How Moms Should Treat Their Legacy Daughters

[Barbie's_Rush]

Originally Posted by Jen

I'm really curious why the mom has to be involved at all? This is an adult going to college. The mom being asked shouldn't even be on anyone's radar. They should be asking the PNM if they'd like a rec written for them!

If the daughter is dropped from the legacy chapter and mom has conversations with the chapter/nationals/alumnae and they also bring up that all chapters there require recs for pnms to get beyond the first round, it could look really bad for the daughter. It could appear that she was going behind mom's back and getting recs if she's continuing to be invited to other parties after her legacy chapter drops her. I think once you at least open the door and offer, you can start a conversation with mom about how much things have changed at her school and she will also realize that other women might be writing recs for her daughter without the daughter knowing it.

[AXOrushadvisor]

Originally Posted by Splash

I have a question for you all about legacies. If I knew some super important legacy was going through (example, her twin sister is currently in the chapter, her mom was in the chapter, her great ancestor started that particular chapter of the organization, etc), I would probably be hard pressed to cut her. As long as she wasn't rude and obnoxious, the fact that maybe she didn't have a good conversation flow with one of the members wouldn't make me want to cut her, while as for any other girl it would be. There are no guarentees, obviously but I think a huge connection like that is more important. This is not the situation for all people, but I wouldn't, would you?

I have seen some "important" legacies go through recruitment in my years of service and it is always hard especially if the women don't like her or don't think they "fit in" with the house. In fact, this year we have a legacy going through that is a Charter Member and 1st President of the Chapter's daughter. I'm praying the women like her because it can get ugly.

On the other hand, if a AXO Chapter dropped my daughter I would be really bummed especially if she liked the Chapter. I tend to think it is better for the legacies to drop the legacy chapter then the other way around, but it NEVER seems to work that way. For me it would be difficult because I have given over 25 years of service to AXO. Do I think they should take my daughter just because of that? My head says no, but my heart says yes. Again, it would be easier for me if my dd called up and said "Mommy, I dropped AXO. I just didn't feel like I fit in." as opposed to getting a teary eyed call that she was dropped and is heart broken.

I think most National organizations still put an emphasis on legacies going through and courtesy invites. I do think they should get all the consideration of an invitation and should not be cut without a lot of thought and discussion.

[SWTXBelle]

When I was an advisor I asked actives to give legacies the benefit of the doubt. I would never ask them to give an invite to a pnm they didn't want in the chapter (and I can remember one case when they HATED a rude pnm - she was a legacy to us and another chapter, and really wanted the other legacy chapter.), but I would hope they would give legacies every possible consideration.

[Barbie's_Rush]

Originally Posted by AXOrushadvisor

I have seen some "important" legacies go through recruitment in my years of service and it is always hard especially if the women don't like her or don't think they "fit in" with the house. In fact, this year we have a legacy going through that is a Charter Member and 1st President of the Chapter's daughter. I'm praying the women like her because it can get ugly.

On the other hand, if a AXO Chapter dropped my daughter I would be really bummed especially if she liked the Chapter. I tend to think it is better for the legacies to drop the legacy chapter then the other way around, but it NEVER seems to work that way. For me it would be difficult because I have given over 25 years of service to AXO. Do I think they should take my daughter just because of that? My head says no, but my heart says yes. Again, it would be easier for me if my dd called up and said "Mommy, I dropped AXO. I just didn't feel like I fit in." as opposed to getting a teary eyed call that she was dropped and is heart broken.

I think most National organizations still put an emphasis on legacies going through and courtesy invites. I do think they should get all the consideration of an invitation and should not be cut without a lot of thought and discussion.

And sometimes it's the pnm who drops the legacy chapter but is afraid to tell mommy. That's when things get really ugly.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Barbie's_Rush

And sometimes it's the pnm who drops the legacy chapter but is afraid to tell mommy. That's when things get really ugly.

YEP.

Happens more than people think.

Many times, it is MUCH easier for a PNM lie and tell Mom "they didn't want me" than it is to tell her "I know you love XYZ, but I don't."

[agzg]

Originally Posted by AGDee

In fact, in two years, our Convention is in St. Louis and she really loves St. Louis. She has asked me if she can come and sight see and stuff. There are a few Alpha Gam events at Convention that welcome guests and if she is going to a school with an Alpha Gam chapter, she just might accompany me. I told her we'll see. I think she wants to bring a friend too. Could be interesting.

She's not going to compete with me for roommate choice, is she?

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by agzg

She's not going to compete with me for roommate choice, is she?

If she brings a friend, I'd probably put them in their own room.. maybe adjoining. Otherwise, she and I can share a bed.. after all, I birthed her, she can share a bed with me. OMG.. she'll be 18. Then you only have to pay 1/3rd!

[agzg]

Originally Posted by AGDee

If she brings a friend, I'd probably put them in their own room.. maybe adjoining. Otherwise, she and I can share a bed.. after all, I birthed her, she can share a bed with me. OMG.. she'll be 18. Then you only have to pay 1/3rd!

