No one said it was gonna be easy... no one said it would be this hard

[tunatartare]

It's been a little over two weeks since my housemate passed away and I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm usually a very closed off person about my emotions and feelings, but with this going on in my life, I feel like I've become a lot more vulnerable and that I need to share. I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping latelyi. Every time I close my eyes, I picture Cait lying there in the hospital so helpless. It sucks because this is definitely not how she would have wanted to be remembered. It's 4:36am here now and I've been up for a while just because I haven't been able to fall asleep. I started crying in the middle of class today because in my History of Photography class the teacher showed us a series that was done about people living with and dying from AIDS and a lot of the pictures were taken in hospitals and it just hit too close to home and I just sat there at my desk and cried.

Sorry for the rant and if GC is not the place for this, I'm just really upset now and need someone to talk to to let my feelings out and no one is on now.

[Xylochick216]

I'm so sorry for what has happened to your friend. I know it's hard when someone close to you passes on, and your feelings are completely normal when something like this happens.

Is there a counseling center on your campus? Something like that could help. I know it's hard to take the first step to go talk to someone, but it really helps in the long run. If nothing else, vent here or on an online blog. It's good to get your emotions into words.

Take things slowly. It takes time to heal wounds and work through your grief, but it can be done. I'll be thinking about you and your friends as you go through this hard time.

<3 Sharon

[AGDee]

Losing someone is extremely difficult and what you are going through is a totally normal phase of grief. As Xylochick recommended, use the counseling service on campus. They may be able to give you something light to help you sleep too. It takes months to work through the grief process and it IS a process.

I wish I could give you a real hug right now. Online hugs never seem very comforting...

Dee

[Senusret I]

*hug*

You've gotta talk to somebody as soon as you wake up today. Go to whatever counseling services your school has and don't leave until you're seen. They know how to help better than we can.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally posted by Senusret I
*hug*

You've gotta talk to somebody as soon as you wake up today. Go to whatever counseling services your school has and don't leave until you're seen. They know how to help better than we can.

I Second!

Esecially the *****HUG**** part!

I definitely agree with the last two post..... go to the school counseling center ,and like someone said , don't leave until they fit you in! You need to let these feelings out and learn to work thru them to gain a better footing on everything so you can begin to heal.


I wish i could give you hug too ,and dont worry about ranting like you said , i think if you didnt we'd all be concerned if we knew what was going. Your in my prayers.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

I am so sorry for your loss and that you are going through this. I also think that you would benefit from grief counseling. I hope that your school made some sort arrangements for this.

I know that you posted that the priest was very helpful when Cait died. If you cannot get an appointment at the counseling center, maybe you can talk to him. Priests can be very helpful with the grieving process.

[aephi alum]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I agree... talk to someone... visit your school's counseling center, talk to a member of the clergy, etc.

((( hug )))

[adpiucf]

Grief takes time. You have to let yourself heal. It is ok to cry, to be upset, to be mad and to think about this a lot. Talking about it with friends and family helps. And do take advantage of those counseling services on campus. Hold a special memorial for your friend. It's going to take some time to get through this, and your feelings are normal. You will be ok again.

[JennRN]

Hey sweetie. You need to go see someone-a counselor or a psychiatrist. Someone who is good with post traumatic stress disorder. Just definately get into see someone.

I lost a patient who was a year younger than I was and I had gotten really attached to her-and it was more than I could deal with. I can't to this day think about the whole case without getting teary. It was such an emotionally difficult case-this girl was beautiful and smart, with her whole life ahead of her. I was 8 months out of nursing school, and I had never dealt with something so hard. I'm sorry to say that I didn't deal with it well-I started drinking more, until one night I had a breakdown-I was hysterical, sobbing and yelling, and throwing things. My husband and my mom kept telling me to go see someone about it, but I never did. Eventually, I worked through it, but it took me a year before I was fully healed. Looking back now, I should have definately gone and talked to someone.

Eventually, you'll be ok. It takes time-alot of time. Big hugs to you.

[Betarulz!]

I don't think that you necessarily have to go to counseling quite yet.

From our lectures we've had on grief and associated depression, you're following the normal progression for losing someone close to you.

It's normal for you to feel down, and it's normal for you to think about the deceased. It's also expected that certain things will trigger an emotional release when you lease expect it or least want to.

Some normal aspects of the grieving process:

• Severe symptoms in the first 1-2 months, but all sypmtoms usually ends in less than 6 months (and your only in week 2, it's OKAY to feel this way).
  
• Usually cylical...ie will come in waves, and you'll have bad days and you'll have good days.
  
• Normal to have some sort of hallucination episode on occassion (you saw the person in a crowded mall, heard her voice from the other room, etc.)
  
• Normal to have some self blame that you could have done more to help your friend, or resolved some issue that didn't get talked about at the end.

Again these are the NORMAL symptoms of Grief, and that is healthy. If you start having symptoms that are different (usually they will tend to be all the time and more severe) then something more serious might be happening to you.

I guess, as just a lowly first year medical student, my opinion is based off of just a couple of lectures, but right now what you are experiencing is what you should be. Hopefully with some understanding how long this should go on, how hard it might be, and that it WILL GET BETTER over time, you'll be able to cope better.

The key things right now should be to use your social network for support, be in touch with your feelings, realize that this is normal for someone only two weeks removed from such a traumatic and sudden death. If things seem to get worse, or your grief is really affecting your ability to function, then get help immediately, don't wait and think that a counselor or a doctor will dismiss it, they won't.

[WCUgirl]

KLPDaisy,

I am so sorry you are feeling down and struggling with this. I agree w/ everyone who said to go speak to a counselor. My grandfather died a few months after 9-11, and around the same time I started having some health problems, in addition to trying to finish out my last year in school and plan a wedding. I was experiencing things I couldn't even talk about with my fiance.

I started going to the counseling center, and it was so helpful to have someone who I didn't know personally listen to my problems once a week. She was able to give an objective point of view w/o belittling me. Does that make sense? Sometimes your friends are hard to talk to b/c you're scared what you're feeling isn't normal, or b/c they know the other people involved and have their own opinions already.

Anyways, please talk to someone about this. I promise, it will help. It may not seem to at first, but it really will.

Of course, I am here if you need to talk.

[BetteDavisEyes]

{{hugs}}


I also agree that you should go talk to someone who is more qualified than us here on GC. They can help you out better than we can. I hope you feel better.

[wrigley]

(((KLPDaisy))),

Please go and see someone on campus as JennRN suggested. Everyone reacts differently went someone close to them dies. The first year is the toughest.

Also let your academic advisor and instructors know what's going on with you. That way they can be sensitive to your needs as you go through this difficult time.

Hang in there.

[Buttonz]

*hug*

Just know, my phone is on 24/7, call me if you need me...don't worry about waking me up

*hug*