Would you pledge a sorority known for dirty rushing?

[clemsongirl]

Originally Posted by Size_Small

Thank you to all the ladies who took the time to reply. I'm not sure what Titchou is referring to as "gossip," but this particular chapter was fined by the university in the past for breaking recruitment rules (I'm assuming this means that they "dirty rushed"). In addition, I realize that each school has their own rules, but at my school, making disparaging remarks about another sorority (which they have done) directly breaks the published recruitment rules. My neighbor went through rush two years ago and they told her "God has brought you here to be a part of our sisterhood" and "you belong here" (she actually ended up preffing them regardless). Sorry if I got the terminology wrong, it's not silence in the strict sense during the Summer, but no recruiting or social media contact is allowed between actives and PNMs. However, this house gets around it by having moms and alumnae host dinner parties and cookouts and use social media to recruit. I've already been invited to a graduation party where an alum told us girls "when you see what we've got prepared for you girls, you won't be able to sign your pref card fast enough." In addition, during the actual silence the week before recruitment, moms will call on PNM moms, aggressively trying to lobby their sorority.

I don't think I'd want to join a chapter that did this. It just seems beyond tacky to try and get a mother to influence her daughter to join a certain sorority. Co-sign on the on the religious references in Pref, too-I would run screaming in the opposite direction before joining them. That's a very Southern thing to do, though, so I imagine a lot of girls wouldn't find it off-putting.

[Titchou]

Since I am certain that the moms of the PNMs would not pass such along to their daughters so it wouldn't be dirty rushing because they would never know about it!

[DubaiSis]

On the other hand, that conversation could very well be a sorority woman calling a mother of a rushee to get information so that she can write a recommendation form. I know for sure my mom got at least one call during rush for this purpose. So again, you say dirty rush I say patata.

[Size_Small]

I've never heard the term "squick" but I think it describes the emotion you're describing exactly! Welcome to the South, where talk of God is never forbidden.

After reading some of your replies, I have come to realize that if I love a house and a group of girls so intensely, I should learn to accept the bad along with the good. Reading recruitment stories and listening to my older friends talk, I think many many girls do truly fall in love on pref night. Love (in my very young heart) shouldn't be about choosing the option with the least wrongs but instead, choosing the option with the most rights. I've always tried to do the right and ethical thing, so this dilemma hurts me a bit.

I think for the rest of the Summer, I'll continue attending the parties and socializing with actives, because I certainly don't want to alienate anyone before recruitment has even begun! I'll hear what the other sororities have to say and try to bond with the actives there. And at the end of pref night, if I'm still lucky enough to have a choice, I'll ask myself "can you be happier at any other sorority?" and if I can't, then I'd put them first, and if I can, then my decision would have been made.

[Size_Small]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

So again, you say dirty rush I say patata.

That patata came bearing gifts. An expensive bottle of wine and a Waterford Crystal-like vase. But surely all alum mom wanted to do was show her support and provide emotional comfort in the stressful times, right? Right?

EDIT: Sarcasm wasn't directed at you DubaiSis by the way.

[Sciencewoman]

That patata does sound over the top. Plus, isn't buying wine for a minor illegal?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Sciencewoman

That patata does sound over the top. Plus, isn't buying wine for a minor illegal?

The wine is for mom, silly.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Size_Small

I've never heard the term "squick" but I think it describes the emotion you're describing exactly! Welcome to the South, where talk of God is never forbidden.

After reading some of your replies, I have come to realize that if I love a house and a group of girls so intensely, I should learn to accept the bad along with the good. Reading recruitment stories and listening to my older friends talk, I think many many girls do truly fall in love on pref night. Love (in my very young heart) shouldn't be about choosing the option with the least wrongs but instead, choosing the option with the most rights. I've always tried to do the right and ethical thing, so this dilemma hurts me a bit.

I think for the rest of the Summer, I'll continue attending the parties and socializing with actives, because I certainly don't want to alienate anyone before recruitment has even begun! I'll hear what the other sororities have to say and try to bond with the actives there. And at the end of pref night, if I'm still lucky enough to have a choice, I'll ask myself "can you be happier at any other sorority?" and if I can't, then I'd put them first, and if I can, then my decision would have been made.

