Married in a sorority if already an active?

[magster.ramirez]

Hello everyone! I am here to look for advice. I am getting married soon and I recently joined my sorority. I've already verified with out president that I can remain active even married. My question therefore is has anyone here been in a sorority/is in one married? Or do you personally know someone who has? How do they do it? Do they still go to everything even socials and mixers or do they just stick to the required events? How do other people perceive that? I know this happens where a member gets married but I haven't read anything on how it affects her sorority life. So any pieces of advice would help. Thanks!

[Titchou]

Just like any member, they attend the required events and pick and choose the optional ones. Why would you think it would be any different? Your husband would need to be accepting of things you have to do that might include fraternity men such as all campus/Greek philanthropy events, Homecoming events, etc.

[DubaiSis]

I'll tell you the only thing more stressful than the first year of marriage is the last year of marriage. If you really must get married before you graduate from college then I would say all of your other priorities have to go way down the list, and that's not just the sorority. Stick with your plan if you feel you must but realize parts of your life will suffer. I'll guarantee it.

I would get extensive counseling before the wedding to hammer out division of labor, your social calendars, mutual and exclusive obligations, etc. It can all be fine as long as you both understand that you probably won't see much of each other until you graduate. And you maintaining "wifely duties" like dinner and laundry for both of you isn't gonna happen.

[jolene]

When I was active, one of our sisters got married before she graduated and stayed very active. She was even our recruitment chair. Her husband (already graduated) had been a member of a fraternity so he understood time commitments. It was really no different other than her having a guaranteed date to all formals.

[Sciencewoman]

We have had a couple seniors in the chapter I advise get married, including the chapter president 4 years ago. It has not been an issue. Both were mature/"nurturing" types and are active alumnae advisors. We've also had quite a few senior engagements, with marriages shortly after graduation.

[LouisaMay]

Everyone's experience is going to be different. Our first years of marriage were not at all stressful. Just fun and exciting and "cute." Fourteen years and four kids later, we're still very happily married and the best of friends. Don't assume anything! Talk openly with your fiancé about how you would like to spend some of your "free" time. I would think that any good husband would WANT his wife to have interests outside of their relationship. I would be cautious if he didn't!

As for your chapter, talk with your sisters about how you might spend your time differently once you are married, and be respectful of the vow you made to give your best to your organization. It's all about balance.

[aephi alum]

I got engaged during the spring semester of my senior year. It's not quite the same as getting married ... no commitment on paper, and we weren't living together at the time. But I did have to explain to my fiancé that I would be going to a mixer or two, as I was in a small chapter and we needed max attendance, but I would be wearing my engagement ring, so the fraternity members knew I was off limits from a romantic or sexual perspective. I viewed it as getting to spend time with my sisters and possibly making a friend or three in the fraternity in question. He was less than amused, but he understood. He had his own activities too - he's a Mason, and their meetings aren't exactly open to women, any more than AEPhi's chapter meetings are open to men.

Being in a serious relationship while being an active GLO member is doable so long as you budget your time. Studies first, then everything else - GLO, other activities, work (if applicable), and your relationship.

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

And you maintaining "wifely duties" like dinner and laundry for both of you isn't gonna happen.

<soapbox>
I have to bristle at the term "wifely duties". Just because you don't have a penis doesn't mean you have to do all the cooking and cleaning. This isn't the 1950s. A man should be able to cook at least a simple meal and put on a load of laundry, just as a woman should be able to pump her own gas and write a check and make at least simple repairs around the house. Spouses are a team and need to act accordingly. If there's a full chapter meeting and dinner every Sunday, the sorority member's spouse should be able to fend for themselves for dinner. (For crying out loud, my father - widowed 2+ years after being married for 48 years during which his wife did all the cooking - can prepare several simple, nutritious meals.)
</soapbox>

[IndianaSigKap]

I advised a chapter that had married women from time to time. One thing you will need to understand, missing chapter events to be with him or attend a work function of his will not be an excused absence. As long as you BOTH understand the time commitment and you are willing to be present as a member, you should be fine. Over the years, we only had one situation where it was an issue because he assumed that she should be allowed to miss chapter meetings when he was off from work.