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  #16  
Old 09-10-2020, 01:22 PM
Cheerio Cheerio is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sciencewoman View Post
Here you go, starting on page 128:

https://www.npcwomen.org/wp-content/...nformation.pdf


As described in the document, it is probable that your first choice group matched to quota before they got to your name on the ranked list, but they are still below total chapter size, and that's why they're participating in COB. I think that's especially true this year, when members may have not returned and more chapters are below total.

It's all computer-based, so it's not really "corrupt" -- it's just a computer program. If you feel this strongly, feel free to pursue the appeal process described in the linked NPC document, or decline the invitation to join the sorority who graciously offered you membership.
Please, OP, take the above advice and remove yourself from the rolls of the chapter whose name YOU CHOSE to put on YOUR MRABA Card as being ACCEPTIBLE for you to join. How dare the recruitment system lure gullible you into rushing two seasons in a row. No one can escape the engaging claws of the owls, nor the innocent grasp of a panda, during such a hectic time. It is better to leave behind the trappings of lifelong sorority membership before one initiates and builds a lifetime of haunting, tragic panhellenic memories whilst trying to forget about "the one that got away".
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  #17  
Old 09-10-2020, 05:55 PM
PhilTau PhilTau is offline
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Ah -- The decisions of youth. Except for the advice to terminate or to immediately decline your bid, all of the advice given above is good - especially the advice relating to how you wound up with your second choice. Second choice is better than no choice.

Practically speaking, if you want to be in a sorority, given the advice above, realistically this is likely your final opportunity. Don't be the malcontent. Do not appeal. And don't make a stink about not getting your first choice because chances are you were not the sorority that gave you a bid's first choice either. The person who compared your experience to the employment world is very correct. In real life, nobody gets their first choice all the time. Most rarely ever get their first choice or even a choice at all.

Try to put your disappointment behind you and try to make the best of the opportunity that you have now.

"We cannot direct the wind . . . but we can adjust our sails."

There have been many recruitment stories on this site where it turned out that they loved their second choice sorority and were very happy that they did not receive a bid to their first choice. Who knows, you may be one of them.

Last edited by PhilTau; 09-10-2020 at 06:04 PM.
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  #18  
Old 09-11-2020, 12:21 AM
anongreek anongreek is offline
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Id like to say this...
When I first went through Rush, I had my heart set on Chi Omega or Phi Mu, just because of what I had heard. I wanted no other house but those two. I wasn't really even slightly considering the other houses. But guess what? After day 1 of rush, I realized I needed to be more open-minded. While I love the girls in Chi-O and Phi Mu....(they loved me too)...rushed me really hard...in the end, they just weren't the house for me, which really broke my heart. There just wasn't the connection I was really hoping for, throughout rush. And while I was super disappointed (initially) because I had my heart set on them, and now it felt like they weren't clicking...above all else, I knew I wanted to be in a sorority...point, blank, period, and I was willing to go through the rush in all of it's entirety and then decide on which I felt I had the best chance at sisterhood with. And, I actually, last minute, threw in a wild card and chose AOII for pref night, who kept inviting me back, because I had a feeling. Guess what? I got called home to AOII on bid day, and it was the best decision ever...even though it was not the decision or idea that I had in my head initially.
All of the girls that I knew that re-rushed (not sure if that is the technical term) were low-key blackballed in the greek community and didn't even get a bid the second time around, or if they did...it was from the only chapter that hadn't made quota and wanted to do informal as a last ditch effort. And 9/10 of them STILL ended up unhappy with their options. Word travels fast (especially if you attend a smaller campus) about those girls who refused to be satisfied with the sororities that chose to extend them a bid, that they gave a spot to when they very well could have given it to another girl. I can definitely say this. If you cancel your bid with this sorority and make a big stink over this MRABA appeal.....good luck at ever getting another bid extended a third time around. That would more than likely kill your chances. But, also, don't bother wasting the time of the girls in this sorority if you're just going to be ill that they weren't your first choice the whole time, and refuse to give them a chance. That won't win your any friends, either.
Because if you are being completely honest with yourself....did you even give any of these sororities you pledged to a chance? I mean, I know tons of girls who felt like they got shafted initially through rush, but gave their sisters a chance, and ended up happier than ever with the sisterhood that chose them. You shouldn't go into it with the blind and naive misconception that sisterhood is going to be some easy and magical thing right off the get go. It takes some effort and time for that relationship to really grow...just like any other relationship/ friendship. A girl in my sorority used to say "a bid gets you into the club... but what you get out of the club, depends on how much effort you're willing to put into it."
So, are you sure you've really even done that with either one?
Give the girls a chance. You don't always know what you want until it picks you. But, I can tell you that coming in with that kind of attitude....won't get you very far with your sisters.
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Last edited by anongreek; 09-11-2020 at 12:30 AM. Reason: added info
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  #19  
Old 09-11-2020, 12:23 AM
mountainmama mountainmama is offline
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So many accusatory people responding who don't know the full story of either times I rushed and want to call me ungrateful. To update, I have heard directly from the recruitment chair of the chapter that I wanted that I was high enough on their list to get a bid before they reached quota. Everyone in that chapter was spamming the recruitment chairs with texts when they saw my name wasn't on the list on bid day. What we suspect happened is that my second choice ranked me high enough that my preference was overridden in order to fill my second choice's pledge class. I talked to a representative of panhellenic at my school and she said it was possible. I realize my original post sounded ungrateful but imagine how frustrating it is to know your first choice sorority with all of your friends in it wanted you and you wanted them so badly but they system matched you to a different one. They constantly talk about how it is a mutual selection process but I didn't get a say at all. I don't think I will appeal and will try to make the best of the situation but please try to understand why I am upset.
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  #20  
Old 09-11-2020, 12:48 AM
Cheerio Cheerio is offline
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You got your say by writing down two pref choices, instead of the one you just knew 100% absolutely for certain wanted you so bad that they and you are moaning sadly about it now that you are in this alleged pickle.
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  #21  
Old 09-11-2020, 12:52 AM
ASTalumna06 ASTalumna06 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mountainmama View Post
So many accusatory people responding who don't know the full story of either times I rushed and want to call me ungrateful. To update, I have heard directly from the recruitment chair of the chapter that I wanted that I was high enough on their list to get a bid before they reached quota. Everyone in that chapter was spamming the recruitment chairs with texts when they saw my name wasn't on the list on bid day. What we suspect happened is that my second choice ranked me high enough that my preference was overridden in order to fill my second choice's pledge class. I talked to a representative of panhellenic at my school and she said it was possible. I realize my original post sounded ungrateful but imagine how frustrating it is to know your first choice sorority with all of your friends in it wanted you and you wanted them so badly but they system matched you to a different one. They constantly talk about how it is a mutual selection process but I didn't get a say at all. I don't think I will appeal and will try to make the best of the situation but please try to understand why I am upset.
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  #22  
Old 09-11-2020, 01:28 AM
AZTheta AZTheta is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mountainmama View Post
What we suspect happened is that my second choice ranked me high enough that my preference was overridden in order to fill my second choice's pledge class. I talked to a representative of panhellenic at my school and she said it was possible.
No. Just, no. That is NOT how this works, if you are talking about NPC sororities who follow RFM. Nice try. But no.

