How to bring back Lavaliering

roseandwhite · #1 11-03-2011, 07:35 PM

This is my first post, so please be kind

I am an undergraduate at a small southern school. We are very Greek orientated, but for some reason the tradition of lavaliering has been lost. However, I find it extremely romantic and wish for my boyfriend to lavalier me. We are both Greek and have been dating for a while. I want him to do it on his own, but I know he probably doesn't know what it is. We are serious and have talked about engagement, but i don't want to skip this step!

Thanks ladies!!

WCsweet<3 · #2 11-03-2011, 07:44 PM

Does your campus do pinning instead? Or lettering? Or is there no greek sign of a serious relationship?

If there is no symbol, I don't think you will be able to bring it back without talking to him about it. I suppose you could say something along the lines of "I just heard about this thing called lavaliering. Have you ever heard of it?" Then tell him about it, say you think it is romantic and leave him to collect the dots. However, unless you flat out say you want one, there is no way to guarantee that it will happen. Even if you do explain it, he may not want to. Either due to pressure from his brothers (some get tied to trees, some have other traditions) or his nationals may not allow it.

KSUViolet06 · #3 11-03-2011, 08:02 PM

This is not me being mean, so keep that in mind please.

WCSweet is right. You can tell him about it, but if it's something he doesn't really get, or see the importance of, don't be upset if he's just like "oh" and then does nothing. Or if he talks to his brothers about it and they're like "wtf? no way!!!" Especially if your school isn't big on it.

Also, do you really want a lavaliere that you had to talk someone into giving you? Wouldn't you rather have a more meaningful give that he like, chose?

Sidenote: I went to a school that was big on lavaliering and let me just say that lavaliering doesn't always = engagement and eventual marriage. Even with people who have been together for a long time. So I probably don't see it as a "must do" thing the way others do.

amIblue? · #4 11-03-2011, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

This is not me being mean, so keep that in mind please.

WCSweet is right. You can tell him about it, but if it's something he doesn't really get, or see the importance of, don't be upset if he's just like "oh" and then does nothing. Or if he talks to his brothers about it and they're like "wtf? no way!!!" Especially if your school isn't big on it.

Also, do you really want a lavaliere that you had to talk someone into giving you? Wouldn't you rather have a more meaningful give that he like, chose?

Sidenote: I went to a school that was big on lavaliering and let me just say that lavaliering doesn't always = engagement and eventual marriage. Even with people who have been together for a long time. So I probably don't see it as a "must do" thing the way others do.

That bold part was absolutely my experience, too. To me, it seemed more akin to wearing a guy's class ring in high school.

southernbelle14 · #5 11-03-2011, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WCsweet<3

Does your campus do pinning instead? Or lettering? Or is there no greek sign of a serious relationship?

If there is no symbol, I don't think you will be able to bring it back without talking to him about it. I suppose you could say something along the lines of "I just heard about this thing called lavaliering. Have you ever heard of it?" Then tell him about it, say you think it is romantic and leave him to collect the dots. However, unless you flat out say you want one, there is no way to guarantee that it will happen. Even if you do explain it, he may not want to. Either due to pressure from his brothers (some get tied to trees, some have other traditions) or his nationals may not allow it.

In reference to the bolded... is this the correct saying or a typo? Just wondering if I have been saying it wrong all this time? lol

WCsweet<3 · #6 11-04-2011, 12:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by southernbelle14

In reference to the bolded... is this the correct saying or a typo? Just wondering if I have been saying it wrong all this time? lol

Typo. It's connect the dots, not collect. I took a break writing a paper and posted earlier. Apparently, I needed a little bit more of a break than I realized.

southernbelle14 · #7 11-04-2011, 02:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WCsweet<3

Typo. It's connect the dots, not collect. I took a break writing a paper and posted earlier. Apparently, I needed a little bit more of a break than I realized.

I completely understand that feeling! lol. I was just worried for a minute that I was being one of those people that completely mess up a phrase, like people that say "for all intensive purposes" haha

DaffyKD · #8 11-04-2011, 11:09 AM

Once upon a time when dinosaurs competed with the students on my campus laveliering was a way of saying "we are going steady", pinning (the girl getting the guy's fraternity pin) meant we are more than going steady but less than engaged.

DaffyKD

Munchkin03 · #9 11-04-2011, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Sidenote: I went to a school that was big on lavaliering and let me just say that lavaliering doesn't always = engagement and eventual marriage. Even with people who have been together for a long time. So I probably don't see it as a "must do" thing the way others do.

