Friends who disappear when they find a boyfriend/girlfriend

[Dionysus]

I find it incredibly annoying when someone (usually a girl) finds a partner, and cuts off contact with all their friends and sometimes their family.

If a future significant other wants me to spend all my time with them, I would dump them.
1. I would probably get bored of them, eventually. Nothing would make leave quicker, besides abuse.
2. Just because I'm coupled up, it doesn't mean that I'm no longer a friend or a family member. I still have a duty to be there for my friends and family, it's unfair to them drop them for ONE person.
3. What if my significant other dumps me or dies? One or the other will happen eventually. Then, I would have no one to turn to, because I abandoned them when we were together.
4. Isn't this a classic warning sign of potential abuse? A boyfriend or girlfriend who wants to isolate you.

I'm amazed how often I see this, and hear other people complain about it.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Dionysus

I find it incredibly annoying when someone (usually a girl) finds a partner, and cuts off contact with all their friends and sometimes their family.

If a future significant other wants me to spend all my time with them, I would dump them.
1. I would probably get bored of them, eventually. Nothing would make leave quicker, besides abuse.
2. Just because I'm coupled up, it doesn't mean that I'm no longer a friend or a family member. I still have a duty to be there for my friends and family, it's unfair to them drop them for ONE person.
3. What if my significant other dumps me or dies? One or the other will happen eventually. Then, I would have no one to turn to, because I abandoned them when we were together.
4. Isn't this a classic warning sign of potential abuse? A boyfriend or girlfriend who wants to isolate you.

I'm amazed how often I see this, and hear other people complain about it.

I love being around my lady friend and vise versa, but then again we only see each other on the weekends because of work and the drive, so maybe that's why we haven't gotten bored with each other.(yet) I get upset when friends get mad at me because I would rather be around her rather than them. When they get mad, I ask "What can you do for me that she can't?" I don't like being around dudes all the time. To me there's nothing like a female companion. Friends are cool to be around, but not like a woman.

Everyone is different though.

[OOhsoflyDELTA#9]

^^^^^^^^^hey stranger.....

[DSTCHAOS]

We love spending time together but maintain our friendship and family ties because these other ties make us balanced and well rounded.

The older we get, the less time I expect to spend with my friends. We hang out when we hang out.

Careers, significant others, husbands, children, wanting to twiddle our thumbs up our own asses instead of hang out...whatever's whatever.

We will talk to each other regularly and try to hang out once a month or less, depending on our fun schedules.

[AKA_Monet]

As for dating and boyfriends/girlfriends, if you desire a long term relationship with commitment, your other relationships must change. Some will have to cease and desist. Some relationships will improve over time. If they are your friends, they will be happy for you and your joy and will want you be truly be yourself and all that you are. EFF them if they don't.

[SthrnZeta]

My two cents: if we're talking about the type of person who has been in 5 relationships in the past year and each time they forget about you until they're single again, then yes, that IS annoying. BUT if they're really serious about this new person in their life and you can see they're really happy, then I'm with DST - it is what it is and you'll hang out when you can. I agree though that it sucks if you're the single friend and you're the one getting dropped but you should still try and be happy for them if they're happy.

[33girl]

I thought we had this thread already because I remember bitching about this. Oh well.

PB, I think your situation is different if you only get to see each other on the weekends - of course that time is reserved for your lady if it's the only time you have with her. If you saw her every single day or lived with her and didn't want to ever go out on the weekend w/ your boys, that would be another story.

There's a difference between scaling back your "girls nights" and abandoning them completely - or worse, telling your friends you're not "allowed" to go out, even to someplace like Applebee's. No, I don't think you're joking when you say that.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

As for dating and boyfriends/girlfriends, if you desire a long term relationship with commitment, your other relationships must change. Some will have to cease and desist. Some relationships will improve over time. If they are your friends, they will be happy for you and your joy and will want you be truly be yourself and all that you are. EFF them if they don't.

Ditto.

I firmly believe that every person you're real cool with isn't your "friend" and every "friend" isn't necessarily a friend for life. Relationships transform and some will be let go of. That never bothers me because the true friendships last.

Besides, I'm not one for having a bunch of "friends," anyway...I'm too claustrophobic for that.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I thought we had this thread already because I remember bitching about this. Oh well.

