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  #16  
Old 06-08-2018, 08:11 PM
APhi2KD APhi2KD is offline
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The things that stand out to me are:
**(like others have said) why would want the sorority with the mean girls you described? And if they behave as you say, they may have just as much fun sabotaging you during rush as they do at the coffee house. Donít write this, or ANY sorority off your listóbe just as excited to be at their party as your least favorite house. But do NOT be expecting a different outcome.

**
Quote:
Originally Posted by laceyPNM View Post
it was raining, so I didnít do much in way of appearance, because I knew the rain would ruin it anyway (from an appearance standpoint, anyway). My school provides shirts that we HAVE to wear, and Iím still not totally sure how to pair jewelry and shorts, skirts, or pants with them. Shoes arenít necessarily an issue.
While I understand the thought process, EFFORT MATTERS. Even if you walk in and they all start humming MacArthur Park, youíve gotta give it your all. It doesnít matter that you are magically water-repellent, it matters that you know how to put your best foot forward. The t-shirts can be a blessing or a curse. There are still ways to find your best look, though. Focus on what you can control and make those pieces impeccable. The right bottoms, the right shoes, jewelry, etc. If tees and shorts is what you have to work with, find shorts that fit you best, are most flattering, etc. Start now. Find the best pair of shorts and get them in a few different colors so you can choose the most complimentary color for each shirt.

Climateósouthern? If so, there are some great articles on how to survive the heat. A good setting spray, waterproof mascara, battery-op fans, etc. And hydrating well the week before rush begins.

Jewelryósome places itís still a big NO to wear a watch to rush parties. Jewelry is pretty simple (minimalistic) right now, but you can still tweak it. Are you in a Kendra Scott uniform zone? Might a (non-noisy) charm bracelet with charms that lend themselves to conversation help you out the first night? Think about options.

**you mentioned being so certain you would be getting a bid from some houses. As you now know to never take anything for granted, be sure your demeanor and ďtent talkĒ doesnít betray you. Donít act over or under confident. Be nothing but cheerful.

**Remember youíre looking for sisters, not Instagram props.

**Feel brave, because you are!!
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  #17  
Old 06-11-2018, 07:13 PM
granipc granipc is offline
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"Are you in a Kendra Scott uniform zone?"

This cracked.me.up.

But all excellent advice...
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  #18  
Old 06-12-2018, 01:06 PM
Alpha O Alpha O is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by laceyPNM View Post
I’m afraid that I’ll go through again and be released just like the last time. Both events at the sororities I had Sisterhood Night with the night before I was released were amazing. The events went flawlessly, and I honestly thought that I was *almost* guaranteed a spot at one of them. I’m an outgoing person, so personality and conversation is never an issue, but I suppose it could come across as fake even though it’s not. Looking back, there was nothing I would have changed that night.
I realize that you think that personality and conversations are not issues for you, but I think that it's worth working on this aspect considering that you were released last year. Good conversation and personality are the two most important factors you have to convey during recruitment.

I'm not sure what you are up to this summer, but if you can put yourself in situations in which you interact with people you've never interacted with before, that might help with conversations. If someone is comfortable having a pleasant conversation with a total stranger then they are definitely ready for recruitment (e.g. the person standing in line with you at the coffee shop, sitting next to you on the bus/train, your uber driver, etc).

You might think about striking up a random conversation with someone you don't know that well and see how it goes. Don't put any pressure on yourself, just try to have fun.

Quote:
Originally Posted by laceyPNM View Post
Another could be that I didn’t have any rec letters. No one in my family is or has ever been Greek, and my cousins that went to college didn’t hang out with the Greek crowd. I didn’t realize that I needed letters, but I have them for this year, I hope. I’ve emailed and sent mail to local alumnae chapters and my mom realized that some of her clients are, or have family, that were Greek. I will have rec letters this time, hopefully.
Get those rec letters for each house!

Quote:
Originally Posted by laceyPNM View Post
I asked one of my coworkers, who is a senior in a sorority on campus what goes on behind the scenes (I’m not sure she was supposed to tell me), but she said that in a few instances, looks and attractiveness matters. So, the dancer in me immediately starts looking for my flaws. I’m not necessarily the thinnest or the prettiest, I’m average, so if that is the issue, then I’ll probably be released again.
Looks are, unfortunately, your first impression. You don't have to be a beauty queen by any means, but you want to look well put together and confident. This is what will make your first impression when you meet sisters and may influence how the conversation proceeds. I'd say it's less about how attractive you are and more about how put together and confident you are, if that makes sense.

Quote:
Originally Posted by laceyPNM View Post
And the shirts aren't totally unfortunate, but they don't really help either. They are Comfort Colors and the ones we had were an ugly seafoam green, faded navy blue, and a rust-red that showed sweat (but it was raining the whole week too, so that wasn't a huge issue).
Do what you can with your outfits--spend time on your hairstyle, make-up, accessories, shoes, and shorts. It sounds like everyone has to wear the same t-shirts, so you're all in the t-shirt boat together. Nothing you can do about that, and all PNMs are facing the same issue.

Another suggestion would be to look on Pinterest for examples of how to dress up a t-shirt outfit.

Quote:
Originally Posted by laceyPNM View Post
33Girl, the sororities at my school aren't as large as SEC schools, but they are still 100+, so I'm not overly concerned about the girls that hate me in that sorority, because I still have friends in that one too, I'm just not sure how much weight each girls' opinion of me will carry.
No one can speak to the specifics of this because membership selection is private and differs amongst GLOs. However, keep in mind that in any group setting, a small but vocal minority can have a large influence on the group.

