Is communication with your ex boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife still good

Gyrl7 · #1 08-20-2003, 03:32 PM

Ok please Lord don't let this thread have already been discussed! I got into a little tiff with a friend of mine this morning because she was slightly annoyed that I was not in agreeance that she still has communication with her ex boyfriend. IMO, once you break up and move on, then all ties with the ex and his family and friends should be severed.

She claims that they only shoot the breeze and he give her relationship advice, my thing is, if he took his own advice they would still be together and not ex's. This fool also has a significant other and a son at home, why is he still talking to an ex-girlfriend???

Why people whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy???

Ok phone lines are open (800) ThatGyrl7.

DISCLAIMER: Uhhh please don't call it's a fake numma

treblk · #2 08-20-2003, 04:24 PM

I think it just depends on a few things, #1, the kind of person you are, #2 the relationship you had before the break up, if they were friends or something.
I know someone who still keeps in touch with damn near all the men she use to date, and for whatever reason, remains friends with them. She hates to burn bridges, even if the relationship is over

.
For me, when it's over, it's over. If I see ya, I keep walking.

Queencece · #3 08-20-2003, 06:26 PM

It depends on how bad the break up was.

If it was nasty and hurtful on both parts....then you can catch me when I have forgotten about it and no longer want to hurt you.

If the break up was amicable, then there is no problem being friends. I mean, there is no reason I would want to hurt you so, why not.

If the break up was hurtful on one side, then you wait until whoever was the hurt person gets over it and try to mend things.

I dont like to burn bridges, but when I dont care for you, then its time to move on. Thats just how I am. I can ignore the h*ll out of someone whether they are in the same house or away across the country (which is something I have to work on).

Bottom line: If you can be friends, why not. Sometimes some of your best friends can be an ex.

But having an ex as a friend hasnt worked for me yet.

Q

ClassyLady · #4 08-20-2003, 06:45 PM

Well, there aren't many people who've had the title of "boyfriend" (most don't last the during the trial period), so there aren't too many ex's to keep in contact with. However, I still talk regularly to some guys that I've dated or just considered dating. Actually, one of them is a very close friend now. The two of us decided that we would be much better off as friends than potential lovers.

The last guy before my current boyfriend is now a guest of the state (he's on lockdown). When he first went in, I tried to write letters and visit occasionally for moral support. But now, I just don't care. That's not true. I care, but I have grown and the two of us don't really have anything to talk about. I have a new man and new friends. All he wants to talk about is how he still cares for me and how he can't wait to get out so we can make a life together. Mind you, this same man got another girl pregnant while we were together and had another girlfriend on the side. I didn't find out any of this until he landed in jail. He is not getting out of jail for another five years and he's already been in there for three. Why in the world would I wait for you for all that time after all you've done?

carolyne · #5 08-20-2003, 06:48 PM

For the most part, I get along with all of my exes. I don't talk to any of them on the phone because I'm married now, but I have before. I dont' see anything wrong wtih still being friends. Some people are only meant to be friends.

As far as severing ties with his family and friends, I would never do that. IMO that's being fake. If I took a liking to you, it's because of the person you are and not who you're related to. There would have to be a way to make sure that my continued relationship wouldn't be stressful on their relationship with my ex (if the break up was bad) before I would continue. I still talk to two of my exes grandmothers because I love them dearly for the beautiful souls they are. It has nothing to do with my exes. At first my exes didn't like it, but they understand. I don't interfere when I know they are around so they don't trip off it anymore.

CrimsonTide4 · #6 10-26-2003, 09:42 AM

For those of you who are the ex, and your ex has moved on, but you keep in touch with his/her family and now want to keep in touch with him, WHY?!!?!?!

