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  #1  
Old 11-16-2003, 01:39 AM
absolutuscchick absolutuscchick is offline
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HELP!! My manager just asked me out I think....

HELPP!!! My manager at work just called me and now we're hanging out...I'm super afraid he like wants to sleep with me/date me or something......I'm not interested in that at all but how do I get the message across without damaging my position at work! HELP!!!! I'm heading out now and hoping that things don't get weird, but I would love some help when I get back....
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  #2  
Old 11-16-2003, 02:27 AM
mullet81 mullet81 is offline
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well i'm pretty sure it's illegal for your manager to use his position to get you to go out with him/date him. he can't threaten to get to fired if you DON'T do it, it's sexual harrassment.

maybe just tell him that youd prefer to keep your professional relationship with his at that - no mixing the two.
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  #3  
Old 11-16-2003, 03:33 AM
absolutuscchick absolutuscchick is offline
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OMG!!! I really need more advice...so I went out with my manager and it was everything I was hoping it wouldn't be...he took me in his car out to eat and wanted to buy me drinks (luckily im not 21...) then he continued to tell me over and over how beautiful I am and how much he likes me....I kept changing the topic to work and tried to repeatedly bring it up but he kept talking about how nice I am and how much he likes my attitude...It's clear that he really likes me so I feel AWFUL right now because I have to work with this guy all the time. Like I really am not looking forward to working with him. And the worst part about it is that I didn't do anything wrong...I should have suspected from comments he has made but I never thought that he would actually try to date me....what should I do on monday when I have to work with him...like what should I do/say?
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  #4  
Old 11-16-2003, 10:23 AM
smiley21 smiley21 is offline
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tell him that it makes you uncomfortable. cause where you work, isnt really the time or the place. especially when you dont want it. stuff like this needs to be reported to the owner of the company. does your job have posters that talk about sexual harassment, worker's comp., and min. wage? look at the info on sexual harassment. there should be a number to call if you want to report it. for a manager, he totally lacks professionalism.
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  #5  
Old 11-16-2003, 11:38 AM
decadence decadence is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by smiley21: tell him that it makes you uncomfortable. cause where you work, isnt really the time or the place. especially when you dont want it. stuff like this needs to be reported to the owner of the company. does your job have posters that talk about sexual harassment, worker's comp., and min. wage? look at the info on sexual harassment. there should be a number to call if you want to report it. for a manager, he totally lacks professionalism.
Woah, sorry Smiley but I think you're jumping the gun a bit there.
Yes, I agree he is lacking professionalism and I agree this needs to be nipped in the bud pronto, especially since absolutuscchick is so obviously uncomfortable with it. But I think all the items you suggested are correct if he once informed his advances are welcome THEN tries to put pressure on absolutuscchick or implies or suggests her job is threatened or at risk etc. At that point it is the time to make him wish he was never born.
So far all that seems to have happened is he's acted on his own poor judgment and asked someone out whom he likes. That person happens to work with him, maybe he works long hours and wouldn't meet lots of people otherwise? I'm really not sure this should be made into a serious disciplinary issue for the guy, the owner being involved etc. Sexual harassment involves things like demanding sexual favors/dates in return for job security etc. From absolutuscchick's rundown this hasn't happened.
My suggestion is in her own words tell him she likes working with him and she's pleased they get on well but the current situation is making her uncomfortable, she likes to keep her private and professional life separate and does not want the two of them to be involved in any way or date further.
**IF** he then tries to start implying anything untoward will happen as a result of this then THAT is the time to act with clear decisive action. All that's happened so far is he's asked her out and been on a date but she doesn't feel the same way and he apparently doesn't know that yet.
Absolutuscchick, you should not and must try not to be intimidated by adressing this situation; if anything should be implied or threatened by him then the law is on YOUR side. Chances are this can all be sorted out happily by quickly clearing the air with him. Should things develop then there is plenty (e.g smiley21's suggestions) which you can do. Good luck.
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  #6  
Old 11-16-2003, 11:46 AM
smiley21 smiley21 is offline
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my suggestions were for if she wanted to report it. if it was still getting out of hand and she has already told him that she is not interested
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  #7  
Old 11-16-2003, 11:47 AM
decadence decadence is offline
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Ah ok my bad I misunderstood
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Old 11-16-2003, 12:43 PM
James James is offline
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You already went to dinner with him? Why did you go? Thats like a date. Isn't that leading him on? Sending him really mixed signals?

As a matter of policy i don't do date functions with girls I am not interested in and/or are unattractive that like me in a romantic way. Its creating a wierd scene.
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  #9  
Old 11-16-2003, 12:51 PM
ZTAngel ZTAngel is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by James
You already went to dinner with him? Why did you go? Thats like a date. Isn't that leading him on? Sending him really mixed signals?

As a matter of policy i don't do date functions with girls I am not interested in and/or are unattractive that like me in a romantic way. Its creating a wierd scene.
I agree with James. You said in your first post that you knew he had romantic feelings for you. You still went ahead and hung out with him. I'm not trying to criticize you. Just trying to understand. I'm sure you wanted to hang out just as friends but you knew this guy's intentions were not that. I think you could've nipped this thing in the butt from the beginning had you declined to hang out with him. Now you're in a bigger mess because, in his eyes, you agreed to go out with him. Whether or not you call it date, I'm sure he thinks it was.
You need to tell him flat out so that there's no room for any misinterpretation that you're not interested. Plain and simple. No flirting, no accepting invitations to hang out. Keep it professional.
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  #10  
Old 11-16-2003, 02:04 PM
absolutuscchick absolutuscchick is offline
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Ok, please dont get mad at me people...I wasn't sure that he had romantic feelings but as I was telling my roommate about it after I had accepted she said that it sounded like it was a date. So then I started freaking out. I mean what am I supposed to do? He's my boss....so I kind of felt like I had to go out with him...I really didn't feel like I could say no.
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  #11  
Old 11-16-2003, 03:12 PM
decadence decadence is offline
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No use crying over spilt milk

Perhaps there have been mixed signals, kitten. But what's done is done. And nothing irreversible or irreperable has been done.
Possibly it was a lapse of judgment on your part but your statement you didn't feel you could say no is well-made; a prime reason why work involvement is a bad idea. Hope no-one does get mad at you incidentally, you seem really nice.
Onward to the issue, it isn't so much worse having not declared a lack of interest initially; versus later making it clear having reflected.
There hasn't been a tumultous long relationship, you won't owe him long explanations. You won't have to marry him because you perhaps 'dated' him . Simply speak to him to resolve the situation. You'll be okay in the end.
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  #12  
Old 12-01-2003, 12:49 PM
absolutuscchick absolutuscchick is offline
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Ok, well it looks like I'm going to be filing charges of sexual harassments with the EEOC against my manager today. Basically, the reason that I am filing charges is that now he is no longer putting me on the schedule and I feel that the reason is because I refused to date him!
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  #13  
Old 12-01-2003, 01:24 PM
James James is offline
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You did date him and then stopped lol.
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  #14  
Old 12-01-2003, 01:47 PM
absolutuscchick absolutuscchick is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by James
You did date him and then stopped lol.
\
riiight...so by your logic he has the right to not schedule me anymore and make up some lame excuse for doing so? I think not. What he is doing is wrong, and that's all their is. I didn't ask for an ignorant response by you. The law is the law, and sexual harrasment is not acceptable.
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  #15  
Old 12-01-2003, 01:51 PM
ZTAngel ZTAngel is offline
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You're absolutely right. Whether you dated him or not, what he is doing is 100% wrong. Best of luck in fighting this. I hope you get this guy in a lot of trouble.
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