long distance relationships

joliebelle · #1 10-21-2008, 07:28 PM

Has anyone else been in a serious long distance relationship? I'm starting to feel like I'm the last person in the world to be in a ldr, and I'm tired of people telling me, 'oh, that must be hard'.
I go to school in Jax and my boyfriend lives in Northern IN, and we've been together for almost 2.5 years. I'm going to see him in 2 days (yay!) and if anyone has any tips on how to make our visits easier, that'd be much appreciated

PrettyBoy · #2 10-21-2008, 07:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by joliebelle

Has anyone else been in a serious long distance relationship? I'm starting to feel like I'm the last person in the world to be in a ldr, and I'm tired of people telling me, 'oh, that must be hard'.
I go to school in Jax and my boyfriend lives in Northern IN, and we've been together for almost 2.5 years. I'm going to see him in 2 days (yay!) and if anyone has any tips on how to make our visits easier, that'd be much appreciated

How far do you consider long distance? Where's Jax? Just try to see each other as much as you can, also when you're not together, call each other on the phone.

joliebelle · #3 10-21-2008, 07:45 PM

Long distance (to me) is at least 5 hours away
He lives in Northern, IN. I live in Jacksonville, FL.
We talk like 4 times a day and we always talk before we go to sleep.

PrettyBoy · #4 10-21-2008, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by joliebelle

Long distance (to me) is at least 5 hours away
He lives in Northern, IN. I live in Jacksonville, FL.
We talk like 4 times a day and we always talk before we go to sleep.

o.k. I'm about two hours from mine. That's cool. Always communicate with each other, and make that priority number one. Since you two are five hours away, if possible, you should try to see each other at least one weekend a month, and definitetly continue to talk when you're not together. If you get into an argument, do not go to bed mad at each other. I can't stress that enough.

Good luck to you.

KSUViolet06 · #5 10-21-2008, 08:23 PM

I found this thread about LDRs:

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...ad.php?t=91054

My advice is just to make alot of effort to actually SEE each other as often as you are able. Something one of my sisters does, is that she and her boyfriend meet up at the halfway point between them and spend a few days together every few weeks (they're on opposite ends of the state).

I'd also make sure that you both are making EQUAL effort to see each other. I've seen many LDRs end because one person was always the one who drove/flew to see the other.

joliebelle · #6 10-21-2008, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I found this thread about LDRs:

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...ad.php?t=91054

My advice is just to make alot of effort to actually SEE each other as often as you are able. Something one of my sisters does, is that she and her boyfriend meet up at the halfway point between them and spend a few days together every few weeks (they're on opposite ends of the state).

I'd also make sure that you both are making EQUAL effort to see each other. I've seen many LDRs end because one person was always the one who drove/flew to see the other.

thanks for that post...I didn't find it when I searched

When Doves Cry · #7 10-21-2008, 10:34 PM

I'm 4 hours away from my boyfriend

He just transferred last semester so it's been almost a year since we've been apart. We've been together for exactly 11 months (in 2 days). We talk everyday. He made me get a webcam so we can talk online & videocall too

He visits every 2-3 weekends. And since our Thanksgiving is longer than his, I'm going to visit him at his school until he gets out too

I'm pretty excited

Yes, I cry EVERY time he leaves or I have to leave him

agzg · #8 10-21-2008, 10:48 PM

My boyfriend and I were long distance for a year after he found a job in Chicago and I was still living in Pittsburgh (finishing my degree).

It was tough but we saw each other as much as possible, talked on the phone (almost) every day, and were really careful about being honest and open with each other about what was going on in our lives and who we were hanging out with.

We also had a plan to fix the situation. I moved out here when I finished my degree (two months ago) and things have been great so far.

Make things as normal as possible when you see each other. That way, when you are in the same city, you can pick things up where you left off.

I'm also a proponent of getting out of a long distance relationship when there's no future other than long distance.

KSUViolet06 · #9 10-22-2008, 12:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

I'm also a proponent of getting out of a long distance relationship when there's no future other than long distance.

This is a good point. LDRs are meant to be a temporary situation.

At some point, if two people are in their relationship for the long haul (meaning you have mutually decided that you're eventually moving on to a next step like engagement and marriage), there needs to be a plan to end the distance. Example: Suzy and Bobby are long distance while Bobby finishes law school in NY. When Bobby graduates, he will move to Suzy's town.

WCsweet<3 · #10 10-22-2008, 12:26 AM

My boyfriend and I were in an LDR for about a year and a half from Oregon to Michigan. One thing that is difficult is to be normal. Don't worry about arguing or being in a fight because this is the only time you get together, otherwise you are being fake.
Web cams are amazing. Skype is also pretty awesome. He moved eventually but now we are about two hours apart. It is a big improvement, but still difficult and annoying.