Special1920 · #7 10-26-2003, 11:29 AM

Only if children are involved do I think you need to stay in touch.
I was married 10 years, but no kids, so the communication was cut off, although I could have kept it up.
I dealt with an ex still hanging around my ex husbands family. She made it very uncomfortable for us and his family made it no better. It was messy. They felt we couldn't pick their friends and we felt betrayed. I speak to ex's on the rare ocassion we see each other, but not friends. Especially if you are married, it's not cool.

Lizanabavi · #8 10-26-2003, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Gyrl7
Ok please Lord don't let this thread have already been discussed! I got into a little tiff with a friend of mine this morning because she was slightly annoyed that I was not in agreeance that she still has communication with her ex boyfriend. IMO, once you break up and move on, then all ties with the ex and his family and friends should be severed.

She claims that they only shoot the breeze and he give her relationship advice, my thing is, if he took his own advice they would still be together and not ex's. This fool also has a significant other and a son at home, why is he still talking to an ex-girlfriend???

Why people whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy???

Ok phone lines are open (800) ThatGyrl7.

DISCLAIMER: Uhhh please don't call it's a fake numma

I feel the same way, they are an ex for a reason. If I happen to see an ex, of course I'd say "Hi". But it would'nt go any farther than that. When you constantly call somebody, they always think they can get you back. Not the kid!!!

TonyB06 · #9 10-26-2003, 04:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Special1920
Only if children are involved do I think you need to stay in touch.
I was married 10 years, but no kids, so the communication was cut off, although I could have kept it up.
I dealt with an ex still hanging around my ex husbands family. She made it very uncomfortable for us and his family made it no better. It was messy. They felt we couldn't pick their friends and we felt betrayed. I speak to ex's on the rare ocassion we see each other, but not friends. Especially if you are married, it's not cool.

With kids, it's virtually mandatory. With small children, you have to have at least a working relationship for the sake of the younguns'. That's not always easy.

Because they're small you gotta buy Mother's day, birthday and Christmas gifts at least until the kids reach the age where they can either buy/make these things for themselves.

Trust me, it takes PRAYER to buy a gift for someone you ain't feelin' no more like that...believe dat.

TruePursuit · #10 10-26-2003, 06:21 PM

Personally, I don't see anything with being cool with your ex. I guess I have three ex boyfreinds two from the high school days and one from college. The ex from college is the most unique of the three because we still talk all the time. I didn't talk to my ex's from high school right after the break up but after time passed we began to speak periodically just to say hello or whatever. Conversly, I would never consider hanging out with an ex or anything like that unless we're considering getting back together or something.

My ex from college and I still have mad love for one another but I believe we both know that if we were meant to be, now is not the time. We genuinely care for each other's well-being so we talk about once a week to keep up on current events. Although, we both realize that if one of us gets a significant other than the communication has to be cut because it's too threatening.

I am guilty of being one of those people that still talk to the family after the break up. My ex's mother and I are still really cool. She's just a real cool person that I can talk to with ease. She's really young to have a 23-year-old son (she's 38) so it's not even like it's his mother. It's like she's one of my girls. Weird, I know, but I do realize if he gets a new girlfriend (or is seriously dating someone) that that would have to cease because I know as long as I'm around she would not be receptive to any other girl.

That's my story :-)

CrimsonTide4 · #11 10-26-2003, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by TruePursuit
Although, we both realize that if one of us gets a significant other than the communication has to be cut because it's too threatening.

but I do realize if he gets a new girlfriend (or is seriously dating someone) that that would have to cease because I know as long as I'm around she would not be receptive to any other girl.

If only others followed your same belief system.

ETA: I am talking about exes with no kids together.

candygirl · #12 10-26-2003, 07:27 PM

I see no reason why ex's shouldn't remain friends after the break up. My boyfriend and I just broke up a couple of weeks ago. Upon breaking up we decided that we still wanted to maintain our friendship. We both realized that our frequent arguments and disagreements may mean that we're just not compatible. We both love each other dearly, because of this I don't see why we should sever ties, end communication, and stop being friends. We began as friends, we tried the relationship thing for a year, it didn't work, so we've resorted back to our initial friendship.

