Do Sororities Really Want You To Try Again?

[michelle81188]

I transfered to my current university as a sophomore and couldn't wait to rush. Sadly, at bid day the bid I received was from a house that I felt uncomfortable in. Nothing against them they where great but totally not me.

This spring even though the fall was hard for me I went back. I fell in love with three different houses and the girls seemed to like me too. However, come bid day .... nothing. I understand that at my school the size of the spring pledge classes are very small and I am trying to not be hurt.

Still, after all this drama I want to be in a sorority. I know I am allowed to rush as a junior even though it may hurt my chances but, do they want me to come back? My best friend (at another school) is president of her sorority and has advised me that she doesn't like when people keep coming back because they seem desperate. A different friend at my school told me her sorority really liked me in the spring but could only take two girls and to come back in the fall.

PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE!

Originally Posted by michelle81188

I transfered to my current university as a sophomore and couldn't wait to rush. Sadly, at bid day the bid I received was from a house that I felt uncomfortable in. Nothing against them they where great but totally not me.

This spring even though the fall was hard for me I went back. I fell in love with three different houses and the girls seemed to like me too. However, come bid day .... nothing. I understand that at my school the size of the spring pledge classes are very small and I am trying to not be hurt.

Still, after all this drama I want to be in a sorority. I know I am allowed to rush as a junior even though it may hurt my chances but, do they want me to come back? My best friend (at another school) is president of her sorority and has advised me that she doesn't like when people keep coming back because they seem desperate. A different friend at my school told me her sorority really liked me in the spring but could only take two girls and to come back in the fall.

PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE!

There are some girls who think a re-rusher is desperate. However, there are some girls who really do feel for the re-rusher and see just how bad they want to be a part of a sisterhood so they encourage them to try again. We can't really say for sure if they want you to try again. We're not the ones making the decisions for the chapters on your campus.

If you think you can handle potentially being disappointed again, go through rush again.

If you don't think you can handle potentially being disappointed again, DON'T.

[BaltoAlphaPsi]

I rushed, spring 07, fall 07, COB Fall 07, got my bid, and then participated in Spring 08 rush (even though I had an open bid)

Why'd I keep coming back? I fell in love with the ladies of DphiE. They didn't take me the first time, because a sister, her boyfriend and I had a ... incident that caused drama. Though the sister had forgiven me and she and I had started a friendship out of everything, the sisterhood could not forgive me. It took me showing the sister hood I had grown and matured.

But, I also took the initiative to attend multiple philanthopy and fundraising events while I was still wanting to join. I spoke with the deephers on a regular occasion. I was friends with these girls before I was a sister, and that helped. Some sisters, yes, are still mad at the past events, but the more htey get to know me, and the more they see my dedication, the more htey see I am a good sister.

I say keep trying if you love them for the right reasons. But, you have to show them how you, as an individual is still growing and maturing outside of being in the greek system. You can grow and mature as a person, as a woman and you dont NEED them, you just WANT them.

I hope that helps :-D

[KSUViolet06]

This really depends on you, and whether you feel as though you can handle the disappinment again.

To be honest, whether you have a chance at getting a bid depends on a few things.

There are some schools where a re-rusher has the same chance as other girls to get a bid. At other schools, you have like NO chance at all to receive a bid.

For example: At my school, re-rushers got bids sometimes. Whereas at other schools (bigger, more competitive ones), re-rushers had a harder time getting bids just because they aren't freshmen.

Also consider the fact that at some schools, non-freshmen have more difficulty getting bids than freshmen girls do. I'm assuming that you will not be a freshman this fall, so that's somethign to think about.

You have to kind of know your school to know if it's really worth trying again.

I suggest that if you DO rush again, that you keep an open mind to EVERY sorority that you meet.

Re-rushing with the intent to join just one or 2 select chapters, may not have the best outcome and you could end up in the same situation again (not in a sorority).

You have to decide whether you want to be in a sorority, or do you only want to be in "certain" ones. Only wanting to be in like 3 sororities may change your chances at getting a bid because you're limiting your chances.

Best of luck to you with whatever you decide.

[littleowl33]

I know at my school some sororities have a policy that if they release you once, you will never get a bid from them. Basicallty, the theory is that if they didn't like you enough to invite you back the first time, they're not going to change their mind in subsequent recruitments. I don't totally agree with this, but it could be part of your problem if the groups at your school have the same policy.

From my personal experience, girls that have gone through Recruitment for my chapter and didn't receive a bid are generally welcome to go through recruitment a second time... but a third time looks desperate and a little strange. Again, your campus may be different.

Good luck!!

[epchick]

Wait, so you went through recruitment in the Fall, got a bid (that you didn't like) and then went through COB the following Spring?

Even though you declined your bid, you are NOT allowed to rush for a whole calendar year, so you were not eligible for a bid in the Spring (if you had just gone through rush in the Fall). So although we don't know why you weren't chosen for a bid, your ineligibility might have been a big factor.

With that said, I agree with OTW.

