DubaiSis]

Nope. It is very common, especially since it has been purified so that it's snortable. Do some research. The "my kid would never be that stupid" is exactly the problem. It may not be coke or molly common, but it is also far more dangerous.

[TXDG]

Originally Posted by DTD Alum

Heroin?? Weed is rampant in college age kids and many might argue harmless, but my understanding is that molly and cocaine are the big potentially dangerous drugs in today's college chapters. Heroin is not a social drug and not the type of drug one just "tries" because their friends are experimenting, unlike coke/MDMA. It still has an extreme stigma attached to it (and for good reason!). If somebody in my chapter had even tried heroin once it would be huge news and reason for expulsion, and there were plenty of guys who would dabble in the other drugs extensively.

Not to totally thread-jack, but heroin is a national crisis right now, and college kids are not immune to it. There was just a fraternity brother at Texas A&M who OD'd on heroin, and A&M is not a hard drug campus at all. I don't know if he was smoking, snorting, shooting up or taking it in pill form, but it was heroin.

A lot of kids are first introduced to drugs at "pill parties" in high school where kids raid their parents cabinets for whatever they can find- opiates like OxyContin and Hydrocodone are pretty easy to find. Some of these kids will graduate to heroin products once they run out - it's cheaper and more accessible. Some are prescribed opiates after athletic injuries/surgeries and become hooked. This heroin epidimic is hitting the middle and upper classes hard. It's not the "stereotypical" junkies shooting up in dirty drug dens anymore; it's a lot closer to Prince accidentally ODing on pain pills cut with fentanyl.

I hope our chapters are doing a good job of educating the women about the dangers of heroin.