What is wrong with her?

ilovemyglo · #1 04-16-2002, 05:07 PM

My oldest brother got engaged this weekend, he is 27 and my other brother is already engaged and getting married next April (He is 23) so I am the last of my parents three children... I am 22 and my mother has already hinted how it kind of bothers her that I have not found someone to "settle down" with. My parents were married when she was 19 and my dad was 21. She had my brother the week before her first anniversary and now she tells me she thinks my EGGS are too old, and I had better think about that when I date.
Can you believe this? I am so terrified that my mother is going to stay on my case. I am too young and I have told her that. I don't have a steady job, I don't graduate until August and I do not want to settle down yet. I like dating around and being young and irresponsible. I have no desire to have children right now.
What is wrong with my mother? For crying out loud, I am 22.

CutiePie2000 · #2 04-16-2002, 05:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ilovemyglo
What is wrong with my mother? For crying out loud, I am 22.

Well, you could ask her if she wants you to be married tomorrow, or if she'll allow you to wait to be married to the right person? That should give her pause for thought.

As for your eggs getting "too old", well, your ovaries only release one egg as a time so that makes no sense at all. (the rest are incubating oocytes in your ovaries). But if she wanted you to give birth having "fresher eggs", I suppose you could have given birth at 14 or 15, which I don't think she would have wanted you to do that. Besides, if you had a baby later on, they have amnioscentisis and other medical technologies to make sure that the developing fetus is normal.

You might want to sit her down, have a little talk with her (if you can, do it calmly) and tell her to lighten up. There are arguments to be made for getting married in your later 20's, when you "know yourself" more thoroughly as a person.

Good luck!

FuzzieAlum · #3 04-16-2002, 05:30 PM

Statistically, most Americans, men or women, aren't getting married until their late 20s today, so for you to get married now would be quite prodigious indeed! Not that you're too young to marry, but you are hardly running out of eligible men yet.

Besides, eggs don't wear out. Sure, once you hit 35, childbearing will be more difficult, but not because your eggs have degraded. And you have 13 years anyway to find a decent guy - if children are even important to you.

justamom · #4 04-16-2002, 05:33 PM

Maybe she was raised with the belief that you can't find true happiness unless you have a man in your life. She also could be comparing your life to her life (mothers often do that) Are the two of you open and communacative in all the other areas except this subject? Sometimes we despertely try to find a subject we both can relate to, but end up trying to pass our belief system on to our children. Have you told her-gently-how happy you are and how you really feel about this subject. I agree 100%-you are very young to make a lifetime commitment-even to be serious about one person-especially when YOU don't feel the desire. (I'm NOT saying it might not work for some)

She may be caught up in all the wedding plans as well, and longs for the kind of wedding she wants YOU to have...How SHE would do things. If ths is a part of it,you are lucky as it will pass.

Have you had a LOVING heart to heart-or is it such a "sore spot" you always end up miffed at each other?
Have you told her this subject is just flat-out off limits?
Have you toldher you love her more than anything in the world,
but have your OWN plans for your OWN life? Just be gentle and HOPEFULLY, she will see you as a INDEPENDENT young woman...not an extension of her.
If you have had control issues all along-you may just have to tune her out. Good luck sweetie.

damasa · #5 04-16-2002, 06:53 PM

you know...my mother does that kind of thing often too. To be honest, I don't understand it at all, and it kind of freaks me out because I'm only 20 years old and I still have another year and probably an extra semester before i graduate. She also knows that I am all about going on to some sort of post-undergrad education, being whatever it is. So one day I decided that I would sit down and talk to her. I told her that I understand she wants me to be happy and that she wants to be a grandmother, but then i told her that she still has a daughter in the house to worry about and take care for. I also went on to tell her that it really stresses me out and/or bugs me when she is nagging how she wants to be grannie and she wants me to have a wife to bring around all the time. I basically told her when the time was right, it will happen, but that it would happen, but not until i'm comfortable and ready for it. Just tell her how you feel on the subject and hope that she understands what you are feeling.

Optimist Prime · #6 04-16-2002, 08:38 PM

phone her and say that you're pregreant...then be like "late april fools (its still april)" I bet that will quiet her down.

bucutie02 · #7 04-16-2002, 09:25 PM

My mom kind of does this.

Sometimes i used to feel like Bridget Jones because everyone would be so worried i didnt have a bf!

What is that all about? like i am not allowed to be single??

My mom loves kids, and i am sure she is just counting down until i get married and have kids.

We have birds, and they have eggs. Well day after we found out the birds laid eggs, my mom went to her boss and said "im going to be a grandma!" "the birds have eggs!!!" so then my mom says "yeah, he probably thought i was psycho before i told him it was because of the eggs since i was so happy" then i tell my mom "yeah, he probably thought it was me!" my mom says "yeah, look at this lady, she is so happy she is going to be a grandmother and her daughter isnt even married!" so then i told my mom "mom you probably would be extremely happy if i was pregnant whether or not i was married" and she said "yeah!

i know!!!"