Well, since you are convinced that your #1 choice wants you, resign from your current sorority and wait another year. Rush next year and see if you get a bid from your #1 choice. I'll be waiting.

I re-read all the posts here and no one called you ungrateful. Those were your words describing how you yourself sounded(above). As for "mutual selection" - yes, you did get a say. You put both chapters down on your MRABA. You're upset because you didn't end up with your #1 choice. We get that, loud and clear.
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  #23  
Old 09-11-2020, 04:40 AM
33girl 33girl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mountainmama View Post
So many accusatory people responding who don't know the full story of either times I rushed and want to call me ungrateful. To update, I have heard directly from the recruitment chair of the chapter that I wanted that I was high enough on their list to get a bid before they reached quota. Everyone in that chapter was spamming the recruitment chairs with texts when they saw my name wasn't on the list on bid day. What we suspect happened is that my second choice ranked me high enough that my preference was overridden in order to fill my second choice's pledge class. I talked to a representative of panhellenic at my school and she said it was possible. I realize my original post sounded ungrateful but imagine how frustrating it is to know your first choice sorority with all of your friends in it wanted you and you wanted them so badly but they system matched you to a different one. They constantly talk about how it is a mutual selection process but I didn't get a say at all. I don't think I will appeal and will try to make the best of the situation but please try to understand why I am upset.
It doesn’t work that way. Your preference cannot be “overridden” because you are on a sorority’s first bid list. If that was true, every sorority on every campus would make quota all the time!! And anyway, the first bid list is alphabetical, not by scores. No one is “higher” than another within that first list. That doesn’t start till the second bid list.