KSUViolet06 · #11 10-22-2008, 01:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WCsweet<3

Don't worry about arguing or being in a fight because this is the only time you get together, otherwise you are being fake.

This is something I don't get about my friends who are in LDRs. In some of their relationships, I feel like they're eternally in the "honeymoon" stage because neither of them wants to get into an argument or bring up difficult issues because "well, this is the only weekend I see him this month."

So it all builds up and whenever they're around each other for longer than a week, they have huge blowups because there's all these things that have built up, but she is always on what I call "date behavior" and doesn't want to bring it up.

WCsweet<3 · #12 10-22-2008, 03:26 AM

Whenever we have visits now or when we did Michigan to Oregon that was something we brought up. My first visit there I was on "date behavior" and I held everything for about a week before we had a yell/cry fest for hours. There is no point if you are on date behavior (Do you mind if I steal that term? I love it) because you can't grow together as a couple. How is your significant other supposed to know what makes you happy?

Also, don't worry about having outside activities. Yes, they may make it harder to see or talk to your significant other, but if you don't have them you will sit around bored and depressed. You go insane pretty quickly waiting for them to get out of class/work.

agzg · #13 10-22-2008, 10:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WCsweet<3

Whenever we have visits now or when we did Michigan to Oregon that was something we brought up. My first visit there I was on "date behavior" and I held everything for about a week before we had a yell/cry fest for hours. There is no point if you are on date behavior (Do you mind if I steal that term? I love it) because you can't grow together as a couple. How is your significant other supposed to know what makes you happy?

Also, don't worry about having outside activities. Yes, they may make it harder to see or talk to your significant other, but if you don't have them you will sit around bored and depressed. You go insane pretty quickly waiting for them to get out of class/work.

My boyfriend and I used to fight on the phone whenever there were enough hurt feelings for a fight.

One time we had a fight on the phone when he was in Pittsburgh (his attitude was shitty as hell that day).

I figure had we not been long distance, we would have fought anyway. Once we decided to move in together we had about three fights over the phone right away. I like to think we were getting it out before our first month of living together so it would be nice and neither of us would feel the need to break the lease.

joliebelle · #14 10-22-2008, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

This is a good point. LDRs are meant to be a temporary situation.

At some point, if two people are in their relationship for the long haul (meaning you have mutually decided that you're eventually moving on to a next step like engagement and marriage), there needs to be a plan to end the distance. Example: Suzy and Bobby are long distance while Bobby finishes law school in NY. When Bobby graduates, he will move to Suzy's town.

That is kind of where we're stuck at...we've talked engagement, and I know it's going to happen eventually. I'm graduating in May and I'm applying to graduate schools that are at least in his surrounding area or state, but I don't feel like I should have to do that.

agzg · #15 10-22-2008, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by joliebelle

That is kind of where we're stuck at...we've talked engagement, and I know it's going to happen eventually. I'm graduating in May and I'm applying to graduate schools that are at least in his surrounding area or state, but I don't feel like I should have to do that.

If those schools have good programs for what you want, then there's no reason you shouldn't. I was already in my program by the time my boyfriend left, but I had no problem picking up and moving to him when I finished. Would I have had an easier time finding a job in DC or NYC? Probably - but Chicago's got opportunities too. I think with this economy I probably would have had trouble finding a job anywhere, and I for sure know I wouldn't be alright if I had stayed in Pittsburgh.

It's not a question of shouldn't have to do it, it's a question of do you want to do it? If you don't want to do it, then don't. Just know that that could spell the end of your relationship. Grad school is hard work (although I know people who would disagree with me, but I was PAYING to have a 60 hour work week, on top of BEING paid to work part time), and he could be great support for you while you're doing it, and a detriment to you if it's still long distance. I know that if it hadn't been for my boyfriend I never would have made it through my first year of grad school (but I had other complications besides just school - my mom was diagnosed with cancer during finals fall semester and passed away right before finals spring semester). I also know that if I missed opportunities during my second year (while he was gone) to hang out with my classmates in order to go see him or have him in town. It was a source of weirdness for him, too, because my school was at least 75% men and 25% women, so most of my classmates were guys.

Regardless, you'll need support in grad school. If the programs are good, and close to him, there's no reason why you shouldn't at least check them out. Make sure you apply to your dream school, as well, even if it's far away, and maybe another school that you like that's not close. If, after acceptances, you check out all the programs and you're still not feeling moving closer to him, then don't. You shouldn't move closer to him if you don't want to. Just don't expect him to move closer to you in the future.