So yeah, my mom kind of does it too, but not so much!

carnation · #8 04-16-2002, 10:27 PM

Umm, you guys tell your moms you know someone from GC who gave birth at 46. Big surprise, no fertility drugs, no complications. Tell them the same person did the same at 28, 30, 33, 36, 38, 40, and 42 if they're worried about "old eggs".

IowaHawkeye · #9 04-16-2002, 10:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by carnation
Umm, you guys tell your moms you know someone from GC who gave birth at 46. Big surprise, no fertility drugs, no complications. Tell them the same person did the same at 28, 30, 33, 36, 38, 40, and 42 if they're worried about "old eggs".

haha carnation, my mom comes home from a long day at work of delivering children to mothers who are 14, 15, 16, 17 and she begs my sisters and i not to have children until we're ready, settled, and in love - even if that means we have those so called "old eggs"

ZTAngel · #10 04-17-2002, 12:26 PM

My mother is so funny....
I get this letter from her the other day and the only thing the envelope contained was a recent article from TIME magazine. TIME recently did an article on how women are moving up in the work force and trying to obtain upper-management positions which entails they put off having children for a few years. Many women wait until they're 35 to have children only to find out that they are not as fertile as they would've hoped to be. The age of fertility peaks at 27 and then drastically declines. Well, I am only 21 and the thought of getting married seems distant to me nontheless having children!
So, I call my mother and asked her why she sent the article to me.
She says, "Well ZTAngel, I just think this is something you should consider. I don't know whether you realized this or not."
me: "Mom, I am 21. I don't even know what I plan on doing a week from now!"
mom: "Well, I had always thought women were fertile through their 40's and after reading this I realize this is not the case."
me: "Once again, I am 21."
mom: "Well, you need to be thinking about this. I do want grandchildren one day...."
me: "MOTHER!!!!!!"
mom: "Well...I do. So, I will be really disappointed if that doesn't happen."
me: "Oh good lord...."

Yes, my mom has officially gone crazy.....

ilovemyglo · #11 04-17-2002, 01:02 PM

See my mom is like my best friend and all, which I really just think it is all funny, but she is kinda serious. I told my dad about the conversation and he was like, for the love of all that is holy please don't run off and get married or have a kid.
I laughed, he was like-your mother has officially lost it.
I guess since my mom was raised in the 50s and 60s in the south- (Memphis) she has an idea like as soon as a woman graduates high school or college they should "have a husband lined up". I remember her asking me who would take care of me when I am done with school. I told her me... that is the only time she couldn't argue it with me.

On another note, about eggs and fertility, after 35 your chances of having a child with a birth defect is doubled. I dont want kids right now, but I would like tobe married by 26.But I am not going to force myself to find someone by then or hurry any relationship.. I just think that is an ideal age.

SO.. ladies, let us not allow our mothers to force our old eggs into use, let us rise up and say
"WE WILL NOT BE FERTILIZED!"

__________________

XO_Princess · #12 04-17-2002, 01:21 PM

I remember the day that my grandmother sat me down and told me how I needed to start having my kids at age 20 (for the love of god!!), because if I didn't, I would have trouble getting pregnant. I was like, 20 hmmm?? I'll keep that in mind....

Thank god, that Mama XO_Princess isn't like that. She knows better. And I'm lucky that Mr. XO_Princess's parents aren't pressuring us either...lucky for me, his brother and sis in law just had a baby, so that keeps them off our backs! Yes!

justamom · #13 04-17-2002, 01:21 PM

SO.. ladies, let us not allow our mothers to force our old eggs into use, let us rise up and say "WE WILL NOT BE FERTILIZED!"

LOL Too cute!

CutiePie2000 · #14 04-17-2002, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ZTAngel
TIME recently did an article on how women are moving up in the work force and trying to obtain upper-management positions which entails they put off having children for a few years. Many women wait until they're 35 to have children only to find out that they are not as fertile as they would've hoped to be.

Here's that TIME article

http://www.time.com/time/covers/1101020415/story.html

Here's a good article from the National Post in Canada...it appeared a few days ago:
http://www.nationalpost.com/search/s...13/628626.html

XOAlumXO · #15 04-17-2002, 02:58 PM

My parents stress to me how I should wait to have kids. I am 23 right now, single, just got my degree and my first job- so having kids are the last thing on my mind. I haven't found that lucky guy yet either, so it's not even a thought. I just figure it's better to wait to become a mom when I am absoloutely ready. I am thinking late 20s , early 30s would be a good time for me.