PB, I think your situation is different if you only get to see each other on the weekends - of course that time is reserved for your lady if it's the only time you have with her. If you saw her every single day or lived with her and didn't want to ever go out on the weekend w/ your boys, that would be another story.

There's a difference between scaling back your "girls nights" and abandoning them completely - or worse, telling your friends you're not "allowed" to go out, even to someplace like Applebee's. No, I don't think you're joking when you say that.

I agree.

Some couples actually try to lock each other down LITERALLY and keep each other from hanging out EVER. Bad idea.

I've also found that some people lie and say that they "aren't allowed to/can't" but really THEY just don't want to. So the friends begin to hate the significant other and think the relationship is lame when it's really just their friend who is making that decision. Either he/she doesn't want to hang out with that group anymore or he/she is so sprung that nothing else matters to HIM/HER.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

I've also found that some people lie and say that they "aren't allowed to/can't" but really THEY just don't want to. So the friends begin to hate the significant other and think the relationship is lame when it's really just their friend who is making that decision. Either he/she doesn't want to hang out with that group anymore or he/she is so sprung that nothing else matters to HIM/HER.

ohhhh yeah. That too. It's like, if you can't deal with the fact that I'm going to call you lame for never ever hanging out with us, how have you been friends with me all this time?

[AlethiaSi]

Oye, this topic is all too relevant right now. One of my roommates/ BFF was dating someone and they made it "official" yesterday (trying not to gag) and we got into a huge fight 2 weeks ago over a bunch of stuff, but mostly because she would totally change when she was around him. She enjoys dominating everything when he's around, especially because he's soft spoken... I still live with her but they work at the same restaurant together, so they come to our house, spend all night together, the next day and then work together again... (he's back of house and she's front)...

At first, I wasn't jealous so the fight wasn't about that, and I actually do like him so I was happy for her... But honestly, I just don't see the point, it's not like they're going to be together for a long time...
Now I find myself more jealous than I was... but mostly, she HAS fallen off the face of the earth, and I don't see why she should be wasting her time with him...

am i an awful person? lol

My view of this topic is skewed b/c of the current situation so please forgive my bitching....

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by 33girl

ohhhh yeah. That too. It's like, if you can't deal with the fact that I'm going to call you lame for never ever hanging out with us, how have you been friends with me all this time?

Exactly.

I imagine that our friends have learned to deal with our interesting senses of humor/personalities by now so they shouldn't need to lie.

[Cardinal026]

I saw a lot of this with friends from college, as we've all graduated and have busy jobs/serious relationships, etc. My three closest girlfriends and I solved this by arranging "boyfriend playdates."

We go out on the weekends to bars that have pool tables (all our boyfriends/fiances are big pool players) or TVs with sports games on, etc, with a downstairs floor that has dancing for us, or a quieter area to talk, and then we can mix and mingle groups. Sometimes we'll go to someone's house for RockBand or Guitar Hero and card games. In the last six months, we've had more couples and singles join our group of going out, and there are now about 20 of us that mix it up.

I know this wouldn't work for everyone, but we got REALLY lucky, and its definitely a lot of fun having all your favorites together.

[Munchkin03]

I think this is really common if the person is older than HS/college age when they have their first serious relationship.

When people are older/a little more mature and experienced, they know how to mix the different sides of their personal lives.

I think we should have a thread on friends who settle in relationships. And I mean REALLY settle. If they aren't that choosy about who they're sleeping with, then does that mean that they aren't that choosy about who their friends are?

[KSUViolet06]

It happens al the time. I agree that it's a sign of immaturity.

I've noticed that girls who disappear when they have boyfriends also end up ditching all of their old hobbies and interests in favor of his.

Example: Sally used to like running, dance, and scrapbooking. However when she started dating Bob, she stops doing all of that. Now all she does is watch WWE wrestling, go to WWE events, and wear black wrestling tees with jean shorts. True story.

As far as hanging out with couples, I don't really mind if we're going somewhere with other girls who are going to have bf's there. My only issue is when I want to do something "girly" with JUST girl friends and one bf always has to tag along (it's usually the one who's a douche and we all hate). Example: If I want to go get pedicures with some girlfriends, and Sally is like "Oh that sounds like fun, can Bob come too?" Umm no.

It's also disturbing when girls have to ASK PERMISSION from a bf to go somewhere like the mall. I understand if you're engaged or married and we were going to go out and get wasted, and maybe he might take issue with that. But we are just going to the mall. What do you mean "he won't LET you?"