I went to a school where lavaliering was unheard of and probably was seen as corny to those who had heard of it. I had my own and my sisters thought it was weird (take the girl out of the South...?).

That said, I'm not sure how cool I am with lavaliering. It's a college girl's version of a promise ring (remember the girls in HS who got promise rings?) and I've heard about people seriously act up over them. You can "talk about engagement" all you want but a lavaliere isn't going to bring you any closer to actually being engaged or getting married.

33girl · #10 11-04-2011, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by roseandwhite

This is my first post, so please be kind

I am an undergraduate at a small southern school. We are very Greek orientated, but for some reason the tradition of lavaliering has been lost. However, I find it extremely romantic and wish for my boyfriend to lavalier me. We are both Greek and have been dating for a while. I want him to do it on his own, but I know he probably doesn't know what it is. We are serious and have talked about engagement, but i don't want to skip this step!

Thanks ladies!!

Relationships are not like miniature golf. You don't have to complete one step to go to the other. Believe it or not, there are people who just up and get married without any engagement (and stay together until they both croak).

I'm sure you could harangue and coax him into giving you a lavalier, but it would mean absolutely nothing to him - and would be nothing but false security for you.

KSUViolet06 · #11 11-04-2011, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I went to a school where lavaliering was unheard of and probably was seen as corny to those who had heard of it. I had my own and my sisters thought it was weird (take the girl out of the South...?).

That said, I'm not sure how cool I am with lavaliering. It's a college girl's version of a promise ring (remember the girls in HS who got promise rings?) and I've heard about people seriously act up over them. You can "talk about engagement" all you want but a lavaliere isn't going to bring you any closer to actually being engaged or getting married.

Yeah it's weird because my school isn't southern at all.

The seriousness with lavaliering makes me LOL because for every person I know who married the guy who lavaliered them (my big and twin sis are actually both married to guys who lavaliered them), there are like 5 people who ended up breaking up within months of getting lavaliered.

It's almost as if Murphy's Law of Lavaliering states that if 10 couples get lavaliered, only 2 of them are actually going to be together after college.

My fave was a girl in my major who was all "zomg Bobby HAS to lavaliere me!!! We've been dating 2 years!" Two months after they got lavaliered, Bobby broke up with her. The next year, he lavaliered a totally different girl in a different chapter after 6 months. lol.

You also can't really take my opinion on this seriously because after like 2 years of dating, I'd really rather have a bracelet than your fraternity letters.

DubaiSis · #12 11-04-2011, 03:10 PM

If it's something you want I'd mention it to him. But you do need to understand he may or may not be into it or he may not have it in him to do the thing. My husband was dragging his feet about proposing and when I finally dragged it out of him, he told me his proposal could never live up to my imagination. So we got engaged right then, while shopping at Home Depot. He's a great guy and we are great together, but if I allowed myself to be heartbroken because he won't do this kind of thing (and a surprise party or anything like it is NEVER going to happen), I'd have ended up breaking up with him. I think this is part of the maturity that comes with getting married older. My marriage is worth more than a public romantic gesture.

Sciencewoman · #13 11-04-2011, 08:32 PM

I advise at a year-old chapter, on a campus with a thriving but fairly new Greek system. The members just love hearing about old traditions, and we recently discussed candlelights (which they do, but just for engagements). They had no idea about lavaliering and pinning, and they just loooovved the whole idea. I'm all in favor of keeping some of these sweet, old traditions.

If hints don't work, you can always ask for a lavalier AFTER you're married, too.

Just interested · #14 11-04-2011, 08:45 PM

I recently returned from a reunion of 42 of my sorority sisters from 1964-69 and almost every one expressed how exciting passing the candle was in their memory. In our chapter it was passed once for being dropped ( lavaliering) twice for being pinned (extra special because that meant we had a fraternity get together) and three times meant you were engaged. What a fun memory but I'm afraid as Daffy KD said, "It is back when the dinosaurs roamed".

Sciencewoman · #15 11-04-2011, 08:56 PM

We had the same routine, Just Interested. If a sister was pinned, her boyfriend's fraternity came to serenade us. Serenading is still alive and well where I advise, and the girls love that, too. A fraternity will come to sing just as chapter meeting is getting ready to start, and it's so cute to see the girls blush and giggle nervously...things do change, but some things stay the same.