If these girls dislike you enough to go out of their way to disrespect and bully you at your place of work, it seems likely that they will use any trick in the book to keep you off of their bid list. I completely agree with what previous posters have said about that.

I also wonder the same thing as previous posters re: why do you want to be a part of a group that has members who treat others in this way? You say you have other friends in this group, which is fine, but have you thought about how the girls who seem dislike you might treat you after you get a bid? In all likelihood, their behavior will not change and you may overhear them talking about you at meetings or bullying you in other ways. I'm sorry to bring this up so bluntly, but why would you want to join a sisterhood in which there is a contingent of girls who are out to bully you? And what in the world makes you think that their behavior would change if you joined their sisterhood?
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Last edited by Alpha O; 06-12-2018 at 01:13 PM.
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  #19  
Old 06-14-2018, 05:12 PM
NYCMS NYCMS is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by laceyPNM View Post
I’m afraid that I’ll go through again and be released just like the last time. Both events at the sororities I had Sisterhood Night with the night before I was released were amazing. The events went flawlessly, and I honestly thought that I was *almost* guaranteed a spot at one of them. I’m an outgoing person, so personality and conversation is never an issue, but I suppose it could come across as fake even though it’s not.
First, stop worrying and fixating on last year. I know that's easier said than done, but the more you fixate on what didn't work and what might go wrong, the more you will unconsciously trip yourself up - your energy will be tense and nervous during rush and that doesn't bode well for any PNM.

Second, actives are skilled at making everyone feel welcome and wanted - that's their job in making each PNM want their sorority. So while you may have thought the parties went well, please consider that while you enjoyed them, the members you spoke with must have felt otherwise (or not strongly enough to go to bat for you), hence your being released. I'm reminded of when I've gone on job interviews - invariably the ones I thought went fantastic did not...no second round. Rush can be like that too.

I agree with another poster - work on your conversation skills and the general impression you give off to people. Do you hog the conversation? (I recall girls who did and they were easily cut) Do you know how to gracefully carry a conversation that leaves people feeling warm and glad to have talked with you? Do you give off a desperate, nervous energy? (sure way to be cut). What's your overall look? It's not about being a beauty queen, but having a fresh, modern and polished look - from your clothes to shoes to hair/makeup and jewelry. If you need help, go to a store with cute clothes and get help from someone who works there. Same for hair/makeup/etc. Looks do matter, that's the first impression anyone has of us.

Work on that and then try to just have fun during rush - be detached as much as possible.

Last edited by NYCMS; 06-14-2018 at 06:26 PM.
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  #20  
Old 06-18-2018, 02:01 PM
PhilTau PhilTau is offline
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The fraternity side of this site frequently gets similar questions. The women on here know their stuff. So take what they say very seriously.

Your original post did a pretty good job analyzing yourself and pointing out your weaknesses. Hope the following helps.

"competitive dancer" ----- I don't really know what a competitive dancer is, but the word competitive stands out. Think about just how competitive you were. Did you have a reputation? Did you compete against women who were members of the sororities in which you are being considered? Just a thought.

"there were some girls from a certain sorority (one that was one of the two I was dropped from before Pref Night) that came through every night and always had to make a scene, calling out things I did wrong (even if I didnít) and generally just trying to get me in trouble a lot. I know this doesnít speak for the others in the sorority" ------ I'd suggest putting this sorority low on your list.

"I suppose it could come across as fake even though itís not." - Importatnt point. (I'll address below.)

"* * *not totally sure how to pair jewelry and shorts, skirts, or pants with them." ------- Great advice above. Easy to fix.

"Another could be that I didnít have any rec letters. " -------- You fixed.

"Iím average, so if that is the issue, then Iíll probably be released again." ---------- (See below) Really, when you get right down to it, everyone is average in something.


"I suppose it could come across as fake even though itís not." -------

Many people have this problem. You are fortunate that you (unlike most) know it. "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie has been recommended to fraternity rushees on this site multiple times. You can get it used on Amazon for $3.37. (You likely can find a free, detailed synopsis if you look.) Your parents likely already have the book. And you have plenty of time to practice the principles laid out in the book. At a minimum, it (and the multitude of Carnegie's follow on books) is sure to get you more tips.

Good luck.
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  #21  
Old 06-18-2018, 03:44 PM
honeychile honeychile is offline
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I don't know if anyone has mentioned it, but on the cosmetic side, here's my two cents. If you can't find "official" blotting paper, cut coffee filters to a usable size. They will take the excess perspiration off of your face without destroying your makeup - and help you glow.

Best of luck!
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  #22  
Old 06-18-2018, 07:01 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
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Competitive dancer means she was part of a dance team that competed against other teams. If a sister would really drag a rushee through the mud because th rusheeís team beat the sisterís team, she seriously needs psychiatric help.

In other words it is not a one on one, Tonya vs Nancy type situation. 🔨
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  #23  
Old 06-18-2018, 08:52 PM
PhilTau PhilTau is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl View Post
Competitive dancer means she was part of a dance team that competed against other teams. If a sister would really drag a rushee through the mud because th rusheeís team beat the sisterís team, she seriously needs psychiatric help.

In other words it is not a one on one, Tonya vs Nancy type situation. 🔨
Thanks! Didn't know that it was a sport and industry until I looked it up on Wikipedia.
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