Dropping Out Post-Initiation

[navane]

Originally Posted by lilly1

We just elected a new council in the past month, but none of those girls are from my city, and I would like to have this talk face to face.

Are you home for the holidays and wanting to talk with someone who is also home for the break and in your area?

I understand that you may have lots of feelings tugging at your heart and mind right now; but what's the rush? Can you wait a couple of weeks for school to come back in session so that you can chat with one of your sisters? Or would you rather call up some random sister you don't know well simply because she's geographically the closest at this moment?


You said that, when you joined, you loved it. Regarding the chapter itself, you said that you were happy with the choice you made. Other than not being able to afford it, I'm not sure what your reasons are for quitting. You just got initiated...have you really given everything a chance? Can you try it for one more full semester and give it a real, proper go? At least that way you can say that you gave it a solid try. You said that, deep down, you still feel that you really want this, right?

Like the others said, try finding any of the older sisters to talk with and tell them how you're feeling.


.....Kelly

[AOII Angel]

Your best bet is to talk with your chapter relations officer or chapter president when you get back to school. There is plenty of time to make a decision, so don't think you have to know by the time school starts. Your sorority may be able to work with you more than you think to make membership more affordable. If there are other issues, women in leadership positions in your chapter are THE people to discuss your concerns with. They will not judge you for being honest if they value sisterhood. Being initiated doesn't mean you never question your choices. It happens, and if the chapter isn't willing to fight to keep you as a sister, just drop!

[asa06091987]

to be honest. i felt the same way. my chapter was having internal difficulties during my new member program that i was thrown into after initiation. i joined to find myself...to find friends and a home or whatever, and it just didnt feel like one. heres what i did. i sat down and thought about why i wanted to stay. and if i could think of three reasons (or more, or less) that trumped my reasons for wanting to leave (even just a litle)... like a specific person, or a specific memory, or something that i had wanted--a position, a little etc.... then i decided that i would stay..
i was able to find them, and even though part of me still wanted to leave... staying meant that i had a voice, i could tell girls what i didnt like, or how i felt, and change it so that others wouldnt have the same problem... it turned out that i wasnt the only one who felt that way...and with everyones help--we are closer than ever.

[Leslie Anne]

Originally Posted by lilly1

would a former counsel member be equally as respectful and confidential?

Yes! (depending on the person, of course) In general, I'd say that the former council members are the ones who have really matured after experiencing the responsibility of being on council for a year. But like others have said, there is no "right" person to talk to. Yes, there are designated people as far as the sorority heirarchy is concerned but the important thing is to talk to a sister who you respect and feel confortable with. You don't have to be close friends.

If there truly is a small part of you that still wants to see this through, you owe it to yourself to at least give it a try. You don't want to have any "what ifs" later on.

You'd be hard-pressed to find any sorority members on this board who haven't felt a bit of doubt about their membership at one time or another. It's very common so just know that you're not alone and there's nothing horrible about what you're feeling.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

[Leslie Anne]

Originally Posted by asa06091987

i was able to find them, and even though part of me still wanted to leave... staying meant that i had a voice, i could tell girls what i didnt like, or how i felt, and change it so that others wouldnt have the same problem... it turned out that i wasnt the only one who felt that way...and with everyones help--we are closer than ever.

(You posted while I was typing so I didn't see it.)

This is great advice and I'm really glad it worked out for you. I went the other direction as a collegian and took alumna status (when this was still allowed) and I've had the "what ifs" ever since.

If only I had sat down with our chapter president, who was wonderful, and told her what had me so upset, I feel pretty certain that I would have stayed an active member and been able to find others who were upset with the same issues. I would have had a voice. But, now I'll never know what could have been.

[ZTA_Lover]

I would stick it out. At least for one more semester, and see how it goes. If you were that unhappy, I feel like you would have dropped already, probably before initiation. There is obviously something there you like.. and thats what made you stick with it thus far. Maybe you will become closer with the girls and have a better experience this upcoming semester.. your bonds will definitely get stronger now that you're truly sisters. I never really, truly felt at home in Zeta until my sophomore year. I had a few doubts, but I stuck it out and to this day I am SO GLAD I DID!