[Kansas City]

I'd say that it may also depend on the competitiveness of recruitment on your campus. Although you may have gotten to know lots of sorority women, there may be a large number of PNMs seeking out the few spots available during any one recruitment period (formal or informal). I'm not sure that my chapter would choose to extend a bid to someone that they had released previously, especially after that PNM declined a bid from another organization.

[Zillini]

It would also make a difference why a PNM was released the first time around and obviously no one here has that information. If a PNM didn't have the grades last year and still doesn't the second time, then she'd still get cut. Keep in mind not all chapters use the same GPA cut off. A chapter may require X amount of campus activities, clubs, community service, etc. for an upper classmen. If that hasn't changed then the result would be the same. If a PNM hooked up with the Pres' boyfriend, then she still hooked up with the former Pres' boyfriend.

[michelle81188]

I really couldn't began to guess what went wrong. Honestly recruitment was fun I always came home smiling. My school is competitive and huge so they clearly can't take everyone. I have a 3.1 GPA which is above the recruitment for every sorority except one at my school. I'm also president of the school's retailing club. To my best knowledge I have never hooked up with anyones boyfriend or done anything offensive for that matter.

Really I don't think I have anything to lose at this point, I'll do it again. Thanks for all of your advice it was helpful!

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by michelle81188

I really couldn't began to guess what went wrong. Honestly recruitment was fun I always came home smiling. My school is competitive and huge so they clearly can't take everyone. I have a 3.1 GPA which is above the recruitment for every sorority except one at my school. I'm also president of the school's retailing club. To my best knowledge I have never hooked up with anyones boyfriend or done anything offensive for that matter.

There are alot of factors that go into recruitment.

We have tons of advice here on GC, particularly in this thread:

http://greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=54403

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by epchick

Wait, so you went through recruitment in the Fall, got a bid (that you didn't like) and then went through COB the following Spring?

Even though you declined your bid, you are NOT allowed to rush for a whole calendar year, so you were not eligible for a bid in the Spring (if you had just gone through rush in the Fall). So although we don't know why you weren't chosen for a bid, your ineligibility might have been a big factor.

That's what I was thinking!

There's really no way to know if you were released for a "reason" or if there just weren't compelling reasons to keep you at your chapters of choice (i.e. PNMs the chapters knew better, freshmen they liked better). Do sophomores regularly get bids at your school? There's no way to know if the women were just trying to be nice by encouraging you to try again or if they really meant it (and even then, no individual can guarantee you a bid because one person doesn't decide who gets bids).

I think some PNMs come off as desperate by their strange behavior (see the "Weird Rush Stories" and "Psycho/Stalker PNMs" threads) rather than the mere fact that they are coming through again.

[GammaPhi88]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

There's no way to know if the women were just trying to be nice by encouraging you to try again or if they really meant it (and even then, no individual can guarantee you a bid because one person doesn't decide who gets bids).

Thats what I was thinking. The vast majority of sorority women that I know are polite classy women, and they generally don't want to hurt PNM's feelings, even though they may not want her as a member. Just as during rush you want to make sure that each PNM left your house feeling as if the sisters were welcoming and kind to them, we wish to do so in real life.

The same may go for this situation. These women may not see you in their chapter, but they may not feel comfortable being brutally honest enough with you to tell you not to rush again. Or they may not know you well enough to be that honest. And though a sorority women may encourage someone to go through rush, they may do so because they wish that people experience the greek system as a whole, not because they see you in their particular chapter. I know that I have personally encouraged girls to go through rush or to try again even though I know I did not see them fitting into my chapter, but because I knew they could still find a home in the greek system. And in most cases, the women I have encouraged to go through did find a home and are very happy, though they may not have joined my chapter. Sorority women in general are well aware that people can find amazing homes outside of their own chapter, and I think perhaps PNMs could...and should...take this into account during any form of recruitment.

I apologize for writing a novel, but so often do I see the OP's situation on GC. I think we all need to take into account that, unless a active promises are bid (which she shouldn't be doing...but thats another topic), encouragement that any sorority member gives for rushing in general does not necessarily mean that she sees the PNM in her chapter.

[Blue Skies]

As long as you can handle the potential disappointment, I'd give it one more try. It would be a good idea to work on your "presentation". Join another club or two and see if you can find an opportunity for community service. Keep working on your GPA. Spiff up your personal appearance. Start chatting up the girls around you in your classes. Don't ask them if they're in a sorority...let it come up naturally in conversation.

Good luck to you.

[rainypuddles]

This is a little bit offtopic, but do the active sisters doing the rushing (rushers?) actually remember the girls they cut? I know at my school they see anywhere from 15-25 groups of girls (around 30 per group) on the first day. They talk to each girl for about 5 minutes. If they cut them the first day, the girl rushing probably didn't make that deep of an impression. I do wonder if school keep records of each time a person registers to go through rush?

[lyrelyre]

Originally Posted by rainypuddles

I do wonder if school keep records of each time a person registers to go through rush?

In my experience, ICS does indicate if this is not the first time a PNM has registered for Recruitment. Additionally, depending on the number of non-freshmen participating in Recruitment, a chapter may look into whether or not a sophomore/junior/senior has previously participated in Recruitment. Anything beyond that, in my opinion, is private membership selection information.