Hooray!

[KSUViolet06]

If I remember correctly, there has been discussion on GC of sororities implementing a "Super Legacy" (like some more selective colleges do) system at some of the schools where there are more legacies than 2nd round invites. The Super Legacy = the child of a more involved alumna. She would receive a higher level courtesy than a lesser involved one.

Here's the thread I think it was in:

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...t=Super+Legacy

[phimusam]

One SEC Panhellenic sent a letter to the PNMs explaining that some sororities had many more legacies than openings. I know the school and don't doubt it.

I would never send a daughter to recruitment with any suggestion except that she look carefully at my sorority but also look for the place where she will find sisters that will help her to grow to be the best she can be.

[carnation]

Thinking about this today:

Here is a scenario that I see a LOT. Family lives near a small or medium-sized college. Mom works with her sorority chapter there for years and years. Daughter rushes, say, in the SEC--maybe 1 state away--and gets cut by her legacy chapter. Mom and daughter are devastated. In this case, it's almost never that the daughter was cut because she was a bad fit or had low grades, etc.; it's that the chapter had tons of girls they had to cut and this girl was less "known" because she was an out of stater. She's probably stellar but so are hundreds of other girls.

Mom is in shock; she knew that legacies don't have an automatic 'in' but they're very strongly considered at the college whose chapter she helps and most of them get in. Only the obvious "no ways" are released. Her college's Panhellenic booklet has the same warning that daughter's school does but still, most legacies do get in their legacy chapter.

It takes both women awhile to get over this. This is not a "precious snowflake" situation but rather one in which there is shocked and understandable hurt.

[Gusteau]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

If I remember correctly, there has been discussion on GC of sororities implementing a "Super Legacy" (like some more selective colleges do) system at some of the schools where there are more legacies than 2nd round invites.

When I read the term "super legacy" I couldn't stop laughing. We had a kid last fall who we referred to as "super legacy," in fact I'm pretty sure most of the chapter didn't even know his name and only knew him by "super legacy." His father, brother, uncle, and grandfather are/were all Delta Chis, and at least one of his Delta Chi relatives was in the chapter at the same time as the sitting state senator! So we was a quadruple legacy with political Delta Chi connections. The term "super legacy" was an understatement. He was not interested in our chapter (it was pretty mutual actually) and ended up pledging, but not initiating another group. He ended up transferring back to the school his relatives went to, and I won't be surprised if he ends up pledging Delta Chi there this fall.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by carnation

Thinking about this today:

Here is a scenario that I see a LOT. Family lives near a small or medium-sized college. Mom works with her sorority chapter there for years and years. Daughter rushes, say, in the SEC--maybe 1 state away--and gets cut by her legacy chapter. Mom and daughter are devastated. In this case, it's almost never that the daughter was cut because she was a bad fit or had low grades, etc.; it's that the chapter had tons of girls they had to cut and this girl was less "known" because she was an out of stater. She's probably stellar but so are hundreds of other girls.

Mom is in shock; she knew that legacies don't have an automatic 'in' but they're very strongly considered at the college whose chapter she helps and most of them get in. Only the obvious "no ways" are released. Her college's Panhellenic booklet has the same warning that daughter's school does but still, most legacies do get in their legacy chapter.

It takes both women awhile to get over this. This is not a "precious snowflake" situation but rather one in which there is shocked and understandable hurt.

^^^That's a situation that happens often with girls who leave Ohio to go to more competitive schools.

Mom is from/helps out at teeny tiny Ohio school where her chapter typically gets like 2 legacies a year. Unless they're heinous, they get bids.

Daughter leaves Ohio for say, Bama. She doesn't even make it past first round. Mom is puzzled.

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by Gusteau

When I read the term "super legacy" I couldn't stop laughing. We had a kid last fall who we referred to as "super legacy," in fact I'm pretty sure most of the chapter didn't even know his name and only knew him by "super legacy."

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's SUPER LEGACY!!!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

If I remember correctly, there has been discussion on GC of sororities implementing a "Super Legacy" (like some more selective colleges do) system at some of the schools where there are more legacies than 2nd round invites. The Super Legacy = the child of a more involved alumna. She would receive a higher level courtesy than a lesser involved one.

Here's the thread I think it was in:

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...t=Super+Legacy

J, that's the one I thought it was too but then I read it and it wasn't. The one I was thinking of had one of the ADPis commenting on it. Honeychile might remember.

The problems about this concept are so many, though. Who gets the nod between 1) daughter of mom who worked with the chapter and volunteered nationally for 30 years or 2) daughter of Monica Millionaire who never did anything as far as volunteering since she was busy with her work, but who donated $750,000 to the chapter to build a new house. Or what about the rushee whose mom hasn't done any volunteering because mom died when rushee was 6 years old.

With carnation's scenario above - again, back to college choice. Mom knows it's harder to get into Harvard than it is Booboo State. Why on earth would she believe that a school that differs from hers in so many aspects (not to mention the addition of 25-30 years) would have the same sort of rush?