Your school has recruitment parties over summer?

[Sciencewoman]

Originally Posted by 33girl

The wine is for mom, silly.

Hahaha...I thought patata was buying for the neighborhood PNMs. Illegal, but savvy!

[Size_Small]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Your school has recruitment parties over summer?

No, the alums and actives of this one particular sorority have recruitment parties over the Summer. Per the recruitment guide for 2014, PNMs are not to have "non-normal contact" with actives or alums. The graduation party I mentioned earlier was hosted by an alum I had never met before, but there were actives there who I knew from high school activities. Also the rules state that actives and alums can't purchase meals for PNMs, but this event was catered for. This is also where the "you won't be able to sign your pref card fast enough" comment came from. I thought this party (and some comments made by the actives present) was a little suspect, so I Googled the recruitment rules for my school and found that it broke the rules that I described above. I then felt torn, so I decided to put the question to the ladies of GC. Some feel as if the party was completely kosher and I'm overreacting, even though by the book it's illegal. I'm just a little more confused now than before I even posted!

[1964Alum]

With our rush deferred for a full year back in the Dark Ages, what we called "Rush Functions" were very common. And very useful both for the PNMs and the actives. Our alums did not get involved except with our Rush chair, who would ask us to invite a particular young lady we may or may not have earlier known. Or we would suggest someone known to us. They were organized strictly by the individual GLOs and generally weren't "Pumps and Pearls" events. At least I never heard of or participated in any such events. Ours were all informal, casual, and with smaller groups of PNMs and actives. We had them quite frequently.

They worked very well, more like going out with a group of girlfriends. Always Dutch. They generally started the second semester of the PNM's Freshman year after first semester grades came out. They gave PNMs a head start as well as the GLOs in terms of girls we really, really wanted and/or we knew we would have lots of competition for. By the time formal rush rolled around, many PNMs had met many different members from different groups and had a fair idea of the general personality of each.

The ONLY time I remember Formal Recruitment being mentioned or even referred to at all at these functions was to ask a young lady if she had signed up for rush the semester before as soon as registration began. The only exception to that were the breakfasts we would invite our strongest candidates to right before rush began, and we were all back at school. At that time we could say things like "I'm so happy to see you!" or "I look forward to seeing you!" as everyone went to all of the houses for the first round. After Silence began we were very, very discreet. I think both the actives and the PNMs were more discreet back then once Silence began.

Recruitment is so stressful as it is, I truly think the informal pre-rush functions take the edge off many on both sides of formal recruitment. I think it would have been much more difficult for me to chose had I not had those earlier and more natural opportunities to get to know active members as well as some other PNMs!

The downside were those young women we didn't meet until formal recruitment had actually started. We always ended up pledging a fair number of them so it did seem to work out.

Despite the pre-rush rush I had experienced, I took NOTHING for granted during formal rush and heaved a large sigh of relief after each round up to and including getting my bid card. And did the same as an active on the other side! As a PNM I saw the quality of other PNMs, and as an active knew there was lots of quality in other GLOs. Recruitment is a time to develop humility if you don't already have it! Many things have likely changed over the years, but not the qualities and attributes looked for on both sides of rush.

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by Size_Small

No, the alums and actives of this one particular sorority have recruitment parties over the Summer. Per the recruitment guide for 2014, PNMs are not to have "non-normal contact" with actives or alums. The graduation party I mentioned earlier was hosted by an alum I had never met before, but there were actives there who I knew from high school activities. Also the rules state that actives and alums can't purchase meals for PNMs, but this event was catered for. This is also where the "you won't be able to sign your pref card fast enough" comment came from. I thought this party (and some comments made by the actives present) was a little suspect, so I Googled the recruitment rules for my school and found that it broke the rules that I described above. I then felt torn, so I decided to put the question to the ladies of GC. Some feel as if the party was completely kosher and I'm overreacting, even though by the book it's illegal. I'm just a little more confused now than before I even posted!