I guess ones decision on whether or not they wish to continue being friends with their ex depends on whether or not the break up was amicable( as someone already stated). Of course if we broke up because he cheated on me or if he was abusive, I would have absolutely no reason to have this person in my life. My ex is genuinely a good person, atlhough he may not be the best person for me from a relationship standpoint I think that he's a great friend and I sitll want him in my life.

As for the family situation, I don't know yet. The holidays are coming up and I'm wondering if I should spend time with him and his family.

FeeFee · #13 10-27-2003, 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Special1920
Only if children are involved do I think you need to stay in touch.
I was married 10 years, but no kids, so the communication was cut off, although I could have kept it up.
I dealt with an ex still hanging around my ex husbands family. She made it very uncomfortable for us and his family made it no better. It was messy. They felt we couldn't pick their friends and we felt betrayed. I speak to ex's on the rare ocassion we see each other, but not friends. Especially if you are married, it's not cool.

Dang, we must be cousins or something b/c my fiance and I are going through a very similar situation. Here's the run-down:

1. My fiance and I are together.
2. Fiance's ex is still cool with the family, particularly one of his oldest sisters.
3. At one point, ex wanted to rekindle with fiance.
4. Whenever there is a family function, sister invites ex ("She's my friend", the sister would tell my fiance), so fiance doesn't come around, for obvious reasons.
5. Future MIL is a minister and has an open-door policy in her house, meaning she'll let just about anyone come in.
6. Fiance feels that his family is not trying to give me a chance or to make me feel comfortable around them (except for a few who have taken a liking to me).

It used to upset me in the beginning, but as time passes, we (my fiance and I) just don't give a rat's behind anymore. He's at the point whereas he's rather hang around my family (who absolutely loves him

)

The only ex that I speak to on a regular basis is my ex-fiance, who happens to be Lil FeeFee's father. We have a pretty good working relationship with one another. Some of his family members still give me open invitations to come and see them, but for the most part, I pass. The only time I would press to see them would be for something like a funeral, b/c they are still part of my daughter's family.

highlight · #14 10-27-2003, 05:16 PM

Yes, Yes and Yes. I still talk to my ex-boyfriends. I loved them at one time, we have spent many hours, days and months together and we have shared special times. If you are true friends with the person you were with, why should you just kick them to the curb because the relationship is over? I have more than one ex that is still my friend. We do NOT have sexual relations either. It didn't happen like this over night though. There is one main thing to keep in mind though, if there is a current girlfriend in the picture who is bothered by me (or a man in my life who is bothered by my ex), we go on about our business.

Yes, "he" is still my friend but it's not that serious. I have other friends and a life that occupies my time just fine. He is my friend and will always be. I hope my ex's find women who will make them happy because it's not happenin' over here. They may be cool friends but it didn't work then and the interest on my end is GONE. If I would give any one of my ex's an opportunity at a night of passion, they would jump at the chance so do beware. If the ex wants him, it's not cool.

9dstpm · #15 10-27-2003, 07:43 PM

I think that it really depends on the circumstances in which you guys broke up and what your relationship is with the relatives. For example, my very first boyfriend Torrick and I broke up because he wanted to shack up while I wanted marriage. It was a sad breakup b/c we had been together since junior high but it was for the best. I still speak to his mom and his sister, especially since his sister is a soror and we've always been on good terms. I saw no reason to not speak to them because he and I are through. I do respect Hubby's feelings when it comes to them, however. For example, I turned down an invite to have Thanksgiving dinner with them last year because Hubby and I were brand-spanking newlyweds and that would have been just plain tacky not to mention very uncomfortable.

Now my ex-husband and his family: HELL NO!!!

We didn't have any kids together and when I divorced him, I ran for the hills and never looked back! His whole family was mean and crazy and didn't like me in the 1st place so I am glad that I don't talk to them!!