Since you are already initiated, I wouldn't give up on it just yet. Sorority life has so much to offer, and you might regret it if you make a decision to drop out. Like other posters said, weigh out the positives and negatives, literally writing them down and looking at them really helps. That's how I make tough decisions. if you need someone to talk to and are afraid of talking to someone in your chapter, I think a Rho Chi that you trust, thats in another sorority, would be your best bet.

Whatever you decide to do, its not the end of the world either way good luck and feel free to Private Message me if you would like to talk!! Zeta love and mine!

[lilly1]

I'd really like to thank leslie, asa, zta, and now I feel like there's a fourth whose name I can't remember. You have all given me a lot to think about--and I appreciate your advice. I think I plan on giving it one more semester. Everything I thought joining this sorority would be or do--hasn't ended up being what I actually want. I see though that I do owe it to them and myself to let them show me all that they and I have to offer. I've gotten involved-I'm on our philanthropy week commitee and have signed up for a lot of the other activities all of which are next semester. This entire semester I've felt like I just don't "fit"--like the only reason these people are my friends is because I'm paying for them to be. Had initiation be later on this year, I beleive I would have dropped . . . I sort of just rushed into this whole thing and never really thought about what it was I was doing. But, I do beleive in the ritual and tradition of all sororities--and that sisterhood is for life. I have nothing but respect for that bond, and I think I see that I need to give it just a litle more time before I decide that it isn't there.

[MaggieXi]

Glad to see your last post lilly1!
You may also want to get involved in your recruitment committee or something like that where you help plan different ways of recruiting new members. By doing this, it may help you shine, connect with your other sisters and maybe find some new members that have things in commong with you.

[ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl]

Stick it out, please.

I'll say this, love me or hate me. I have never felt badly towards sisters that had to leave my chapter because they had a legitmate reason. For instance, they were already behind in dues and knew that due to an unforseen change in their financial situation or their parents' situation they would not be able to catch up. Or family problems have taken precedence due to an illness or struggle and they have time for nothing but family and school.

But sisters who get initiated and drop immediately afterwords because they just don't really feel it bother me. A lot. I'd never be mean to them, but I'm not very sympathetic either. There have been MANY times when I don't dig it...right now, for instance, to be honest. But I believe in keeping promises to the best of my ability...I signed up for this and if I'm going to just turn my back on it I'll need a damn good reason.

You should give it another semester. You've not been there long enough to know what it's about. Ritual is great, but I strongly believe it just WON'T mean a thing to you until you've tried to understand it, and your sisters will help you do that...probably not directly, but through their actions over time. Once it clicks you won't want to leave, even when you aren't feeling it.

Also consider the fact that it's a lifetime commitment. I may not be loving it right now (hopefully it'll get better this semester but even if not...) but I have the rest of my life to enjoy the benefits of being an Alpha Gam. So what are these four years to me?

Lastly, I have good friends, friends, aquaintances....most of my sisters fall into the friends category. A handful are good friends. Wanna know a secret? I have three best friends. Two are guys and one is a girl in a different sorority on campus. And another one? Most of the time when I bother to go out it's with a few of my Chi O friends. That's OK! You DON'T have to be best buddies with your sisters. I love mine...and I've never doubted my choice once in the time I've been at school and don't think I ever will, and it just never bothered me that my best friends weren't in my chapter. It actually helped me sometimes when drama popped up (it always will no matter what...it's a large group of girls, what do you expect?) to be able to hang out with someone who had no desire to talk about it. Don't let that bother you. It doesn't mean the chapter or sorority isn't for you.

[ASUADPi]

lilly1 I pm'd you

[KappaSig_OT]

can't you just go inactive?