This party sounds like "normal" contact. A graduation party where only graduates NOT going thru recruitment are invited would be highly ill-mannered. And since a proper party requires refreshments of some sort, the caterer is "normal." Also, you knew these actives and so talking with you would be "normal." Sure, someone may say something about recruitment - but it wouldn't be a big deal. You are making far more out of a simple event than PH ever intended you to. And forget what older alums say - no one can control them. Quit being so literal.

[Sciencewoman]

I think this is a case of regional norms. This thread has been very eye-opening to me. I can tell you that parties of this sort would not happen in my neck of the woods, and would be viewed as highly suspect.

In your neck of the woods, this may be much more typical...as evidenced by some of the southern GCers saying, "what's the big deal?" and I'm thinking, "I've heard of this kind of pre-recruitment networking, but I've never seen it in person here."

When you say "graduation party," was this an event for a graduating senior you know, and this friend's mom was promoting her sorority, with other active members of the sorority happening to be there as friends of the student? I'd say that's natural. Or, was this an event you feel you were invited to, as a graduating senior, and the purpose was to recruit PNMs? Were only graduating women invited? In that case, I can see where you may feel pressured.

I think this is the kind of "inside edge" a lot of PNMs would love to have. However, I completely understand your hesitancy. You're about to leave home for college, which is an exciting time of increased independence, and it sounds like you're feeling a bit "predestined" for this group, when you'd really like to go into recruitment with an open mind, with more independence when weighing your options. I don't think too many people want to have another mom telling them what's good for them at this point in time -- I think that's completely natural.

[shadokat]

I agree that this party was a graduation party and catering and all is above board. The older alum comment is something that happens everywhere all the time, north or south, so don't even worry. Just enjoy your recruitment period and it'll all work out.

[Size_Small]

Originally Posted by Titchou

Quit being so literal.

In this time, I'd like to refer to some advice you gave me: Don't ever assume things. I kindly ask that you refrain from assuming things about this party that I went to, because I highly doubt that you were there. As this party was as of yet my only person experience with "dirty rushing" I think it would be best if I explained it fully.

About two weeks before graduation, I received in the mail an invitation to a "Congratulations you graduated!" party hosted by an alum whom I had never met before. I was kind of expecting such an invitation because back in April when a lot of actives were back in town for Easter, I let them know that I was going to go through recruitment in the Fall. My neighbor (she is in the house in question) told me "oh great, well, alums will probably have parties this Summer. I'll make sure that you get introduced!" Plus, all the seniors in my HS know about these, so use were kind of expecting them. My mother and any sisters we may have (I don't) were also invited.

Day of, my mother and I arrived, and it was immediately apparent that the other guests were graduated seniors, their mothers and sisters, and other actives and alums of this sorority. I knew almost all of the other seniors because we all had decided to rush. I knew some of the actives, but certainly not a majority. The hostess and others there congratulated us on graduating, and then we started the meal. Yes, it was a full 4 course meal with hors d'oeuvres, not just "refreshments." Conversation wasn't full on "you should join XYZ because we have the highest GPA, our girls are the classiest, etc. etc." It was more subtle than that. For example, someone would ask what our summer plans were, and an active would chime in with how she and her sisters went on a trip to Europe last year, and wasn't it so nice to be able to meet XYZ alums in a country so far away? A senior would be asked her major and then someone would say "why, Sally is an accounting major too!" And then Sally would share her story of how she would study with her equally studious sisters and how they guided her through interviews for her internship. Additionally, if a senior said something like "do you get along well with ABC? They're very academically focused too" then the bad mouthing would start. But of course, bad mouthing in a very Southern passive-aggressive way.

Besides the pref card comment by the alum, actives would say things like "we hope to see all of you on our lawn on Bid Day," more God/Jesus-y things, "I've watched you since you were a sophomore and I know you'll be an excellent sister." At the worst, what was said was oral bidding and illegal, and at the best, it was highly highly misleading (especially given the exclusive setting).

I'm truly trying to go through with an open mind during rush. I think I've done a good job keeping an independent mind over the years, and I know my mom won't pressure me into anything (she never rushed, so the whole sorority thing really baffles her).