Either these people you are talking to are clueless, are only telling you what you want to hear, or you are only hearing what you want to hear.
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  #24  
Old 09-11-2020, 05:33 AM
SWTXBelle SWTXBelle is offline
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Or she's lying, because we all know that is literally NOT HOW IT WORKS.
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  #25  
Old 09-11-2020, 06:10 AM
FSUZeta FSUZeta is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mountainmama View Post
So many accusatory people responding who don't know the full story of either times I rushed and want to call me ungrateful. To update, I have heard directly from the recruitment chair of the chapter that I wanted that I was high enough on their list to get a bid before they reached quota. Everyone in that chapter was spamming the recruitment chairs with texts when they saw my name wasn't on the list on bid day. What we suspect happened is that my second choice ranked me high enough that my preference was overridden in order to fill my second choice's pledge class. I talked to a representative of panhellenic at my school and she said it was possible. I realize my original post sounded ungrateful but imagine how frustrating it is to know your first choice sorority with all of your friends in it wanted you and you wanted them so badly but they system matched you to a different one. They constantly talk about how it is a mutual selection process but I didn't get a say at all. I don't think I will appeal and will try to make the best of the situation but please try to understand why I am upset.
Oh no.....after all of this inside, top secret info you are privy to that we, many of us former or current national officers or collegiate chapter advisors of our respective sororities or National Panhellenic Conference officers, aren't, maybe you should appeal. I encourage you to.

We do really understand. Your friends guaranteed that you would get a bid from their chapter and you found out that they don't have the pull they thought they did. It happens ALL.THE.TIME. Your's is not a unique situation. And do you really want to be a member of a chapter who did not place you high enough on their bid list? What will the quality of your membership be if you force your way in to a chapter that felt you would shine better elsewhere? Could there be resentment? Outright hostility? Shunning? Think hard about your next step.
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Last edited by FSUZeta; 09-11-2020 at 06:17 AM.
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  #26  
Old 09-11-2020, 07:04 AM
Titchou Titchou is offline
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I'm sorry that you have been led astray about how this works. It's a computer program. What you are saying cannot happen. You are saying that after the computer put out the completed bid lists, someone took them and removed your name from AAA and put you in BBB and somehow moved a woman from BBB to AAA without them realizing that she should have been elsewhere - or worse, just didn't give her a bid. Now who the heck would hate you so much as to do this? Stop and think logically about this. You need to accept reality and move on. As others have said, this is your only chance for membership. End of story.
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  #27  
Old 09-11-2020, 09:01 AM
NYCMS NYCMS is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FSUZeta View Post
Oh no.....after all of this inside, top secret info you are privy to that we, many of us former or current national officers or collegiate chapter advisors of our respective sororities or National Panhellenic Conference officers, aren't, maybe you should appeal. I encourage you to.
mountainmama, consider who's providing this insight and knowledge: women who have been or are at some level of involvement with their sorority, whether it's at the national level, collegiate chapter advisor or working with the National Panhellenic Conference, as FSUZeta outlined above. Computers simply can't make mistakes although upset PNM's post on here every year that "they did". Nope, they don't. Names aren't suddenly changed on the bid lists; if that could happen, there would be chaos on every college campus every year.

You can think we're being rude, but we're not - we're simply trying to spell out the truth of how it works. Why members are telling you otherwise is beyond me. If you want to trust them over the word of so many esteemed women who have devoted decades to service of their sororities and Panhellenic and who are more in the know than you can imagine, go right ahead. It will only prolong your misery and contribute, I suspect, to others' misinformation as well.
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  #28  
Old 09-11-2020, 04:41 PM
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Sciencewoman Sciencewoman is offline
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Also, if you take a look at the NPC document I linked, it indicates that leaders within each chapter (such as advisor, membership VP, chapter president) review the bid lists they submit to the Greek Life office for computer matching, and then the chapter leadership reviews the bid list outcome BEFORE the lists are finalized with the Greek Life office and bids are hand prepared, signed, and delivered. Humans double-check everything, and each chapter has time to notice any discrepancies or errors before the bids are finalized. There is literally no way that your #1 choice neglected to give you a bid if you were really, truly on their bid list. Membership selection is private and none of us know what happened with your top choice's selection criteria or internal system or votes from women who aren't your besties that resulted in you not being placed high enough to be offered a bid. It does happen and things like this will happen again in life. I'm so sorry you are disappointed. I do hope you decide to do a 180 and relish the sisterhood that awaits you with the group who extended you an invitation to join. I think you have a short window here to put a positive foot forward. Seriously.
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Last edited by Sciencewoman; 09-11-2020 at 07:45 PM.
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  #29  
Old 09-11-2020, 05:36 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
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  #30  
Old 09-12-2020, 12:17 AM
SylvanAerie SylvanAerie is offline
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Dear MM. I understand your anguish. I loooved AAA and they loooved me. It was cosmic perfection. Then they cut me right before pref. I was in a fog of shock for days. Of the two I still had who preffed me one (BBB) gave me a bid. Still in a bit of a daze I accepted. They helped me become a better student and a better person. They taught me to be more gracious to everyone, and I found good friends. Now I am grateful I didn’t turn down the opportunity just because I was still grieving the loss of AAA. I discovered later BBB was a very strong national group. I have had the chance for 50+ years to work with absolutely amazing people, and find pride in the membership. You sound hurt and grieving, but that will pass if you let it, and you can still find happiness.
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