I would just stick it out like some have said..

i thought about quitting while I was a pledge and i'm glad i didnt and stuck it thru. and i have only been a brother since Nov 3rd, 2007. no too long ago. we havent dont much so far since our chapter just started but we are tryin to get things rollin this semester coming up.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by KappaSig_OT

can't you just go inactive?

She JUST joined the chapter - I think going inactive (I assume you mean staying a member but not participating) would just make her situation worse and put her farther away from her sisters. Plus, sororities don't let you go on special status just for "not feeling it."

[KnONEchalant]

Originally Posted by lilly1

I see what you're both saying . . . however, I didn't really experience a "let down." My sorority didn't really baby us--it's not a glitz and glamour thing that used to be there and is all of a sudden gone. I'm not about to bore you with the story of my life--but a long story short was that I was going through hell and joined my sorority in hopes of giving myself an identity. I really didn't go about this entirely the right way, I wasn't truly honest to myself or my organization. I probably should not have been initiated, but I was, and I think deep down I do still want to do this . .. I don't know. I think I'm just trying to figure out what all of my options are. My first post seemed like I'd made up my mind--I think I'm really just trying to decide what to do

I am new to GC but I am not new to your situation. A lot of times, young adults find themselves at a point in their life where they feel they should have some sort of "identity" and it causes a chain reaction of mistakes and heartaches in the process of finding it. I am not certain of your GLO rules, but mine (K A PSI) allows new initiates to pay for their dues upfront that covers a two year calendar. So if your dues are paid then legally you are still a member and I would strongly suggest that you think about it a little longer because you never know how far this organization will take you. Plus, I would at least get what I paid for before I called it quits

You never know who is watching.

Hang in there champ

Prince Kullinan I

[Leslie Anne]

Originally Posted by lilly1

I'd really like to thank leslie, asa, zta, and now I feel like there's a fourth whose name I can't remember. You have all given me a lot to think about--and I appreciate your advice. I think I plan on giving it one more semester. Everything I thought joining this sorority would be or do--hasn't ended up being what I actually want. I see though that I do owe it to them and myself to let them show me all that they and I have to offer. I've gotten involved-I'm on our philanthropy week commitee and have signed up for a lot of the other activities all of which are next semester. This entire semester I've felt like I just don't "fit"--like the only reason these people are my friends is because I'm paying for them to be. Had initiation be later on this year, I beleive I would have dropped . . . I sort of just rushed into this whole thing and never really thought about what it was I was doing. But, I do beleive in the ritual and tradition of all sororities--and that sisterhood is for life. I have nothing but respect for that bond, and I think I see that I need to give it just a litle more time before I decide that it isn't there.

Yay, Lilly! I'm so glad you've decided to give it another semester. Getting involved is the absolute best thing you can do! If you haven't been involved, it's inevitable that you'd feel like you don't fit in. (been there) What I decided to do was to find something I really loved and just dove right in. I ended up being Ritual Chairman and it was just what I needed. Being involved will bring you so much closer to your sisters.

If you really give it your all this coming semester and then still feel that it isn't for you, at least you know you tried. Then, if you resign, you won't have any "what ifs" and, personally, I wouldn't worry about what others think about your decision. It's your life and you have to do what's right for you. True friends will understand that.

Although you haven't gone into it in detail, you mentioned trying to find an identity through your sorority. It's difficult. You might start to wonder if it really has given you an identity, if that's the identity you want, if you've lost your identity.... It can make you crazy and I could go on and on with that topic. If you want to discuss it, please feel free to PM me.

Best wishes for a great semester!

[lilly1]

Going inactive is not really an option for me. My organization is really trying to cut back on such a matter, and all of our open slots typically go to the students that are going abroad for a semester. Right now, if I'm going to truly give it a shot, I have to stay active. If at the end of this semester I'm still not quite happy, I will most likely apply to do that the first semester of next year before I make such a huge, and possibly rash decision. And as 33 girl said, it would most likely just make my situation worse.